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Still in the lab, Gabe decides to watch a little more of Thaddeus Duke's desperate promo's to try to convince himself that he can make his family proud still, with one last single string of hope left. He attempts to discredit Gabe, then to use juvenile insults trying to humiliate him, but, like everything else in his gloomy kingdom, it backfires.
"There is no super duper secret Duke family success potion. No stupid grease or whatever the hell he calls it. I don’t know what the hell that grease he has is, but maybe he can use that along with his tears after he loses to me as lube when he masturbates in the corner of his hotel room Wednesday night all the while staring at pictures of his mother."
I don't even use lube when I masturbate. This only goes to show that the secret is even unknown to the younger Duke. Into my hands he is falling with every morsel of faith in his blind arrogance to try and stir up a win. Doesn't this guy look like the blind kid in Dumb and Dumber? He acts like him too, calling out for things that died long ago, like his career. You can't resurrect what was never an accomplishment, you can only live with the pain, the failure, and the torment. Something about him... it just strikes me as incoherent. The way he looks up with stars in his eyes trying to remember his parents. Maybe they will come to him, in a dream to guide, maybe their advice will be to run and hide.
The monitor gets fuzzy, then corrects itself while the Scientist adjusts the bunny ears to catch the signal.
Doesn't seem very high tech for a lab to need bunny ears to watch a little television, Doc. Why not get one of those bad ass curved TV's, where you can see a 360 degree view of every scene?
Well, one we are out in the middle of nowhere so it is damn near impossible anyway, and two, I spent my funding on equipment for research, not to watch Monday Night Football, alright? I swear Reno, you make it so hard to help you. I am doing my best.
Yeah, yeah. This guy is something else, he literally goes through the motions... nothing original, just the same gooey nonsense over and over again. I honestly don't know how he stays awake through half of this shit. I caught myself dozing off three different times, and each time I woke up with a different bag of chips in my hand, and I don't remember eating any of them.
Reno opens a bag of ruffles. The video continues to show Duke.
"Gabe Reno knows he’s losing to me, so what does he do? He begins to weasel his way into a match with the Universal Champion Chris Chaos. Oh its non-title so that in that Radical mind of his, if he’d win, and he won’t, he’d get a shot at the top title in the company."
That's funny. Apparently Thaddy only is allowed to watch select programming by his pops. Or he would know that Chaos and I have been partners, had a Wild Card qualifying match that was an epic battle, and we are finishing business from a month ago. Does this guy mention this to say he is in the same league as the XWF Universal Champion, Chris Chaos? Or does he try to distract from everyone seeing him fall to someone who has lost some matches, not unlike himself. Well, I don't go around claiming I am better than Chaos, or Nixon, or even Thaddy boy. I simply go. I do what needs to be done and react accordingly in the moment. Yes, sometimes my mouth lands me in deep water with the likes of Chaos, or other stellar competitors in the XWF. But what is the old adage Thaddeus is forgetting with his spoiled viewpoint... oh, yes... it is better to try and fail, than to never try at all. It is better to wipe the floor with some nose in the air aristocrat, than to refuse a match out of pride or refusal of showmanship. I took this match for one reason, and one reason only. To beat him. To silence those voices in the back that say Reno has lost it, or never deserved it. Hey, this X-Treme match will set up someone with a shot at my former title, the X-Treme Championship. Another former Universal Champion in Scully currently has that strap around his waist. There are no easy paths in XWF for those who are wanting. There is no way to get to the top by taking on nobodies, and hoping for the best... or that one day you can just glide in and take a prominent Championship. You have to EARN IT. With grit, sweat, and determination. No matter what I am, and no matter how this Warfare match ultimately is decided. Whoever wins. No opponent, and nothing will ever stop Gabe Reno for trying to ascend to the highest point, and then break through to a new even higher one. Some of us are built for that success, and built to try and always get back up. Others have a trust fund and milk it dry, then cry about how tough the world is, while trying to tear those of us who try... down. I wonder which one he is?
Yeah, at least you care enough to go out there... even if you got bloodied and battered and couldn't walk, and the grease turned on you, and it all fell to shit...
Reno punches him in the shoulder.
I meant... at least you are willing to put yourself on the line to achieve your goals... not too many people are anymore.
Ain't that the truth.
Reno gets up to adjust the bunny ears and hits the monitor.
Hey, easy with that thing, I don't have another one.
I'll fucking buy you one.
Really?
Fuck no.
He sits back down just in time to see a final clip.
"Reno has given up the fight, and in public mind you, for the Xtreme title because he knows without a doubt, I’m going on to victory Wednesday night. So what is a man to do? I’ll give him credit. It’s certainly a bold move. To publicly give up a fight and go after something else, while not unexpected out of a man with such a fragile ego like Gabe Reno, is undoubtedly bold."
Well, at least he see's that I am bold... he isn't completely blind, just like 90%. Could be worse, though. What chaps my ass about this dude, is if you hear the clips, watch the film, it is like seeing the same promotion, over and over again. He wants to give me credit now, for what, being what he is not, original? Maybe it's the old set them up and knock them down routine and his execution is just shit... you know, a complimentary statement followed by a puny insult to throw someone off their game. I have been around way too long to fall for that type of nonsense. What is a man to do, like he knows what a real self-built, self-reliant man is? He should go make a withdrawal from his trust fund, get two strippers and call it a night. AND CLOSE HIS MOUTH. Well, ya know, strippers... gotta check the quality of the turf before you walk out onto the field...
He does tend to babble about, anyway... this is your opponent? Seems like kind of a small guy right, do you fight his guards, or him? That doesn't seem very fair. What is he going to do, remove his crown and throw it at your hair?
It really doesn't, does it? No, I fight him. But guards are allowed in this match... but the match is with him, just a mouthy reflection of a greater man, the dark side of the reflection. A prodigal son riding his daddy's coat-tails into places he has never been... and couldn't possibly understand. If only he knew where I have been, and how many roads were traveled in backdoor rings, in desert hot spots, just to make it to places like this. To have a match with some ungrateful peon who uses American dollars as toilet paper. Privilege has blinded him to the harsh reality of knowing what needs to be done, then executing it. He is stuck in a circle of repeating gibberish. Well, listen, he said something else... it is kinda serious...
What do you mean, what did he say?
He says that I like to throw... pasta.
What?! Pasta?! Is that slang for something?
Munching on the chips, a little piece flies onto the Doc's white lab coat, Gabe notices and picks it off, then smirks. The two walk closer to the television as the picture sputters to be seen.
No, Doc, it isn't slang for anything. He means I throw actual uncooked pasta at walls and hope that it sticks, insinuating that I have nothing, and can't win, and yadda yadda... again, how original, right? I haven't seen moves that expired so long ago reused since Home Alone 4.
They made a fourth one, wait, they made a third one? About a home invasion?
Gabe chuckles and pats the Doc on the back.
They sure did. Who throws pasta whether cooked or not at walls anyway... do you think that's what he does when he throws a pompous temper tantrum when his servants disobey him or don't move quickly enough? Maybe it's a subconscious confession...
Hold on... what type of pasta?!
Doc, I know how you get about this with your heritage and all... calm down, and I will tell you... no need to blow a gasket before I even get the grease back here.
The Doc collects himself, then motions to carry on.
Spaghetti.
The Scientist clicks the television off.
That son of a bitch!
Get a hold of yourself Doc, you Italians and your noodles.
I'll tear him a part myself, you wanna talk about ruining spaghetti, pal!?
Doc gets up and paces back and forth... meanwhile Gabe snatches the remote and turns it back on, crumpling up the now empty ruffles bag and shooting it into a garbage bin.
What else? This is all in the last 24 hours while we were dealing with the grease?
Well that was his last one... before that there was one where he said he was going to "find answers". Something about his dad fucking a Polish girl in Germany or something and him being resurrected.
He's erected?
Reno looks over laughing.
Resurrected. I seriously doubt someone as undoubtedly sad and depressed all the time would be much for an erection. But then again, I don't care to know, Doc.
I am a Doctor, I know these things.
I will just have to take your word for it.
Are you going to break into the compound and get the mated Duke grease? What if the command doesn't work to control it?
Reno gets up and pulls out his car keys.
It will work, you worry too much. I'll get it and bring it back so you can check it out. Who should I have it emulate?
They look at each other.
Thaddeus. Thaddeus.
☆
After his adventure in the lab, Gabe Reno decides that he has to go find the mated grease in order to complete his plan to beat Thaddeus Duke at Wednesday Night Warfare. But first, on his way to Connecticut, he makes a quick stop by his publisher's office.
Hey, assclown. Nice job getting that grease to the prostitute after our party the other night, it worked out perfectly. How's the book coming along?
The publisher's bland expression looks up at Reno. He puts out his hands and gestures for Reno to fill it. Gabe pulls out a wad of cash and puts a few hundreds in his hand, then starts to put it back in his pocket. The publisher groans, and looks down at the outstretched hand. Reno puts another hundred down to top it off, then grabs the manuscript of his Radical Memoirs.
So, what did they say, are we ready to distribute? TELL ME WE ARE GOING TO HAVE THIS PUBLISHED!
Not exactly... but it is a strong possibility... it really depends on... you. See they loved all the new stuff about the bank heist and the black grease... it is actually fun to read about an other worldly substance that can be commanded by a verbal spell... but they said to top off all the content, you need to win the match at Warfare. They said without that win, it was all for nothing, and they cannot allow any of it into the final pages without all of it. They are calling it... Radical Memoirs Volume 1: The Last of the Duke's. It will start with your count out against Nixon, and you backstage distraught after losing the Television Championship match, then into the booking against Duke, and the ensuing events since. You know what this means?
Reno jumps up and down, then tries to high five the publisher who leaves him hanging. His eyes light up, as he flips through pages.
I like the sound of that! Volume 1, so are you saying that if I can win this match, that they will go all-in on the rest of my stuff, and do multiple books?
That is what I was told... Volume 2 will go back to your childhood, maybe touch on the origins of 'The Radical'... and talking about whatever family stuff you want to have in there. Then, after that you can pick topics and they will work it out so long as sales stay strong, and you keep reeling off victories to back it up. Congratulations, Gabe, you are about to be an overnight success in the book industry. Borders, Barnes & Nobles, hell even Wal-Mart said they would be interested in mass production if the price was right... now all we have to do is ramp up publicity after your win, and get you touring for book signings once it is a go.
Fantastic... I will look at my schedule and let you know. This is amazing news... all I have to do is win and suddenly my entire out of the ring career emerges... this could carry me well into retirement.
It could, and it is always good to have an after plan for a career like yours. Must be tough wrestling these crazy people week after week. If this all goes right, you will have an entire series by this time next year. I guess I was wrong about you, Mr.Reno. You really stepped up to the plate and gave us the content they wanted to print.
I am just as crazy as they are... hey, I told you, you gave me the idea to take what I needed from that bank, I left your office and paid off a guard at the Illuminatus Compound, who led me to the scepter, which unlocked the location of the grease in the safe deposit box. So, really, thank you for the great idea.
Haha, that was all you my friend. I cannot take credit for how that mind works. Nor would I want to.
Gabe hops up again, and opens the door to walk out of the office.
Hey, Reno.
He turns back around.
Just don't fucking lose.
Gabe grins wide.
I won't.
☆
Sirens go off all over, as armed guards run around trying to figure out what tripped the sensors. They follow protocol and search the grounds, in their hearts hoping for a false alarm caused by another furry rodent. Tucked behind a small brick wall, Gabe Reno tosses a smoke grenade over into the largest batch of guards. After taking over the entire shot, it slowly dissipates... one, two, three... four, five... six, seven guards lay in various broken positions all around the grotto; Reno standing in the middle with his hand in a bag of cheddar ruffles, chomping loudly.
Well, that didn't go how you thought it would... NOPE.
He quickly vacates the area in an attempt to elude several more guards.
Tuesday, January 3, 2017 | 3:00 AM Pacific Time | Illuminatus Fagpound | Old Saybrook, CT
Eventually Gabe makes his way to where the black grease has been seen, and whistles an inaudible sound to command it to come to him. He looks around, then hides behind a post as two guards walk by talking about Ronda Rousey's tits and if they compare to Thaddeus Duke's. Gabe rolls his eyes, then spots a little black grease in the foreground. Just beyond there is an open door, leading to a checkered tile hallway with an off duty guard at the coffee machine in the security quarters picking his nose. Reno rushes over not sure of where the grease could have gone. He does the call again, the floor behind the guard starts to rise, then takes the form of a person.
It copies the physical attributes of the guard, as he turns around, drops his coffee in shock, then is greeted with a sharp sabre arm through the skull. Gabe calls it again, as it turns around. Gabe looks at it and nods. It shape shifts into the image of Thaddeus Duke. A few guards rolls in just then, they grab lunches from their lockers and put them on trays as Reno tucks into a nearby closet to remain unseen.
Hey boss, don't worry, we sent a team of seven out to check out whatever tripped that alarm, it should be checked off in no time.
The second guard notices the pale complexion and offers the black grease resembling Thaddeus a chair.
Here sir, have a seat with us, you don't look so good. Hey, don't worry yourself, these things happen all the time, you know that... there is no way with all this added security that Reno would try to sneak back in here. We all know that grease thing is a myth. Right?
He pats the grease on the back, and gets a gleam of grease on his hand, but doesn't seem to notice as the two guards sit and begin talking on their break.
So I heard that new chick on the neighbors compound is running security, she is so hot!
Hell yeah she is, I'd let her give me a few orders! If you know what I mean!?
What was her name?
It could be Tig O'Bitties as far as I'm concerned, haha!
They fist pound. Grease looking on unimpressed.
Tiggy for short.
How would that be for short if her name is Tig?
Because around her I can never last more than a few short seconds... am I right?!
The other guard gets up and tosses his food in the trash, placing his tray on top.
See, you always have to take shit too far, Carl. Back on it boss, I'll check for updates, you should get back in the residence, I'm sure they need you.
That guard leaves the room, as the stupid one left begins humming, then trying to start a conversation with the Duke grease.
So, uh... how's life being rich and powerful and all that shit? I mean I bet you get all the bitches... even the nasty ones. Come on, we all talk about it... what sick fetishes the boy king has at his disposal. Whips, chains, I bet your torture them in the basement down there, don't cha?
Duke grease turns toward him with a disgusted look on its already ugly face.
Okay, okay... I get it. Private stash, very secretive. You know, I don't believe in that black grease myth... but some of the guys told me that their dad's were guards here in the 60's, and that they saw some unexplainable shit happen one night. Word has it that whatever caused it was locked away after years of tormenting the family and being blessed by the priest of Old Saybrook... isn't that what Reno claims to have taken?
He gets a blank look and virtually no response at all, not even a blink.
Probably not healthy to not be blinking like that. I guess when you are that rich, your eyes don't need hydration! Ha! Right!?
He tries to fist pound Duke grease, but the grease stares at him just as Thaddeus would, then spews black liquid all over his plate of food.
Oh shit boss! My corn chowder! Are you alright, I've never seen puke that black before... boss?
The black liquid on his plate hops up and suffocates his face while he begins to stumble around crashing into different objects all around the room. Eventually he bashes his own face in trying to get it off in hysteria. The Duke grease gets up and walks over, as the remaining grease from the guard's face crawls over and rejoins the larger mass resembling Thaddeus. Reno pops his head back out and tells the grease to follow him. Out the door and carefully across the compound, they sprint out to a nearby forest preserve just as the morning light begins to break. They run through some forest, as a helicopter above has just learned of the seven man team being taken out, and begins circling the forest above. Reno gets the grease into a safe spot for the moment with tree cover, then explains what he wants it to do.
We don't have much time... can you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?
The Duke grease nods approvingly.
Okay, great. So, obviously I used that spell in the box and your former parent symbiote's as blessed by the Duke Priest decades ago before the robbery to get you here now, because their offspring holds the code to control all Duke's, including the one you currently look like, Thaddy boy. Now, I have a match in a thing called professional wrestling... anyway I won't confuse you right now... but the important part is that he cannot win that match. So, you are probably asking yourself... "Gabe, I am ancient grease, where do I come in?" Well, once you come out with me disguised as a trainer, the match will start and he and I will go at it. Now, maybe somewhere toward the end of the match he will be trying to find his families stuff as he also tries to keep me from destroying him. THAT is when you turn into Thaddeus as you are now, and he freaks the fuck out, allowing for a lapse in judgment just long enough for me to hit the Rated R and get the count on his blonde pathetic ass... you follow?
It looks at Gabe unsure, as guards begins to file through the forest in search of who or what dismantled the rest of them in the grotto, and the one in the security quarters cafeteria.
Okay, this is going to be our test run. We have to be on the same page for all of this to work! So I am going to run out and distract these guys. You, sneak up from behind, they won't try to fight you because you look like Thaddeus... then dismantle them one by one. If we can do this, the one guy at Warfare should be easy. Don't worry, Doc told me that even if they could shoot you, that it wouldn't harm you. I guess you already know that? Must be nice to be basically indestructible. Alright, here... we... go!
Gabe runs out, after telling the grease to wait for his signal, then is spotted by two guards, which quickly multiplies to eight, ten, thirteen. He stops as they come from all sides surrounding him in the middle of the Old Saybrook Forest Preserve. Reno looks at them all, then decides there is only one thing left to do. Rap them away.
Stop, hold on, wait a minute... you bitches think you can capture 'The Radical' then boast about it? Well the truth is, it's after 3AM and I need a shower, to relax because I'm tired from trying to defeat the Duke's with their own power. But no matter how much anguish I take on, the end result will be the same at Warfare when I've won. Yeah, I took out seven of your pals back there, but it isn't my fault, they were choking on smoke instead of breathing air. I kicked one in the chest, and back flipped onto another, he spun around fast, causing two others to shoot each other. Then, yes, I snapped his neck, but only after he tried to compare me to a smaller kinder Shrek. Three more charged, and I had to do something, or be left in the dust to die in a Thaddeus like porno fluffing. My intentions were good, even though I delivered a roundhouse, hopped over a leg sweep attempt, and then picked up the next ones legs and spun him like a Cesaro roundabout. Still, when two were left... they wouldn't leave me alone... I tried to ask politely, if black grease was here... is he home? After a mad dash, they each caught me by a shoulder, and started to drag me off into the largest corridor. But I said, fuck no, I am not going out like this, I poked one in the eyes, then stepped on the others dick. All of it was exhausting, but I found was I needing in the room where you are all fed, another guard went down, and I have a feeling more will still be bled. Yet, somehow, here you circle, forgetting the fact that I am not the most dangerous thing on the Duke land, or the most ill. You've walked right into the oldest side of the map, to corner me, or maybe it is all a trap. As we distract your line of sight, just like at Warfare, it will end in a fight, now pray for a silent goodnight.
The black grease begins impaling guards all around the forest, Reno falls to the ground as they shoot at each other aiming across and up trying to figure out how to kill it, instead killing themselves. An array of bullets and screams fill the preserve, as day breaks behind the tree's and the chopper falls from the sky, having been shot multiple times in the accidental crossfire. Once the havoc settles, Gabe gets up doing his cross-armed rap pose, and goes to hug the Duke grease, then stops short seeing the goo poor off of him.
Well, I was gonna hug ya but... what a job! That is perfect! These guys never stood a chance against us. What a team! YEAHHHH BITCHES... DUKE GREASE AND RENO!
One of the deceased guards cell phone begins to vibrate and ring in their pocket. It is the sound of a gong bell. Duke grease becomes disoriented and falls to the ground morphing into all the different people it has killed.
NO! Not now! We are so close to the match! Are you okay, greasy!? It's just a phone, it isn't even a real bell! Okay, I'll find it and shut it off! I'll get you back to the Doc, he will know what to do! Hang on!
Reno scrambles through the bodies to find the phone and disable the ringer before it does permanent damage. He finds it, and stomps on the phone until it stops. Duke grease is barely moving, so Gabe grabs a blanket from the backpack of one of the guards, and wraps Duke grease in it to pick him up, then heads for the car.
☆
Gabe looks up at the clock. Duke grease sits in the containment unit looking confused, as back in the lab the Scientist analyzes the samples against the previous unmated black grease.
Well, he seems okay now, but even the cellular phone speakers repeating a real bell sound seems to bother this grease, just like the ones before it.
What is that, some type of... defect?
The Scientist pulls a few reports that are printing from his test analysis.
I don't think so, it is such a specific weakness, that I think the Duke's may have installed it incase... ha, someone ever stole it from them and attempted to use it against them... say, in a match...
Can we give it ear plugs or something, just in case?
The Scientist laughs it off. He reviews the data in front of him in complete awe.
This is remarkable... the genomes are designed specifically with those blood samples we got from the hospital from the entire Duke lineage. This thing is made to know everything about their family history, and be able to mimic all members, time periods, I mean... everything. I wonder how they did this... the technology is far beyond anything decades ago... I mean, hell, it is far beyond anything now...
I am just glad the damn thing listens to commands. What do you think could have enchanted it, I mean, a priest, but what kind of priest makes a liquid that can think in the image of an entire family cast under a spell?
My guess would be that the family made him do it somehow, they must have heard that someone was doing it and tracked him down with their financial resources. Old Saybrook is just that, old. It has history going back to the nations birth, Reno. Places with that much that has taken place over the last few hundred years, and who knows about before, it could've been an Indian burial ground, or home to some type of violent natives like the Roanoke colony. The mysteries of our people do not stop at the pages in school. They go far beyond what we as people could ever possibly comprehend. We are no longer in touch with our primitive selves. We not longer hunt that way, we are now, for the vast majority, civilized in communities or small areas. Whatever this came from... is something uncivilized... inhuman.
The Scientist looks over slowly after being lost in a profound thought and waiting for Gabe's reaction.
Wow.
I know, crazy to think about, isn't it?
Gabe toils and spins his lucky penny around, having not paid attention to anything that was said.
No, just this penny is really shiny.
The Scientist gets up and walks off.
Forget it.
Hey, wait, forget what, I'm listening!
He flips the penny and catches it. Meanwhile the Duke grease looks deep into the camera. Fade to black.
☆
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