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**Dolly Waters** · (10-07-2016)

We see the beautiful Dolly Waters, looking ever glorious in a loose fitting flower dress, her hair in a ponytail pulled through the back of a Kentucky Wildcats baseball cap. She’s gracefully sitting at a stone chess table in a courtyard with lush vegetation; sitting across from her is Josh Waitzkin, but not the real world famous chess master Josh Waitzkin, no it’s the actor who portrayed Josh Waitzkin in ‘Searching for Bobby Fischer’. He’s a grown scraggly looking man now, who doesn’t even deserve to be sitting at our hero’s table.

The camera pans onto Dolly’s illustrious face, taking an angle of her biting her lip while holding back a grin, an angle now of her mockingly batting her ever entrancing green eyes toward her opponent, now at a different angle we see her throwing herself back into her seat, her face toward the clouds as she begins laughing hysterically. The camera now panned directly onto her face as she glowingly stares into the lens and tries holding in a few giggles.

Hello Hunter. I was just thinking about you; picturing you on your death bed, your spine coiling up as you’re being fed mashed potatoes through a straw, and you’re just lying there like a vegetable yourself, draining away on the tax payers’ dollars as you cling on to what few moments of your pathetic life you have left.

As you lay there facing your certain demise you’re wondering where it was you might had gone wrong, thinking how it could have been different had you just stayed far away from Dolly Waters. Then in walks Joy, her new boyfriend in tow. He’s handsome too, and a crack dealer, so that makes him even more mysteriously attractive then the fact that he’s wearing a motorcycle jacket and smoking a cigarette in a hospital.

Your Joy's parting gift to you is but a small kiss upon that deformed, bashed-in skull of yours before she pulls your plug. She's getting all emotional as your vision begins to blur, that is until her new boyfriend, Rex, and you know that’s his name because she moans out: "Ooooohhhh Rex!” slaps her on the ass, and these Hunter are the everlasting images as your eyes roll back into the never ending wormhole of emptiness. There is no Heaven or Hell, there’s just you watching Joy being pleasured by the groping of another man and the sound of my laughter as you traverse the realm of the nether for all eternity.

Dolly moves the Pawn from in front of her King up two boards. Fake Josh Waitzkin looks on in absolute horror.

What’s wrong with you, Hunter? I’ve made my first moves, but where are you? While you’re busy being pulled over and having your blowhard wife arrested by the police; then somehow making your way on to PBS where you're now learning how to count with the Sesame Street crew, can you guess where I have been? I’ve been training, as I do every day, I’ve been preparing for you, though it didn’t take long.

This feels kind of unfair, ya’ know? Me just sitting back watching you struggle and gargle beneath the power of the running waters, fighting for just one last breath as your esophagus fills with water and your lung collapses. Hunter be honest, you knew damn well that you never had a chance.

He’s scared to death…

After some self-dilberation, fake Josh counters by moving the Pawn in front of his left Bishop out two boards.

That’s why this pansy decided to cut one three indescribably horrendous promos saying… what as it you said again?

Mistake #1 Said:the broke girl with daddy issues turns to a fat old man with a ponytail for career advice.

Oh, that’s rather thoughtful Hunter, seeing has how that same hot garbage got recycled throughout each of your three mind numbingly atrocious, Bob Ross-esque (go ahead and Google him, dumbass.) promos; but if I were you I’d spend a little more time focusing on my marital issues, which by the way, appear to be going great for you. First you have little flat chested lesbian stalkers chasing after your wife, of whom you got extremely jealous of while acting irregularly insecure, I guess on a count of the Napoleon penis complex; and then you allow a female cop to erotically massage your little man parts while your wife was forced to watch… blame it on the race card, right? Since you were afraid to get shot because you’re Mexican; Hunter that’s called a cop out, pun intended, and it’s dumbass crybabies like yourself who give minorities facing ACTUAL racial scrutiny a bad name.

But you’ll be right at home come Saturday won’t you, Hunter? With all of ‘your people roaring’ down in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Dolly perfectly enunciates in a Spanish accent the name of Hunter’s motherland, precisely rolling her R’s to the T. Anyone else pick up on that? PueRTo… ehh nevermind.

How splendid! First I got to crush Chris Chaos’ dreams in front of his home state crowd in Florida last week when I captured the Television Title, and now I’ll get to stamp out the little heralded patriotic flame you’ve dreamt of setting in front of thousands of people the United States have forgotten all about, and all of those people, just like you Hunter, will be an afterthought once more after Saturday.

I must say, you’ve left me feeling rather uninspired throughout this entire ordeal. I mean Heyman rips you, not once, but twice, verbally eviscerating you’re entire existence and you’ve got nothing to offer outside of the same bullshit recycled nuances about my age? So as it stands right now, you’re about as useful as Nico LeVay, thus landing you maybe a peg or two above the absolute gutter of the entire XWF roster. And you think you could have beaten Mark Flynn on Saturday? Hunter, you couldn’t even beat Gilmoure’s dick if it had been deleted by the gaping cum dumpster on Joy’s face… scientists also call it the mouth.

Dolly gives a nasally rendition of this <img src="https://i.imgur.com/pUgtAVa.gif"> Hunter's quote and Said:all she did was fucking stand there.

God you sound like a bitch, a little whiny, self-entitled Mexican bitch who screams racism at a moment’s notice. Obviously you didn’t watch the match, which makes sense because like you said, you were in the hospital, obviously you missed me beating Kristen Silver to a bloody pulp, upper cutting Kitt Kennedy out of his goddamned shoes, and splitting Chaos’ head in two with a fucking baseball bat; and that’s just a few of the highlights. But I can understand you not wanting to watch, Hunter.

He’s scared to look…

Dolly moves her Queen out diagonally to her right two boards; make-believe Josh tightly closes his eyes while gnawing on his fingernails. Sweat beads begin to form around his brow.

Mistake #2 Said:your client beat me randomly in the middle of nowhere, in what has to be the most questionable 3 count in XWF history.

Oh, well that's interesting, and what brought you to this conclusion? A twelve year old girl beating your ass causing you to question your manhood? Or was it maybe questionable to you that the doctors said your sperm was a 3 count afterwards? Or are you now admitting that you believe Vinnie Lane is full of shit, thus justifying the point Heyman made about how it's an atrocity that he's been banned from ring side while your 'less-as-intelligent-Miss-Elizabeth' dual role manager get's to partake in the festivities, which after you lose will lead to you two drowning your sorry assed sorrows in a heap of Quaalude and whippets and you beating her senseless after each time another man looks her way.

Wow! You two are really starting to get this whole stockholm wife managing her insecure husband wrestler thing figured out huh!?!

I feel bad for you, much like I feel bad for this clay brained cock washer here playing me in chess… SIKE! No I don’t, I don’t feel slightest bit of remorse for your broke ass, and why? Because I saw every bit of this coming from a mile away, you reek of pathetic pity-born pestilence; I knew it and the whole fucking XWF Galaxy knew it, that you aren’t built for a competitor like me, Hunter. You’re too soft. You’re too concerned with gushing out a bunch of love story bullshit for Joy, which not a single fucking person cares about. At least show me a smidge of respect and threaten me with bodily harm, at least pretend like you hate me, seeing as how that’s your whole getup, you “hate people”. Please... you're the type of

who tries making insults on the way someone uses a hashtag, you literally did that. I bet you drink Alize too bitch.

Walking into the scene from the gardeny abyss is a polite waiter…

“Madame, could I offer you a cool beverage to enjoy during your game?”

“Certainly, I would love a glass of one percent milk.”

“That’s wonderfully exquisite Madame! And for you fine Sir?”

“SCOTCH!”

The waiter turns up his nose in disgust at phony Josh… this man has zero class. As the drinks are delivered, pretend Josh quickly turns his back, wiping away his sweat and swallowing the drink in one gulp. Dolly and the waiter look on sickened by what they’re watching.

fraudulent Josh makes a hastily unwise decision, moving the Pawn in front of his Knight two boards up, as it now sits directly next to his first Pawn.

He’s shook…

Mistake #3 Said:Which has got to sting a little bit for Dolly Waters

That’s comical. Nothing you say, do, feel or believe is rather ‘stingy’, or edgy, or humiliating, or enticing, or creative, or angst worthy, or vicious, or demeaning… Nothing about you is Savage. What on God’s green earth makes you believe you have what it takes to be the champion of a show called Savage?

What would be your first order of business as champion? Throwing a stupid little light blue laced baby shower for Joy? Let’s face it, Hunter. You don’t belong in this match, and the more I think about, the more afraid I’m beginning to grow for your safety. You’re a fraud, Hunter, and sooner you can admit that and get the fuck out of Dodge before I show up to knock your jaw off, the better.

You idolize Eddie Guerrero, but haven’t got half the tenacity he had, the man who ‘lies, cheats and steals’? All you do is cry, eat skeet and shrill. You’re a lot like my friend Josh Waitzkin here. On screen he played a witty, fearless, intelligent, master chess player; but in reality he’s just an actor who doesn’t realize that he’s already so effortlessly been defeated and the same goes for you. Hunter I had you defeated the moment this week’s card was released because you either are worthy, or you aren’t. You either are cut out for this business, or you aren’t. You either are a heterosexual, or you aren’t…

Dolly moves her Queen diagonally three squares to the right, looks up and smiles at actor Josh.

…and you my friend? You’re the latter of each of those sentiments.

Cause aint no such thing as half way crooks…

Checkmate.

See you Saturday bitch.

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