NK gawks at his map…

”…It says I am here…”

NK scratches his head.

Behind him? A 50-foot stone door. A menacing castle.

Lightning KERAAAAAAAACKS above its highest peak…

…NK scratches his head, not facing the castle.

“I shall not be defeated by your ILLUSIONS, General BigBad!” The North Korean cries at the sky, raging fire in his heart! “I will solve this Sphinxian riddle: Locating your Hidden Castle!”

…Directly overhead, a sign says “BigBad’s Castle.”

…NK whistles!

“Here, Castle…” He pats his legs like he’s calling a pet. “C’mere, Castle! Perhaps I have a treat! It’s… whatever castles like… Um… Bricks!”

***

MEANWHILE…

After defeating the giant, the Blue Tango felt that he could take on anything! It took a valiant effort and a lot of somersault dodges, but he managed to put enough arrows in the beast to take it down!

Tango finally reaches Mt. Final Boss and the only thing that separates him from the peak is a bridge crossing over a giant ravine. The bridge seems old but sturdy enough. A wall of fog blocks the view half-way across and looks very unnatural… He passes through and after a couple of steps comes out the other side. Behind him now is the wall of fog and apparently no way to return!

He takes a gulp and looks ahead, a little relieved now that he can at least see the other side and the path up to the peak. It isn't long when he hears a giant whooshing sound above his head. A shadow passes above and circles around before a beast crashes down in front of him shaking the ground beneath him!





"Holy guacamole!"

The dragon screeches, ignites the ground on fire, then charges across the bridge towards Tango who starts somersaulting away from the beast, but gets caught! The dragon was too quick and stomped down crushing Tango under its claw!

"AWWWWCCCKCCKCKKCCCK!!!!!" Tango exclaims.

Taking in a deep breath, the dragon exhales and blasts Tango with a fiery inferno that quickly burns him down to nothing but ash. He didn't even have a moment to scream.





Tango wakes up by the bonfire just down the path from the bridge.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

A little delayed, but there it is. He feels around his body, then realizes he's already been vaporized and is back at the rest site.

As he sits by himself, looking up at the peak of Mt. Final Boss where supposedly his team should be waiting for him, he thinks about War Games. Not so much about the Warmasters now… Maybe it's the leveling up he's been doing, but he feels that he could take on the world right now…. With the Warmasters hardly making the cut for a challenge.

"When I first saw the card, the ORIGINAL card… I thought… Dang… Good thing I drafted the best team, because I think we might have the toughest match-up at the start of this thing! This is before the Warmasters went limp and never recovered. They're so lost within themselves and will fall apart the second they hit the ring. On the other hand, I have so much confidence in my team! There's nothing stopping us… Not a single team or person is matching our intensity, including the NEW XWF Universal Champion, Raion Kido…"

"I can't not give him credit. I said before that he did the impossible… So, yeah, kudos to him. New day, different game, though. Regardless of his new jewelry, just as I suffer from it, his past will always haunt him. Just the other day he was losing Television Title matches and blowing other chances along the way. Why he went first overall is a mystery in its own, but looking at the captain it all makes sense. Jenny hardly ever knows what's going on outside of that scrambled egg brain of hers. I was afraid to say it before, but it looks like this title has already gone to Kido's head. This entire thing was to be dedicated to team work, yet he's seen at some zoo playing with bears? What kind of team building is that, bruh?? He's totally gonna let Angie down and that's lame"

Tango thinks about how he would've drafted Angie Vaughn, too, if he could, cause she's cool.

Angie Vaughn's pretty cool… A lot cooler than PETER Vaughn. I'll have to let her know that she can totally use inVAUGHNCIBLE because it's meaningless to me now. Peter Vaughn is so not THAT… She can have it! She should wait until AFTER War Games, though… Only because she's not going to look too inVaughncible when she's another that can't close the deal… And with no help from Kido, it's inevitable."

"In the other corner, because of how bad Sudden Death is, I'm expecting to see Mercy in the final match. Not because of her skill, thirst to kill, or Dyson on her shoulder… but because Sudden Death stands zero chance to make it out. So, what does that give us… Mercy versus Kido and maybe Vaughn…. Against the entirety of my team. I'm not sold a hundo on this, but I would say that these odds are stacked extremely in our favor."

Not wanting to waste more time, Tango takes to his feet and reluctantly walks back towards the bridge.

"UGH… What am I supposed to do?!"

Standing just feet away from him is a glowing statue that has a mystical hum coming from it. He approaches and acknowledges it the same he does a bonfire when suddenly he feels and sensation come over him. His vision fades and his mind fills with distorted visions of Game_Girl. Becoming dizzy, he stumbles background and falls onto the ground. What's come over me?!, he thinks, and lies sulking until he's struck at his abdomen by something!

"EEK!!"

His eyes shoot open and the blurry vision of a blue haired heroine stands over him.

"Get up, Tango!"

Tango wraps his arms around his stomach and gasps for air!

"GG?! How?! Where?! WHAT?!"

"That was a Summon Statue…"

He looks confused over at the statue then back to Game_Girl.

"Don't worry about it right now… Why would you choose this way to Mt. Final Boss, anyway? There's a dragon on this bridge."

Tango holds his arms out, asking without words how he would have possibly known that.

"Forget it. Come on."

GG waves Tango along and the two of them start across the bridge and pass through the fog.

"You ready?"

"Heh, no? This thing killed me in two hits last time."

"Well, that's your problem!"

GG smiles and pats Tango on the shoulder.


"You're not supposed to get hit!"

The dragon appears already at the other end of the bridge... waiting.


"Let's do this!"








The two heroes hunker down and wait for rhe beast to rake its first move! The monster breathes fire into the air and stomps towards them! Tango somersaults out of the way, while GG leaps high into the air and lands a punch square between the dragon's eyes! Tango plants himself and readies and arrow.

The beast's balance quickly returns and it snaps back with its powerful jaw. GG leaps high into the air again avoiding being chomped and comes down with a powerful icy fist! She flips back again and lands on her feet as the beast wails in agony! With a perfect chance, GG yells over to Tango!

"SHOOT IT!!"



Tango shakes his awe and quickly pulls back his arrow. Taking perfect aim on the eye of the dragon, he fires!

---

BACK ON MT. FINAL BOSS…

NK twirls his mustache.

He stares off into the distance, muttering…

“Castle… CASS…UHL… Ca…SUHL… Cast-EL?...”

Behind NK, Blue Tango somersaults up the trail.

As he rolls center-stage, immediately, he spots the sign: ‘BigBad’S CASTLE’.

“Neat!”

Suddenly, Tango notices NK, standing on the cliff’s edge.

“Whoa, dude!”

Tango runs up, pulling NK back, still mid-self-hypnosis

“Don’t jump! You’ll wreck your K/D ratio, bruh!”

NK turns toward this interloper! Immediately, his eyes widen and he backward-rolls into a fighting stance!

“Whoa! Sup?”

“Well!” NK raises his fist menacingly! “Blue Tango! American hero!”

Tango isn’t sure what’s happening, but he assumes the stance he learned from the 24-hours-to-Blue-Belt seminar he audited once.

“I ascertain Comrade Game_Girl summoned you… To battle this… General BigBad?”

“You ascer… ASS-SERT… Yeah, dude, yes. Correct.”

“Then… in this fight, we are allies.”

Tango smiles, dropping his combat stance.

“BUT KNOW THIS, TANGO!”

Tango immediately re-raises his dukes! Apparently they’re not done.

“While our causes may align today… tomorrow, we resume being foes! For while America stands, the True Korean people suffer its RAVENOUS APPETITE. Every spasm, every atom, every CELL IN MY BODY! SHALL BE DEVOTED TO FOILING YOUR NATION! FOR I A-”

“Quick question?”

NK is flummoxed by Tango’s interruption.

“...Proceed?”

“That a mustache?”

…NK wriggles his lip self-consciously.

“...Yes. It’s… new.”

“Looks good on you, bruh.”

…

NK walks forward. Tango keeps his fists raised, but like… what’s happening?!?

NK steps in and… Embraces Tango.

…After a bit, Tango pats the War Criminal’s back. [b]“...Uh, okay.”

NK releases Tango.

“You’ve won my loyalty this day, Tango. I will fight by your side until our dying days.”

“...Doooooooooope.” Tango grimaces, backing a couple steps up. “Well, we’re here... but whe-”



Driving straight up the mountain.

A 30-foot stretch limousine.

With FOUR Dominican flags waving atop it.

It whips up the mountainside…

FSSSSSSSHHHHHH, automated backseat opens.



“Oh daaaang, it’s… some kinda robot!”

“An obscenely wealthy robot! Cast away your riches! Join the labourer’s fight against the Capitalist Machine, you… Capitalist… Machine!”

“What are you talking about, cabron?”

Tango’s eyes open wide.

“…Carnes?”

“In the flesh, esse! Or… however this virtual world works, I still don’t get it…”

“...How the AITCH did you get that armor?”

“Same way I get everything, Tango…”

Carnes reaches into the limo’s backseat… Tango and NK peek over his shoulder curiously. Immediately, Tango and NK raise their arms as Carnes whips the BFG-9000 on them.

“Money. And Power.”

“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang.” Tango exhales. NK puckers his bottom-lip, irritated at capitalistic inequality… Also very jealous.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a… better bow-and-arrow, wouldja? Mine does okay… Kinda gives me splinters, though.”

Carnes chuckles. He pops the trunk open.

“I have something BETTER than a non-splinter-inducing bow-and-arrow, Señor Tango…”

…As Tango approaches… his face is awash in golden light.

“SHE-YEEEEEEEEAH, DUDE!” Tango cheers, immediately dropping his starter armor… Now in his birthday suit.

NK blushes, covering his eyes. Carnes wonders how one can be this white medically. Tango leaps into the trunk…

After a few seconds, he steps out.

“ Whaddya think?”

NK peeks through his fingers… And gasps!



“Comrade Tango! You look… Battle-Ready!”

“Of course, Señor Criminal. That armor was smithed by Narfinex’s finest dwarves. For what I paid, it better be battle-ready.”

NK’s lip puckers, feeling very underdressed.

Tango reads the Korean’s pouting face and elbows Carnes. “Uh… Course, you brought the COOLEST thing for NK. Right Carnes?”

NK’s ears perk curiously. Carnes looks perplexed.

“...OH, sí! Of cooooourse!”

NK’s face lights up.

“…Venga, venga… Aha!”



“...A… plant?”

“Not any plant, pendejo. A FIRE FLOWER! Manufactured by Combat Botanists! Very expensive.”

NK gasps. “A glorious weapon. I’ll treasure it!”

He gently strokes the flower… As he does, it melts into his hand…

His overalls whiten! Hands enflamed!

“AHHHHHHHHH! PYROMANCY COURSING THROUGH MY VEINS!”

“Whoa! Cool find, Carnes!”

Carnes nods, pretending he knew that’d happen.

“So, now, we just need…”



Suddenly, a yellow cloud bursts straight towards the castle!

Carnes points the BFG at the incoming cloud! Tango reels a Tango-rang over his shoulder, ready for tossing! NK launches fire from his hand!

The Cloud stops just above the heroes!

…

Someone hops down!



Game_Girl!

“Yooooooooooooooo”

“Comrade Game_Girl!”

“Chica de Partido!”

Game_Girl looks… pained. She stares down at her feet.

“…So. Okay. You’re probably mad about getting dragged here.”

The three pause and lower their weapons.

“Maybe you don’t want to save this world… Maybe you think it isn’t real. But… I ho-”[/color]

“Hey.”

Game_Girl looks up at the three heroes she chose. Tango nods.

“We’re ready. Let’s do this.”

“No need to pitch us the mission, Comrade GameGirl! We are prepared to fight alongside you!”

“I’m making $3.2 million dollars an hour from owning shops here, this place BETTER be real.”

…Game_Girl smiles.

[orange]“Thanks, guys. I guess we skip the ‘rally the troops’ speech, too?”

“Yeah, let’s just fast-forward to Hanari giving you something badass.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me.”

Game_Girl’s cloak drops off her arm. Revealing her RADICAL ROBOT ARM.

“I’m already powered up…”

“Excellent!” NK cheers, pumping his fist, (accidentally firing two fireballs down the mountain). “Now, only one item remains.”

The other three heroes look at the North Korean in anticipation.

“...HOW… do we find… The Castle?”

…Game_Girl looks at Tango, pointing past the Korean to the castledoor. Tango shrugs.

NK draws lines on his map. “Now, if we split the region into four quadrants… We’ll quickly eliminate unlikely locations… Comrade Tango takes North-East…”

As War Criminal diagrams, Game_Girl advances past him, entering the castle door… Tango quickly follows… As does Carnes, the BFG over his shoulder.

“And there!” NK says, finishing his design.

He looks up… Everyone’s gone.

“Comrades?”

He turns around… His eyes spot the castle door. His jaw drops.

“...COMRADES!”

…

“I FOUND IT!”

*******

The heroes enter the sanctum…

“All my toil… My struggle… My strife…”

Tango, GG and Carnes dip low and sneak quietly through the pillared entryway of the castle.

In the center of the stronghold… Bathed in blue light…

Is the MacGuffin…

And cradling it. Seven-foot tall. In obsidian black armor.

General BigBad.

Tango, GG and Carnes creep stealthily, hiding behind an overturned pillar, peeking carefully.

“Finally… I’ll rule this world. I AM INVINCIBLE!”

Tango side-eyes GG.

“That’s bad, right? Like, we were trying to STOP this hombre from getting the MacGuffin.”

Game_Girl sighs. “It’s… not great. But, maybe he doesn’t know how it works yet… Plus! We have the element of surprise!”

“DIE MONSTER! YOU DON’T BELONG IN THIS WORLD!”

The heroes peek back over the pillar. And standing against General BigBad, fire dancing in his fingertips…

NKWC.

“…A foolish hero… Summoned to stop me, yes?”

NK scoffs.

“‘Hero’ is a problematic term. But, Glorious Leader willing, I WILL stop you.”

“Feh.” With a simple finger twitch, a bolt of electricity rips from BigBad’s Silver Gauntlet! War Criminal bares his teeth, crossing his arms defensively…

…

SRRRRRRRRRRGE!

…The electricity…

Is absorbed…

Into Game_Girl’s metallic arm.

…Also, Tango somersaults beside them.

BigBad laughs.

“Ah… so, you’re here. I thought after I took your arm, you’d know better than to oppose me.”

General BigBad drops his hood, revealing the scarred face of Game Boy! A twisted anger on his face fuses with a corrupt smile.

“Perhaps this time I’ll take more than just your arm.”

“You’re outnumbered. Let’s make this quick and just give up, GB.”

“Don’t call me that! This team? Means nothing. I’ve already won. With the MacGuffin in my possession…”

Fssssssssshhhh-beep-beep-beep-beeeeeeeeeeep.

Tango perks curiously… “What’s that sound?”

“I. AM. INVINCIB-”

BRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH! A FIERY EXPLOSION CONSUMES BigBad!

“Thought that pendejo would never shut up…”

Tango, GG and NK glance up. On the alcove above, Hanari’s crouched with his BFG. He salutes.

Tango peers through the smoke.

He snaps his fingers, grinning. “Nooooooice shot, Carnes! Ca-AAAAAKEWALK!”

“Wait, Tango… The Final Boss always has a second phase.”

Suddenly…

INVINCIBILITY MODE ACTIVATED…

“...Oh…”

UNLIMITED AMMO ACTIVATED

“RUN!”

LIGHTNING STRIKES IN ALL DIRECTIONS!

Calypso narrowly somersaults, lightning exploding above him! Game_Girl absorbs three more lightning bolts into her arm, driven back from sheer force! NK takes a bolt through the torso… He loses his white overalls, shrinking to half-height!

“EGADS!” NK cries, squeakily. “I’m Jim Caedus-sized!”

Carnes lines up another shot… Lightning explodes around his sniper’s nest… He ducks behind cover…

Calypso somersaults around the arena, dodging bolt-after-bolt. As he rolls, he reels back and lets a fistful of Tango-rangs fly!

They SOAR… ALL FIVE CATCH BigBad IN THE FACE!

…No damage…

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” BigBad cackles, twirling and firing lightning.

“Dude…” Calypso mutters as he somersault-dodges…

Game_Girl dips behind a fallen pillar!

BigBad rotates, firing both lightning-hands at Carnes… Carnes’ post shakes! It could fall at any minute!

Game_Girl sees an opening!

She stands… And unleashes the lightning absorbed in her metal arm!

Bolts erupt! THE LIGHTNING BLASTS BigBad!

…

He is unaffected! He laughs and spins, firing lighting in all directions.

A miniature NK tiny-leg-sprints behind the pillar. GG drops a mushroom from her pocket. NK dives atop it… Quickly returning to normal size.

”Much better.”

Calypso somersault-dives behind the pillar as well.

“Okay… Regroup time. What’s the plan?”

“Dunno!” Game_Girl shouts back. “I didn’t think when he said the MacGuffin would make him invincible, he’d literally enable invincibility!”

“Sucks… Ok! How do we beat him?”

“We can’t! He’s invincible! his hit points won’t DROP, let alone hit zero! It’s impossible!”

…NK gasps!

“Like pushing a pull-door…”

“...What?”

“Comrades! Listen! This is IMPOSSIBLE!”

“...Yeah, NK. GameGirl said that.”

“No, Comrade Tango! Reducing BigBad’s hit points to zero is IMPOSSIBLE! It WON’T happen. Like Mark Flynn taught me… You can’t push open a pull-door.”

“...War Criminal’s lost it.”

“Wait, I get what he’s saying, bruh. We have to shift our thinkspace… Like, we can’t reduce his hitpoints… but could we… I dunno… INCREASE his hit points…”

Game_Girl’s eyebrow raises… “Like… heal him?”

“…Maybe? What would that do?”

Game_Girl ponders that. “…Maybe nothing… Or it might exceed his hitpoint capacity, until it exceeds an integer’s range? That would error out his character…”

“Oh snap! That might work?”

GG shrugs. “I mean, beats what we’re doing now!”

“Then, let’s go, Comrades! LET’S PULL THIS DOOR!”

***

Carnes’ nest… in ruins beneath him.

“Es no good. Anymore and I’m toast…”

Underneath him, lightning crackles… A thunderstorm-a-brewing!

“NOW!”

Game_Girl flips a switch on her arm… The light flips red to green… AND HOLY LIGHTNING FLOWS!

The light connects with BigBad… And dents in his armor fill…

“…What’s this? Surrender? Think if you heal me, I’ll show mercy? TOO LATE FOR THAT…”

BigBad UNLEASHES LIGHTNING… Game_Girl dives behind cover as energy explodes above her!

Meanwhile, NK, holding a penguin, has grab-dropped-grabbed to glitch-wall-climb to the ceiling…

The True Korean dangles over BigBad like a spider.

“NOW!”

NK empties his pockets… Unveiling 99 1-UPs. He hucks them down like Ninja Stars…

One-by-one, BigBad’s body absorbs them… His armor grows more twisted and gnarled…

Tango runs up beside Carnes’ firing nest!

“New plan! HEAL BigBad.”

“Que?”

“Now!”

Carnes shrugs… He retrieves from his pack, a medic gun…

As BigBad turns onto NK, Carnes lifts the healing gun’s barrel and fires a heaping helping of plasma straight onto BigBad…

“Heheh…. Heh… What’s… Happening…” BigBad collapses onto one knee.

“DON’T STOP!”

NK digs deeper, dumping all the 1-UPs he has…

Game_Girl unleashes all the healing energy her arm can supply.

Hanari reloads a plasma pack… DROWNING BigBad in health!

Tango!

…

Okay, Tango ran out of flasks after the dragon. He’s mostly trying to heal BigBad with positive affirmations!

“You’re a great guy, Bruh! People, like, treasure your company!”

BigBad lethergically twists to fire more lightning… But… He gets slower…

NK drops his last 1-UP…

Game_Girl’s arm-charge hits empty…

Hanari checks for another health pack… “No más!”

As their healing item supply depletes…

…

…Nothing happens…

“...Hahahaha… YOU FOOLS! ALL THAT FOR NAUGHT! HAHAHAHAHA!”[/color]

From NK’s penguin’s hands… one last 1-UP… drops…

[white]“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Onto BigBad…

“HAHA-oof.”

ERROR: LimitExceededException: BIG_BAD_HEALTH > INTEGER.MAX_VALUE. DELETING OBJECT: BIG_BAD

At-once, BigBad poofs out of existence.

***

"Is he dead?"

Tango peeks around a pillar. GameGirl walks out from cover and examines the area.

"I don't think so?"

“Huzzah! A glorious victory, comrades!…Though, a PEDANT may argue the battle was… anticlimactic?”

"Something isn't right…"

GameGirl doesn't trust the situation at all. Then Hanari notices something shiny lying on the ground near where General BigBad met his end.

"Aqui, amigos! Is this the MacGuffin you speak of?!"

The party surrounds the MacGuffin.



"THAT'S the MacGuffin?"

"Mmhhmm."

"Huh. I guess I expected it to be a little… more mystical?"

"Well, this is it. The most sought-out, priceless treasure in all the land…"

NK interrupts and moves closer to stand over the MacGuffin in amazement.

"Glorious Leader! An exquisite, exotic device… This would astound the North-Korean people!"

GG picks up the MacGuffin and the party all lean in to take a closer look.

"So, what do we do with it?"

"BigBad's not dead, guys. I think he glitched out."

"Glitched out?!"

"We're gotta reboot… Do all this again…."

"BRUH! THERE'S NO WAY"

NK is still fascinated by the MacGuffin and admires it within GG's grasp.

“It gleams as brightly as the silvery mountaintops of Pyongyang! And its plastic material reminds me of the landfills where local children played in my youth…”

"It's the ONLY way. You know when your game freezes? It's kind of like that."

"We lose all our progress?"

"No! That's why we have THIS!"

"You're losing me…"

"Look… We'll use the MacGuffin to start the game over, except you'll have all your abilities and skills that you gained up to this point. Just speedrun through everything you did to get to Mt. Final Boss, come back here and kick BigBad's butt! It's like a New Game Plus!!"

"Are you sure this is going to work?"

"No, but it's our only chance… You guys ready??"

The party all come closer and place a hand on the MacGuffin. It begins to glow and the light begins climbing up each of their arms.

"Something’s happening here, amigos…"

Hanari points out from inside his helmet.

"Ugh… Anyone else feel sick?"

“Not I! As a True-Korean, I am the epitomeeeee of physicaaaaaaaaal… heaaaaaaalth… ooooooooh, tummyaaaaaache…”

GG closes her eyes and focuses and in a blink the world goes blank.





Each party member goes back to the beginning of their journey.

Hanari comes-to in his office, still suited up in the Masterchief armor. He aims his BFG at a wall, blasts a hole, and jumps out into the world. He considers going back to buy up the rest of the town, but decides against it, the housing market here is too unstable, as evidenced by him collapsing the local economy in 24 hours. He uses his booster pack to take giant leaps on the ground and up the mountain to be the second to reach the peak.

Tango appears in the cave with his full suit of Tango-Rogue armor.

Tango notices the stranger from before, grabs him around the collar of his hood, and punches him! He runs out of the cave and as soon as he emerges, a killer-buzzsaw mosquito swarms around him… He grabs it out of mid-air and rips it in half. He somersaults along, ignoring the path, and mows through all enemies to the base of the mountain. He crosses the bridge and passes through the fog. He somersaults over to where the dragon would land and waits. As the beast goes to land, Tango loads an explosive bolt into his forearm equipped crossbow and fires!!! The explosion leaves behind nothing but dragon dust!. Tango kicks the dirt left by the beast and takes the easy path the rest of the way to the peak.



From stage left, the War Criminal enters.

Stage right? Marp walks.

“Marp.”

“Comrade Marp.” NK sighs nostalgically, as if their first encounter was a lifetime ago, not earlier today… “The circle is complete. When I left you, I was but the learner… Now, I am the master!”

“Marp.”

NK spins 180 degrees, crouches down, bending his knees.

“WIWIWIWIWIWIWIWIWITNESS MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

NK backwards-long-jumps, zooming through space-time! Bouncing off the top of Marp’s head, vaporizing the poor armless creature into jelly.

The bounce sends NK ascending above the flagpole, beyond the castle!

The toads wait at the level’s end, not noticing the True-Korean zooming above their heads.

“Do you think the Hero will arrive soon?”

“Patience! The level just started!”

Meanwhile, NK backwards-long-jumps straight up Cool, Cool Mountain…

Straight through the slush, up the staircase, onto the path to Mount Final Boss!

Game_Girl uses her rocket punch to blast a hole straight through the mountain and exposes General BigBad once again bathed in blue light, the MacGuffin… Nowhere to be seen.

“Finally… I will rule this worl-”

ALL FOUR HEROES LEAP INTO A…

FRAME-PERFECT-CUTSCENE-SKIPPING-SUPERTEAM-MEGAPUNCH…

And with that… The Day is Saved.

***

"Hell yeah. I bought the biggest gun, the best ammo, the toughest defenses, because I am smarter than your average hombre. I know how to get ahead in this world. Most importantly, I know how to survive. That is not something I can say about the other teams here. Nobody gives us any credit, because the XWF is filled with massive egos and a severe lack of creativity. Everyone’s in it for themselves! Now, normally, I would be in that same boat, but I know how important it is to be successful. How much winning an event like this means, and if I have to swallow my pride to get the job done, you’re damn right I will!

This WarGames will be historic because we will put out a performance like none other. After I make Mastermind squeal, I will systematically destroy everyone in my path! It shouldn't even be that hard, just ask Peter Vaughn. He may be the only one on this roster more full of himself than Thaddeus, but with much worse delivery. Like a disinterested Robot.

"You're bad for these reasons."

"Correct, I am bad for these reasons."

Almost as boring as your wrestling.

Stop telling us, big guy, and show us for once. Carry your team to the finish line, because lord knows you're their only hope (I mean, you basically said your team blows donkey cock), and smash that egg on all of our faces. Rub it in. Is the Supercontinental Belt made for overzealous blowhards? Thaddeus Duke, Corey Smith, now you? The pretentious jock, the ambiguous pretty boy, and ...the.....automechanic-turned-wrestler? Or was it janitor? Or maybe middle-aged father whose children can't stand him so he pursues a hobby between binge-drinking? I know one thing he’s NOT: War Games survivor. Is there a worse Vaughn than Peter?

“Angelica Vaughn. THE most-overrated XWF superstar EVER! She receives opportunities despite constantly underwhelming! She received a title shot against Captin Corey Smith! What would have been Corey Smith’s swansong! And Vaughn didn’t even LOSE! She OPTED to NOT SHOW UP! Something only Angelica Vaughn and Tommy Wish have done!!”

“…At least Tommy Wish had the decency to be humiliated when I mentioned his embarrassing cowardice, ambushing me post-match. Angelica Vaughn? Mark Flynn and I bombarded her with mockery for her gutlessness in the Leap of Faith match. And she was SILENT! To this day, she refuses to apologize.”

“And WHY did she no-show against Corey Smith? She is SELFISH. She couldn’t share spotlight with one more talented! Angelica Vaughn thought about a MODICUM of attention going to her opponent and thought ‘...I’ll skip this week.’”

“Did Jenny Myst think she chose a TEAM PLAYER? HAHAHAHA. Angelica Vaughn will watch her teammates be STAMPEDED. Will RELISH in their defeats. Every loss on her side, only gives her more spotlight. Ravenous for attention, she will realize too late how her obsession with being seen… Puts her in the crosshairs of adversaries deadlier than she could imagine.”

“Angelica Vaughn… Almost disappointing as Raion Kido, the most-disappointing number one draft pick in WarGames history.”

“Even more disappointing than Ned Kaye’s menagerie-of-mediocrity.”


Pictured Above: Better than Notorious Alliance

“Compare Raion Kido to 2021’s number one pick. With Thaddeus Duke staring in a mirror all competition-long, Comrade Dock effectively became the team captain. D’Ville carried the SHIT team Thaddeus Duke drafted onto his shoulders.”

“Now… Compare Raion Kido. More comfortable being team equipment manager than team leader. His contributions have been CLOTHS and FUCKING OFF.”



“Great collaboration, Comrade Kido. You’ve definitely meshed as a unit, considering you handed them cloths, then FUCKED-OFF.”



“Ahhhh! Fine, perhaps I’m harsh. After all, Raion Kido is only XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION.”

“Raion Kido, you worship your fictional comic about your wondrous team of Greek Zodiac Knights.”

NK sneers, disgusted.

“Ugh… GREEEEEEEKS.”

“BUT! When on a team? …You drop-off CLOTHS. You FAIL to COMMUNICATE your ONE CHARACTER TRAIT. They think their cloths are from Power Rangers! How well do they truly know you?”

“You FAILED to connect with your team, Comrade Kido. The lack-of-chemistry is PLAINLY evident.”

“Most disappointing?” NK stomps his foot, pointing down. “THIS! Is YOUR MOMENT. Will you have other successes? Likely. But you will NEVER be Universal champion for the first time ever again.”

“THIS is your chance. To establish your reign as CHAIRMAN UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!”

…NK lifts his fists, revved! …Then they drop, disappointed.

“Instead? You’ve faded into the middle-of-the-pack.”

“Somewhere between Elijah Martin and Angelica Vaughn.”

“Relying solely on your reputation as the ‘Alias-defeater’.”

“I’ll remind you, Comrade Kido! I am TRUE-Korean! A free-thinker! And I SEE that the emperor has no clothes.”

“You didn’t EARN your 24/7 briefcase. Mark Flynn defeated Bobby Bourbon’s helicopter, then YOU FLED from combat, STEALING your ill-gotten briefcase.”

“Similarly, you EARNED no victory against Comrade Alias. Like a vulture… you waited… Not to strike, but for vulnerability. You defeated no champion… you merely consumed a carcass.”

“You still have no major victory in singles competition. Your success in scrambles will not serve you here… Because WarGames is not one-fall-to-a-finish! IT IS A TEAM SPORT!”

“Laying in wait here, Comrade Kido?… You’ll find no opportunity.”

“You’ll only watch your teammates be SYSTEMATICALLY DISSECTED.”

“By Intercontinental-Champion, Game_Girl!”

“By APEX-defeater, Harani Carnes!”

“By TV-Champion, Captain Calypso!”

“By a man who went SIX YEARS never losing a singles match!”

“WE’ll finally prove to these hypnotized FOOLS… Comrade Kido is still a choke-artist… In matches where you must EARN your victory.”