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The Blue Tango · (06-09-2015)

[[[ As the small plane bounces off the dirt and screeches to a stop, several Asian men run and huddle around it. They're armed with assault rifles and have them aimed straight ahead, ready to take seige on the aircraft. ]]]

[[[ A few of the men are shouting out at the plane as it's engines slowly rev down and shut off. The side door opens down and forms a small set of steps to leave the plane. In an intance, XWF superstar Calypso emerges from inside the plane. ]]]

"Helllllllooo!!! Jaapaa---"

[[[ Calypso realizes that he has not landed in Osaka, Japan. He's in a large field surrounded by jungle and sees no sign of life besides the fellows around him, and his pilot, of course. ]]]

[[[ Calypso also realizes that if he didn't sleep the entire eighteen-or-so hour flight, he would've caught something. With a blinder on the window and a nightcap, he was outcold. ]]]

[[[ After a few moments and a stare down between Calypso and the small militia, one of them signals Calypso off the plane and to come with them. Calypso carefully obliges, but hangs back for a moment. ]]]

"Who the hell are you people? Where am I? Where is this place? Who the hell are you peo--"

[[[ The lights go out for Calypso as the one that seemed to stick out as the leader of the group hit him across his left eye with the butt of his rifle. His face hit the dirt and the man pointed at Calypso with a grunt as he looked at two of his soldiers. The men approached the incapaciated Calypso, picked him up, and carried him down a path. The other soldiers storm the plane and capture the pilot, as well as ransack it for whatever they could find. ]]]

"Wake up!"

*SLAP*

"Wake up!"

*SLAP*

"Wake up!"

*SLAP*

"Wake ---"

"I'm AWAKE! Jesus! Stop slapping me!"

"I am not Jesus!"

*SLAP*

[[[ Calypso slowly opens his eyes which are filled full with tears. His face is burning, God knows how long his kidnapper has been slapping him before he gained conciousness again. He feels his arms bound to his sides and wrapped around the back of a chair, which is also wrapped to a pole in the middle of the building supporting the entire structure. Calypso's eyes eventually cleared and focused on the man in front of him. He was very short, and wore what seemed to be a type of war robe. Like a samaurai or something. He had a really pissed off look on his face and scowled at Calypso. ]]]

"Uh, did I do something wrong?"

"You shut up now! Why are you here?!"

"......."

[[[ Calypso pauses for a moment. ]]]

"You tell me! Why you here now?!"

"Because you brought me here, bruh!"

*SLAP!*

"I don't mean here now! I mean here now! Why you come to China?! Why you interrupt Friends on television with noisy airplane?! Why you park your airplane on crop fields?!"

[[[ The angry Asian man points to the television across the room. It shows the end credits from an episode of Friends. ]]]

"You see?"

[[[ Calypso takes a deep gulp. ]]]

"Listen, home-slice. I wasn't even flying the airplane. I was sleeping, I have no idea why the pilot would've landed here..."

"We shoot pilot."

"You shot my pilot?!"

[[[ The angry Asian man laughs hysterically at Calypso's

face of fear. ]]]

"Hell no we no shoot pilot. What you think we are? Animal? Savage?!"

[[[ Calypso looks down at the bindings keeping him from rising from the chair. ]]]

"Oh, that still not mean we don't kill you both. You trespassing, you know? Why you trespassing?"

"I told you, we're supposed to be in Osaka, Japan. I don't know where the fuck we are now, but I know we're not supposed to be here!"

[[[ Calypso begins to choke and squeak his voice. He sobs a bit. ]]]

"You long way from Japan, cowboy Why you want in Japan, anyway? China way better."

"I'm a talent in the XWF. We're having a show there next Wednesday in the Osaka Dome."

"You? XWF talent?! KehKehKehKehKehKehKehKeh!!"

"It's true! I'm---"

[[[ Calypso attempts to raise his hands and wave the mystically in front of his face, but cannot due to still being bound to the chair. ]]]

"Do you think you could untie me for just a sec?"

[[[ The angry Asian man just stares at Calypso with the same pissed off look as he did before. Calypso deeply sighs and pouts through the gap in his teeth. ]]]

"I'm Calypso."

[[[ The angry Asian man ponders for a moment and raises an eyebrow to his captive. He smirks a bit at him then moves his face in very close. ]]]

"Cah-rip-show, huh?"

[[[ The angry Asian man ponders a bit longer and pulls away to scratch his chin. Then, moves back in very quickly and stands nose to nose with Calypso. ]]]

"We wuv XWF. And I still never hear of you... CAH-RIP-SHOW!!! I should chop your DICK OFF! It is much to small to be in XWF anyway!"

[[[ Calypso's eyes light up instantly as the angry Asian man threatens him. He IS concerned with the threat, but it reminded him of his opponent this week. ]]]

"Peter Gilmour!"

[[[ The angry Asian man stops in his tracks and looks at Calypso. Two other guards pop there heads in, as well. ]]]

"Did you say... Peter. Gilmour?"

"Suck! Myyy! Deek!"

[[[ The one guard shouts out from the doorwar, who then gets elbowed in the stomach by his comrade. The angry Asian man yells out at them and points out of the room. Must have told them to 'Get the hell out!', apparently, judging by how they reacted. They nearly ran into each other as the quickly left the doorway and slammed the door shut. ]]]

[[[ The angry Asian man reaches behind his back and pulls a huge bowie knife. Calypso looks at his own reflection in the blade as it approaches his abdomen. The knife touches him and rips down his side. His arms are now free. ]]]

"What's this about?"

"You know, Peter. Gilmour?"

[[[ The angry Asian man went from being angry to intrigued. Like a small child meeting his super hero. ]]]

"I know of him, I suppose. He's been in the XWF, for like, ever. Everyone's pretty much beat his ass. I'm fighting him this Wednesday, like I said. Well, if I ever get out of here."

"You fight Peter Gilmour?!"

"Ahhhhhhhhh."

[[[ The two guards who were outside of the doorway are back. They watch Calypso in admiration until the angry Asian man screams at them to leave once more. ]]]

"Let me ask you."

[[[ Calypso is now intrigued. ]]]

"Go ahead, my narrow-eyed homie."

[[[ The angry Asian man scowls at Calypso once more before he speaks. Well, not sure if he was scowling directly at Calypso or the casual racist gestures he drops from time to time. ]]]

"Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"That Peter Gilmour has uh, gigantic-uh, penis."

[[[ Calypso holds his breathe for a moment. ]]]

"I, uh. I'm not sure if I can tell you that."

"Oh, big secret, okay? You tell me now. I keep secret."

"No, I mean I don't think I can tell you because I don't know."

"What you mean you don't know? All you USA sports are the same. 'Yeah, USA!' Then slaps on your asses for 'good games', then you all shower. No lies to me, Mister."

"I seriously have no idea if Peter Gilmour has a huge-one or not."

"I hear it 30 centimeters. Roughly."

"I don't know."

"You tell me you don't know? What? You no shower after match? You dirty and got small wang downstairs? Unlike Peter Gilmour? Dirty small-dick! That's you! Small-dick! You homo American! Holding lies about famous penis from the Chinese... We have unfortunate, very unfortunate size penis. Just like you, who have very unfortunate size penis to go with your unfortunate performance in XWF."

"Shut up! I've only had two matches in the XWF! And I've never seen Peter in the showers! So I don't know how big his dick is!"

"I tell you it's big. I seen it."

[[[ Calypso turns to the little Asian man. ]]]

"You? You've seen Peter's junk?"

"I did. When the Morbid Angel defeated Peter Gilmour in the Remove Your Penis Match."

"Then why were you harassing me about the size of it if you knew?"

"I don't! Everything looks bigger on TV! He claim to have huge penis, he legend here! Then you see it, you second guess! We need second opinions!"

"I DO remember that! Did he ever get it back, I wonder..."

"How does American-male survive without one's penis?"

"I have no idea, dude. I have no idea."

"Does... Small penis American-male like 'Friends'?"

"Let's just say, they'd be reruns for me."

Ya see that, Peter? You're legend is world-renowned. Even the dirty slant-eyes feed into your bullshit all the time. You're probably a God over here because it seems like they just happened to believe everything they here. They'll listen to you and watch you prance along as you claim to be the King of X-Treme. Well, your majesty, you've been here so long I suppose you can be in position for a name like that. Then again, in this business, you can be a self-proclaimed 'anything you want'. I could be, 'Calypso - The Demon Fucker', and people would buy into it because for one, I'm a great character-actor. And two, that's what they want to here. They want something to call you - or not call you. Honestly Petey, I hear 'King of X-Treme', and all I see is a wanna-be, man. You followed around a few Kings in your day, for sure, but I see no reason to pick up on the title. You even held onto the crown of the XWF before it got it's meaning back. It's value. It's fuckin' God-damn prestige! You've never even gone after the guy that claimed it! Pussay.

Being the type of legend you are around here, I don't see any titles dangling from your shoulders. You just around to fill the gaps these days, Pete? I see you taking title shots here and there, after somehow earning your place there. That's right. There's some recognition there! You've worked for everything you've ever had in the XWF, brudduh! Unfortunately, after the ten or twenty years you've been here, it hasn't amounted to all that much. You've been the X-Treme champ a number of times, but never held it long enough to do anything with it. You having the title sounds like as much of a waste as Ghost-Bitch having the title. Yet, the fucker keeps trying to pin the champ..... Over and over again. At least you've given up. It doesn't seem like you have much fuel left in the tank anymore, Petey. No more drive. No more feeling behind your work in the ring. You're just a fat, worthless sap aging away while the stars around you shine on brighter and brighter. It'll be a sad day when you finally realize that you can't take anymore and finally throw the boots in the fire. The XWF will never be the same without Peter Gilmour. Much like it hasn't been the same without Barney Green. Or how it hasn't been the same without Maverick. We all need someone to shit on here and we're running out of toilets to do it in. Peter, you've been the toilet for so many of the XWF superstars that haven came through the doors. That's what makes you legendary. You've faced all the greats and you've taken their shit up past those chubby little cheeks of yours. You've had your ears ripped off, your dick chopped off, you've been raped in the ass... my God. The list is endless. Everyone has had their way with you, simple or not, once or twice. Which isn't a big deal, man. Everyone has their role around here. Yours just happens to be one of the shitbags.

Now, I know Calypso hasn't been around too much as of late and I know that Calypso just got his ass handed to him last Warfare. But hey, I'm not perfect people. I'll be the first to admit it. I'm not here to make excuses, but I have just come off an injury that has sidelined me from competition for some time...

I know what you're thinking and it wasn't from that weird-ass 'Meat Hook Match' that sicko Ghost Tank wanted me in... Fucking freak. Nah, recovering from that was nothing. I barely scarred from it. My skin's like fucking leather, dudes.

The injury I'm referring to is from a roller skating derby I participated in shortly after my victory over Ghost Tank. It was for a charity for giraffe relocation or something and I was... kind-of a celebrity guest. Anyway, shit went bad and I ended up severely twisting up my knee. I had to ice it down for three days and I couldn't walk on it for like two! It sucked, bros. It totally sucked. But that's the story. I'm sure everyone's been wondering what the fuck happened to Calypso, and there it is. So, let's just say that shit never goes away, and LH Harrison can definitely be thankful for a reocurring injury..

Don't you dare think you have the advantage this week either, Pete. I'm not fucking telling you which knee is my bad knee, so you'll just have to find out on your own! Test the waters, bitch, and get kicked in the face! Just to warn you, I know Karate, Pete.

Yellow-belt. Got it when I was in the sixth grade. Mumsy threw me some Karate lessons after I kept being sent home from school---- Eh, nevermind.

I know Karate.

So, in honor of our match being in Japan, Pete, I'm wearing the belt to the match. So, be prepared for some Karate-kid, some fucking Karate-chops, and some damn .... leg sweeps! Your ass is grass, brother, and I'm gonna mow it! Then, if it was too high when I mowed it, I'll rake it! Then throw it all into one pile, throw it into a large garbage bag, and throw it in the dumpster out-back the convenience store down the block that I use for most of my garbage anyway.

Something to think about, Peter... As much as I've talked about you being a legend and all that shit... I think it's right on the fucking button man. I totally think you're a legend around here. But does anyone else? I mean, you come in and out of each show, and win or lose, just like Mastermind you keep coming like you're the fucking Champion of the Universe and you have everything going for you. I think that, for one, deserves a pat on the back, for sure.

Now here's a question. Surely there's more in the XWF locker room that share the same feelings as Calypso. Surely there is. But where are they, Peter? You're a fucking legend around here and all I hear is people bad mouthing you and pissing you off constantly! I think you take it a little to heart... I mean, if I was Peter Gilmour, I wouldn't give a FUCK what people thought. I tell them to "Suck my dick!". Oh, you do, do that. Well, anyway. I don't think you get the recognition you deserve, Pete. As a legend, you shouldn't be fighting guys with less than three matches under their belt. Look at me. I'm 1-1, Pete. What the hell are you accomplishing by facing a guy like Calypso?! Nothing. If anything, it'll send you backwards! Right back down the totem pole. Shit, Pete. Who're you fighting next? Thunderbolt X?! I think Calypso would be able to hold his own a bit against a fella like that, but a guy like Peter Gilmour shouldn't even have to look this far down the roster for challengers let alone participate in a match with one of them!

Oh Peter.

It's a shame that with the amount of work and time that you've put into this place that you'll never amount to anything. It's not even because you suck, Pete. It's because the XWF is holding you back, man. They don't believe in you! If only the XWF commanders would listen to the fans! You know what they'd hear?! Gimour for fucking President, baby. That's what. If they'd just open their ears, they would hear the chants from the people saying, 'Give the title to, Gilly!' I wish it was like that, man. Unfortunately, the XWF, here, must go by talent and talent alone.

You know, when I look at you, I don't see a poster-boy. I don't see a face for a wrestling company. I see a mascot. That's what you are, Peter. The XWF's mascot. I mean, sure, it all makes sense now. That's exactly why you get the attention you ACTUALLY get. People love you. People like having you around. You get abused by all of the XWF locker room. Wow. Crystal clear to me now. You know, I was a cheeleader in high school, bruh. It was pretty bad ass. I mean, I didn't get to do any tricks with the girls or anything, but me and four other guys through each other around like ragdolls. We're were almost too strong for each other, but just right, ya know? Calypso and those four other guys did some amazing things to each other's bodies. Things you wouldn't believe a man could possibly do, Peter....

Just like what's going to happen this Wednesday, my brudduh. I'm going to show you what putting your ass through hell is all about. Burning. Agonizing hell. And come Thursday when you're sitting in your stupid house with that beautiful.... Mmm.. Lovely.. mH.mm. Hmm.. Piece of..... Whore... HMHM>....OIk...... Ahem.

When you're sitting at home next to Maria....

Hi, Maria. I love you. Remember Calypso?

I love you.

.....

When you're sitting at home... Wondering what kind of fucking monster-fucker just slammed into your asshole? It was none other than......

[[[ Calypso waves his hands in front of his face very mystically. ]]]

Calypso.............!

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