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Dolly Waters · (02-11-2023)

When we last saw Dolly Waters, she and her trusted assistant, Patel Gagendeep, had arrived at an appointment with a witchdoctor named Madame Maluna.

Why?

Dolly believes she’s going to use Madame Maluna’s services to cast a series of black-magic spells on the XWF March Madness tournament competitors… especially Sarah Lacklan.

These spells, Dolly believes, should be harmful to her rivals.

Perhaps a breast implant leak that poisons Sidney Grey to death.

A floating fat particle that lodges inside of Bourbon’s anatomy surfing Magic School Bus, rendering him stuck in the body of a morbidly obese man for the duration of March Madness.

An adoption to a loving “Forever Home” for the Mad Dog. Angie Vaughn being the person to adopt said Mad Dog, rendering her stuck posting videos of her new poochie on social media like the basic white bitch that she is

A jury full of bland janitor simps who bring back a biased ruling, sentencing Calypso to life in prison.

And lastly, a horrible fall down a flight of stairs for Lacklan, one that shatters every bone in her body.

That should take care of anyone who poses any true threat to defeating Dolly in this tournament.

No need to worry about Isiah King…

She thinks out loud to herself,

Ain’t a lick of black magic that could further fry that burnt bulb of brain…

Who is Isiah King, my dear?

Ah!

Madame Maluna’s question startles Dolly.

Oh…

She’d nearly forgotten where she was.
...That’s a question I’ve been asking myself.

After twisting Dolly’s arm, Maluna was able to convince the young XWF veteran to participate in a meditation session. After choking on the sage smoke that’s clouding the tight walls of this shop, and choking back the urge to choke the life out of this overlay eager hippie, Dolly agreed to meditate. The two of them are sitting on the floor of this shop, their legs crossed with lit candles surrounding them and a large tapestry with glittering moon designs woven into the fabric between them.

Hmm… perhaps they’re a karmic lover.

A what?

Worry not, my dear!

Madame Maluna produces a deck of cards, and begins shuffling them,

These cards will tell us everything me need to know…

Dolly’s brow bends as she watches Maluna close her eyes. This “witchdoctor” continues shuffling the cards, mumbling under her breath. Dolly’s neck twists around, and her eyes dart on her assistant Patel Gagendeep who’s watching on with bated breath.

GAG!? a roaring whisper bites through Dolly’s teeth, I hope we’re not about to find out that we paid good money fer’ a fucking tarot card reading…

No need to gag, my dear.

Dolly brings her eyes back to Maluna who has stopped shuffling and is smiling over the deck of cards,

This isn’t just any tarot reading… this is THE tarot reading.

The hell is that supposed to mean?

When booking this appointment I had your wonderful assistant provide me with all of your personal records. Specifically your birth records…

Dolly gulps,

...From those, I was able to craft your astrological natal chart, and you my dear, you’re more special than you even know.

Oh I’m special alright. I’m ‘specially getting worn out with this little scam yer’ cooking here. I want my money back.

So fierce, so true, yet so emotional and mysterious. You truly are the Element Trinity.

Listen lady, are you going to help me cast some spells on my opponents in March Madness, or not?

Well, my spells can be helpful, but not in the ways I believe you’re seeking. In fact, I believe what you’re seeking, you don’t even need. I’m a lightworker, my dear.

Dolly groans with a roll of the eye, and pulls up to her feet,

Okay, well thanks fer’ wasting my time. I need to go find a darkworker, m’kay?

Maluna just smiles,

Go if you wish… but I must let you know that this is the year of your ascension.

The comment stops Dolly in her tracks,

Ascension, huh? Oh well I’ve ascended alright, just to be knocked down time and time again. ROBBED by jealous wrestlers, and members of XWF management who couldn’t promote their way out of a wet paper bag.

...that’s all about to change, for this is your year, my dear. The year of The Chariot.

What on earth are you babbling about?

2023… the number seven.

Dolly’s face is illustrated with the look of someone who’s just whiffed a fart,

Add the numbers. Two, plus zero, plus two, plus three… Seven. This is the year of the astrological ascension of Cancer.

Uhhh.. Okay, well I’m a Scorpio, soooooo…

Your SUN sign is Scorpio, my dear.

According to your birth chart, when you were brought into this world, the sun was in Scorpio, the moon was in Pisces, and the ascendant sign on the eastern hemisphere was in Cancer, making you the Element Trinity. All three water signs in the three major houses of your natal chart. You my dear are the culmination of love, compassion, mystery, and intuition.
There’s a moment of silence as Dolly blinks a few times over,

Uh… ya’ lost me.

Maluna is agitated with Dolly’s obtuse attitude, but calms herself before continuing on:

Astrology has been practiced for thousands of years, and tarot since the 14th century, both are tied together in the tree of life. The two are so hand in hand, that each of the major arcana cards in tarot were assigned astrological positions….

That’s wonderful! But what the fuck does that have to do with me, and my desire to be victorious in the March Madness tournament?

The Chariot, my dear! It’s the seventh card of the major arcana. This year, 2023, is seven. The ascension of The Chariot. You’re an ascendant Cancerian. This is YOUR year for victory. Now would you please sit down and let me pull these cards for you?

Dolly grumbles and settles back onto the floor, Might as well get my money’s worth out of this crap.

Maluna pulls the first card…

Spirit of the universe, please show us the Element Trinity’s recent past

The card flips over, and Maluna screams with joy.

Death? Well, I’m still alive, lady. These cards don’t know shit…

Death is the major arcana for Scorpio! It’s your sun!

Dolly crinkles her nose at this proclamation,

Death doesn’t mean what people think. It’s a very positive card. It means the end of something old, something that no longer serves us, bringing about a major transformation.

Dolly’s eyes widened a bit. This resonated in her recent change of heart. Her desire to no longer be walked on by people who didn’t serve her best interest. Her newfound viciousness. Her desire to bring transformed Dolly into the XWF to change the landscape of the wrestling industry… forever. The tag championship win with Charlie Nickles being only the beginning of that road, and March Madness, she hoped, being the continuation of this transformation.

Spirit, please show us her current energy…

Maluna flips the next card. Another shriek of happiness follows.

[Image: RWS_Tarot_18_Moon.jpg]

The Moon! The major arcana of Piscese! It symbolizes something being hidden in the light of the moon, a secret of power and strength. You my dear, you remind me of that line from The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. You are the Sword of the Sea… very underestimated!

Dolly leans in further, feeling a weird pull towards the reading. Mystery has always surrounded Dolly. For such a frail looking little lady, it’s often been debated how she’s been able to withstand some of the pro wrestling industry's most fierce competitors. This mystery continues on currently, indeed.

Spirit… please show us the near future.

The last card flips.

[Image: RWS_Tarot_07_Chariot.jpg]

THIS IS CONFIRMATION! THIS IS YOU, MY DEAR! THE ASCENDANT! THE CHARIOT!

She looks ugly…

She’s been through many wars, and now she’s in her Chariot moving forward to her final victory… in this, the year of The Chariot.

Though she’d never admit, Dolly does feel this sudden rush of affirmation coursing through her spine. A readiness to wage war. To achieve victory in the March Madness tournament… starting with Isiah King. She looks up from the cards, a glow of confidence painting over her features.

Dolly knows exactly what needs to be done…

-sometime later-

BOIL! BOIL! TOIL AND TROUBLE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Still inside of the metaphysical shop, we see Dolly standing over a boiling cauldron. She’s wearing black robes like a witch, and in the background we see Madame Maluna, tied to a chair, her mouth taped, tears welling up in her eyes.

What? You expected me to really go along with some “light” worker?

To hell with that!

See, despite what some ignoramus like Isiah King might claim, I’ve made my recent intentions very clear! Starting with my promo on the Final Episode of Warfare. This is a year of change for Dolly Waters. No more miss Goody Goody Two Shoes… in fact.

Dolly leans over, and produces a boot from her foot, and pitches it in the boiling cauldron.

That’s for the boot I’m going to send up ANYONE’S ass who stands in my way of achieving victory in March Madness… starting with you, Isaiah King.

Bravo on boring the television audiences to death with yer’ dumbass poetry by the way. Here I am, hoping you’d help put some good hype on our match, and what did you do? You made yer’self sound like a complete moron. For starters, I hope you realize that you ain’t walking into some def-jam coffee shop on Saturday. You’re climbing in the ring with me, with Dolly Waters. A person who knows exactly what it takes to get the job done against someone like YOU.

YOU being a person who eats out of the hands of others.

Didn’t I predict you’d be babbling off stupid promo cliches? Like Murky Waters? Really…?

Let’s give him an award folks! For being the most bland piece of trash I’ve ever heard try and hype a match. Someone so dumb he considered my father, Muddy, OF ALL PEOPLE, wrestling royalty!

LULLLZ!

If you truly think that, dude, yer’ entire perception of what’s Kingly is fucked and flawed. Just like your abilities in the ring.

You did it, Isaiah, you showed that unlike me, and my entire magnum opus fer’ this tournament, yer’ unwilling to change.

Yer’ unwilling to do whatever it takes to win. And you know what that means?

I’m going to beat you down Saturday, and show the world exactly what my destiny for victory looks like…

…and to Sarah Lacklan?

Dolly pulls the waded up letter that she received from Lack’s pigeon.

I love you too.

Before pitching it into the cauldron.

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