Run With Death - Printable Version

*We go to the depths of hell, possibly several thousand fathoms below the Earth's crust, perhaps another dimension entirely. We move past the twisting spires of stone, the mountains drenched in blood and broken bodies, the deep pits where lost souls are tortured for all eternity and to a cliff side overlooking a gigantic pool of lava. We see Gator and Todd at the edge.*

"Fuck, the ice in my mai tai melted already."

*Gator says as he reclines on a sunbed, placing down the almost full drink and takes a drag of a cigarette between his fingers. Todd Moschitti, Gator's portly Canadian sidekick, sits on a large stone, his hands over his ears and a thousand yard stare on his face.*

T: "We're in hell."

*Todd doesn't break his stare from the corrupt stone earth, Gator sits up, cigarette between his masked lips as he looks around to the lake of lava and exploding volcanoes in the distance. He turns to the guttural screams from afar coming from a series of tall spires, lines of red ooze trickling down them.*

"Still better than Detroit."

*He turns to Todd, taking the cigarette away and letting out a breath of smoke.*

"I wonder how many people are gonna make hell puns while they're here."

T: "We're . In . Hell."

"You know, like what the Hell is going on. How the Hell did I get here. I'm going the beat the Hell out of you, et cetera."

T: "Hell! We're in Hell!!"

"I'm guessing about forty-eight times this week. Not including myself, I'll probably get it up to a nice round number. Like eighty."

*Todd slowly removes his hands from his ears, turning his stare to Gator.*

T: "How are you not freaking out?"

*Gator sits on the edge of the tattered sunbed, almost tipping it over but manages to save himself. He looks to Todd.*

"Todd, I'm a heavy smoker. Look around. All fire! Which means I don't have to carry a lighter, so leaves more room for a travel bottle of Jagermeister or more cigs! Pretty sweet."

*Gator goes back to lying on the sunbed, grabbing his drink and continuing to relax.*

T: "We're gonna die here dude."

"Fairly sure we're already dead to be honest."

T: "What!?"

"Why else would we be here? For just a wrestling match? Grow up Todd."

*Todd begins to have a panic attack, struggling to breath he crawls over to Gator, grabbing his shoulder in despair.*

T: "HOW! And why-why would we go to Hell?"

*Gator pats Todd's hand and quickly sits back up, flicking his cigarette into the fires below.*

"Well I know for sure why you'd go here. Gluttony for one." *Gator says before poking Todd's pudgy belly* "You're into hentai, that has to be a sin."

*Todd seems a little embarrassed, his eyes widen, cheeks starting to turn red.*

"Relax, there's rapists and paedophiles all around, I'm sure you're not the biggest pervert here. But yeah, whole lotta reasons you're here. Not sure about me though. I'm Catholic."

*Todd lets go of Gator's shoulders as he lies back down, Todd kneels in place whilst still breathing heavily.*

T: "But - but - but you've never gone to church! You've murdered people!"

"Only people who deserved it! St. George murdered people, I think, and a dragon! He's in heaven and a saint too. And I can't go to an American church, it's against the rules or something."

T: "You're so full of shit."

"That is true, but still mean. Shame on you."

*Gator lazily throws his finger around at Todd before going back to his beverage.*

T: "We need to get out of here Gator, you always said I wouldn't last a minute in prison, Hell would be so much worse for me and I want to keep anal virginity."

"No one is going to fuck you Todd, not in Hell or in general."

T: "Gator!"

*Gator lets out an aggravated groan and sits back up, staring at Todd.*

"We get out when I win the rumble match."

T: "But what if we don't!? You said we could be dead, what if we have to stay here?"

"It's not so bad."

T: "IT'S FUCKING HELL!"

"And not one bad thing has happened since we got here. If anything things got better, I got a sun bed, a mai tai. This is the good life Todd."

T: "We need to get back to Earth, man."

"But I already threw away my Zippo!"

T: "But what about Scarlett? What about Better Todd?"

*Gator ponders not being able to see his girlfriend and Bulldog.*

"Well... We could bring them here."

T: "That's a stupid, stupid, terrible idea."

"Yeah, everyone knows all dogs go to Heaven. Right, we'll find a way out."

*Gator gets to his feet as Todd clasps his hands and smiles to the sky. Well, not sky, more blackened ceiling.*

T: "Thank God!"

"YOU THANK A DEAD BEING, MORTAL!"

*A hulking demon stands a few feet away from the two, stood tall on muscular, goat legs wielding a flaming pitchfork. Twisted horns protruding from the beast like skull placed over it's face. Only small orange eyes piercing through the dark holes, the fiend makes guttural noises as Todd stunned by fear pisses his pants. Gator comes a little closer to the demon.[/i]

"You the waiter here? My mai tai is donezo."

*He sucks at the straw but only the sound of air is heard coming from the end*

"MY NAME IS ONE WHICH THE SIMPLE MINDED CANNOT COMPREHEND, I AM PUNISHMENT WITHIN HELL! YOU SINNERS AND SLACKERS EMBRACE SLOTH WITHIN 'HIS' DOMAIN. FOR THIS, I MUST TAKE ACTION."

*Todd begins to whimper as Gator raises an eyebrow*

"Cool. You know a way out of here?"

"THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THE ENDLESS TORTURE WITHIN THE VERY DEPTHS OF HELL"

*The demon's voice echoes throughout the caverns and pits as he bellows each word*

"Well, there's a way to get in. There must be a way out. Right?"

"NO. NOTHING HAS ESCAPED."

"I'm gonna call bullshit on that. I've seen plenty movies where things get out of hell, also demon possession! That's a way out."

*Todd begins to sob and whimper while the demons laughs audaciously*

"YOU ARE QUITE HUMOUROUS IN YOUR STUPIDITY. TELL ME, MORTAL, WHY DO YOU NOT FEAR ME?"

"I sat through a Ghost Tank promo once, nothing can be that bad."

*The beast snorts. Thrusting his pitchfork with lightning speed forward and piercing Gator's chest, the masked man keels over from the impact as he is slowly lifted into the air. Gator begins oozing blood from his wounds and begins coughing and spluttering*

"Oh .. *cough cough* So you wanna wrassle eh?"

*Gator begins to swing his fists towards the demon but only hits air before landing a weak glancing blow to the tip of the skull's nose. The demon jabs upward causing Gator to groan in pain*

"GAH! Todd help!"

*Todd is gone. Hiding behind a boulder crying to himself*

"IS THIS WORSE THAN A .. GHOST TANK PROMO?"

"Well... It is a slow death."

*The demon whips his weapon to the right and Gator flies off, spinning and hitting the ground hard as he clutches his chest in agony. The demon stalks over to Gator's prone body*

"Er... Time out?"

"SILENCE! YOU ARE A WEAK, PATHETIC FOOL WHO USES THESE JOKES AS SOME KIND OF SHIELD TO PROTECT HIMSELF FROM HIS TRUE EMOTIONS. PAIN, FEAR AND COWARDICE."

"Sticks and stones may break my b-"

*The demon stomps down on Gator's head with his hoofed feet, crushing Gator's head deeper into the dirt*

"... Fuck that hurt."

*His words are muffled under the demon's hoof. The beast lifts it's leg and grabs Gator by the neck, lifting back up. His feet dangling off the ground*

"I SHALL TAKE YOU TO THE TORTURE PITS PERSONALLY AND SEE YOU PULLED APART LIMB FROM LIMB, NOW THAT HUMAN, IS COMICAL."

*Gator breathes heavily in it's grasp as the demon laughs maniacally. Seizing the moment, Gator gives a sharp kick into the demon's crotch which stops it laughing. Gator doesn't stop, sending another heavy shin into the demon's fallen angels, and a final sharp kick. With an 'Ooph' the demon releases it's grasp on goes to it's knees. Gator reels his arm back and punches the demon in the skull covering it's face, which cracks it but potentially breaks Gator's hand. Dazed, the demon drops it's pitchfork with Gator quickly grabs and stabs the points under it's neck. The pair freeze for a few seconds as Todd peaks over the rock behind them*

"I want to get out of hell, how do I get out?"

"THERE - IS NO - GAH!"

*Gator stabs a little deeper with the pitchfork*

"You demonic goat fucker tell me how to get out now!"

"MUHAHAHA! YOUR THREATS ARE MEANINGLESS, I CAN NEVER DIE!"

"May be so, but I can stick you to the ground with this pitchfork. Sit on your chest and bitch slap you whenever you try to escape, trust me we have all eternity I'll fucking wait."

*The demon makes a low growl*

"FIND DEATH. IF YOU BEAT HIM IN A GAME OF YOUR CHOICE, HE MAY GRANT YOU YOUR FREEDOM."

"Thank you."

*Gator slams the points of the pitchfork through the demon's neck, who begins to choke on it's blood. Gator walks away waving Todd to come with him*

"Okay pal, we find the Grim Reaper and we can go home... Fuck this is

]

*We go to Gator sat on a rock, the lake of fire in the distance behind him*

[red]"Sup fuckers. I have missed maybe one percent of all of you and I'm guessing that same one percent has missed me. Say hello to the people Todd."

*Todd's voice comes from behind the camera*

T: "Why are we doing this?"

"Because I have a match, don't be rude. So, you guys, the people I'll be beating. Wanna have a little side bet? I wanna see how many people will make hell puns this week, I'm guessing eighty, including myself. I think that's fair, it's a hell of a situation we're in and not many of us will get the chance to make these puns for the rest of the world to see. It'll be fun I think, so make sure you boys and girls give me a number and Todd will get the final count to us when he can."

"Also, Hell is real. Who whudda thunk it. Checkmate Atheists."

*Gator lights up a cigarette on a nearby spit of lava from the lake*

"So, here is how shit's gonna work. I'm gonna shit talk all of you and it is going to be long and it will be an adventure; so to make it easier for people to get to the point where I talk about them Todd will put up a title card like this."

VINNIE LANE IS A SELLOUT

"Which will tell you when your time to shine has come."

T: "Wait how the fuck am I meant to do that without any editing software?"

"We're in Hell! Figure it out... Okay, once more, when I'm talking about you fellow wrestler a title card like this will appear."

D'VILLE LOOKS LIKE A BOILED EGG

"We all got that? Good. Let's get started shall we!"

JAKOB DAVIS

"Fuck boy spells his name with a K that high tier levels of douchebaggery. You're not in Mortal Kombat

, get the fuck out of here. I don't even know who this guy is, but from the look of him I can tell he sails through his career, the kind of guy who performs the bare minimum and hopes and wishes on stars above that maybe this time he can pop his cherry and actually get a round of applause from adoring fans. This will never happen, because we're in Hell and shit can only get worse for the young hopefuls here."

"I mean shit, from the one promo I bothered to look at here (Hell gets great wi-fi bee tee dub) you didn't have the balls to shit talk anyone here! You got your friend to do it for you, what kind of pussy move is that Davis? What you stammer over your words like a fucking child so you need this fucker to hand hold you, tell the bullies to back off? Fuck off you inconsequential piece of shit you'll probably speak up once and with Gavin pulling most of the weight and swan dive into the fires below to save yourself from the beating you're going to get."

KURT ANGLE

"How did All-American Hero Kurt Angle end up in hell? Thought you sold your soul to TNA? Now I could go through all the dumb shit you did in WWE, but honestly I can't remember all that shit. I remember the tiny cowboy hat. I remember something with milk. Whatever, everyone is going to go through that shit with you. I want to focus on how fucking god awful you are now. That last promo you put up may have been one of the worst things I have seen on my phone in a long time, and I watch fucked up porn. It's incredible seeing the fall you took man, gold medallist in the Olympics, one of the greatest wrestlers in the world! Talking like a fucking four year old child in a rambling, stupid promo."

Kurt Angle Said:Evening. I'm Kurt Angle, your European Champion.

"No you're fucking not. Why are you talking like a robot? Why are you lying? What the fuck is even happening!?"

"Kurt opens up with telling us about his road trip! How exciting! I love road trips Kurt, be nice if you actually showed us the sights instead just talking about them like a mentally handicapped tour guide. Then the shit talk just starts and it's fucking bad, like really fucking bad. Hahaha, I know you've never been much of a talker, more action and technical wrestling more than words but seriously man? This is the best you can do? Jesus, Todd can do better."

T: "I think I can."

"You could and you're terrible."

Kris Angel Said:I may be leaving some of the bigger names out, but there is a reason for this.

"I'm a bigger name apparently. How nice. But that's fucking

that you leave out the 'bigger' names in your opening promo Kurt, you know the guys who have the best chance at winning this thing you just fucking leave out? Why? So you can focus on us more in your next crayon drawing of a promo? Fuck that you've already lost dude, you missed your chance to prove you can win this thing by pussying out because you were tired. Fuck you."

DOLLY WATERS

"Happy birthday, Dolly."

T: "Happy birthday!"

"Hanging around Morbid and Luca for your thirteenth that's a sure way to get into hard drugs and rape. Hope you had fun though. I have to show you a little respect, you're thirteen years old and still you show more capability than half of the

here swimming in the chromosome pool. So for that, well done. Not gonna go easy on you of course, even if you are a little girl doesn't excuse all the dumb shit that you say and do. Running around like Polly Pocket and thinking you can get away with all this shit you say like you're fucking special. You're not special princess. You're dog shit."

"What I never like is when one person puts on a persona and switches it immediately when they feel like they have to. I'm an asshole, I make dumb jokes and I wear a costume that an autistic kid on halloween would refuse to wear, I wear that shit like a badge. I own that. You, you paedophiles wet dream, act sweet and innocent out in public. Sure you patronise some people, act like a brat and be sarcastic. But when you trash talk fuckers you flip the switch on your back like the "I am bitch Barbie" you are and act completely different. Going with the straight forward insulting, loud mouth, swearing fucker that everyone else in this company acts like. It's

."

"Pick a goddamn role fish lips. You're good when you're talking down to idiots so why even bother with the basic bitch trash you spout week in and week out, it doesn't work. You're not good enough to make it work so stick to who you are. Stick to being the bronze medallist and stick to what you can do. Fucking adults work here, bring your daughter to work day isn't a thing so fuck off back to the playground and lift up your skirt to the perverted teenagers for lollipops you little shit."

KITT KENNEDY

"Hey! Who brought the default wrestler here? Didn't know you could sin when you don't have a personality. I've already shared my feelings about you, I don't like you. Everyone knows this by now I think. You just piss me off because you're not good enough to be here, you're not good enough to be within fifteen feet of me and you're certainly not good enough to win this match. So honestly you shouldn't try, then again when do you Kitt? Mediocre is the perfect word to describe you, forgettable coming a close second."

"Fuck you Kitt, you're fucking nothing man. I honestly can't be bothered wasting more words on you."

ROBBIE BOURBON

"Can't believe this cunt hasn't eaten the rest of the roster yet, then again Barney Green is probably beating him to it. Robbie can't get shit done Bourbon, that fire in your belly turned out to be indigestion I'm guessing? Probably one of the most incompetent people hear, stumbling his way through his career and only picking up lucky wins. Dude struggled against Christopher Isles, fucking Isles caused you trouble! That indie twig couldn't stand up against a breeze and you, looking like a wrecking ball in spandex with a goatee that would make Evil Spock jealous had trouble with him. Jesus. But hey, I'm picking at old wounds here, what you been up to recently?"

"..."

"Oh what do you know! A whole lotta fucking nothing! Fuck you are a waste of space. You fill two spots on the roster with an ass like that and you still can't pull your own weight... I need to stop with the fat jokes, it's pretty childish of me but fuck they're fun. We could focus on your degrading career here but I guess that's an even sorer subject, must be looking forward to this match like you're looking forward to type 2 diabetes. At least in hell you can burn some calories."

*Gator smiles a little and continues smoking his cigarette*

"I've missed this, I'm rusty as hell right now and throwing some easy shit at all you kids but I'm still having fun. I hope you all are too."

MR. FN DOMINANCE

"I just realised how long this is going to be so, for time's sake, let's just skip the lazy assholes who haven't peeped up yet and pick them up on our next opportunity. Meanwhile, a young black suitor needs to wipe my jizz of his chin. I don't want my potential children anywhere near a shit nugget like you."

"You know, for someone called Mr. Fucking Dominance you sure are acting pretty fucking submissive Trax. I appreciate that you respect me, truth is, I have some respect for you too. You're not total shit, you sure have proved you can do well. I mean honestly, right now, me and you will probably be the last people in the rumble."

Mr. Fucking Dominance Said:The man known as Gator. I won't bore you with Deadpool references and all that shit G.

"Yes you will, why else would you even bring this shit up? You're gonna rack you're fucking brain trying to act clever but you're going to resort back to the 'how to talk trash against Gator for dummies' handbook like every bitch picked up at the XWF Gift Shop when I won the TV Title way back when. Fuck, the first time we met when you were holding the Xtreme title, the first thing you said were Deadpool and British jokes so don't act like you're fucking better than everyone else right now. What, you grew as a human being in the time you've been away? Fuck off, I've been away and I'm rusty, I'll admit that. You've just come back and I know you're rusty. Shit shows. But the difference is, I can shake the rust off pretty quick. You're the fucking Tin Man compared to me."

"I gotta say sexual chocolate. Saying I gave everyone a nostalgia pop and go back to obscurity is making you look like a fucking hypocrite right now. Yeah, I've been gone almost a year, that's an eternity to the wrestling crowd. But over a month for you? That's sure as shit long enough for these idiots in the crowd to forget you ever existed. I mean you're good Trax, I mean that, you're good. All your accomplishments prove that. But you will never be as good as me, that's just a plain old fact and you're pretty fucking bland dude. Mister I'm an angry black dude and proud, just like Makaveli, just like John Black, just like DMX something-something. You act like you're fucking important because you're black, you think you're entitled to something because you're black what the fuck difference does it make

? You say you're the first black this or that like it matters, it doesn't fucking matter! You're still shit on my boot like the rest of these dumb cunts on the roster."

"You don't matter. You hit your peak long ago, oh and I know you got a comeback for me for saying that but it's fucking true man and I need to say it. You hit your peak and now you're just snowballing into obscurity. Should have took longer than a month to lick your wounds dude. I don't hate you, I respect you. That's why I'm telling you the truth."

Mr. Fucking Bean Said:Shit I'm no hater you can even hit me up for a beer sometime, a real one, not that watered down shit you English brothers drink, you feel me?

"That's fucking bullshit and you know it! Budweiser, Miller and all that shit is piss compared to a decent European lager. I'll have a whisky with you, that's cool. I'll buy the first few rounds with the winnings from the rumble buddy."

CHRIS CHAOS

"Who is this adorable little Dutch girl and how deep is her throat? Sup Chris, you're a gigantic

but at least you don't spell your name with K's like the other fuck boy. Okay, so what I know about you is that you say you've never lost... Even though you've lost in the past. That is some little bitch Morbid Angel shit man and you should be ashamed of yourself, you did beat D'Ville though, feels good right? Shit, D'Ville must be getting sloppy in his old age just like me."

*Gator gives a wink to the camera*

"I'm surprised dude, thought you'll be the first to pop up. We're in hell, you're an edgy little shit full of bad poetry and Mountain Dew, thought you'd be all over this, slitting your wrists to My Chemical Romance or whatever the fuck it is you do. You let me down Chris, you let Todd down too. Isn't that right Todd?"

T: "I want to go home!"

"Jesus you're mopey today. Whatever, I hope you speak up soon because I really want to talk about you. You seem like a great target, I mean everything about you is just so fake and hilarious, you're pretty much perfect practice. Oh get a a haircut by the way, lot of fire and your hairspray will just light that bitch up. Then you'll be bald and won't be able to headbang as well to Kids in Glass Houses like the rest of your pre-teen girlfriends. Talk soon, it's going to be very fun for the both of us mate."

JAMES ELLSWORTH

"Fuck this guy, he has as much chance as he has chin."

*Gator takes the time to finish off his cigarette and stamps it out on the floor*[/red]

"Right this has gone on long enough. Everyone who hasn't spoke up, fuck you, you suck. See Angle, you don't mention the people who are completely worthless, not the ones who can actually do some damage you

. So far Trax is the only one to give and fucking effort and that's pretty pitiful seeing has how he wasted his return. I'm going to tell you how this is going to go, I don't give a fuck if I win or lose. I don't give a fuck about the money and I don't give a fuck about the title. Here is what I care about. Fun. I want to have a fucking blast hear, I've been out of the XWF for a hell of a time and I just wanted to visit you guys and just have fun. Kick some ass, throw some fuckers into the lava and meet up with my old friend Doctor D'Ville before slapping the taste out of his mouth. And trust me, not one of you is going to stop me from doing that.

"See you at your loss fuckers."