Bottle Episode

---

It's always nice to spend time with Dad even if it is dismantling his high-end panic room. He's over in the corner trying to take this large board of switches off the wall while I'm hacking away at the legs of his desk to get the cunt through the door. It's all very therapeutic, Dad built this thing almost the instant he became Xtreme Champion but lately it's been gathering dust in his house. Dad thinks it'll be better served as a games room while I'm trying to convince him otherwise.

"I'm telling you, pool, cunt."

Fuzz scratches his forehead with a thumb and stops taking the screws out of the wall to look behind at me.

FUZZ: "Noah, it's a 15x15 room. It'll be a kiddie pool."

"And?" I stop sawing a leg off the desk. "That's sick!"

I swipe my forearm over my face to get the sweat off me as I stand up and flick the front of my Hardest Worker in the XWF tee, now available from CTN, to get some cool air to my ripped chest as I stand. Fuzz takes a beer from a cooler beside him and hands me one as I walk over.

FUZZ: "Might get a hot tub... But a pool table would be perfect. Look!"

Fuzz points at the middle of the floor to visualise it. We both take a swig of beer looking at the empty space. I point a finger at his chest.

"Cut the table off that cunt and you're golden."

He snickers.

FUZZ: "Fuck off." Fuzz turns back to carry on unscrewing as I go over near the opposite wall. "What about a foosball table? You like foosball."

"Yeah, foosball is ripper... What about some arcade cabinets?"

FUZZ: "That's not a bad idea! Donkey Kong Junior!"

"HA!" I get to a dial on the wall. "You're so old."

FUZZ: "Shut up. You think anything that isn't voice-activated is old."

Fuzz rips the metal plate off the wall and wires quickly follow, snapping away from the connecters. Don't think Dad knew his own strength.

"It's 2020, cunt! If it ain't on Star Trek it ain't shit. Fuck me, why is it so hot?"

FUZZ: "Small room plus manual labor equals hot room. Do I need to home school you, now?"

"Hilarious." I quip as my hand reaches for the dial in front of me. "Gonna turn on the AC."

As I turn I hear him shout after me, thinking he's just being a dad and yelling at me for touching the thermostat. I look back with a cheeky grin which is interrupted as the steel door slides shut beside me. Fuzz's hand, once reaching out for me, falls to his side as he looks to the door with a sigh.

FUZZ: "... Nice."

He quietly says in a dejected tone, his palms clasp together behind his head as he looks to the door.

"Did I fuck up?"

FUZZ: "A little, yeah."

Hm.

. . .

"So-"

FUZZ: "We're stuck, yeah."

"Hm."

"Fuck." "Fuck."

It takes every urge in my body not to say, jinx. I go back to my beer in a quiet sulk as Fuzz huffs and returns to the board he just ripped out, turning the plate to inspect where the wires should go. He takes a few quick glances between what's in his hands and the square hole in the wall before slamming the plate down and sitting on the low table next to the cooler. His pulls his hands down his face before staring at the wall. I slowly walk over, my thumb circling the top of the beer.

"Sorry, Dad."

FUZZ: "It's." Fuzz stops himself short realising his tone. "It's fine."

I take a sip and sit beside Fuzz, I place my beer on the table getting a brilliant idea.

"I'll give V a ring, she'll help us out."

I take my phone out of my pocket.

FUZZ: "Won't work. Last time you called me I realised I needed to reinforce the walls, there is SO much lead..."

I look at the lack of bars on my phone and set it down.

"So what do we do?"

FUZZ: "Wait for death?"

"Sick."

I twiddle my thumbs as Fuzz turns his body so he's looking at the same wall as me.

FUZZ: "With recent news anyway least this will serve as a good fallout shelter."

"Yeah... Am I gonna get drafted?"

FUZZ: "Not anymore, kid."

"Well." I retake my beer. "Always a silver lining, eh, cunt."

Fuzz slowly blinks looking at me and heads over to the cot in the room and lies down on it facing the ceiling, swigging his bev as he does.

"Hey, why don't we swap stories. Pass the time."

FUZZ: "Like what?"

I tuck my legs up and sit criss-cross Vegemite sauce on the table looking at Dad and give a shrug.

"How about the first time we met?"

Fuzz thinks for a moment.

FUZZ: "Sure."

"It was my debut, remember?"

I look over to a random corner of the room as I imagine that flashback ripple plays along with the sound of a harp.
-
I stand behind a long red curtain; I adjust the tie on my thousand-dollar suit as I hear the rowdy crowd excitingly murmur to one another awaiting the sickest cunt to arrive on the scene. The curtain opens and the applause ruptures my ears as camera flashes ping off throughout the crowd; I step out onto the stage smiling and waving to the crowd. As I get to the podium a hush falls over the audience and I adjust my perfect hair which never curls in awkward places and gets in my ears and makes them really itch as it hits that certain spot. I take a loving look at my adoring fans and exhale before speaking.

"I, Noah Jackson, am officially joining the XWF, cunts!"

The fucking roar of the crowd cut part oceans, roses are thrown at my feet as roster members literally piss themselves out of fear. One of them even shoots themselves in the head as they know they have no chance of climbing the ladder while my big swinging dick is hitting every rung on the way up. I give a courteous wave to the crowd as Fuzz enters onto the stage, on a segway no less, the mature heelies some would call it. He steps off and places both his hands on my shoulders.

FUZZ: "Noah, I'm your father and I love you."

He gives me a tight hug and pats my back before facing me back to the raucous crowd with my arm raised.
-
Fuzz stares at me from his bed.

FUZZ: "That didn't happen."

I snap back to him.

"The fuck? Sure it did, cunt."

FUZZ: "I don't even own a segway!"

"Alright then, cunt, how'd it happen?"

Fuzz takes a sip of beer.

FUZZ: "You made an ass out of yourself and I schooled you."

"Fuck off."

FUZZ: "That's what happened!"

"That's shit. You're shit! Good thing you missed most of my childhood, you would have been shit at bedtime stories."

Fuzz shakes his head and we sit in silence for a minute.

FUZZ: "I'm bored, say something."

"Wouldn't want to get another story wrong."

FUZZ: "Stop being a baby. Just talk about anything."

I finish off my beer and grab another two, passing one to Fuzz. We crack em open and drink in sync, like father and son, cunt.

"Could talk about Big D and Scully?"

If Fuzz's body drop so much he almost phases through the cot. He clears some sleep from his eyes.

FUZZ: "Can I give input?"

"Be rude if you didn't, cunt."

Fuzz swirls the bottle in his hand as he thinks.

FUZZ: "Proceed."

"Well... Erm..."

FUZZ: "... Well?"

"Gimme a minute, I'm trying to figure out which one is easier to start with both are the same level of pathetic."

FUZZ: "Go alphabetically."

I think for a moment longer than I'd care to admit to remembering which one that would be.

"Big D. So, this baby dick, balless bitch has the absolute audacity to skip out on a chance to lose to me in a chamber match only to circle back around to lose to me in a three-way. This tiny insignificant speck actually thinks he's worthy to be on a title scene of any magnitude after I made him cry, I made him trash rooms and I made him ruin Thanksgiving dinner! I ruined this cunts life, I dropped the fat cunt on the mat and made him a bloody puddle, I made it so that fucking cunt has to eat through a straw for at least a week, I gave that cunt a concussion so bad his friend had to stop the match for him! And he THINKS for a fucking second he deserves a rematch!? After refusing one!? What the fuck!? Is he scared of crowds or some shit!?"

"He had his fucking chance and he ran!"

"HE FUCKING RAN!"

"And he bitched on Twitter like the tiny child he is that he deserved a Uni shot? For fucking what, cunt? For fucking losing? You had your chance at the Uni and you couldn't do it. You couldn't get shit done and then you cried and complained and you ran off to another belt to fulfil the cycle again."

FUZZ: "Are you talking to me now?"

"What? No, I'm visualising the cunt in front of me."

FUZZ: "Well you switched from talking about him to talking to him, it kinda ruins the flow."

"Well, cunt, I apologise! It's how I do!"

FUZZ: "Don't get all cranky, just giving you some input."

"..."

Fuzz passes his hand.

FUZZ: "Continue."

"... The cunt. You broke the flow now, cunt! ... Big D thinks he's destined for greatness when he's fallen at every fucking hurdle. Yeah, he's grabbed titles but he's never defended them like a real champ. Look at me, this is my first title, when I won it was a big deal, I defended my title against Blackwater and I fucked his shit up so bad his next two promos were against me even though our match at Savage ended. I defended my title at Warfare in a chamber, Warfare, you know the show I'm not on. I went to Anarchy and me and Dad twatted two shit cunts. All that in a single month! Did I throw a tantrum and toss the TV aside claiming bullshit? Did I fuck! Because I'm the only cunt who can make this title mean a fucking thing, I will go down in history as the hardest working TV champion in the XWF! What would you have done, D? How quickly would you have failed in the chamber match? How quickly would you have refused to wrestler another show in a month? How quickly would you have lost the TV and went running after another belt you couldn't win?"

"The only belt you deserve is the one your dad hit you with."

"Fucking just fuck off! Quit! Do something better with your miserable existence. I hear the oceans looking for some new buoys. Maybe you'll be better served there? Fuck, with World War 3 on the horizon maybe a minesweeper position is open, not the qualified professional who operates and finds mines, no, you'd make an excellent fucking tool. Daniel, I am going to say something to you no one has ever said to you or about you before. I am thrilled to see your next promo because I am going to love seeing you grasp at straws to find a reason for why you actually belong in a title match."

"You are so you make Scully look like a half-capable cunt."

FUZZ: "Nice transition."

"Thank you!"

"Scully is by far the greatest joy in life. The cunt is the worst trash talker I have ever heard in my life, but the beauty of it is he works like a recycling bin. You say something, he gets it wrong and shits out more stuff for you to laugh at! Fuck, Peter Gilmour is fucking terrible but at least 'suck my dick' is meant to be more of an insult than a request. Meant to, anyway. When I stepped out on Savage and called you both shit cunts, I couldn't help but smile looking at the gormless, vapid cunt that is Scully's docile bulldog-like face. The cunt is just terrible. He is so fucking bad."

"Like, so fucking bad."

"I actually can't get across just how bad this cunt is."

"And he's going to see this promo, the part where I call him bad and he's gonna fuck up his response in a spectacular way! And I don't know how he does it! It's fucking incredible! It's literally my favourite thing in the world now! He could see me calling him bad and say a Michael Jackson reference along with a MJ impression OR he could focus on how I say 'my favourite thing' and go on about how I love him, maybe make a gay joke too like it's not 2020 and the cunt doesn't wear tights and wrestles half-naked oily men. OR will the cunt see all this now and just dodge everything because the tiny brained prick is fucking terrified like looking like an idiot despite the cunt being deemed severely MORE THAN ONCE!"

"Fuck me, cunt, you're like a cunt on Days of Our Lives with how often you step in and out of severe brain damage straight back to borderline normal. Tell you what, cunt, find your brain so you can make your fucking mind up. Who cares anyway, you're as bad as Big D and will cry as soon as you lose and throw a tantrum only difference is you have the decency to fuck off and stop being a bitter disappointment to whichever unlucky fuck trained you to become a wrestler."

FUZZ: "Your sincerely, Noah Jackson, Sick Cunt esquire."

"Fin."

I take a bow as Fuzz gives a clap. We both chuckle and go back to our beers.

FUZZ: "We're pretty alike."

"Father and son, cunt."

FUZZ: "Yeah, makes me regret messing with the DNA results."

Fuzz swallows some beer as I freeze up and slowly turn to him.

"What?"

He stops drinking, his eyelids fall as he lowers the bottle to the floor and bites his tongue. He slowly sits up on the cot, I don't look away from him, I feel my pupils shake as the grip on my bottle tightens.

FUZZ: "Nothing, it was a joke."

"Didn't seem like a joke, I didn't find it funny."

Fuzz places his hands on the top of his head and rubs them back down to his neck before placing them both around the bed frame.

FUZZ: "I-... When we went on Maury, we just started teaming. I didn't know you, you didn't know me. It was for the best."

"For the best!?" I toss the bottle to the ground and it smashes to pieces. I immediately get in his face. "You fucking lied to me, cunt!?"

FUZZ: "You were a fucking stranger! And you dragged me on to fucking Maury to do what? Add to some delusion?"

Fuzz steps up and tries to push past me but I grab his bicep and turn him around.

"It might not have been a fucking delusion! It could have been a fucking reality but you!" I shove the cunt. "You pussed out!"

FUZZ: "Do not fucking push me."

"Or what? You gonna hit me? Do it!"

I get in his face.

FUZZ: "Noah."

"C'mon, cunt, fucking hit me."

FUZZ: "Stop."

"Do it, cunt! Fucking hit me!"

I shove into him and he snaps straight back pushing me back against the opposite wall, I snarl as I return and throw a punch into his temple which stumbles him but he grabs me in a headlock and whirs at my neck. I feel the veins in my temple bust to the surface, I manage to sink my teeth in his hand and he hisses in pain letting me go and I stand up straight to push him back, my forearm in his neck. The table is knocked and the cooler crashes to the ground, ice and beer flowing onto the floor. I try to throw a hit but Fuzz manages to get his arm up to block before throwing me aside. I slip on the ice and land hard on my back; wind leaves my lungs as I look to Fuzz cough holding his throat. I try to stand but surprisingly heelies plus ice doesn't go too well and I keep slipping on my ass. My fury slowly fades, it's still there but instead of a stream of insults coming from me I begin to laugh. Fuzz watches me catching his breath and joins in. We stop fighting and just giggle like idiots at one another for a while.

"Heh... You want a hand?"

My laughing fades as I stare at the ceiling.

"Nah, I'm good."

I slowly and steadily get to my feet and I look to Fuzz who tries to break a smile. I feel tears in the corner of my eyes but hold them back... The door slides open to my right and I see Vita standing there, looking surprised. She smiles.

VV: "Hey... You need any help here?"

Me and Fuzz look at one another.

"Nah, I was just leaving."

FUZZ: "Ye-yeah. I was an idiot and knocked the table, I'll clean it. You two can go."

I slowly step passed the ice cradling my back, I give VV a kiss and pat her on the back to move forward.

FUZZ: "Noah."

I look back at him.

FUZZ: "... I'm sorry."

I pat the door frame and look away before leaving.

"Okay, Shawn."

FORMER:



W | L | D
226 | 11 | 81

Star of the Month (August 2019)
1/3 Star of the Month (January 2020) with Fuzz and our Subaru
RP of the Month (November 2019) with Big Disappointment