Ghosts of the Past

:: We enter on a red phone gathering dust with a well-decorated apartment. We hear the giggle of a woman as clothes are thrown onto the couch beside the end table where the phone rests. The red phone rings out a shrill tone and the sound of foreplay is cut short as silence comes from the couple and a young, handsome man grabs it with a hesitant hand and places it to his ear. ::

"... Hello?"

I spin around dramatically in my sick jumpsuit as I hear Jax's voice on the other end.

"G'day, cunt, time to suit up we got a job!"

OOC: I feel like I need to explain this lol singers on fiverr cost too much and my Australian accent is so offensively bad it's not funny, luckily though there are plenty of cheap anime girl voice actors so I can make this awful, awful, shitpost. Enjoy!

As I bop to the awesome theme song I commissioned from Hatsune Miku; old mate Jackson Hart looks towards me as we ride to our destination in the Soul Cairn, a cement truck I modified for our job as Ghost Punchers. Jax hits the eject button and the CD (yes, CD, fuck you! Not on Spotify yet, cunt, it's a demo!) and tosses it out of the window. I look at him with shock! Shock, I say!

"The fuck, cunt!?"

"Noah, that song sucked, dude."

"It was one of a kind!"

"Good! Now I don't have to find more to destroy them!"

I scowl at my so-called friend.

"You know how much I paid that little anime freak to make that for me!?"

"I do not." I go to interject but Jax puts up a hand to stop me. "Nor do I care! ... Where we going anyway?"

I scoff, my eyes fixin' back on the road.

"Got a call from some cunt who has been haunted by a particularly nasty spirit, Jackie boy." I shoot a smirk at Jax. "Then we're gonna knock the fuck out of that spirit."

Jax laughs to himself before playfully hitting my arm.

"Maybe after that we can knock back some nasty spirits of our own?"

"Jack, you know how serious I am about ghosts this isn't a laughing matter!"

"You're right, I apologize..."

I begin to nod my head giving in to him.

"But yeah, cunt, we'll go get fuckin' plastered after."

"Atta boy!"



Me and Jax sit across from some weirdo in a skeleton mask holding a skull... Cunt like skulls.

"So, cunt. Ya told me on the phone you've been dealing with some ghost issues?"

"Yeah, this bitch has been ghosting me for years!"

"Ghosting?" Jax's posture changes as he looks at me. "Dude, this creep isn't being haunted, some poor chick is most likely just avoiding his ass!"

I shoot a look at Jax takin' in what he's saying and give a nod about to sit up from the chair.

"No, this bitch is HAUNTING me! Day and night!"

"The fuck ya chattin' ya bony cunt?"

"You know her, Noah... Micheal Graves!"

Me and Jax look at one another before turning back to this cunt.

"The wrestler?"

"Yeah."

"Gravy? The hot chick?"

Jax looks to me disgusted.

"Hot chick?"

I shrug.

"You know what I'm about, cunt."

"The very same! We were beautiful once, The Dark Warrior! Until she ghosted me and ruined OUR reputation!"

"... So are you Micheal Graves?"

"What? No! Don't be dumb."

"... So, what? You're Gravy now or?"

"No! Jesus, how hard is this, I'm the Dark Warrior!"

"... So you're Gravy's old self before she got a gold potato up her ass and got stupid hot?"

"Dude, stop!"

I wave Jax off... Can't believe I'm alone on this. This cunt sighs and begins to rub his temples.

"NO! I have nothing to do with Gravy!"

"THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN BRINGING HER UP!?"

"Are you just like a crazy fan who misses the old Gravy?"

"..."

"Huh, deja vu... Fuck it! Let's just go with that cuz I'm gettin' a fuckin' migraine! How is she haunting you?"

"She parades around like a whore!"

"No need for shaming her, she's a gorgeous woman, allow her to embrace her sexua-OW!"

Jax punches me hard in the shoulder.

"Stop! Mr Dark Warrior... This has literally nothing to do with ghosts, why even bother us?"

"One, ghosts aren't real." I take serious offence to this and look around for a weapon before he continues. "Two, she is ghosting our past! She just goes from point to point constantly trying to reinvent herself, shaming her past while acting like a moron! And-and it kills me! It haunts my every waking moment! This person who I admired just keeps ruining her legacy!"

I scoff.

"Legacy... What legacy? The only legacy that should be mentioned in this conversation is a failed stable me and this handsome cunt were in."

Me and Jax fist bump.

"Yeah bro, Gravy is insane and a hack, of course, she's gonna reinvent herself constantly, it's what no-talent pieces of shit do."

"Right on, cunt, DW you gotta face the facts, cunt. Gravy is gonna move on from this lady bit she's on and go back to being an ugly nerd who has to wear a mask when this fuckin' stunt inevitably gets old and fails to bounce pad her career. The only thing you can do is wait and feel second-hand embarrassment like the rest of us. Don't stress, she'll come back around to this shit, what else does she have goin' for her? Except for being the HOTTES-" I stop meself looking back up to a very tired Jax. "... Nevermind, just wait it out, cunt. All I gotta say."

He sighs with a slow nod of his head.

"I suppose you're right. Thanks, Ghost Punchers."

Jax gives a slight smile as we both stand.

"No wuckas, cunt, and don't worry I'll deck her good for ya!"

I shoot a wink and Jax peaces out as we both leave this sad cunt's house. As we walk back to our sick vehicle, I contemplate the concept of ghosting.

"Hey, J, ya think we could call some exorcist to stop my dad from ghosting me?"

Jax shoots a kind smile while placing a hand on me shoulder.

"We'll see what we can do after a few drinks, man."

I give a smirk and nod to Jax as we enter back into the SOUL CAIRN and make our exit from these dog-shit suburbs to our theme song! Oh wait... Jax threw the only copy I had out the fuckin' window!!! That cunt!


... FUCK!

---

Back home after a long night of ghost hunting and drinkin' I sit in me favourite chair as the early morning sun begins to pierce through the windows, I take a sip of water with a few aspirins while rubbin' my tired eyes. I clear my throat ready to just spew whatever comes to me fuckin' head.

"Gravy ya useless ol' cunt! The only thing coming out that useless gash between your chubby cunt cheeks is weak shit that fuckin' first-timers say! 'You ain't done shit in years' Fuck off! Cunt I got hit by a car! What's your excuse, cunt? Vinnie locked ya in a closet? But ya broke out didn't ya!? Every time he threw you in there YOU got out and still managed to do fuck all each and every fuckin' time!"

"You had the means do shit, you had the ability to prove yaself and you couldn't fuckin' do it!"

"Once a fuck-up, always a fuck-up! And Gravy keeps proving that she is indeed the sloppy afterbirth of a bygone era! Shit doesn't go your way and you make up excuses and sulk like a veteran shit cunt! You want that crown because you finally have something to prove????????????????"

"THE FUCK YOU SAD CUNT!?"

"So when you won the TV you didn't want to prove yourself then!? Nah that neck injury didn't stop ya did it? Gravy, you're right about you coming back after every hit BUT you couldn't fuckin' manage to keep that shit longer? You didn't want to prove yourself then!? Prove that you're more than a lucky lil' pissbaby?"

"When you challenged Mark Flynn for the Uni, you didn't want to prove yourself then? You didn't want to be top of the company, you didn't want to overthrow the cunt you call a 'two-bit conman?' Nah, cunt, what you said is just some shit to mask the fact that you can't fuckin' cut it anymore! I've been off TV for fuckin' years! I came back from attempted vehicular manslaughter! I clawed my way up through shit cunts, I fought in dog-shit companies with less talent than the cunts I'm up against in this bracket. I came back! I have something to prove! You! You are a fuckin' joke, a fuckin' jobber, a fuckin' shit cunt with nothing to say apart from trying to fake your past embarrassments!"

"I am the sickest cunt in the fuckin' universe! I am the hardest worker in the XWF! AND I WILL PROVE THAT! Time and time again I will fuckin' show every two-bit shit cunt that I am simply better in every way, shape and form!"

"You are right about one thing, consistency isn't our game, cunt. I'll cop that. But when you say you don't give up, you're a fucking liar. You want to say Vinnie locks you away, shuns you, pushes you back but cunt when that happens how long do you stay in that closet suckin' your thumb before breaking out and saying 'cool, what other dumb shit can I do?'"

"You choose to stay in the shadow realm that long before coming out with a new look and a new fucked up way of lookin' at shit. You reinvent yourself because the old you couldn't cut it! ME!? Me, cunt, I get fucked and come back better, no need to wear a mask and cast spells, no need to grow tits and act like a shit house, no need to shove something up me ass and play bitch to the former owner. Nah, cunt, same ol' me but fuckin' better! That is all I need to be!"

"What you need to be is a good girl and know your fuckin' place!"

"That place being on the ground for 3 seconds while my cute ass is laid on top of you!"

"..."

"Fuck, what is wrong with me..."

"I am very confused... Vita really fucked me up... Also, that shit that happened with you and me in whatever the fuck that was!"

"... Maybe after I kick your ass on Saturday and shoot my way up the bracket some more, I'll take you out to dinner, see how things go. Buff chicks are sick and I'm open-minded, unlike the rest of this racist, xenophobic, homophobic roster! Just, take a fuckin' bath for once I beg you."

"Shit, maybe while you're rubbing one off to pictures of me, I can rub off on you and actually raise you to my level of talent, give you that 'gift of gab' you're so thirsty for. Maybe I'll get a decent match out of this tourney instead of it being a very linear journey to the crown of me winning easily and people giving up on me and throwin' their dumb asses out of my way like I was a bull on the loose."

"So, cunt, bring your gimmicky shit and awesome bod. Throw your garbage wrestling at me and I'll bury you in the fuckin' dump! Show me the consequences of my actions and I'll show you your own fuckin' grave. Do your job and boost me to my fuckin' crown so I can show everyone a real King Hit. And quit it with the fuckin' effects in ya promos, I just won a match against Jenny Myst I don't wanna beat my own sloppy seconds."

"Ya can grab some vitamin D being in my spotlight before I cast ya back into the shadows, ya dog cunt."

"Oh and when I'm done beating the venereal disease out of your body... Red Lobster on Monday, you're treating."

"Later, cunt."

I shoot a wink, feeling a little disappointed in my love life before this shit fades to black.

FORMER:



W | L | D
226 | 11 | 81

Star of the Month (August 2019)
1/3 Star of the Month (January 2020) with Fuzz and our Subaru
RP of the Month (November 2019) with Big Disappointment