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"The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler · (12-27-2017)

“Jim Caedus at Anarchy I am going to purge you! I’m going to shove a butcher’s hook up your ass yank you into the air with a pulley from the rafters and use this Mystery Opponent as a baseball bat to break your fucking ribs. Yes, you heard it from the Pig’s mouth yourself.

Now we all know this Mystery Opponent is most likely one of your pals and well it doesn’t matter how many chuckle fucks of yours are involved because I am a Motherfucker. I could fuck my way through a world record orgy. Bearded Rapunzel and any of his other fucked up fairy tale princesses are going to catch this Beard, Pig, and People beat down!

Please Jim when it happens don’t be a whiny bitch about it. Don’t think I didn’t see what you had to say in your first promo brah. Trying to act like you know of any squash besides the large vegetables you and your pals shove up your bums while crocheting assless chaps, sipping wine, and puffing on each other’s peckers.

With my completely non-stop ridiculous wrestling schedule ahead of me. Our match at Anarchy is the one I am most excited for. The fuckery in this one is strong, not just because you basically made yourself my arch enemy. Not because this Mystery Opponent gives it a little more edge or wonder for the imagination. No, it’s my most looked forward to because it’s basically a dark match, nothing that the XWF will barely keep note of.

Most likely a rare occasion one will get the opportunity to put the boots to glory and attention whores like yourself at such unvalued events. Kind of makes it special to me, so hopefully you’ll understand why at Anarchy I am coming down to the ring ready to destroy. You are basically going to be facing a very large chimpanzee on cocaine and LSD.

Do you know what that means Jimmy? Fuck no you don’t! I don’t even know what the hell that means. Know one does. What we do know is it’s not good for you. Not at all. You made an enemy out of someone who could have been a very valued and skillful friend. Instead your going to have a severe pain in the ass. Not just at Anarchy, not just for the rest of two thousand seventeen, and not just for two thousand eighteen either. No Jimbo I’m consistent and thorough so if you are in the XWF, you’ll have to worry if a Motherfucker is lurking around every corner you come to.

Forever Unsafe!

Lucky for you though Jimbo, you won’t be able to play with my Boomstick at Anarchy being a standard triple threat and all. Who really knows though Jimmy boy. This stupid fucking Jarhead might just say fuck it and bring the old Boomstick along, say fuck the match and just beat you until the barbwire duals or the AK forty-seven buttstock snaps in half! Like I said before I don’t even know what kind of fucked up killing machine you are going to see. Just prepare yourself for one hell of a time.

You do love the thrill of the fight don’t you Jim?! Yeah. Just look at some of the ways you’ve put yourself in harms way for victory. I’m glad your willing to exasperate it all because you bet your ass all three of us will be. I will be making damn sure of it. You either can be cool with it or it can be forced upon you.

Basically, what I am asking don’t hold fucking back because if you do I will just punch harder, wrestler more intensely, and fly higher than a blonde sissified fuck like you can handle! Not that it’s not going to happen that way anyways, Bwarhahaha!

Since I am mister nice guy and all. How about I brainstorm here a minute and help you with the excuse you can use after I pin your shoulders to the canvas of the ring for that sweet and erecting three count. Maybe you can blame my mean words and disrespectful jokes for you succumbing to the drugs that once had you whipped like the little bitch you are. No that won’t work, there has been plenty of greats who were advent drug users.

How about I bend your mom over a barrel and show her the fifty states? That would fuck with anyone’s head, finding out their mother no matter how shitty of one they maybe are getting their pussy blown out by the foe. Fuckin’ dirty. A few fucktards would buy into that excuse I do believe Jimbo, but you would be the pro on them, what do you think?

Man oh man I can’t wait for this match. I just know we are going to smash the house down! Hopefully know one is occupying because I’m prepared to be a one man wrecking crew if need be but I’m almost sure you are on board.

With that said Jimbo, Mystery Opponent whoever you maybe. Eat, sleep, train, and prepared for the end of the world because the whole XWF is about to be engulfed by Anarchy and I plan to be the one leading the charge! You two fuckstains are my targets and well Marines never fucking miss. Make sure your loved ones know you love them and kiss them good bye because B-W-Motherfuckin’ P ruts during Anarchy. Hog’s of War fear nothing in rut! Stretch and work those jaws because ya’ll about to receive a large mouthful of Pig testies!

Oink, Oink Motherfuckers!”

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