LIVE!!!

FROM WINTRUST ARENA IN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS!

Unknown Soldier - vs - "La Reina" Daniela Raye-Weathers - vs - Jenny Myst - vs - Mini Morbid Lucky Leprechaun Match! All of the XWF minis will be in the ring, and everyone will be dressed as leprechauns. Mini Morbid can pin ANYone to win - but the other three can ONLY win by pinning Mini Morbid! Referee: Mr. Referee

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SARAH LACKLAN PLUMP PIGEON TOURNAMENT - S BLOCK CALVARY VITA VALENTEEN BIG MONEY GENERIC HEEL RUBY TOMMY WISH CALVARY N/A VITA VALENTEEN X N/A BIG MONEY N/A GENERIC HEEL X N/A RUBY N/A X TOMMY WISH N/A EACH SHOW WILL HAVE THREE MATCHES FROM EACH BLOCK UNTIL ALL PAIRINGS HAVE BEEN MADE. TALLIES WILL BE UPDATED IN THE GRID AS WE ADVANCE. FOR THIS SHOW: RUBY - vs - VITA VALENTEEN CALVARY - vs - GENERIC HEEL BIG MONEY OSWALD - vs - TOMMY WISH

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SARAH LACKLAN PLUMP PIGEON TOURNAMENT - L BLOCK LORD RAAB CENTURION JASON CASHE HGH BOOTS LICHTER DOLLY WATERS LORD RAAB N/A CENTURION X N/A JASON CASHE N/A X HGH N/A BOOTS LICHTER N/A X DOLLY WATERS N/A EACH SHOW WILL HAVE THREE MATCHES FROM EACH BLOCK UNTIL ALL PAIRINGS HAVE BEEN MADE. TALLIES WILL BE UPDATED IN THE GRID AS WE ADVANCE. FOR THIS SHOW: BOOTS LICHTER - vs - CENTURION HGH - vs - LORD RAAB JASON CASHE - vs - DOLLY WATERS

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FOR THE ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP Elijah Martin - vs - "Good Time" Stevie McKeown Green River Scaffold Match! A scaffold will span the Chicago River, dyed green for St. Patrick's Day - the winner will toss his opponent from the scaffold into the water! Referee: Ari Silverstein

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!


Pyro goes HAM all over the arena, making the whole place tremble in fear of a repeat from the Great Chicago Fire… but there’s no cow in the building to kick anything over, so no worries there!

Colored rocket trails streak through the rafters, safely, probably! Fire spouts pump the heat up inside Wintrust to like 90! SO MUCH PYRO YOU GUYS!!!

Cambot drones swarm the arena and find fans throughout the Chicago crowd holding signs up for their favorites!

SOMEONE SHIT SARAH LACKLAN UP


GENERIC HEEL OWES ME CHILD SUPPORT


MOLON MY LABIA
BOOTS LICHTER!
TREAD ON ME!


HEY STEVIE LET’S
HAVE A GOOD TIME!

Eventually the cameras find “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane and his broadcast partner Bama T. sitting at their ringside booth, both wearing WAY TOO MUCH GREEN! Like it’s almost painful to the eyes!


Vinnie Lane: “Hey everyone! It’s ANARCHY time, and boy have we…”

EYES

ON

ANARCHY!

Vinnie Lane: “Oh come ON!”



The lights in the Wintrust Arena turn down and a red spotlight shines down at the entrance ramp. In a blaze of flaming glitter, Sarah Lacklan walks onto the stage with a dress with sleeves so puffy as to seem pillows for a giant. She is dressed in her absolute best, with the tiara woven into her hair twinkling in the the lights, and the firedrop ruby lain across her forehead matching her eyes and makeup. She brings up a microphone to her lips and speak, but she pauses as a chant is heard from the crowd.

Crowd: WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!

That Billion $$$ Smile comes to her face as she goes to speak, but again she hesitates, this time with her hand wavering. The chant from the crowd devolves into a wall of wordless cheers, and we can see wetness come to Sarah’s eyes. She lowers the mic and looks left and right at the crowd, clearly taken aback. She shakes her entire body, as if to push away the moment, and brings the microphone up.

Sarah: I missed you too, Chicago.

The crowd roars louder this time, a far cry from the mixed reaction that usually greats the Firestarter.

Sarah: My name is Sarah Lacklan-

Crowd: *mimics trumpet fanfare fit for the Queen*

Sarah: -YOUR Anarchy Commissioner! And I’m out here FIRST THING so that we can talk about the BEST tournament in ALL of wrestling! Dearest Baby Birds, YOU have seen me win matches…championships…tournaments…RIGHT HERE in Chicago over and over again in my career across a variety of promotions, and now I bring the Plump Pigeon Tournament, the inaugural #Sar1ClimAXLY! to YOU!

Sarah rolls her eyes dramatically.

Sarah: Vinnie wanted Night Two of the Plump Pigeon to be in Wisconsin because of his uber crush on Aaron Rodgers-

A MIGHTY jeer from the crowd.

Sarah: -but I said NOPE! MY tournament means towns that are important to ME! Hell, Mackenzie and I still own a duplex…somewhere…here that we forgot all about! And tonight? The S Block will see ‘Short Stuff’ Oswald make his impromptu debut against Footman, Vita’s #HotBoi try to avoid getting covered in chicken grease while beating up the Generic Heel, and in a BIG TIME match, the Rubester taking on Double V. And then the L Block will see Boots get beat up by Ruby’s undead sex toy, the guy whose name sounds like you’re clearing your throat getting two ‘gimme’ points from that foul-mouthed janitor Vinnie likes to see puke on himself, and Mr. 4CW against my ward, my padawan, my Mini-Me.

She holds up her finger into the air.

Sarah: And in the Main Event! Elijah Martin defends the Anarchy Championship against the winner of last week’s Newbie Triple Threat, Stevie McKeown-

She points behind her.

Sarah: -right OUT THERE on a scaffold over the river. Do NOT ask me how much it cost to dye the water green. Hoooooo BOY you don’t want to know. But FIRST! We get to see Mini Morbid murder a bunch of peeps I don’t care about. Enjoy the show!

Sarah goes to leave but then looks into the camera.

Sarah: Generic Heel? My office. NOW. kthanxbye


Bama: “Man, she has got NO respect for you!”


Vinnie Lane: “Yeah. Whatever. Let’s get things started, okay?”

Unknown Soldier - vs - "La Reina" Daniela Raye-Weathers - vs - Jenny Myst - vs - Mini Morbid Lucky Leprechaun Match! All of the XWF minis will be in the ring, and everyone will be dressed as leprechauns. Mini Morbid can pin ANYone to win - but the other three can ONLY win by pinning Mini Morbid! Referee: Mr. Referee

Vinnie Lane: “What a fun way to start off Anarchy here tonight, Bama… a Lucky Leprechaun Fatal 4-Way!”


Bama: “Not so lucky for anyone except Mini Morbid, though!”





The lights dim and then go BLOOD RED as Mini Morbid emerges with his Minis Championship on his shoulder. He is dressed in head to toe exactly like a traditional leprechaun and does not seem thrilled about it, even though the little green hat looks cute on him.

Mini walks to the ring and berates Mr. Referee as he hands him his title belt, screaming at him to make sure nothing bad happens to it.


Vinnie Lane: “Mini Morbid has had that title uninterrupted since 2014, Bama! He’s the longest reigning XWF Champion of any kind of ALL time!”


Bama: “Yeah but wasn’t he the only one eligible?”


Vinnie Lane: “Don’t diminish his accomplishment, Bama!”





The chanting sounds of Jenny Myst’s music fill the arena and the crowd pops for her. After a moment of silence, she comes out from the back with a sinister look on her face when the song resumes.

Jenny walks with purpose, staring straight at the ring as she makes her way down and ignores the fans completely, her tight green ring gear getting a LOT of attention, along with the green bow tie choker around her throat.


Vinnie Lane: “You know, Jenny Myst has had a heck of an XWF career! Multiple titles and big main event matches, she’s one of the most recognized females in the history of the company!”


Bama: “Plus you just KNOW she’s a freak! PLEASE MAKE AN ONLYFANS JENNY!”


Vinnie Lane: “You need help, dude.”







The crowd gives a good response as “La Reina” Daniela Raye-Weathers makes her way to the ring.

She holds her arms over her head to show off her leprechaun getup, which is very similar to an Alice in Wonderland look only green. The long green and white striped stockings are covering some obviously strong legs as she runs to the ring to cheers.


Vinnie Lane: “I really like La Reina, Bama, I think after she gets herself settled and figures out a direction here on Anarchy she’ll be a huge asset to the brand!”


Bama: “She started strong but then had a little setback last time out… let’s see if she can right the ship!”







“Hail Satan" by Crucifyre blares over the XAnarchoTron system...

Unknown Soldier prays to SATAN! in the middle of the ring while a red pentagram traces him from above in the rafters. The red disco lights tracing the pentagram around Soldier continues to encircle him constantly in a counter clockwise motion. While standing in the center of this pentagram of glowing lights, he kneels and touches both his shoulders and forehead as a sign of the Unholy trinity. In the name of the Liar, the Sinner, and the great father and lord of all that is Evil! Soldier then gets up and strokes his penis exactly 666 times getting faster and faster as the lights around him speed up in pace as well. In his arms as he descends to the ring is a blow-up doll resembling Jenny Myst!

Soldier sets his rubber doll in his corner and laughs as Myst stares daggers through him.


Bama: “Vinnie, was he just… you know… with his hands?”


Vinnie Lane: “Best to just ignore it, dude, he isn’t gonna change, he just pays the fines and does it again next time.”


As the four competitors settle in their respective corners, the lights dim once more and then…





Minis General Manager Quentin Quinn struts out onto the stage with a mic in hand and looks toward the ring with a big smile.





Vinnie Lane: “I really like this guy, Bama, he brings some much needed attitude to the ranks of the Minis! I see big things in his future! I mean… wait you know I didn’t mean it like that…”


Bama: “Too late, baby, you’s definitely about to get canceled on the Twitters!”


The cambots focus on Quinn once more.


“Ladiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies and gentlemen! My name is Quentin Quinn, from Quebec City, Quebec. But YOU all may call me… Mister Q! Now, St. Patrick’s Day is NOT always the best time to be a Mini… but tonight on Anarchy, we are TAKING IT!”


Quinn holds an arm out towards the curtain as the Minis roster all march out from the back. Pebbles, Li’l Elvis, The Knight Terrors, Hubcap, The PowerTUFF Girlz, My Buddy & Kid Sister, Muscle Midget, El Búho, Tom Thump, and Shorty the Shocker all head down to the ring dressed in traditional leprechaun outfits.

They all pile into the ring and stand in the middle as all four competitors in the match watch them. Mini Morbid seems especially pleased to have them there.


Bama: “You gotta figure these Minis are gonna do what they can to help out one of their own!”


Vinnie Lane: “Not so fast, Bammer, half these guys don’t really even like each other… and pretty much NOBODY likes Mini Morbid. I think MM is just happy to have the rules stacked in his favor! He can win against any of the other three, but one of them would HAVE to pin him to pick up the W.”

Mr. Referee flails about in his puppet style and calls for the bell!

DING! DING! DING!!!

Right away, as Soldier, Myst, and La Reina all move toward the middle of the ring, Mini Morbid vanishes amongst the sea of other minis! One moment he is there, and the next he’s just another leprechaun hat in a crowd of a dozen.

Soldier swings his head back and forth looking for Mini to no avail, and he ends up catching a snap kick to the face from Jenny Myst that nearly knocks his little green hat off. Luckily he had the little elastic string under his chin.

La Reina drops Myst with a hurricanrana, staying on top of her chest seated and blasting her with fists until Mini Morbid jumps onto Daniela’s back and starts choking her out from behind! La Reina struggles to breathe but luckily is able to whip the little fella off of her back by flinging him forward by the wrists. He slams the mat hard on his back but rolls away quickly when La Reina tries to follow up with a stomp and a knee drop. She shrugs, unable to find him again, then tries to turn her attention back to Jenny Myst… MYST OPPORTUNITIES!

Jenny KO’s La Reina and slides on top of her, but Mr. Referee just looks and does nothing! Jenny has to pin Mini Morbid to win!


Vinnie Lane: “Wow what a turn of events here, Bama! Jenny landed her best shot against Daniela Raye-Weathers, but she can’t capitalize!”


Bama: “Crazy! How can you even see what’s going on with all them Keebler Elves scurrying all over the dang place in there?”


Jenny Myst throws up her hands in annoyance and stands up… THE DARK STAR!!! Unknown Soldier came out of nowhere and planted Myst with his patented shooting star DDT!

Soldier turns to look for Mini Morbid next, but he’s confronted by the Knight Terrors!





The Terrors surround Soldier and swarm him, overwhelming him by each jumping up and grabbing a different limb They drag him down to the mat and start beating on him with their baby-sized fists, and Mini Morbid finally pops out of the crowd of leprechauns!

Mini Morbid jumps onto La Reina with a pin, and Mr. Referee jumps into action!



1!












2!!












La Reina kicks out!


Mini Morbid shouts something racist AND sexist, then changes course and jumps onto Jenny Myst! Once again, the ref is in position!



1!
















2!!

















Myst get a shoulder up!



Vinnie Lane: “I think Mini’s plan came really close to working out here, Bammer, but he probably should have pinned Jenny first!”


Bama: “Well you know I don’t think dwarves can see in color, he might had got confused.”


Vinnie Lane: “Bama, no… that’s DOGS, dude… what…”


Mini Morbid ends up catching a boot to the chest from La Reina, and he goes soaring into a corner, bouncing off the buckles and falling out of the ring.

La Reina pulls Jenny Myst to her feet and looks for RA’S CALL, but Myst hangs onto the top rope and Daniela swings herself down to the mat. Myst smirks and nails La Reina with INSULT TO INJURY!

La Reina rolls out of the ring and Myst turns around just as Mini Morbid leaps onto her, grabbing her by the ears and squeezing her around the head like a face hugger from Alien! Myst stumbles around trying to get him free and finally does when she pries him off and tosses him straight down to the mat in a modified powerbomb… Mini actually BOUNCES!

Soldier finally shakes off the Knight Terrors and cameras notice that they were actually trying to tie him down to the mat like the Lilliputians did to Gulliver. He sends them flopping into a pile, knocking down several other Minis along the way… and this seems to give him an idea.


Vinnie Lane: “Hey, what’s Soldier doing? He’s pulling out a glove and a chalk pouch from his pocket?”


Bama: “I recognize that stuff anywhere! I knew I recognized his face! Unknown Soldier is in my bowling league!”


Soldier pulls a bowling shirt out of his trunks and slides it on over his arms. On the back the words “Wet Demons” is embroidered along with a picture of a Baphomet symbol knocking over pins.

Soldier sets up ten of the Minis and grabs Mini Morbid, then takes a few steps back and crouches down, concentrating.


Bama: “Vinnie… bowling balls got three holes… where you think Soldier’s sticvking his fingers right now?”


Vinnie Lane: “Oh god…”


Soldier licks his lips, probably way more than he needed to, and takes a big step forward while rolling ini Morbid across the ring! Mini goes straight but then banks off to the left… then curves back down around center and knocks nine of the ten minis over, leaving just Hubcap wobbling!


Bama: “So close!”


Hubcap falls down, and Soldier pumps his fist.


Bama: “STEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-rike!


Vinnie Lane: “But look out, Bama! Soldier went for a victory lap and got caught with a low blow from Jenny Myst!”


Myst has Soldier doubled over and moaning loudly, and she takes an extra second to go to his corner and grab the blow up doll made in her own likeness. She throws it to the mat and grabs Soldier by the head… GO TO HELL!!! Myst spikes Soldier’s head straight down in the DDT and pops the doll in the process!

La Reina runs toward Jenny but Myst ducks down and sends Daniela back out of the ring over the top rope with a HUGE backdrop! She lands on a few Minis, luckily, but the impact is still massive, leaving her motionless on the concrete floor.

On the top turnbuckle, Mini Morbid shows up! He yanks his tights down below his waist!


Vinnie Lane: “Why is he doing that…”


Bama: “LOOK AT HIS LITTLE BABY BUTT CHEEKS!”


Mini Morbid flies off the top and lands right on Soldier’s face with a seated senton! His bare behind is right on Unknown Soldier’s mouth!

Mr. Referee drops down for a count…



1!








Jenny Myst grabs Mini Morbid to pull him off, but when she lifts him, Soldier’s limp body comes up off the mat as well.


Vinnie Lane: “Oh geez, dude… I think Mini Morbid’s butt crack and Soldier’s mouth have made a weird vacuum seal! They’re stuck together!”


Bama: “Like a dang plunger on a tile floor! Pull harder Jenny! PULL!”


There’s a loud *POP*! as Mini Morbid’s butthole is finally pulled free from Unknown Soldier’s open mouth. Jenny Myst holds the little guy firmly to her chest in a bear hug as she runs up the ropes in the corner…


IDENTITY CRISIS!!!


Jenny Myst lands the rounded moonsault right onto the body of Mini Morbid, whom she still has held in her arms!

Myst stays on top of him as she screeches at Mr. Referee to count!



1!














2!!























3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Jenny Myst

Bama: “Jenny Myst did it! She’s got the luck of the Irish!”


Vinnie Lane: “I’m not sure what her background is, but she sure caught a leprechaun tonight! She must have found the pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow!”


Bama: “Irish or not, I’m gonna go pinch her!”


Vinnie Lane: “NO! Bama! Sit down.”

Big Money Oswald - vs - Tommy Wish Plump Pigeon Round 2!

The lights start flickering in the arena, and we see smoke blowing out from the stage, and we see Tommy coming out in a light jacket with the hoodie on his head. He then comes out, and he does some shadow boxing on the stage. Then he walks down to the ramp, and he looks at the fans and gives them all a fist bump as he's walking down. Then he slides into the ring, and stands in the middle of the ring poses to the crowd as his theme fades off.



Vinnie Lane: "Tommy Wish told me he is coming out here to get some revenge on Oswald!"


Bama: "Dang ol’ Oswald has gotten the better of Tommy and his boys before, but Tommy’s coming out now to show everyone that he’s flipping the script!"

His music hits, soon the ramp opens up and slowly Oswald begins to rise. His ornate cane planted in the platform, dressed to the nines like always. The crowd starting to chant "MAY-HEM! MAY-HEM! MAY-HEM! MAY-HEM! " Once he was equal to the stage, he flung open his arms to form a t, letting out a loud roar, before grinning as he steps forward, making his way as he slowly unbuttons his suit jacket, his tie, his dress shirt, and unbuttoning the Billion Dollar Championship belt, handing it, his clothes, and the cane, to one of his servants as it appears as he takes his stance to get ready to face off against his opponent.


Vinnie Lane: "I wonder how much Oswald is paying his servants? Their outfits look pretty nifty!"


Bama: "Paying? Vinnie, I don’t think you understand Oswald’s business model!"

DING! DING! DING!!!

The bell rings and we’re off to the races. Tommy Wish doesn’t waste a second before charging straight at Oswald. The big man is thrown off by Tommy’s immediate aggression and is quickly pushed back into the corner by Wish. Tommy starts throwing haymakers at Oswald’s head as he keeps the big man tucked away in the corner. Oswald tries to bring his hands up to defend his head, but when he does, Tommy Wish just starts punching him in the gut!


Vinnie Lane: "Wow dude, Tommy is off to a quick start tonight! He really does want to flip the script, and from the looks of it, he might just be able to!"


Bama: "Dang, baby, you ain't wrong!"

We see red early in this match as Tommy Wish breaks through Oswald’s block with a vicious uppercut that rips his lip and whips his head back! The crowd ‘ooohs’ and ‘aaahs’ as they hear the back of Oswald’s head hit the turnbuckle post following the uppercut!


Vinnie Lane: "Oswald is going to feel THAT tomorrow!"


Bama: "Oswald is probably going to feel that well into his 80s!"


Tommy Wish looks extremely satisfied with himself as Oswald brings his defenses down…but Oswald looks right bloody pissed! The big man places his hands on Tommy’s chest. We can see that the comparison in size here is daunting. Then, Oswald pushes Tommy Wish way the fuck back, giving himself space to clear out from the corner!

Tommy lands on his ass in the middle of the ring, but quickly rises to his feet and gets into a boxing position. Tommy is talking mad shit at Oswald as he floats like a butterfly and prepares to sting like a bee. Oswald, meanwhile, stares silent daggers at Tommy as he walks his way with confidence. As Oswald steps into Tommy’s range of motion he eats a big fat right hook to the face- but it doesn’t even faze him! Oswald just bites his shredded bottom lip at Tommy, spilling even more blood!


Vinnie Lane: "Uh oh, now Oswald is MAD!"


Bama: "This might get ugly, brother! Oswald’s a dangerous man when he’s PISSED!"

Tommy goes to throw another punch, but he’s a step too slow! Oswald wraps his long arms around Tommy’s small body before lifting him off the ground in a bearhug! Oswald squeezes tight as Tommy Wish’s chest is compressed! The referee checks on Tommy repeatedly, but Tommy is refusing to give in!

Oswald continues to hold the bearhug until it is clear that Tommy Wish won’t submit to it- then, Oswald just chucks Tommy across the ring! Tommy rushes to get up to his feet after being thrown, but just as Tommy stands back up he is met with Oswald’s big running boot to the face! Tommy Wishes bounces off the ropes, then right back into Oswald’s possession who lifts him up into the air for another bearhug!

But this time, instead of holding onto the bearhug, Oswald quickly turns around and slams Tommy Wish’s back to the mat! Wish screams out in pain as the big man lands on top of him! Oswald hooks the leg and the referee goes to count!


1!





















2!!















KICKOUT!


Vinnie Lane: "That was close!"


Bama: "The Wish Factory ain’t going down that easy!"


Oswald slams the mat in frustration after Tommy kicks out. Oswald picks Tommy up before flinging the smaller man roughly against the ropes. Tommy bounces off the ropes and comes sprinting back to an expecting Oswald. Oswald tries to catch him- but instead Tommy hits him with a flying lariat that takes the big man off of his feet! Tommy Wish kips back up to his feet as Oswald slowly tries to roll over to his hands and knees. Tommy Wish sees his advantage, and heads for the ropes again! This time Tommy bounces off the ropes before delivering a running dropkick to Oswald’s head just as the big man was beginning his ascent! Both men are back on the ground once more, and once more Tommy Wish kips back up to his feet! The crowd is going wild!


Vinnie Lane: "Tommy has turned the momentum back to his side! He’s on fire!"


Bama: "Tommy’s quick thinking served him well, now he’s got the advantage!"

Tommy Wish walks over to Oswald and starts kicking his downed opponent. After a half-dozen or so kicks to the back Oswald has no choice but to roll out of the ring for his own safety. As Oswald rolls out beneath the bottom rope he immediately brings a hand up to the side of his head where Tommy Wish dropkicked him. As Oswald removes his hand he can see it is sticky with blood.


Vinnie Lane: "Ewwww."


Bama: "Does his skull have a boothole in it?"


Tommy Wish is inside the ring, watching Oswald as the big man stumbles around the outskirts of the ring. The referee is about to begin issuing the count but Tommy stops them and says to hold on- because he’s about to go join Oswald! Tommy Wish bounces off the ropes before charing across the ring and flipping over the top rope with a SUICIDE DIVE!


Vinnie Lane: "Oh heck yeah, that’s so rad, Tommy!"


Bama: "No, Tommy, no! I’ve watched enough wrestling to know this might not go according to plan!"


Vinnie Lane: "Tommy’s a total pro, it will be fine, dude!"




TOMMY WISH SOARS THROUGH THE AIR…..



UNTIL OSWALD CATCHES TOMMY WISH ON HIS SHOULDERS!


But Wish doesn’t stay on Oswald’s shoulders for long…because Oswald uses his strength to literally throw Wish much higher into the air! Tommy Wish is spun around in the air and is now coming back down headfirst! Oswald catches Wish on the way down and slams him with a DDT!

Bama: "THE DELETION! THIS COULD BE THE END OF THE ROAD FOR TOMMY!"


Vinnie Lane: "I uhh…I might’ve been wrong about the suicide dive…”


Both Oswald and Tommy collapse outside the ring after the crazy turn of events. Tommy Wish clearly took the worst of the fall, but the bleeding Oswald isn’t in great shape either! The referee begins the count!


1!



2!




3!



4!

Oswald begins to stir….


5!


6!

Oswald raises himself to his feet with the help of the ringside apron.

7!

Oswald picks Tommy Wish up.

8!

Oswald throws the seemingly unconscious Tommy Wish beneath the bottom rope.


Bama: "What is Oswald doing?! He might lose this match now! He could’ve just won by countout!"


Vinnie Lane: "Oswald wants to prove to EVERYONE in this tournament that he’s the best, and that doesn’t happen through count out!"


9!


Oswald slides into the ring just in time to avoid a count-out. Oswald places his hand over the chest of Tommy Wish. The referee quickly shifts from counting the men out to counting the pinfall.

Bama: "Tommy has had a lot of time to recover from THE DELETION, he might be able to kick out here!"


Vinnie Lane: "I wouldn’t count on it, dude! I’m pretty sure he landed on his neck!"



1!










2!!






















3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Big Money Oswald

Vinnie Lane: "He could have counted to 100, Bama! I think Tommy Wish is knocked out cold!"

Sarah: ”Come back here!”

With monstrous amounts of petticoats whirling, the Anarchy Commission stalks the halls of the Wintrust Arena, her heeled boots clacking and sending random XWF staffers running. Off in the distance, the gelatinous cube that was the Generic Heel lumbers away, rolling with the surprising swiftness of Linaker’s Blob. Around a corner he oozes, the “SCHLUP!” sound going down the halls as his flabby flesh slides against the walls and making any in hearing nearly lose their lunch. Sarah flips around the corner and-

Nothing.

Staffers move to-and-fro with clipboards and earpieces. Caterers move by with trays. A variety of XWF wrestlers go about their business, either warming up or down for and from matches. But no sign of the Generic Heel.

Sarah: ”You can’t hide forever, old man! It’s been over four goddamn years!”

The Commish stomps her heeled boot in frustration, spins in place to send her petticoats whirling like a tornado, and sees Vita Valenteen trying to sneak away.

Sarah: ”V-Dub!”

Vita freezes in hope that, like a Tyrannosaurus Rex, Sarah needs movement to focus. Unfortunately for her, that was NOT the dinosaur she dressed up as at that first Halloween-themed Anarchy.

Vita: ”Clever girl.”

Her eyes go wide as she is grabbed by the shoulders, spun around, and then crushed in a bearhug. Once again, her instincts tell her to push away the washed-out, red-eyed rival, or at least maybe sink her fangs into her pale neck, but the hug is over before she’s done battling with her instincts.

Sarah: ”SO good to see you again! Great job getting your first win in MY tournament last week. #Sar1ClassAXLY!”

Vita: ”...can’t believe you actually said the word ‘hashtag’ in person…”

Sarah: ”What was that?”

Vita: ”Nothing!”

Sarah gives her an odd look, the beady red eyes behind the thick glasses narrowing in suspicion, but then she whips her head around.

Sarah: ”Hey, Shorty! Come back here!”

Vita follows Sarah’s head to see Big Money Oswald…literally the opposite of “shorty”...walking by. Sarah turns back to Vita and flashes her Billion $$$ Smile.

Sarah: ”Come by my office after your match with Ruby tonight, yeah? Those dresses we ordered from Hot Topic came in today! I’ll help you try on some tonight!”

Vita, pale vampire she might be, visibly blanched at the thought.

Vita: ”I…um…er…go this thing…and-”

Sarah: ”Make sure you take a shower after your match, yeah?”

Vita is spun around quickly and-

SMACK!

She yelps as Sarah’s hand…again…smacks her full flush on the ass.

Sarah: ”Have a great match out there!”

Vita…with a slight limp from the smarting pain…runs to safety as Sarah goes over her next prey.

Sarah: ”I SAID!”

CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK

Sarah’s heeled boots clack after Oswald, more and more of the random XWF staffers splitting in her wake like the Sea of Reeds before Moses, until she catches up to him. She reaches toward his arm and-

It passes right through his body.

Sarah: ”...fuck…it’s your stupid hologram…”

Sarah grumbles as she scampers in front of the hologram Oswald.

Sarah: ”Now, you listen to me, Shorty!”

Somewhere deep within the Wintrist Arena, Oswald is curious and entertained enough to stop his hologram in front of the pint-sized Commissioner. He breathes in and out in a deep sigh as she wags, actually wags, her finger at him.

Sarah: ”Come down here so I can talk to you!”

He does no such thing. Sarah growls in frustration and looks around. Her eyes brighten at the sight of the skinniest, underdeveloped, and one-dimensional wrestlers this side of BGTL:

Da Bing Bong Twinzz.

Sarah: ”Hey! You two wastes of space! Come help me climb up to Shorty’s height here so that I can look him in the eye.”

The brothers(?) look at each other and laugh.

One of them: “Yo yo! No way, Red!”

The other one: “No shizzle! We don’t even work on this brand, yo!”

Sarah lets out a long, long, LONG sigh, reaches into some hidden pocket within the mountain of petticoats, and busts out her phone. A few flicks of her over-manicured fingers and she brings up a picture of a buxom brunette with a wide smile.

Sarah: “Shit up, help me out, and I’ll give you my assistant’s current phone number.”

The first one: “DP Ashley from Jacksonville?!”

The one that wasn’t him: “Double Team coming in, yo!”

Sarah looks confused.

Sarah: ”...how do you two weirdos know Ash-HEY!”

She’s cut off as they rush forward and grant her request: MC C-Munqqquee drops to all fours while Lil' Ca$h-App sits atop him. From there, he grabs Sarah and pulls her up and, before she knows it, she’s climbed their bodies like a ladder and stands eye-to-eye with Oswald.

Sarah: ”Now then. I-”

From below: ”We’re gettin’ laid, bro!”

From lower: ”Shut up, dude! See if you can see up Red’s skirt. Maybe….dude! Not coolio!”

The hopes of seeing up through the forest of petticoats to gaze upon the impeccably maintained property of Kenzi Grey is dashed as Sarah grinds her heeled boots into Ca$h’s shoulders.

Sarah: ”AS I WAS SAYING. Listen, Shorty, I normally don’t put up with people succeeding by jumping someone from behind. Sers legit, I have gone on and ON about how shitty it is when someone gets a title match or something simply because they attacked someone outside of a match, or something. LAAAAAAZY booking, you might say. But you? And your attack on Barney and GH last week?”

She smiles at the hologram.

Sarah: ”Well played, Sir. I wanted you in MY tournament in the first place! Got get ‘em, Short Stuff!”

She goes to clasp him on the shoulder but, again, hologram. She sighs as Oswald instructs his proxy to keep going again, silent on the entire matter for now. As he leaves, she looks down and sees the pained faces of Da Bing Bong Twinzz, and sighs even harder.

Calvary - vs - Generic Heel Plump Pigeon Round 2!

Michael Buffer: “Are you ready?”


Vinnie Lane: "Dang it, Sar!"


Michael Buffer: “I said…are you reeeeeady?”


Vinnie Lane: "C’mon, man. We’ve known each other for years now. You know I can’t afford this guy.!"


Michael Buffer: “Then…to the thousands in attendance at the Wintrist Arena….


Vinnie Lane: "I can’t even afford this catchphrase!"


Michael Buffer: …and the millions watching at home…”


Vinnie Lane: "I was finally picking a date, Sar! Now I have to cancel on the venue so I can pay for this."


Michael Buffer: “lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllET’S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!”

Vinnie Lane: "...what am I going to tell Roxy, man?"


Michael Buffer: “The following match is between two competitors in the S Block of the Plump Pigeon Tournament. Introducing first…”

The lights go down, taking the entire arena into pitch darkness. And softly, barely heard, is a low sound. Beautiful. Haunting. And in the center of the ring, a low spotlight coming down from up top.

Vinnie Lane: "They can be a great people, Kal Vari. They wish to be!"


The spotlight grows in warmth as the music builds, the light spreading throughout the ring, illuminating the darkness. And in the center of the ring, a man sitting upon one knee, his fists to the mat, his head down.


Vinnie Lane: "They only lack the light to show the way."


The light spills out of the ring, growing as the trumpets and horns meld together, spreading to all of the fans in the arena as the strings join in with the low brass, building, ever building.


Vinnie Lane: "For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you..."


Near the peak of it's gentle yet firm crescendo, the music fills the souls of the audience as much as the light, giving them hope, giving them strength. And under their feet, they can feel a rumbling, a growing shake. They see the source in the ring, a trembling from the man in the center with his head bowed. They can see the energy building in his body, can see his knuckles strafing the mat.


Vinnie Lane: "...my only son."


With a burst of light and energy, The Calvary pushes himself off the mat and into the air, his body taking flight. His cape flies away from his body, no longer hiding the red and blue attire, no longer obscuring the corded muscles underneath. With eyes glowing bright, with a chin so sharp as to cut the very air, Calvary soars through the arena, turning those hopes of the crowd to a palpable strength.

Bama: "Dang, baby!"


Vinnie Lane: "Yeah. Makes you wonder what J$ had planned if Barney had bothered to cut a promo for the match."


Bama: "What?"


Vinnie Lane: "Um…I mean…Whoa, dude! Tubular!”


Planet Krypton comes to it's powerful and sad end as Calvary floats downward, back to Earth and the reality of his purpose in life.


Michael Buffer: “And introducing second…”

“baaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

Two rows of scantically clad women line the sides of the aisle, each more slutty than the last, raising their arms as they sing in unison.

“baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

The unison splits into a two-part harmony.

“baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

The crowd begins to join them.

“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Out from the curtain walks the Generic Heel, clad in a generic blue robe, with two more smokin’ hawt skanks on his arms.

Michael Buffer: “...hailing from Parts Unknown…”

The Great GH saunters down the aisle, taking a moment to give winks underneath his mask at his choir of skanks as he passes, causing them to moan and groan within their song.

Michael Buffer: “...and weighing in at a trim, fit, lean two hundred and forty pounds…”

GH the Great stops for a moment so that he can swivel his hips. The skanks on his arms hold their free hands to their mouths and giggle while looking at one another.

Michael Buffer: “...with a career spanning over 27 years…with nearly 50 recognized World Championships…and a staggering record of uncountable victories and ZERO losses…”

As he and his entourage approach the ring, several members of the choir…while still singing…rush forward to create a set of steps with their bodies.

Michael Buffer: “...and now with a wrestling training school which is churning out future legends, people who owe everything to this great man, who recognize that they have learned all of their knowledge and sharpened their skills from his forge, small-time-but-future-hall-of-famers like Johnny Bonecrusher…”

He has to pause halfway up the human stairs to catch his breath, but GH eventually makes it into the ring.

Michael Buffer: “...he is the Master of the Piledriver…the inventor of the Body Slam…he is….THE GENERIIIIIIIIIIC-”

GH sticks his rear backwards.

Michael Buffer: “-HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL!”

GH thrusts his crotch forward as fireworks go off, ticker tape explodes front the turnbuckle, and the crowd chants as one:

Crowd: YOU ARE OUR GOD *clap clap clap-clap-clap*

Crowd: YOU ARE OUR GOD *clap clap clap-clap-clap*

Crowd: YOU ARE OUR GOD *clap clap clap-clap-clap*

Crowd: YOU ARE OUR GOD *clap clap clap-clap-clap*

DING! DING! DING!!!

Vinnie Lane: "Alright, alright. Let's cut to-"



SUPERMAN PUNCH!!!!



Vinnie Lane: "WOAH!"

Bama: "Has the match even started, man?!"


Vinnie Lane: "I heard the bell ring, dude!!"


Bama: "Now way! Are you craxy?!"

Unfortunately for the Generic Heel, not only had the match indeed started already, but the force of Calvary's punch was so strong that even Kirk Alyn felt it. As the Great GH was spending a little too much time feeling up today's random nameless/faceless valet, the #CapedHotBoi had flown against the ropes, come back with the speed of Lois-saving-time-travel, assumed a particular position, and launched his fist forward. The side of the turning GH's face had as much of a chance of survival as Vera Webster from becoming Borgified in that terrible, God-awful scene and, with the power of Rao in his deity form, the masked champion of the world is sent flying into the ropes.

And through them.


Vinnie Lane: "Ah, man!"


Bama: "That's a dead ring, baby!"

Indeed, Bama is correct. Between the force of Calvary's punch and the mass of GH's girth, the ring ropes bend past their breaking point, snapping and sending them flying like the robot-version of Braniac's Cthulhu-inspired face tentacles (take a shot in memory of Mil, boys), and ripping the turnbuckles from their corners. The crashing of GH onto the floor below is as thunderous as Siegel and Shuster's Electric Earthquake and nearly causes a hole to form in the ground. The wailing and crying of the many, MANY GH fans in the audience nearly drowns out the inevitable count of the referee.

1!

This can't be happening.

2!

This must be a mistake!

3!

The Generic Heel has NEVER lost a match!

4!

Oh! Oh! He's beginning to stir!

5!

He's...well...not exactly moving. Does oozing count as moving?

6!

The whores are trying to help him! YES, whores! Help the Generic Heel!

7!

DAMNIT, CALVARY! THINK OF THE ORPHANS!

8!

THE ORPHANS CAN'T SURVIVE ANOTHER HARSH WINTER IF GH'S LEGEND GOES DOWN!

9!

......why do you hate orphans, Cal? Why?

10!


DING!



DING!




DING!

Winner by Count Out - The Calvary

Vinnie Lane: "I can't believe it! The Generic Heel has LOST his very first match EVER!"


Bama: "This is crazy, daddio! Just listen to those poor children, mack!"

Indeed, all of the children in the crowd are crying. Wailing. Gnashing teeth. There are already "Why, Calvary? WHY?!" signs popping up. For his credit, Cal stands resolute and strong, knowing fully well the he has done the right thing. He lifts into the air gently and floats back towards the bowels of the arena, happy to have secured his first two points in the Plump Pigeon Tournament and defeated evil. After all-


Vinnie Lane: "Hold up, dudes and dudettes. One of the Commissioner's pigeons just dropped off a letter. It's super duper small...have to use some tweezers to open it up..."


Bama: "What's it say, Vinnie-Baby?!"


Vinnie Lane: "It says...whoa, that's a lot of tiny legalese...looks like Dani has been busy..."


Bama: "Jewish lawyers who think they're Chinese are hot, rockstar!"


Vinnie Lane: "Okay...I think I got to the point, and...WHOA, DUDE! Quick, get to this Buffer!"


One of the interns...probably that loser Todd...runs up, snatches the tiny piece of paper, and scampers towards Michael Buffer. After a few seconds of reading, he addresses the audience once more.

Michael Buffer: “Ladies and Gentlemen...it has come to my attention that, due to a powerful and, dare I say it, magnificent round of contract negotiations, it is apparent that, according to said contract, any and all Count-Out losses will NOT count against the record of the Generic Heel."

The crowd gasps in unison.

Michael Buffer: “Therefore, it is my pleasure to declare-"

He points towards the still unmoving semi-human blob of flesh surrounded by broken ropes and one-dimensional representations of sex workers.

Michael Buffer: “-Generic Heel.....STILL UNDEFEATED!"

The crowd begins to weep in joy.

Vinnie Lane: "Dude...let's...let's just cut to commercial...or the back...or whatever...so that I can get my ring fixed....

Ruby - vs - Vita Valenteen Plump Pigeon Round 2!

The lights dim, and ‘Ruby’ by the Kaiser Chiefs erupts throughout the arena, causing the fans to cheer uncontrollably as the "Banana Lime Blur" steps out onto the stage! Ruby heads down the ramp and positively interacts with some of her younger fans sitting in the front row before stepping into the ring!


Vinnie Lane: "The three time, three time, THREE TIME Anarchy Champ is here, folks! And she looks ready to rumble against her former friend and tag team partner tonight!"


Bama: "I know these girls will leave it all in the ring right here in Chi-Town, baby!"





As the opening riff of "Bloody Tear" tore through the arena the crowd jumped to their feet! Vita makes her way down to the ring, slapping hands with her fans along the way. Vita then slides into the ring and postures for the crowd as her music dies down.


Vinnie Lane: "And here's the Vampire, Vita Valenteen! A former Anarchy Champion as well as many other XWF accolades like tag team and X-Treme gold!"


Bama: "Plus if there's anyone in the locker room that knows Ruby, it's this girl Vita Valenteen! There's a ton of mutual admiration and respect in that ring right now, baby!"

DING! DING! DING!!!

As the bell rings, Vita and Ruby step out to the center of the ring where they shake hands before they begin to circle each other. The two women lock up. Ruby transitions to a rear waist lock. Vita doesn’t think twice about popping a back elbow to Ruby’s temple! It breaks her grip and Vita hits the ropes and comes in off of the rebound only to eat a surprise Hurricanrana from Ruby! Vita flies through the center and bottom ropes and tumbles to the outside! Ruby once again hits the ropes and leaps to the outside with a Topé suicida! She crashes into Vita and sends her crashing back to the floor! Ruby jumps to her feet and acknowledges the fans going crazy in the front row before leading Vita to her feet and rolling her back into the ring and then following in herself. Ruby being a good sport, allows Vita to get back to her feet and asks if she’s good before they lock up again. Vita whips Ruby in and holds her up in a headlock! Ruby fidgets in Vita’s grip, searching for a way out as Vita wrenches in on the hold. Ruby digs her shoulder into the small of Vita’s back and runs her into the corner! Vita releases her grip and leans into the corner. Ruby hops up on the second rope and Monkey flips Vita into the center of the ring. With frustration starting to show, Vita slaps the mat and jumps to her feet. She and Ruby quickly meet in the center where Vita fires off a wicked roundhouse looking to take off Ruby’s head, but fortunately for her, Ruby ducks it! Vita spins around to face Ruby off-balance after the missed kick and is sent to the mat once more as Ruby shoots off a picture-perfect Dropsault!


Ruby rushes back to her feet and stands up near the ropes. As Vita Valenteen begins to get up from the mat, Ruby runs towards her. As Ruby attempts a clothesline, Vita ducks under the clothesline attempt. When Ruby turns back around, she is quickly flattened with a Superkick!


As Ruby lays with her back on the mat, Vita quickly kips up and as Ruby slowly begins to get up from the mat, Vita swiftly kicks Ruby in the side. The kick sends Ruby back down to the mat. Vita looks to lock in the Rings of Vita, but Ruby fights her every step of the way, eventually elbowing Vita in the face causing her to let go. Ruby quickly springs up and catches Vita with a Ruby Cutter from outta nowhere! Ruby quickly attempts to capitalize with a cover.







1!













2!!






















2.999999999999999999999-KICKOUT!!!


Vita kicks out of the pinfall, but it took everything she had to do so! Ruby is quickly back up to her feet. She climbs to top rope!


Vinnie Lane: “I think Ruby is looking to end this with “Ruby In The Rough!”


But Ruby hesitates as she looks down at Vita nearly out on the mat!


Bama T: “Looks to me like she don’t have that killer instinct to get the job done, baby!”


Ruby leaps off of the top rope, but Vita rolls out of the way! Ruby lands on her feet and Vita rolls her up from behind!








1!









KICKOUT!



Ruby stands up from the mat, looking on as she awaits Vita’s ascension to her feet. Vita makes her way back up to her vertical base, Ruby backs up once again. She runs back towards her opponent, but whatever she had planned seems to go awry when Vita fires off a spinning double axe handle, but Ruby ducks it and pops off a Pele kick, BUT Vita had it scouted and sidesteps it at the last second! Ruby is down on the mat, Vita quickly kicks her rips with a sharp toe kick before she reaches down and aggressively pulls Ruby up from the mat by the hair. Vita then quickly places her arms around Ruby’s neck and swings out taking her down with a swinging neck breaker! Not letting up on her offense, Vita places her legs around Ruby’s neck with a figure-four neck lock.


As Ruby winces in pain, Vita wrenches on the hold that she has executed on her opponent. As the fans have become firmly behind Ruby, she begins to attempt to rally out of the hold. As Ruby begins to pull her opponents legs away from her neck. As the fans continue to cheer, Vita begins to beat Ruby’s chest in an attempt to stop her from breaking the hold. Suddenly, Ruby is able to shift her momentum to break the hold!


Vita quickly stands up from the mat, quickly coming up behind her. Vita then lands a knee to the gut of Ruby to take her into a bent position. Valenteen then steps behind her opponent. Wrapping her right arm over her opponent, she sets Ruby up from a forward Russian leg sweep. Suddenly, Ruby spins out of the position. She wraps her arms around the waist of Vita and picks her up and slams her down with a bridging German suplex! Chaz Bobo is quickly down on the mat and begins the count!











1!




























2!!


Vita rolls out of the pinning predicament, and Ruby seemingly cannot believe it. Ruby then gets up from the mat, and awaits Vita. When Vita gets up from the mat, Ruby rushes towards her opponent once again. Vita is prepared as she takes Ruby down with a vicious Superkick! Ruby lays on the mat with her arms sprawled out. Vita then pulls her up from the mat and pulls Ruby into a bent position. Then, Vita calls her shot before leveling Ruby with the Canadian Destroyer! As Ruby is on the mat, Vita quickly covers her. Chaz slides down to the mat to make the count!













1!
































But Chaz notices Ruby’s foot under the ropes!



ROPE BREAK!


Frustration is beginning to show as Vita argues with Chaz over the rope break. Vita turns back to Ruby, looking for the Rings of Vita! Vita hooks Ruby's arm and goes for the face lock, but before she can clench it in, Ruby slips her free arm in preventing the hold!


Vinnie Lane: "It's no wonder that Ruby has the Rings of Vita scouted so well, Vita has won two of her last three matches with the submission!"


Vita breaks the hold and hammers down some heavy forearms to break Ruby's spirit! With Ruby now more compliant, Vita peels her up from the mat and delivers a quick knee to the midsection before whipping her into the corner! Vita backs into the opposing corner and runs towards Ruby before leaping into the air with pointed double knees! Ruby rolls out of the way and Vita bounces off of the turnbuckle and to the mat! Vita scrambles to her feet as Ruby springboards off of the ropes and connects with a dropkick! Vita hits the mat and is slow to get up. Ruby hits the ropes and flies in catching Vita with a crossbody and following it into a quick cover!










1!




















2!!

















Vita kicks out with authority!


Vinnie Lane: "What a HECK of a match! Neither of these women are holding anything back!"


Vita slaps the mat, seemingly upset with herself. Vita catches Ruby with a knee to the midsection and follows it up with a series of knife-edged chops before topping the combination off with a facebuster! Vita rolls Ruby over and makes the cover!











1!




























2!!


























KICKOUT!


Vita rolls right off of her and under the bottom rope.


Bama: "Oh baby, I think Vee-Vee is planning on taking Ruby to dinner and the only thing on the menu is DeFeat!"


Vita begins to stomp the apron and coach Ruby back to her feet. Ruby slowly comes to life as both Vita and the fans cheer her on. Ruby is up to a knee and pretty out of it. Vita grabs the ropes tightly, preparing to springboard to victory as soon as Ruby stands, but Ruby bursts to life and dashes for the ropes before Vita can process what's happening, Ruby spears her through the ropes sending Vita crashing to the outside. Ruby remains in the ring, getting pumped as she watches Vita climb to her feet, Ruby shoots off for the ropes and front flips over the top rope and right onto Vita who instinctively reaches out to catch her falling friend!


Vinnie Lane: "Tope Con Hero!"


Vita and Ruby are both slow to get to their feet. Ruby is up first and helps guide Vita into the ring, but stops her at the apron and fires off a series of knife-edged chops that she caps with an Enzuigiri! Vita rolls Ruby into the ring by the officials 6 count, and she hops up on the apron, again calling for Ruby to get to her feet and when she does Vita leaps off of the top rope with an explosive dropkick right to Ruby's sternum!


Vinnie Lane: "Vita connected with Eat Defeat! This could be it!"


Instead of immediately going for the cover, Vita springs to her feet and postures to the fans.


Bama: "What is she doing? This ain't the time to celebrate! Save that for after you get that W, baby!"


Vita focus's her attention back on Ruby, but she doesn't go for the cover, instead, she grabs Ruby's arm and locks in the cross face! Vita struggles to finish rolling to her back as Ruby begins to fight against her. Vita does manage to make it to her back and lock the move in fully, but Rubby kicks her feet and jerks wildly until her feet find the ropes and Chaz calls for the break. Vita breaks on 3!


Vinnie Lane: "The is quickly becoming a heated contest between these two friends!"


Bama: "Competition tends to breed that, baby! Both of these girls know they need to pull all the stops if they want to earn those points tonight!"


Vita grabs Ruby and pulls her from the mat, but Ruby fires off a back elbow to the ribs and hits a standing Hurricanrana! Ruby hits the ropes and fires in with a double leg drop and then ascends to the top rope where she leaps off with a beautiful moonsault, but she doesn't go for the pin, instead Ruby heads to the top rope a second time and quickly postures to the fans, calling her shot.


Vinnie Lane: "Ruby is telling these people that they're about to see Ruby in the Rough!"


Bama T: "I don't know if Vita can survive this, baby! We could be seeing the end of this contest!"


Ruby lunges forward...



LEAPING CODEBREAKER FROM VITA VALENTEEN!!!



Bama: "Ruby didn't see that one coming!"




With Ruby knocked silly, Vita has time to catch her breath and waits for the Super Dear'O to get up to her feet as the Vamp heads out to the apron, then...



EAT DEFEAT!!!



Vita plants Ruby with both feet right to the mush, and then she quickly grabs both banana lime legs and folds Ruby in half with a pin!




1!





















2!!





























3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Vita Valenteen

Vinnie Lane: "What an incredible contest! This is exactly what you expect out of two former Anarchy Champions... they brought down the house!"


Bama: "I hope they get to go one on one again real soon, Vin-Man, it is always a winner!"

Centurion - vs - Boots Lichter Plump Pigeon Round 2!

Vinnie Lane: “Bodacious! We’ve wrapped up our S block matches for the Plump Pigeon tourney! And now we fade into L block!”


Bama: “You ain’t kiddin’, Vin! And we’re opening things up with two front-runners in the block aforementioned! Two men that snagged the win their first week!”


Vinnie Lane: "And it looks like Boots Lichter has some dedicayed fans right here in the front row!"

First out of the curtain is O-Bay T-Law… Still looking put-out and irritated!


Vinnie Lane: ”Despite the Moral Army of Godly Americans snagging a big win last Anarchy, O-Bay still looking like the mayor of Grump City out here.”


Bama: ”Vin, Vin, Vin. O-Bay feels like he should be the startin’ quarterback and he’s got some fair reasons to do so. But a good Coach like Father Jefferson Chaney never takes a player off the field when they’re on a roll. And thus far, while incredibly likely, Boots Lichter is UNDEFEATED in singles competition on Anarchy! And you never leave the betting table when you’re on a hot streak!”

After a lot of pushing and struggling to get the curtain open from the inside, O-Bay exasperatedly yanks it to the side. Boots looks perplexed, then waves at the audience.

”THE FOLLOWING CONTEST IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL! COMING TO THE RING FIRST! ACCOMPANIED TO THE RING BY O-BAY T-LAW! AT SIX FEET! WEIGHING IN AT 189 POUNDS! BOOTS LICHTER!”

Boots strolls down the ramp, flanked by O-Bay.


Vinnie Lane: ”Bartman Lichter may be old! And he may be a little scrawny! And he might just be rockin’ some early onset dementia!”

…

Bama: ”...Vin?”


Vinnie Lane: ”Daaaaaaang, I straight-up spaced out for a second. Forgot where I was going with that thought. My bad, dude.”


Bama: ”Sho’ nuff, Boots Lichter came into this Plump Pigeon as an underdog! But currently, after a stunning upset victory over Dolly Waters, he’s secured himself into a potential front-runner position! And if he can pull-off the impossible in back-to-back weeks? He’ll be in great shape to cruise to the finals…”

Boots finally jogs up the steps, already looking a little winded, before stepping through the ropes and making it to the ring.

”AND HIS OPPONENT! AT 5 FOOT NINE! WEIGHING ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY POUNDS! CENTURION!”

The crowd pops in a huge way!


Vinnie Lane: ”A sight for sore eyes, Bama! Finally, after a few months gone recovering from that ACL tear, Dolly Waters is back on Anarchy!”


Out from the back to the roar of the crowd steps Centurion. He stands for a second at the top of the ramp way and looks around at the crowd before slowly making his way to the ring.

Bama: ”Ol’ Centurion! XWF Legend! Two time Anarchy champion! And fan-favorite to win the ol’ L Block!”


Vinnie Lane: ”Correctamundo, Bama! Centurion took a big win over Lord Raab in his first match and is looking to ride that momentum over Boots Lichter himself”


Bama: ”Centurion is definitely the favorite here, Vin. But, remember Cent’s been at this game for a while! His joints creak, it’s a little harder to get off the mat than it used to be! And Boots Lichter took advantage after a very game Dolly Waters came to the ring less than 100% this past Anarchy!”

Cent climbs up the steps and leaps over the top rope athletically.

DING! DING! DING!!!

Centurion immediately moves to grapple with Boots, but Boots backpedals clumsily!

When Boots gets to the corner, he latches onto the top rope! The official steps in, just before Centurion gets his mitts on his opponent, admonishing Cent to take a few steps back…

Cent takes a couple steps back toward the center of the ring, after which the official orders Boots out of the corner. Boots tip-toes out of the corner… Then, the second Cent steps closer, Boots immediately retreats again into the ropes!

The official again goes to break it up, Centurion exhales frustratedly, backing up one step this time.


Vinnie Lane: ”Centy is not the happiest camper in the locker room most of the time already! But he’s starting to get a little miffed by these delay tactics!”


Bama: ”You ain’t kiddin’, V-Man! Boots might be lookin’ to intentionally infuriate ol’ Cent into making a mistake that the MAGA squad can pounce on…”

The official beckons Boots out of the corner once more, but this time he shakes his head, refusing to come out. Centurion rolls his eyes angrily and stomps past the official!

Centurion grabs Lichter’s arms and tries to yank him into a grapple, but the official dives between the two and tries to reset Centurion back… Over the official’s shoulder and out of his line of sight, Lichter’s hand reaches and jams a thumb into Centurion’s eye.


Vinnie Lane: ”Grody bending of the rules by Boots!”


Centurion backpedals, rubbing his attacked eye… Outside the ring, O-Bay points and screams “STAY ON HIM!” Obeying that command, Boots shoves the official out of the way and delivers a stiff diving shoulder block!

Cent lands flat on his back as Boots’ shoulder narrowly takes him off his feet!

Bama: ”Oof. Ol’ Bootsy ain’t gonna win any wrestling awards any time soon, but he’s managed to take a two-time Anarchy champion off his feet in the early going!”

Bootsy tries to crawl on-top of Cent and tries to wrap his hands around his throat, implementing his signature chokehold!

…But as Lichter attempts to choke his opponent, Cent grabs his arms while still on his back and wraps his legs around Lichter’s throat! Gogoplata!

Bama: ”Hot damn! Have we ever seen ol’ Centy do this before?”


Vinnie Lane: ”Centurion has seen just about everything in this business! And he’s always trying to re-tool to find the piece that’ll elevate his game!”


Cent has Lichter dead-to-rights in the gogoplata, holding the old politician’s throat against his shin…

Suddenly, in a flash, Boots seems to slips out of Cent’s legs like a greased pig! The moment he’s free, he crawls like a rat under the bottom rope and out to the floor!


Vinnie Lane: ”WOW! Impressive escape by Señor Lichter! What happened there, Bama?”


Bama: ”Simple, Vin! Lichter has enough gel in his hair at all times to drown a school ‘o fish! He was sweating in Cent’s gogoplata and that sweat combined with the gel, and the combo must have greased his head enough to slip out like a knife through butter!”


Vinnie Lane: ”YEAH! SCIENCE, DUDE!”


Centurion is quickly back up to his feet and makes moves to exit the ring! Lichter crawls desperately, hiding behind the ankles of his MAGA-mate O-Bay!

Centurion rolls under the ropes and runs straight into O-Bay T-Law, with his arm outstretched to stop Cent.


Vinnie Lane: ”Oh man! The last time we saw these two throw down was in a tag match! Cent & Ruby got the better of MAGA and O-Bay seems hungry for another go!”


O-Bay orders Cent to back off and return to the ri- BOOM! Without missing a beat, Cent catches O-Bay right in the jaw with a shotgun dropkick! Boots accidentally tabletops O-Bay, who topples over his MAGA partner!


Vinnie Lane: ”Damn! Mega-sweet dropkick by Centy!”


Before Boots can cower further away, Cent already has a grip on his leg and drags him closer!

Cent eventually has Boots fully in his grip and tosses him back into the ring! Boots rolls in, dizzied, crawling away. Centurion tries to slip in the ring after him under the bottom rope… But is caught on something?

O-Bay, still on the mat outside the ring has gripped onto Cent’s ankle and holds him in place, outside of the referee’s view!


Vinnie Lane: ”No bueno! From the official’s perspective, it just looks like Cent is having some agility troubles entering the ring!”


Bama: ”It’d be more suspicious if ol’ Cent weren’t nearly a senior citizen! Maybe he’s fallen and can’t get up!”

Quickly, Boots scrambles back to his feet and desperately stomps on Cent’s head! Once! Twice! Thrice!

Bama: ”Them boots on Boots are one-of-a-kind Italian! Very fine leather! Great for stomping a hole in some poor sap!”

T-Law finally releases Cent’s ankle as Boots grabs his thoroughly stomped opponent and drags him to the center of the ring!

Lichter hooks the leg!

1!











2!!















THR-NO! Cent kicks out!

Lichter mounts Centy once again, going for that illegal chokehold. The Keystone Klutch!

The official starts a five count to break it up…

1!

Cent is already turning blue…

2!

Lichter’s grip tightens, trying to make the most of the five count!

3!

…

4!

Finally, and only to avoid disqualification, Lichter releases Cent’s throat… Cent coughs as his lungs resume taking in oxygen…

Lichter immediately hops into a mount again and goes to resume the choke! The official counts again…

1!

Cent’s legs kick to try and escape under Lichter’s weight…

2!

…Suddenly, Cent… lifts himself off the ground! Lichter is surprised as the former Anarchy champ lifts the former politician all the way off the ground! And then slams him onto his back! Huge spinebuster slam!

Centurion finally has a chance to regain his breath, falling on his back as Lichter lies woozy in the center of the ring himself…

The official starts a 10 count!

1!

2!

3!

Centurion coughs and starts to work his way up to a sitting position…

4!

5!

Cent turns himself over and crawls towards his opponent…

Meanwhile, Boots is still counting ceiling tiles on his back! Outside the ring, O-Bay once again sets the weighted bible on the ring apron, then climbs up onto the apron himself!


Vinnie Lane: ”Oh no! We’ve seen this trick play before! The Bible Thump!”


Bama: ”Hey! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

Cent has crawled into a cover…

1!

















2!!

























THREE!

…

Or it would be if the official weren’t currently demanding that O-Bay get off the ring apron.

Cent slowly but surely gets back to his feet and moves towards Boots’ tag partner. As he does, O-Bay kicks the weighted bible between the official’s legs beside Boots, who finally begins to stir…

The official is still trying to politely insist O-Bay cease his distraction… Until Cent shoves the official out of the way and catches O-Bay with a haymaker to the dome! T-Law drops backfirst onto the mat outside…

Boots stands, gripping the big metal-lined bible

The official lands ass backwards in the corner… Centurion turns around…

Just as Lichter swings!



THUMP!!!



Centurion takes a weighted bible to the skull and collapses on his back!

Bama: ”Shoot, Centy already wasn’t the tallest guy in the back, but that shot mighta knocked him an inch or two shorter! Kinda like Biden's policies have done to the strength of the Dollar with all his dang BIDENFLATION! And don't get me started on these dang GAS PRICES!”

Vinnie just looks at Bama with an uneasy expression and says nothing.

Lichter kisses the bible and tosses it under the bottom rope, just as the official turns back toward the action.

Lichter covers! The official counts!



1!




















2!!
































3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Boots Lichter

Centurion tries to shake off the stunning blow and is already climbing back to his feet, but Lichter is getting yanked out of the ring by O-Bay! The Two M.A.G.A. members quickly retreat up the ramp under a maelstrom of boos and disapproval as Centurion is back on his feet, still dazed but furious.


Vinnie Lane: ”Centurion brought that good, good stuff but was blindsided by the underhanded tactics of the MAGA boys! Lichter continues his undefeated streak in L block!”


Bama: ”It’s a great start for the MAGA underdog, Vin! But we ain’t even close to done! Anything can happen from here!”
[/align]

Centurion is getting ready to leave the ring after his tournament match when suddenly the lights in the arena go purple. There is a white and pink smoke billowing from the entrance way, and making its way down the ramp, soon engulfing the ring.

Bama: What in tarnation?


Vinnie Lane: It's not very St. Patty's like. Whoever it is got their holiday's mixed up!


Bama: What holiday is purple?

Suddenly the lights come back on. Centurion looks wildly confused and a bit annoyed. Just as he goes to leave the ring again, it looks like it is raining in the arena. Silver flashes begin to drop down from the rafters. Centurion realizes what they are, and begins to cover his head.

NICKLES. IT IS RAINING NICKLES.

Bama: My god, it's raining nickles! And there has to be thousands of them!

Cent continues to cover his head, and the ring is quickly filling with the coins.

When it stops, he looks up to the rafters.


Vinnie Lane: There has to be like 50 dollars there! Totally rad!


There is a giggle heard over the loud speaker. A female giggle.

Words appear on the X-TRON:

CENTURION'S VISITATION FEE AND PLAY FUND.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

The giggle abruptly ends and the arena goes back to what it was.

Bama: Charlie Nickles is playing with fire here. He has no idea who he is dealing with!


Vinnie Lane: Pretty sure he knows who Centurion is, dude.


Bama: NO! That poor girl. She is a monster and he is using her to fulfill his sick desire to make Centurion's life hell before the Pay Per View. He has no idea what she is capable of.


Vinnie Lane: We're in for one heck of a Pay Per View, that's for sure!

HGH - vs - Lord Raab Plump Pigeon Round 2!

Harmon Greyson Hays makes his way to the ring while waving and giving a big grin before sliding into the ring. He stands in the corner and just smirks.


Vinnie Lane: "HGH has one of those faces you REALLY want to punch... but it's easier said than done!"


Bama: "This tournament could be the big break he needs to get rolling on Anarchy!"

Monster by Skillet plays over the sound system as Lord Raab comes out through the curtain wearing his green and black wrestling trousers with his nickname The Green Disease German Monster on the front of them with Monster Energy logos on the side of his trousers with black gloves on both of his hands and wears a black and green mask and ignores the fans as he goes up the stairs before going in-between the ropes and crouches down in the corner moving backwards and forwards, rubbing his hands and moving his neck around while looking at his opponent with anger in his eyes while waiting for the match to start.


Vinnie Lane: "And here is Lord Raab... as you know, dude, Raab ended Sarah Lacklan's in-ring career here on Anarchy! How ironic is it that he's been invited to take part in her tournament?"


Bama: "Makes you wonder what the little lady has planned!"

DING! DING! DING!!!

The bell sounds as Lord Raab quickly rushes across the ring towards HGH who simply puts his midsection between the top and second rope. The referee gets between the two of them and puts a hand up to stop Raab. Raab takes a step back before raising a fist to the referee. He points at the XWF logo on his shirt as Raab groans and takes a step back. As he turns around, HGH steps back into the ring and darts towards the back of Raab’s knee!

CHOP BLOCK!

Raab groans loudly as he falls to his knees. Harmon hits the ropes and comes back with a huge dropkick that staggers the monster. Hays gets back to his feet right as Lord Raab gets back to his feet. He rushes towards Hays who lowers his shoulders and lifts him up before turning around to send him down into the mat with a huge spinebuster!

Harmon Greyson Hays gives a little bow much to the crowd’s dismay.


Vinnie Lane: "This guy just wants to get his butt kicked."


Bama: "And speak of The Green Disease German Monster!"


HGH stands up from his gloating and turns around just to get lifted up and sent into the mat with a vicious spinebuster of Raab’s! Raab quickly grabs him by the head and drives his knee into the side of his head!

Lord Raab does this three times as HGH goes limp. Raab grabs him by his hair and lifts him up, but HGH is just dead weight. He slumps back to the mat as Raab just looks peeved. Raab grabs him again by his hair, but HGH rakes his eyes!

Raab roars as he staggers backwards. HGH leaps onto his back and locks in the sleeper hold! Raab roars again at the audacity as he swings back with his right elbow, but HGH moves his body to the left to dodge it. Raab swings with his other elbow, but HGH dodges that one as well!


Vinnie Lane: "Say what you want about Hays, but he’s a wormy guy!"


Bama: "I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what they say about him."


Vinnie Lane: "No, I mean that he’s really worming his way out of that situation."


Bama: "Exactly! He’s always worming his way out of situations."


Vinnie Lane: "…"


Bama: "Anyways…"


Lord Raab is growing more and more frustrated by this as he rushes towards the corner and leaps backwards with HGH on his back!


CRASH!


He smashes HGH into the corner, but Hays is still holding onto the hold! Raab takes a few moments of breath before rushing across the ring and leaps while turning.


CRASH!


This time HGH is splattered all over the turnbuckle as Lord Raab staggers out. He’s breathing hard as he puts his hands on his knees. He lets out a roar before rushing towards the corner!

But HGH pulls himself up over him as Raab’s shoulder strikes straight through the turnbuckles and to the ring post. He staggers backwards in a daze as HGH rushes towards the ropes and rebounds.


INJECTION SHOT!


The rolling cutter connects as Hays leaps into the cover!


1!










2!!














KICKOUT! Raab powers out at 2.5!



HGH looks a little shocked before pulling Raab up by his mask and begins yelling into his face.


Vinnie Lane: "If you want to piss off a monster, that’s a great way of doing it!"


Bama: "No doubt, in fact- OH MY GOD!"


HEADBUTT!

Blood spurts out of the nose of HGH as Raab rises back up. He hooks the ears of HGH and brings his face to meet his.

Again.

And again.


AND AGAIN!

AND AGAINNNNN!

HGH falls to his knees in a puddy-like state. Raab wraps his beefy hand around the throat of HGH before hoisting him up into the air!




DDT!!!




HGH managed to slip out of the chokeslam and fall right into a spike DDT! Raab is dazed by this as he staggers to his feet on shaky legs. He rushes towards the Monster and leaps up for another rolling cutter!

INJECTION SHOT!

The second one connects as Raab is laid out flat. HGH covers him, hooking both legs!

1!














2!!
























3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Harmon Greyson Hays

HGH leaps to his feet after the last count comes down. He leaps up onto the second rope and begins blowing kisses to the people in the audience as he celebrates his victory.

Dolly Waters - vs - Jason Cashe Plump Pigeon Round 2!

The stadium spotlights rush up toward the ceiling and Waters appears under the AnarchoTron. She marches to the beat of Ode To Joy, the crowd roaring, her gaze set squarely on the squared circle. She climbs through the ropes and takes the center of the ring. Raising a single fist into the air. The wraps on her injured leg is still plainly obvious, as is her limp, but she looks fired up and ready to go.


Vinnie Lane: "Dolly Waters is a phenom in the XWF, but she's still a human being. That leg is in bad shape as we saw last round against Boots!"


Bama: “She's a big girl, Vinnie, she knows what she signed up for...”

The hymn-like hum vibrates through the area before Lauren Hill soundfully brings in the chorus. Jason Cashe comes out from the back with Josslynn Spencer holding his hand. His eyes are covered by sunglasses. Looking around the arena at the live audience, his eyes stay hidden behind the shades. Taking a long drag off an air joint, Cashe howls up into the sky, a few fans howl with him. Josslynn gives him a 'good game' slap to the butt and they head down to the ring.

"From Houston, Tejas by way of Decatur, Georgia.. A truly Troubled One they call DiOGee.. Jaaaassoooon! CAAAASHE!!"

Stopping as the aisle turns to ringside, Cashe drags a foot creating an imaginary line. This is the line where when passed, the talking stops. Giving Josslynn a kiss, she heads around the ring as Cashe steps into a jog, leaping up on the apron onto his left knee. He stands, ducking under the top rope to enter the ring. Taking off the sunglasses as he enters, he rushes across the ring and launches them deep into the crowd. Growling a roar to the live audience, showing he was ready to scrap.


Vinnie Lane: "What a run Cashe has had here on Anarchy! This guy is really making waves in the XWF, and I think he's going to end up adding XWF gold to his collection sooner than later."


Bama: “Well you know him and Elijah Martin are buddies, so that gold is staying put right now at least!”

DING! DING! DING!!!

As the bell rings, Dolly and Chashe does a pose down to the crowd, as Dolly taunted she gotten cheers, as Cashe taunted he gotten a mixed reaction. Dolly taunts around the hard cam, and Cashe pearl harbors her on the back with some punches. As he kept on beating on her, he grabs her by the hair, and chokes her on the ropes, which he broke by the two counts. Then he knee’s her in the gut, and then give her a stiff Bitch Slap. He then shoots a snot booger at her face, and laughs as Dolly was in rage and she stomp him on the foot, and she hits him with a series of kicks to his leg and he kneels. Then she starts to punch him in the face, but he grabs her fist and beams her to the ropes and does a roll into a Left Handed Clothesline on Dolly.

Cashe then does his Rapid Fire Chest Stomps to Dolly, then he stops and taunts back at a heckling fan. Then he turns around and lifts up Dolly, and gently places her on the corner. Then he starts to Slap Box her in the corner, and since she’s out of it, he kept on hitting her with it. Then he taunts her to slap him back, but he ducks and gives her a Open Palm Chest Slap which causes her back to be in the corner. He gives her a flurry of haymakers to her body, and he props her up on the top turnbuckle, but she fights his grasp on her, and she Headbutts him, which causes him to land on his feet. Then she is on the top, and she goes for a Missile Dropkick on Cashe and she covers him..


1!




KICKOUT!


Vinnie Lane: "Man, these two are going at it like cats and dogs here tonight!"


Bama: “Yes they are, they are putting on a clinic here tonight.”

She then tries to lock him in a Chinlock, but he overpowers her and pushes her to the corner. He then tosses her outside of the ring, and he follows her outside and grabs her by the hair and talks smack to her, and he beams her to the Steel Steps. Then he walks up to her, and she Drop Toe Hold him into the steel steps. Then she smashes his head on the steps as hard as she could until she stopped, and she brings him back to the ring, and she goes to the corner on top.

As she waits for Cashe to get up, he gets on his feet and quickly crotches her on the top turnbuckle and he hits a Float Over Snap Suplex off the corner on her. Then he quickly starts to Crotch stomp Dolly, and follows it up with a Kick to her outer thigh, as she was in pain, Cashe manages to taunt for a bit to get the crowd going, then he goes to the corner and ready up his elbow.

Dolly gets to her feet and he charges for Mark Of Jason, which she dodges and hits the middle rope to hit Ode To Joy! Out of nowhere on Cashe. She then goes for the cover, but before the ref counted to 2 he manages to toss her off him in time. Dolly then mounds on top of him, and goes for Forearm Strikes on his head Brock Lesnar style until he was busted open from the scalp. Then the ref tries to break it up but she pushes him off her, and she gets on her feet to stomp on his body.


Vinnie Lane: “What an extreme turn of events, Dolly is really out for some blood against Cashe. I mean, the way she elbow’d him would make cringe if I had to be in the ring with her.”


Bama: “Well Vinnie, i agree i’d hate to be busted open like that, no matter how much intensity we see between these two.”

She then Traps his arm and locks in the Rolling Waters, he quickly reaches for the bottom rope. She locked it in even tighter until the ref counted to four, then she breaks it off and she confronts the ref about it. Then she turns around to eat a Series of Bell Claps from Cashe, then he follows it up with a Turning Stunt Piledriver on Dolly.

He goes to the middle corner, and when Dolly got up he hits an old school Rope Axe Handle that would make Jimmy King proud. Then he tries to give her a receipt of his own mounted punches, but she manages to block his fist with her arms, and she reveres it but mounting on him to lock in an Anaconda Vice, but he thwarted the attempt with a bite on her shoulder.

Cashe gets on his feet to be reprimanded by the ref, and he focuses back on Dolly. Then he lifts up Dolly, and puts her in a Side Headlock, and reams his knuckles on to her temple. Then he does it again, and she manages to give him an Atomic Drop, which caused him to jump in pain. Then she goes for a Backstabber on Cashe, and covers him…



1!











2!!




















Kickout!


Vinnie Lane: “Dolly almost caught him off guard for the three, but there wasn’t enough pep in her step to finish him off.”


Bama: “Cashe, even if he’s a cocky man, sure knows how to take a beating for his years in the squared circle.”

Then the camera pans on Dolly who was freaking out over almost having him, then she tries to lift him up but he quickly attempts to go for a School Boy Roll up as a desperation move with his feet on the middle rope..


1!











2!!




THE REF CATCHES THE FEET ON ROPES!!!


Vinnie Lane: “Oh, what an eagle-eyed Ref we got here, right Bama?”


Bama: “Hey I mean, most refs wouldn’t tend to know how to catch stuff like that. Even if blood is shed, rules are still somewhat enforced for a fair fight.

Then Cashe and the ref go at it over the pinfall, and Dolly goes to the corner. Then Dolly manages to get to the Apron, and she hits a Springboard Crossbody on Cashe. Then she hits him with series of strikes to the mid section, and follows it up with Spinning Mule Kick that landed him on the corner. She charges and hits a Single Leg Dropkick on Cashe, which got him groggy off the corner. She connects with a Spear to the side of Cashe, and she hits a Standing Moonsault.

With the roar of the crowd, she goes to top rope and she attempts to hit a Coupe De Grace on Cashe, but he moves out of the way, and quickly got on his feet to hit a Mark Of Jason out of nowhere to Dolly! Then as he regains his strength, he manages to kick her gut and hits the SCRAP ACTION DRIVER on Dolly, which wears him out.


Vinnie Lane: “Oh man, both of these guys are out of it, I don’t know who’s going to advance in the tournament, dude!”


Bama: “With how hard these two are going after one another, there has to be a person who’s willing to risk it all to advance this tournament.”



Cashe drapes an arm over Waters...



1!















2!!


















3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Jason Cashe

Vinnie Lane: "Once again, Dolly was just too hampered by her injuries to overcome a competitor of Jason Cashe's level."


Bama: "Yeah, tough break for the chick, I hope we get to run this one back someday when she's 100 percent..."

Coming into the locker room backstage. Jason Cashe looked like he had just came from a match and he did. Dolly Waters, Plump Pigeon Tournament in fact. As he enters the room, he is tackled into by Josslynn Spencer. Her arms wrap around his neck as she squeezes against him.

Jason Cashe: "My Woo Saah.."

Josslynn Spencer: "I figured you could use a hug!"

Returning the hug as his hands place in different places along her back.

Jason Cashe: "I was just thinking of a warm embrace, this is true.. Maybe not a hug but it is a fantastic start!"

Josslynn Spencer: "Fiiinnne! You can kiss me as well.."

She sounded off with a few pinches of sarcasm as he leaned up and gave him a smooch. PG, there are children and child minded people watching. He was sweaty but Josslynn didn't care as she grabbed the sides of his head, clasping each ear into her hands as they kissed.

Jason Cashe: "Let me grab a shower and we can head out.."

Josslynn Spencer: "Your phone rang a few times.."

Jason Cashe: "Oh? Who was it?"

Grabbing a hand towel, Cashe wipes up the excess of sweat he could feel on his arms and chest. His face and head got swiped with the towel as he looked back at Josslynn.

Jason Cashe: "You can answer my phone.. I have no secrets."

Josslynn Spencer: "I know, I'm aware but.. I was worried it was your Mother and I–"

Cashe just laughed. He completely understood and as he grabbed his phone to check. He sees that he has 3 missed calls and 2 voicemails.

Jason Cashe: "One from my Momma and two from.. Chris Page. I need to check my messages.."

Josslynn Spencer: "Are you ever going to give him an answer?"

Jason Cashe: "Yes, my beautiful landscape, I am going to give him an answer.. As you know, I have trust issues and am just feeling things out right now. He said I can take all the time I needed."

Putting the phone to his ear after poking at the screen to put in his access code for voicemail. Cashe listens. Pulling away from the phone, he hits 7 to delete the first message.

Jason Cashe: "Mom. Bitching about something.. Next."

Josslynn shakes her head as an ALMOST smile comes across her face. She was going about her business, getting everything together for when they leave the arena. Cashe listens to his second message. Nodding as he hangs up and tosses his phone onto his bag.

Jason Cashe: "Looks like I need to make an extra trip."

Josslynn Spencer: "For?"

Jason Cashe: "I need to go see Elijah. That was Page on the phone. Business.."

Heading to the door, Cashe was going to handle that before doing anything else. His girlfriend's words stopped him in a pause as he reaches for the door handle.

Josslynn Spencer: "Well that's too bad.. I was going to join you in the shower..

Jason Cashe: "On second thought…"

He turns around and locks eyes on Josslynn as she flings a towel over her shoulder.

Jason Cashe: "I can go see Elijah anytime really.."

Josslynn Spencer: "I wouldn't want to hold up any business dealings!"

Jason Cashe: "I'm sure he will understand. I just wrestled, I need a looong shower! It's really RnR if you think about it!"

Josslynn Spencer: "Oh there won't be any Resting.."

She turns and heads through the doorway leading to a personal shower area of the locker room. Cashe, biting his bottom lip scurries after her.

“OW!”

“WOULD YOU HOLD STILL?!”

“THAT HURT!”

“IT WOULDN’T IF YOU JUST HELD STILL!”

Sarah Lacklan stands in the center of her magnificent roaming office, an office filled with small mementos of her XWF career, with a freshly-showered Vita Valenteen in front of her, standing atop a small stool. Arms outstretched for inspection, Vita is dressed in an over-the-top black and green dress filled with lacy frills and a skirt which falls to her feet. All around the duo are stacks of boxes, half full and half still with their wrappings upon them, each emblazoned with either the hold black or edgy red of the classic Hot Topic logos.

Sarah: “Honestly, Vita, how on EARTH did your mumsie dress you as a child? Were you always this fidgety?!”

Vita: “Dresses are dumb, Sar, and, HEY”

Not for the first time, Sarah yanks and pulls at the bodice of the dress, adjusting Vita’s torso and testing angles. Sarah sighs and shakes her head.

Sarah: “This won’t do. NEXT!”

Vita: “Not agai-”

In a torrent of movement, truly a tornado of spinning cloth and flying limbs to make the Tasmanian Devil jealous, Vita is pulled from the dress and fitted anew, this dress a blazingly red affair with a chest cut so deep as to reach Vita’s hips. The pale woman’s face grows pale at the sight of the garish outfit, even moreso than it had earlier in the evening when Sarah had first “suggested” this post-match adventure.

Vita: “...can I just have my normal clothes back, now?”

Sarah gives one of her patented Eye Rolls of DOOM as she ticks her tongue and inspects the fit of the dress around Vita’s hips.

Sarah: “Oh please. Those horrid t-shirts of yours do NOTHING for your figure. Yes, your usual capris make your calves and butt look good-”

Vita starts at the sudden jab of Sarah’s heeled boot into one of those calves as she emphasizes her point.

Sarah: “-but there is so much LOST in your…well…I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘fashion.’”

Vita’s shoulders drop a little as she sighs at yet another one of Sarah’s…possibly unintentional?...subtle jabs of observation.

Sarah: “Nope! This won’t do. NEXT!”

More eyes going wide as Vita is caught up in the tornado that is the Lacklan force of nature. The garish red dress is, thankfully, returned to it’s box and she is shoved into an unnecessarily bodice with more laces than six pairs of her wrestling boots.

Sarah: “What do you want?”

Vita is caught off-guard by Sarah’s quiet question, asked behind her as she laces up the back of the top.

Vita: “...huh?”

Sarah: “What do you want?”

Vita: “...to be out of here…”

Sarah: “Hmmm?”

Vita: “Nothing!”

She grunts as Sarah pulls hard on the strings, no doubt unintentionally. Right?

Sarah: “I wasn’t supposed to be a wrestler. Daddy wanted me to be…well…an aristocrat, I suppose. Intelligent, learned, charming, driven. To grow the family, likely by bedding some young pretty of a politician and having his babes.”

Vita isn’t sure what to make of this, particularly the soft voice in which Sarah speaks.

Sarah: “But that’s not what I wanted. I wanted to forge my path in the family the same way he did. I wanted to be the shining light and example for all the people of the world to which they could aspire.”

Sarah circles to the front of Vita and the pale woman is taken aback by the fire suddenly in the Commissioner's eyes.

Sarah: “I trained. I worked. I focused. And I got what I wanted. Ashley Johnson…what do you want?”

Vita finds herself not breathing for a moment. She was pretty sure that Sarah Lacklan, heated and hated rival she was, had never used her real name before. And with such…heat…in her voice.

Vita: “I-”

“Hey Lackersnackers! I would like to file a complaint!”

The tension in the room severs as both Sarah and Vita turn their heads to the doorway.

Ruby: “Because of you, I had to explain to Centipoo what a Bad Dragon was and I’m not ha-”

The Banana-Lime Blur freezes as she walks through the door and sees the scene before you: Sarah Lacklan, Anarchy Commissioner, dressing Vita Valenteen, who she had just wrestled, like she was her favorite doll.

Ruby: “Nope.”

And right back out the door she goes.

Vita: “...so cool…”

Sarah’s eyes narrow as Vita whispers after Ruby, likely not even realizing she was whispering. She probably didn’t notice that her dark eyes had turned into anime hearts, either.

But Sarah noticed.

Sarah: “She is nothing special, you know. Just a regular person. Not swift, or cunning, or driven. Nothing for anyone to ever look up to, certainly not when there are far, far better people to give your hero worship to.”

Sarah’s hand begins to tremble a bit as Vita continues to stare longingly after the departed Ruby.

Sarah: “Nothing…special…at all…”

Finally, Vita slowly turns her head back to Sarah, her eyes last to swivel, still holding out for the return of yellow and green.

Vita: “...what was that, Sar?”

Sarah bites down on her lip and then suddenly throws up her hands in frustration.

Sarah: “Fah! NONE of these blasted dresses will do. You know what you need? If you really want to get over how special you are as a vampire? Some of my old dresses.”

Vita: “wut”

Sarah’s focus in on Vita’s chest and go into the Analyzing Mode that all of her opponents dreaded.

Sarah: “We’ll have to take in the bust quite a bit, of course. And the hips, too. But otherwise they’ll be perfect!”

Vita’s face turns as flat as it perhaps has ever been. And with Sarah, that was saying something.

Sarah: “I’ll call Mumsie and have them send them to me. It’ll be great!”

Sarah spins and rushes over to her bag. Vita blinks in honest surprise.

Vita: “You…have a mother?”

Sarah flashes her Billion $$$ Smile as she pulls out her phone.

Sarah: “Uh huh! They call her, among many things, La Folle Française. The French Madwoman!”

Vita sighs.

Vita: “Of course they do.”

FOR THE ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP Elijah Martin - vs - "Good Time" Stevie McKeown Green River Scaffold Match! A scaffold will span the Chicago River, dyed green for St. Patrick's Day - the winner will toss his opponent from the scaffold into the water! Referee: Ari Silverstein

The AnarchoTron shows the scaffold spanning across the bright green Chicago River, and as the music plays we see the challenger, "Good Time" Stevie McKeown walks up onto the structure with obvious trepidation on his face.

Eventually he makes his way to the center of the scaffold and looks around nervously, but manages to get some energy behind him when the outdoor fans cheer for him. He smiles ad raises his arms over his head.


Vinnie Lane: "Imagine being here, in only your second ever XWF match... and it's not only a terrifying plunge into a river that's on the line, but also the XWF Anarchy Championship!"


Bama: "Talk about pressure, Stevie McKeown is feeling ALL of it right here tonight!"

The fans outside react loudly when the Anarchy Champion Elijah Martin arrives at the bank of the river in a bright red sports car driven by his gorgeous girlfriend, Madness standout Lexi Gold.

Martin exits the vehicle with his gold belt on his shoulder, gives his girl a kiss, and then smiles as she pulls off. Martin sneers as he stares up at Stevie on the scaffold, and he slowly walks to the stairs that lead above.

His music continues to play as Martin makes his way all the way up and then right to the center of the scaffold where McKeown stands... and Elijah holds the title belt up and presses it right into McKeown's face, barking insults at him the whole way as Ari Silverstein tries to push him back.


Vinnie Lane: "Here's the very outspoken Anarchy Champion, and he is ready to make a statement by the looks of things, Bammer!"


Bama: "Listen I don't like Elijah Martin one bit, but the man has been a force to be reckoned with here on Anarchy! He dethroned Centurion, a legend, and has been in some of the most violent brawls I've seen on this brand... and tonight ain't gonna be no different, baby!"


Ari Silverstein calls for the match to begin!

DING! DING! DING!!!

Both Champion and challenger give a wary look to the scaffold they stand on, and to the green Chicago River running underneath them, but they start going towards each other. At the center of the ring, the Anarchy Champion is quick to connect with some precise knife-edge chops, then goes for a grapple, but Stevie McKeown reverses the grapple into a headlock! “Good Time” lays some elbow shots to the back of Elijah Martin’s head, but Martin breaks free with a desperate elbow of his own to McKeown’s mid-section! ‘Good Time’ doubles over in pain and Elijah Martin picks him up, then brings him down with a Samoan Drop!

Stevie McKeown is down and the Anarchy Champion means to press his advantage and end this early if he can. He lifts up the downed challenger and approaches the edge of the scaffold, but McKeown begins to struggle! Both wrestlers jockey for position just steps away from the edge, but McKeown manages to break free! He lands feet first behind Martin and brings him down with a back suplex, back at the center of the structure!


Vinnie Lane: "Wonderful save by McKeown! The Champion was looking to give this one a quick finish!"


Bama: "Just like you with Roxy!"

McKeown is quick to get up and capitalize, and he forces Martin to his feet. The Nevada native begins to sprint, taking Martin with him, and looks like he will go for a Bulldog, but Martin reverses into an Irish Whip, then brings McKeown down with a vicious lariat! Down goes Stevie and the Anarchy Champion stomps a mudhole into him, and forces him to his feet. He places him in a headlock position and prepares to land the Prologue (Future Shock DDT)... NO! McKeown breaks free and lifts the Anarchy Champion up, then plants him to the floor with an Inverted Atomic Drop!

Elijah Martin is feeling the effects of that move in his groin and mid-section, and Stevie McKeown takes the time to shake off the cobwebs. He approaches Elijah Martin as he begins to rise and launches him to the far end of the structure! Martin can barely hit the brakes and come back around, but McKeown is already rushing at him and catching him! He is going to spin him around for the Spinning Spinebuster… WAIT! THE ANARCHY CHAMPION WITH A SURPRISE NECKBREAKER, and both men crash down hard! Referee Ari Silverstein begins a ten count!

1!...


2!...


3!...


4!...


5!...


Both wrestlers begin to show signs of life and stir, and Elijah Martin makes it back to his feet first. He goes to the rising Stevie McKeown and drills him with a forearm, but Martin fights back with one of his own! Chop by Martin, counterpunch by McKeown! The two wrestlers exchange a flurry of strikes and Martin lands a haymaker that sends ‘Good Time’ staggering back. The Anarchy Champion backs up a few steps and charges as McKeown comes back - BOOT TO THE FACE! McKeown is laid out flat!

Martin roars “I’M THE KING MOTHERFUCKAS!” to the crowd and picks McKeown up. He moves towards the edge of the scaffold once more, and again moves to throw him, but Stevie hangs on to one of the scaffold’s columns! McKeown lands a desperate kick that pushes Elijah Martin away and breaks free, comes back and tosses him against the scaffold in a stun gun! The XWF Anarchy Champion is now busted open!

Stevie McKeown means to bring this to an end. He approaches the downed Martin and picks him up, then slings him to the side! Martin goes over the side but manages to hold on for dear life to the top of the scaffold!


Vinnie Lane: "HE’S GONNA FALL!"


Bama: "We might just have a new Champion!"

McKeown begins to pound away at Martin’s hands! Martin struggles to maintain his grip on the scaffold as ‘Good Times’ keeps up the pressure, but he begins to swing back and forth, gaining momentum with each swing, and finally manages to grab McKeown’s head and slam it on top of the scaffold! McKeown drops like a sack of potatoes, now busted open himself, and Martin has just managed to buy himself enough time to pull himself back onto the top of the scaffold and keep himself alive!

Both wrestlers gingerly climb onto their feet. Now wearing the proverbial crimson mask, Stevie McKeown fails to see the Anarchy Champion charge at him with a Clothesline from Hell! Elijah Martin proceeds to work on the challenger’s ribs, first stomping as he did before, then transitioning to hard kicks over his ribs! He pulls Stevie McKeown up and connects with a vicious uppercut, then picks him up and drives him down again with a belly to belly suplex! He begins to rise again and roars once more towards the crowd, but so is Stevie McKeown!

Face now completely red, not just from blood, but from fury, the challenger charges at the Champion, who turns around just a second too late before he finds himself in the receiving end of an European Uppercut! McKeown presses his advantage and charges forward! SPINNING SPINEBUSTER! A thunderous move that makes the structure rattle!

It’s now time for Stevie McKeown to roar towards the crowd, and after he’s received their reaction, he backs up, waiting for the Champion to rise. Once Martin begins to show signs of life and go back to his feet, he charges forward once more… BUT THE CHAMPION CATCHES HIM IN A TILT-A-WHIRL AND FLIPS HIM UPSIDE DOWN - HE LANDS THE PROLOGUE OUT OF LITERALLY NOWHERE!

Elijah Martin is ready to bring this to an end! He takes off to the side of the scaffold and charges at Stevie McKeown as he sits up… DEATH BY FOREARM! NO! Stevie McKeown with a drop toe hold, and Elijah Martin is planted face first into the scaffold floor!

Both men are now visibly bloodied, their faces almost unrecognizable from the blood loss and swelling. Stevie McKeown begins to rise and forces the dazed Martin onto his feet once more. He locks in Martin’s head in a Cobra Clutch, and begins to press his arms hard onto the Champion’s forehead! The Night Night Time is locked in!

The Champion struggles to break free, but Stevie McKeown isn’t letting the hold go! Soon Martin begins to use his feet to try to escape, but the challenger’s ursine hug follows him wherever he steps! Back and forth they struggle until they reach the edge of the scaffold, and the Champion manages to spin onto his back, facing to the scaffold’s center! The challenger loses his footing, and both men go right over the edge, both of them hanging on just barely at the edge of the structure, the green Chicago River running underneath!


Vinnie Lane: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"


Bama: "How much more can either of these men take?!"


Stevie McKeown tries to kick Martin away from him but Martin keeps swatting his legs away. Stevie changes course and starts monkey barring across the underside of the scaffold, looking to get to the other side!

Elijah Martin follows him, and soon both champion and challenger are dangling from underneath the scaffold with nothing between their bodies and the icy green river waters other than the strength of their grips.

Martin swings his legs up and around McKeown's waist from behind, using them to hold Stevie still... and then he start slamming head butts into the back of McKeown's skull!

McKeown is reeled by the hard shots and lets go with one hand to block the impact, which is obviously what Martin was looking for... he reaches back with one hand and throws a hard fist at the hand of McKeown left holding onto the girders beneath the scaffold... and he misses! Stevie McKeown switched hands at the last second and Martin punched solid steel with his fist!

Elijah Martin roars in pain and lets go of McKeown with his legs as he shakes his already-swollen hand and presses the bruises knuckles to his own lips. Stevie M\cKeown turns himself around and grabs Martin by the back of his head... and smashes his face into a girder!


Vinnie Lane: "Holy CRAP! I think Stevie McKeown just put Elijah Martin to sleep!"


Bama: "The lights are on Vinnie but there ain't nobody home! Look out below!!!"


Martin's hand loses its grip on the scaffold and he starts to tumble down... but as he falls he comes to his senses and grabs Stevie McKeown by the ankle! Martin is left dangling by one hand as Stevie McKeown tries to shake him free, all the while struggling to hold onto the scaffold now with the weight of both men dragging him downward.

McKeown strains to hold his grip on the girders under the scaffold, and Elijah Martin pulls himself to where he has both hands on Stevie's leg. He then starts to climb the challenger like a ladder, pulling himself up by McKeown's shoulder until he can reach the scaffold itself. McKeown looks exhausted from holding up all the weight and Martin doesn't look to be in much better shape, but when he gets both hands on the scaffold he quickly raises both knees hard into the point of McKeown's chin, which makes McKeown let go with one of his hands.

Bama: "I think I seen some teeth falling into the water!"

Elijah Martin then reaches out with one hand and grabs McKeown around the throat.. and then slams him UPWARD into the underside of the scaffolding!

Stevie McKeown's skull clangs against the metal and his remaining hand on the girders falls loose, leaving him dangling only by Martin's grip on him... and then Martin lets go!


Vinnie Lane: "STEVIE MCKEOWN IS FALLING!"


Stevie McKeown falls all the way from the scaffolding to the middle of the Chicago River, hitting the surface with a huge green splash!

Winner by Dropping Opponent into a River - Elijah Martin

Vinnie Lane: "Elijah Martin has once again defended his title! What an insane match!"


Bama: "Now look, he's jumping off himself!"


Elijah Martin smiles with blood trickling from inside his mouth, and he then lets go of his hold on the scaffold, folding his body into a cannonball position before he smashes into the green water with another gigantic splash.


Vinnie Lane: "I can't think of a better way to end the show then with a massive splash! Congrats to Elijah Martin, and to everyone all the winners AND losers tonight! Everyone was AWESOME!"


Bama: "Everybody gave it their all tonight... and they're gonna have to do it all over again next time to boot!"


Vinnie Lane: "That's all the time we've got, folks! Tune in next time for the third round of the Sar-1 ClimAXLY Plump Pigeon Tournament... thank you for joining us!"


Anarchy fades to black as Elijah Martin and Stevie McKeown are both seen swimming to opposite banks of the river. Martin is met by an XWF official who hands him his title as the cherry red car from earlier is seen pulling up.

SPECIAL THANKS: Calvary Charlie Nickles Vita Valenteen Sarah Lacklan Mark Flynn Jason Cashe Raion Kido Jenny Myst

Oswald is seen, getting tended to by his servants, whose coloring looks more dark grey than black right now. His head being stitched up by them, bruises having cold presses pushed into them. He looks at the camera crew and smirks.

"Like you were told, Wish.

You're a mediocre singles competitor, compared to Black. You'll never get reach his heights, and you only bring him down.

And I'm still gonna bankroll your team, by the way. Because Black might need to find himself a teammate who is actually on his level. Even though you showed some fire tonight, you're a D+ player and Black is more a B+ player.

Also, how dare you, trying to get a pop from MY people? This is CHICAGO! If you think I was going to lose to you, no matter your ranking, then you'd be sorely fuckin' mistaken.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get showered up, then go home to my wife and kid."

Backstage, Vita is seen out of the Hot Topic dresses that Sar was totally forcing on her and she totally maybe didn't enjoy the experience AT ALL! Anyway, yeah, jeans and a hoodie!

"Ruby, sharing the ring with you tonight was TOTALLY COOL! And hearing the shock of the crowd at the end? WOW!"


Vita gently claps her hands together and bows to the camera.


"Thank you for the awesome experience, but there is something that held this bout back from being perfect..."


She pauses. Her eyes dart. How to word this? UGH, imagine how hard it would be to do face to face!


"Listen, Rubes, I appreciate you wanting to look out for me, but I'm a big girl and, uh... I've been giving some thought to what I want out of life, and that's definitely to succeed in this business and rise to even greater heights than I already have. To do that, I need to face the toughest competition at their best. I can't exactly claim that when my opponent takes time out's to make sure that I'm okay. So should our paths cross again, please give me the same Ruby that has faced down and defeated so many evils that were believed to be unstoppable forces until they crossed paths with the "Banana Lime Blur"! It shouldn't be too hard to pretend that I'm a wicked villain. I am a REJECTED hero, after all!"


Vita LOVES Ruby. She has ALL of Vita's respect and admiration. Seriously, "...so cool...", the girl is awestruck by her at times, but you can't help but notice the frustration in the quiet huff she lets out as she turns away from the camera.

Yet another amazing edition of Anarchy thanks to yours truly, THE Anarchy Commissioner 😊

"You're welcome for having talent that actually puts in work."