Chicago

So here's the thing about being someone's house guest. Apparently there are unspoken rules that one should adhere to if you want to remain a house guest. Like you don't put the owners dog in a microwave. Doesn't even matter if you turn it on or not, just don't put them in the microwave at all. Like ever. A couple other things you most definitely should not do is piss on a ficus plant because it looks like it needs water. Apparently that's not classy. Oh and definitely, do not ever take a massive burrito shit and then use a bath towel as a substitute for shit paper because the roll was empty. That apparently is a deal breaker. Could have been trying to flush the towel down the toilet. Either or.

While Jim did not actually kick Drew out, Drew felt it best to head back home to Chicago and get a place of his own. Unfortunately with a bank account balance of zero getting an apartment is basically impossible. So next best thing, homeless shelter. They usually have good food. Compared to a prison anyway which as luck would have it was Drew's primary residence the last two years. So homeless shelter slop is sadly a step up for Drew.

As the camera fades in we see Drew in a long line of people waiting to be served breakfast onto a metal serving tray, similar to that of what he was used to in prison. Once Drew is served he walks over to a table and sits down, a table in which Drew is now the only white person. Not that Drew would even notice such a thing since he doesn't see color but we the XWF production team felt it necessary to point this out in a totally non contrived way.

Drew quickly finishes his food and then bids his fellow homeless friends a fond farewell and then heads out of the building with only the clothes on his back.

As Drew heads out of the building and down the block he is cut off by two men whose faces are unfamiliar to him. One of the men is tall and bulky with short dark hair peppered with gray. The other man is shorter and skinny, well dressed with a peacoat, black slacks and shinny black shoes. Something that sticks out even more given that it's winter in Chicago which means there is an abundance of snow on the ground.


"Drew Archyle." the skinny one asks.

That a question or a statement?

Are you Drew Archyle?

I bet you're expecting me to respond with something like "Whose asking or What's it to you?" but that seems so cliche, so forced. So yeah I'm him. Who are you?

Mr. Falco would like to have a word with you.

That name supposed to impress me?

We got a wise guy I see.

Really? Cause I figured that was you two. I'm just a homeless guy trying to find a nut.

We're gonna need you to take a ride with us.

Sure what the hell, it's cold as shit outside and I ain't got nothing else to do.


The big fat one grabs Drew by the arm and escorts him over to a black Cadillac sedan. He opens the back passenger side door and essentially shoves Drew into the back seat before slamming the door behind him. He then walks around the back of the car and gets into the vehicle behind the steering wheel while his partner the bread stick in the bow tie climbs into the passenger side seat. The fat one fires the car up, pulls away from the curb and starts driving down the street at an accelerated speed.


So...you guys get your Christmas shopping done?


Silence...


Yeah me either. So you guys got any plans for the day? Hosting? Going somewhere? Chinese?

Shut the fuck up!

Well that's not very cheery. Hey one of you guys got a phone I could borrow for a few minutes. I gotta let me mom know I won't be home for dinner.

I said shut the fuck up! Next time you get a smack!

Promise?


The skinny one turns around in the front seat and wildly swings the butt of his gun towards Drew's head, missing him by only a few inches.


Look guys I'm just trying to make conversation here. You know, establish a rapport, this way it will be harder for you two guys to cap me when the time comes.

You got a death wish or something?

Or something. Either you guys wrestling fans by chance? Look reason I need the phone, I gotta do something called a promo. Basically I gotta talk smack about my opponents. That's why I need the phone. I need to record this promo and upload it to the internet. You guys know what the internet is right? Look I don't even need to touch the phone. You can film it for me and I'll walk you through how to upload it. Let this be the last request of a dying man.

Jesus Fucking Christ. Do you promise that you'll shut the fuck up afterwards?

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Fine. What do I gotta do?

First just record me and then I'll tell you the rest after.


The skinny one pulls a phone out of his jacket pocket, turns around in his seat and holds the phone up and down vertically, pointing it at Drew. Drew runs his hands through his hair to straighten it up. Funny thing though, after he's done his hair looks virtually no different.


You ready?

Go.


The skinny one hits a small red icon on his cell phone screen and then nods his head at Drew.


There was a dumby who had name and Engy was his name yo!

E N G Y yo!
E N G Y yo!
E N G Y yo!

And Engy was his name yooooooooo!!!!!

You like my song Engy? I wrote it just for you. Na you don't just like it you love it. I know you do.

But I gotta say Engy I'm a bit sad. Sad and disappointed with you.

You see I've been waiting all week with baited breath to see what happens when the most talked about member of the mother fuckers cuts a promo against Lil ole me and you know what buddy boy? I wish I had kept holding my breath and passed out from lack of oxygen because that would have been a hell of a lot better than what I just went through.

And to make matters worse I actually had to re-watch the thing to make sure I wasn't stroking out. Because after all this is Engy were talking about. The reigning and defending Xtreme champion. The king of the ring. Mr 24/7 briefcase. No way could that guy make such a blunder and then I realized that this is the same guy who willingly stands with Robbie Bourbon and then it all became clear.

Engy is in fact a . Now maybe, just maybe, your brain hasn't caught up to your mouth yet on account of your blowing yourself up.That kinda thing has been known to happen. And honestly, because I think your such a swell fella I want to give you the benefit of the doubt but I just can't. It wouldn't be right of me to take it easy on you. You wouldn't want that right Engy? And they fans they certainly wouldn't want that. Nor do they deserve it. They deserve better and I'm gonna give it to em.

Here's the thing Engy if you are going to try and turn someone's words against them it really helps if you start with things they actually said and not things that you made up in your head. Let me give you an example. You are correct that I brought up Robbie's lack of loyalty as a reason why you shouldn't trust him and instead distance yourself from him before he makes the first move. I also mentioned the obvious in that you have a 24/7 case. Here's what I didn't mention thought...

You cashing in on him. Not once. Not ever. Not in any of my promos and not in any of conversations you and I had leading up to War Games.

Did I say that Robbie would turn on you at some point? Yep, sure did. Did I say he would do it at War Games? No of course not silly. Why would I do that?

I said Robbie was greedy and self serving. I didn't say that he was an idiot.

Obviously he wouldn't try and take you out at War Games. Why would he? That would not benefit him at all. So of course he will continue using you for at least one more event. Maybe a few more. But at some point he will decide that your no longer of use to him. You know what they say after all, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

So let's recap shall will.

You're an idiot. I would say that I hope you never reproduce but having seen you up close I'm fairly certain that it's a non issue.

You spent several minutes defending yourself from an attack I never launched. I do find it interesting though just how much time you dedicated towards trying to convince me that you weren't going to cash in on Robbie at War Games, which I agree, would be extremely obvious and completely anticlimactic. Thus why I never mentioned it in the first place. But maybe you weren't really trying to convince me at all. Maybe, just maybe, the person you were really trying to convince was Robbie or maybe it was you. Either way we have at minimum established that you should consider seeing a head doctor before things spiral out of control and you end up doing irreparable damage to yourself. I wouldn't want to see that happen to you Engy. The world needs more people like you and me, but you need to get your head on straight. K pal?

And you Robbie Bourbon you hypocritical twatwaffle. How are you going to sit there with empty buckets of KFC around you and talk to me about "if you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem." Yeah Robbie I get the notion of guilty by association, I know exactly what it means but clearly you don't, or more likely, you do, but you don't care. Because you are a hypocrite and a fraud. Which we've already established to be true but thank you very much for driving that point home for me. How are you going to sit there and tell me that I'm a racist because Robert Main supposedly said something racist once upon a time but take absolutely no responsibility when your buddy Bearded War Pig cuts promo after promo burning down the LBGTQ community? Shit in his last promo alone he used every single slang word for that he could think of. In fact I think he even made some up just for giggles. But here you are getting that fat ass of yours all hurt because Robert said something racist about your friend? Something you have yet to offer any evidence of mind you. What kind of basic bitch are you? Do me favor Robbie, drop the act and just admit to the world, but more importantly to yourself that you really don't care about other people, certainly not the fans and definitely not your stablemates. You only care about you. You can try and paint Rob as a racist and by extension me for supporting him but as long as you sit there downing Big Macs like skittles and letting your buddy say whatever he wants without correcting him you are in effect undercutting your own words and actions. You're a bigot, a misogynist, and a racist and now because you don't have the balls to do anything about it, the whole world knows it. You'd have been better off saying nothing all week. Silence would have been far less damaging than the way you just self aborted for the world to see.

You fucking done yet?

Almost.

Last but not least is the dime a dozen vet with OCD. But I'm glad you finally took the time to chirp about lil ole me. I'm thrilled you finally decided to put your big boy pants on and get into the arena with me. I'm sorry that you have no idea who I am, I guess the internet doesn't exist wherever it is you rest your head at night. Or more likely you weren't paying attention in my first promo when I gave a short run down of my past accomplishments, and it was literally short because I only had two matches. But in those matches I managed to win the Hart Title and beat a former Universal Champion and multiple time Xtreme champion. So all in all I'd did pretty well for myself in my ever so short time here in the XWF a few years ago.

I'm tickled pink that you decided to cosplay as your trulys while you walked into your own little slice of nerdom. It's really great that you guys got your own comic book. It's a dying industry but at least you guys are diversifying your portfolio. That's key. But seriously, that you decided to show up looking like me is great. If you don't mind, when you are done with the stuff you wore if you could send it my way I'd appreciate it. I'm kinda broke. Honestly though I could see why you might want to try a mile in another man's shows. I guess being an unremarkable vet got boring for you. Who could blame you honestly? When half the country thinks soldiers are just criminals with the governments ok and the other half doesn't give a single solitary shit about you once you come home. I'm really thrilled for you that you were able to play out all your homoerotic fantasies out by talking about what you think happened to me in prison but unfortunately for you my ass remains as tight as it ever was. Not that I wouldn't have done what I had to do to survive if need be but anyone who is anyone knows that there are ways to avoid having your ass turned into someone's personal cum sock. In fact I have a feeling that's exactly why I am in this car to begin with. But I guess we'll find out soon enough.

In the meantime I want to say something to you and I really truly hope you hear me. You can make your threats. You can tell me and the world what you and your friends are going to do to my booty hole. You can swear up and down that you are going to beat me up. You are going to kick my ass. Maybe you'll get so excited that you'll prematurely ejac in your pants. You seem like the type. But here's the thing. I want that. All of it. I welcome it because I am a guy with nothing to lose. I have no titles. No real history in this sports. I have no money. Not even a place to live. I am a man who has absolutely nothing and guys like that, like me, we are the most dangerous guys there are because when you have nothing to lose you have everything to fight for. So please, bring your threats, bring your fists and your feet, I'll be there to take it all and when you can't bring it anymore I'll be there to take my shots. You have no idea what world you just stepped into. But fear not friend because in a few days i'm going to show you. Your mouth has written a check that your fists can't cash.

Alright now i'm done.

Now what I do?

It would be a lot easier if I just did it myself. Can I?

Fine. But if you try anything funny you're getting a bullet to the head. Capiche?

Roger roger.


Drew reaches out and takes the phone from the skinny one with the attitude problem. He taps a few buttons on the screen and then hands the phone back to the skinny one.


Thanks pal. You're a real sweetheart. Don't let them tell you any different.

We're here. The fat one says, surprising Drew with just how deep his voice is.


Drew looks out the window and sees that the car has come to a stop out front of Bonpensiero's Italian Restaurant.


How cliche.


To Be Continued...

Former:


w/ Robert "The Omega" Main and and James Raven "Apex" Longest reigning tag team champions in XWF history at 241 days.





February 2018 Superstar Of The Month
March 2019 RPOTM For Captain Americhyle - The First Apexvenger
Winning Team War Games 2017 w/Apex
XWF Federweight Champion