LIVE!!! From Woonsocket High School gymnasium in Woonsocket, Rhode Island... THE XWF IS IN YOUR TOWN!!!

A crowd of dozens file into the modest gym, adorned with various Go Villa Novas! Signs. Then, someone presses play on a JVS Kaboom-box and Chasm's theme music plays.

Chasm - vs - Finn Kuhn

Finn looks TERRIBLE!

He screws up an Irish whip, trips over his own feet during a chain wrestling exchange, and finally loses his balance when going for a top rope maneuver!

Chasm has control for 95% of the match and mercifully puts the Young Lion out of his misery with The Rift after approximately seven minutes of action!

1!
2!
3!!!

Winner - Chasm

Madison Dyson - vs - Kimberly Anderson

The Rhode Island teenagers whoop and whistle for the Bombshell action in their own back yard!

Dyson and Anderson exchange some beals and hair mares for a few minutes, then try to outdo one another's hip tosses. Eventually, it devolves into an armdrag contest!

After one DEEP arm drag onto Anderson, Dyson follows up immediately with a shining wizard!

1!
2!

Kickout!

Dyson woman-handles Anderson for a while more but gets caught napping with a victory roll!

1!
2!

Shoulder up from Dyson!

Madison Dyson is fuming as she hooks Anderson up for a jawbreaker, but Anderson reverses and whips Dyson into the ropes, then follows up with a flying cross body...

DYSON CAUGHT HER!

DEAD BITCH WALKIN'!!!


1!
2!
3!!!

Winner - Madison Dyson

Ben Gazzi - vs - Phantom Panzer

Gazzi is boo'd so hard by the patriotic New Englanders that they actually CHEER FOR A CLOWN.

However, for most of the contest Ben Gazzi is firmly in control. It's appparent he could take home the victory at any time but is enjoying gloating to the American infidel fans!

Finallly, Panzer makes a late rally and fores up, dropping Gazzi with repeated lariats and even a Flash Funk-esque spinning bicycle kick!


REF BUMP!!!!


Gazzi rams into the referee after taking a top rope blockbuster from Phantom Panzer, and the lack of officiating gives Ben Gazzi a chance to throw some powder that may or may not be anthrax into Panzer's eyes!



OH MY GOD PANZER BLEW IT BACK INTO GAZZI'S FACE!!!!!


Ben Gazzi is blinded by his own chicanery, and Panzer ties him up in a twister submission!


BEN GAZZI TAPS!!!!!

Winner - Phantom Panzer

AMERICA!!!!

Jenny Myst - vs - Shelby Cobra

When Jenny Myst and Shelby Cobra make their entrances, fans actually throw dollar bills onto the gym floor like they're at the local Woonsocket Titty Bar!

JENNY MYST ACTUALLY TAKES THE DOLLARS!!!

The pair lock up and go tit for tat (heh, get it?) for quite a while, neither woman really gaining any advantage... right up until Myst jams a thumb into Cobra's eye!

Cobra doesn't see the super kick coming!


1!
2!


KICKOUT!

Cobra perseveres, but she never quite recovers from the eye poke... though at one point she does catch Myst in an octopus hold!

Myst is stretched!

She has her fingers close to the ropes!




So close!!!






JENNY MYST BREAKS TH HOLD!!!



Myst and Cobrra square off again, and Cobra starts muscling the daintier Myst around with power moves, even giving her a gorilla press slam that gets some OOOOHs and AAAAAAAHs from the crowd!

Cobra finally has things within reach, when Myst cunt punts her! Are low blows illegal when there are no testicles involved? NO ONE KNOWS!!!

Cobra heaves over forward, and Myst grabs her...



PINK PERFECTION!!!!!!!





1!
2!
3!!!

Winner - Jenny Myst

MAIN EVENT
FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Calypso! - vs - Kris Cruze

The crowd goes APESHIT for Calypso! Who would have guessed that? Apparentlly the People's Bruh had taken out a few ads in the Pennysaver leading up to the house show, and therefore he was the only competitor anyone even recognized!

Conversely, Cruze is booed HEAVILY. I can't imagine why the openly homosexual wrestler would be seen as the heel in rural Rhode Island, but there you have it!

Cruze takes control early because Calypso just can't stop dabbing after every exchange. Collar and elbow tie up? Dab. Reversed a hammerlock? Dab. Cris-cross with a leap frog? Dabbed twice.

Eventually, Cruze nails Calypso with a codebreaker mid-dab, and almost gets a pin!

1!
2!

Kickout and dab by Calypso!

Calypso rallies after Cruze misses a bronco buster, lamming his ample manmeat into the corner after 'Lypse slides out of the way. Calypso follows up by taking off his shoe and slamming it into Cruze's skull while shrieking in a high pitched wail.

Kris Cruze battles his way out of the predicament but stumbles right into....



THE CLAP!!!!!



1!
2!










OMG KRIS CRUZE KICKED OUT!!!!


Calypso can't believe it! This is crazier than when HBK kicked out of the Tombstone!


Calypso sets Cruze up for a second Clap, but Cruze reverses into what he calls a Large Package!


1!
2!

NEWCHAMPIONNEWCHAMPION


Calypso kicks out!


Calypso escapes the pinning predicament and runs the ropes, but gets caught with a Rear View! It almost looked like Calypso's head actually went IN to Cruze's posterior, but that's just crazy talk, no one's anus is that loose!

Kris Cruze is on fire! He whips Calypso into the ropes and grabs him, pulling him into mid-suplex position...


TOUCH OF KARMA!


NO WAIT! CALYPSO GOT HIS FEET IN THE ROPES!!!

Cruze slams himself backward into the mat as Calypso falls onto his hands and knees, and then he sees the situation and runs for the corner!

Calypso to the second turnbuckle just as KrisCruze gets to his wobbly feet...









CALYPSONATOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS BALLS WHAT AN IMPACT!!!!





1!
2!
3!!!

Winner and STILL Federweight Champion - Calypso!

Everyone form a single file line by the ice machine for photos and autographs...

"This was a nice warm up before I fuck up Scully."