The camera zooms in on Dolly’s smile as we hear a chair breaking, and an animalistic roar coming from Charlie… followed by screams of horror.

The filth on Dolly’s sneakers are now topped with blood.

How’s that fer’ some therapy Charlie?

Who's Charlie?

A sick tear of joy rolls down Dolly’s cheek as the scene fades…..into a video compilation of Sarah Lacklan & Angie Vaughn winning the tag gold! We hear another scream of anguish as we see Sarah Lacklan, the most spoiled of children, pulling the belts down from their clip. A bell rings as the scene fades once more….but even after everything goes black, we still hear the incessant ringing of a bell.

It rings.

And rings.

And rings.

And rings.

Even as you open your eyes you can still hear that ringing sound in the back of your skull, like an echo from memories past. You try to pick yourself up but you can’t, you feel a tightness constraining your limbs.



Are those your chains?



You try to jerk forward but you get no further…where are you? As you twist your neck to the side you can feel the tubes and IVs that are pumping you full of BOB’s most volatile toxins….you shudder to think of the effect they may be having on you.



Why are you here? Do you even know?



As you look down you see a pair of foot prints from a petite woman’s shoe. As you look around this old familiar room you see a metallic door, and little else. It’s hard to make out any more details, because the only light in this dark place is coming from your restless soul.

And it rings.

And rings.

And rings.

Are you going to answer the light that’s calling you, Charlie Nickles?

Or are you going to scurry back into the shadows, like the cockroach you are?

That’s your choice, isn’t it?

The choice you make everyday.

Will you ever change?

What would it take?

Another life?

An Other World?

You groan in pain as the echoing voices pester you endlessly. What do they want from you? When will they just let you be?

Be who?

Be what?

Be where?

A rush of cold serums flows into the back of your neck through the tubes and IVs, filling your bloodstream with the unstable concoction. You feel a blitzing cold course through your body, followed by tremendous heat. You twist, shake, and convulse: but it’s no use, your chains ensure you don’t get far. You never even manage to leave that chair.

Until you are so rudely awoken from your slumber once more by that ever haunting sound.

"Let's play, Chuckleberry. I have a job for you."

The distorted voice snorts as your eyes finally open up to the wonders of the world. You blink five times, still loopy as the BOB cocktail courses through your veins. You look down and see a familiar antique radio covering up the footprints from last week. Who could have put that there? Is that radio even real, or are these drugs making you hallucinate?

You're stricken by a sense of deja vu, but in your delirious state you can't recall this return. The radio crackles before the haunting voice picks up once more.

"I’ve been waiting for you. You don’t belong here. Your world never came to be...and thus…you need to go.”

Your head rolls from side to side as your body shakes. Do you disagree with the voice? Or is your body now falling, and flailing, beyond your control? Regardless, the voice of your old foe calls out through the darkness.

"It’s okay, my guy! You might not know your gameplan, but that’s what you’ve got your good buddy Space Jesus for! To… heh… Do. Your. Job. For. You."

Those familiar words reverberate through your mind, jolting you back to this world as you finally snap out of your loopy state. You look down at the vintage radio with your eyes wide open, and your face trembling with fear.


Where the fuck are you?!?? The last thing you remember was going to a therapy appointment with Dolly Waters….


As you're trapped in the valley of your own missing memories, that distorted voice calls out to you once more.

"Come on, cunt."

You glare down at the radio with a furrowed brow. Is this the voice of the man who's keeping you here?

"Who are you?!"

"You should know who I am by now."

The voice's cocky tone drives you into a maddening rage. You try to jerk forward on your chains as you scream your response.

"Just let me go!"

The radio falls silent as white foam begins to collect at the corners of your mouth. Then, a tapedeck falls out of the radio and drops to the floor. You're about to bitch and moan some more, until a blinding light suddenly overtakes the room! You try to shield your eyes, but your bound hands are no use. You're powerless against the light.

But then, you feel the chains loosen and fall to the ground as an unseen presence moves through the room. The blinding light coalesces into a portal before your very eyes, and you see a truly wonky scene staring back at you through the madness.


Is this what drugs do to people?!?!


A faint voice whispers into your ear.

"Just so you know, I’m the one who let you out of here."

Before you can respond, see a grubby little hand reach out from the other side of the portal! You scream, but that does you no good as you are literally pulled into an OtherWorld entirely!

It doesn't take much to get from point A to point B, just a little bit of elbow grease and a whole lot of imagination. I've got both in spades, and baby, you know I've got enough elbow grease to go around! I'll have to giftwrap Blondie a bucket of it, because after I cut his limbs off at the elbows and knees he'll be kneeding a whole lot of my BAD MEDICINE!

Ah shit wrong pay per view theme, but fuck it cut me a break would ya? Who gives a fuck if I talk correct. I had a hard fucking week, and I'm sure Blondie's gonna yap all about it like a little dog that only knows one trick: speak.

That's all this puppy's done since he showed up at our doghouse, and I think that's all he knows how to do. You can't become a storied champ just by talking about it, chump, so for your sake I hope you paid attention to my freebie and decided to take a different route. I sent you a warning shot so you'd know not to get into a firefight with the #1 firestarter, because I'm trying to be a better person this year. Don't make my efforts be in vain, or else I might rip out all your veins just to show you what it feels like!

I've already won all the belts you want to contend for. While your fledgling career struggles to gain it's wings, I'm onto bigger and better things. I'm a staple of the XWF, I'm that rotting plank in the foundation holding up this whole shithouse! And I think it's about time I got paid my due, and if they won't GIVE it to me, then I'll just have to TAKE it!

Consistently concise, persistently precise. New year, new me, new King, bitch! And I hope all you blonde cunts pay enough attention to see how else YOUR NEW KING has changed…..

Our camera is transported to an overhead shot of a smoggy village with slum housing that forms a circle around a grimey factory. Hot steam and noxious gasses pump out of the factory's exhaust, filling the air with the hearty smoke that forms the backbone of this town.

We see derelict people wearing dirty rags in the streets as well-dressed security guards stand at the gates of the factory, checking everyone's ID before they're allowed past the barriers. From the hundreds amassed around the gates, it's clear that everyone wants a piece of whatever is being made.

The camera zips around the front gates of the factory and starts zooming down the town's gravel roads. Once the camera reaches the last house on the left it pauses, before approaching the cracked door of the craven home, slipping right on through.

We see Danny DeVito, or at least someone that looks a lot like him, standing over a ripped up leather couch, trying to shake a slumbering Nickleman awake.

"CHAWLEY! It's time to get up!"

The Nickleman arises with a peaceful yawn and a gentle shake of the head, at least until he looks around and realizes where he is. Or rather, doesn't realize!

"Where the fuck am I?!?!"

The small man with immaculate hair laughs as he steps back from the mustard stained couch.

"You're finally awake! Good! You've been asleep for days, CHAWLEY, days I tell you!"

Charlie shakes his head from side to side before resting it in his hands.

"What kind of drugs did they give me?"

"That's what I wanna know, CHAWLEY, because if I could get some of those I might actually get a good night's sleep! All your farting and snoring makes it hard to sleep on the other side of the couch!"

Charlie looks around and realizes that the couch is the only piece of furniture, or well anything, inside the derelict house. The rest of the floor is just covered in trash. In the middle of the room sat a pile of chewed up little caps, the kinds that go on toothpaste bottles. Beyond that, there was little sign of food: just broken toys and cheap plastics. Whatever the spoils of the great factory were, this household clearly went without.

"I accidentally ate all our toothpaste bottles caps while you were sleeping…and I haven't had any money to get more since we lost our jobs at the factory…but CHAWLEY, our fortunes are changing! The great Vinnie Wonka has announced to the world a new contest, and five special winners will be chosen to get a chance at becoming the next King! We could be KINGS, CHAWLEY! KINGS!"

The Nickleman looked completely bewildered, sitting on the couch in a state of shocked silence.

"Are you hearing me, CHAWLEY?! We can be KINGS!"

The Nickleman shook his dusty mane from side to side before narrowing his eyes and squinting at the tiny manlet in front of him.

"Who even are you?"

"Oh wow, whatever drugs you took must've messed you up pretty bad or something! I bet I look like a fucking dragon or something to you right now….heh, your Uncle Gary Stu's a dragon!

RAWR!"

Uncle Gary jumps in front of Charlie with a ferocious roar, but the Nickleman appears unfazed. He blinks twice before responding nonchalantly.

"Right…Gary Stu…I swear I've heard that name before, do you know a Mary Sue?"

"Know her? I married her! I know your Aunty Sue like she knows my taint!"

Gary shows off a very cheap, and obviously fake, diamond ring on his finger. He has a real sense of pride about it for some reason.

"I spent three years' salary to get us a pair of these from Vinnie Wonka's madness factory! Best decision I ever made!"

The Nickleman leans back on the couch, bewildered beyond belief.

"What the fuck did I just get myself into…"

The scene fades to black as we hear Gary Stu yell out "CHAWLEY!" just a few more times for good measure.