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CM Punk · **05-16-2013, 11:55 AM**

CM Punk, sitting comfortably upon his couch in chicago (why get to the arena yet? It's barely thursday.) Is awaiting a skype response from Ann Thraxx. The following interview is about to hopefully be recorded for XWF.com, the "no limits" section.

They connect.

Punk: Hello! Mrs. Thraxx, you look ever so beautiful. Remember our night..the other night? Oh wait..those roofies, man. Anyway, how are you preparing for your match?

Crimson Cobra · **05-16-2013, 12:24 PM**

The Skype box is still malfunctioning and is only a black box then it slowly comes into view that the person on the other side of the computer is not Ann Thraxx but instead Crimson Cobra.

Crimson Cobra seems to be oblivious to CM Punk and must not have heard his first few words. He is still scrolling around on his webpage looking at what ever was on it before we arrived.

Crimson Cobra
No thank you Mr. Senator for finally realizing that you'r cheap whore screwed me over.

He raises his hands over his head and looks directly at the picture with Senator standing over him and the 12 page story that goes along with it

Crimson Cobra
AND THE NEW EUROPEAN CHAMPION THE COBRA!

Crimson looks down at a flashing icon on his computer screen he puts his hands down and looks confused at first. He clicks it and CM Punk appears on his computer screen.

Crimson Cobra
WHAT IN THE HELL! Wait.. you, your the referee for the main event this week. How in the hell did you get access to my computer!?

CM Punk · **05-16-2013, 12:36 PM**

Punk realizes he has connected with Cobra, and looks at him oddly.

Punk: What the fuck. I don't know. How are YOU planning to win your match monday?

Crimson Cobra · **05-16-2013, 01:57 PM**

Cobra is absolutely confused but goes along with the interview anyways.

Crimson Cobra
MY match, thank you for making sure everyone knows that it is my match first of all. I am going to continue to run threw the simple challenges that Heyman is testing me with.

Cobra makes air quotes along with saying testing. He is obviously very confident on his past wins as well as winning the next match.

Crimson Cobra
My game plan is no different than ever before. No matter what psycho is reffing it and no matter what pathetic excuses for human beings step into the ring the outcome has been the same ever since I came back from a little one week leave of absence.

There is no competitor on Madness that can hold me back now, no one will stand over me and say they have won. I am marching my way back up to defeat The Senator and take back what is rightfully mine.

CM Punk · **05-17-2013, 11:17 AM**

Punk:

Do you in any way, shape, or form fear your opponents? Do you view them as threats?

And most importantly, how do you view me?

Crimson Cobra · **05-17-2013, 12:05 PM**

Crimson Cobra

Shocker..... Ann Thraxx..... There is nothing there to fear. I am the only main event material in this match and they will soon find out why they belong in the under card. The biggest fear in this match is rolling my ankle on the way to the ring and letting one of these two have even the slightest hint of victory hit their minds.

But as for you Punk... the referee in this match. I do not fear you either. You may have something going on with Ann but that is none of my concern. My concern would only be that you call the match how it should be called. That if you sit there and don't count to three when I am pinning... lets use your words... "the oh so lovely" ms. Ann Thrax. I will have to make you count to three.

Shocker · **05-17-2013, 10:26 PM**

Suddenly, the skype call pops up a third window. It's a little hazy, but can make out the figure of a man in a slightly darken room. He isn't looking at the camera, but talking to someone else.

IYou think I should just point thatout?

Yeah, probably get his panties in a wad...little punk ass bitch!

The man turns towards the camera, as it begins to clear up. We soon see that it is in fact, Shocker. He pinches the bridge of his nose slightly, letting out a sigh of annoyance. He then looks at the camera...

You know, I was just sitting here with the "the oh so lovely" Ms. Ann Thraxx, and this little sausage fest popped up. Not sure why you have this just randomly popping up...

Does it matter what I do during my free time?

No, I guess not...anyways I like how Punk calls out Thraxx for an interview, but all I'm seeing is Cobra trying to get some *cough* service.

Seems that way to me.

Cobra, I like how your seeing me and Thraxx as mid-carders here in the XWF. I find that quite funny actually. Yes, you may have had a European Title shot, but so what? I could get one, if I wanted one. I decide when and what I do with my time in XWF, not your expectation of what I should be doing. Besides, last time I checked, I'm holding some gold right now...what are you holding...

Besides Punk's little coc...

Would you like to address this yourself?

~~Ann Thraxx~~ · **05-18-2013, 03:49 AM**

Ann comes into better view of the camera.

Sorry, Shock. Zoned out for the most part of what you said, but I agree with it all!... Look, Punk. Even that Jager-chugging slut in the midcard got her chance for that hack Senator's title! Wy the fuck would I want it? If you win, I'll be laughing, because I'm sure it's covered in Senator's white stains.

Yes. To clarify, he fucks his title belt.

I don't know how that works, but it does. You don't wanna hold that title, trust me. Well, YOU might, specifially. I could win it, but it's too fucking easy. I don't even need titles. I beat down idiots week in, week out for the fans' entertainment, whether they appeciate it or not. I don't give a shit what recognition I get. I didn't come here for that.

John Samuels · **05-18-2013, 04:43 AM**

A fourth widow appears, with a very shaky camera.

No! Just stop moving it, you're fine!

Mom?

Mom? Are you there? Mom!?

The Senator, seated far too close to the camera comes into focus.

Oh great, it's you losers. I'm not quite sure what constitutes comedy anymore, but if this is it then I don't quite get it. Cobra? I've kicked your ass three times now, you're never getting a shot at my belt again, you can count on that. Shocker, Punk, Thraxx? I don't know who any of you are, and I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who can say the same. I'm sure you're all doing just fine down there on the mid-card, but please don't fool yourselves into thinking you're on my level. As Cobra can tell you, it won't end well for you.

CM Punk · **05-18-2013, 05:25 AM**

Punk:

Everyone settle down! Senator, when I beat Thraxx and defeat you, one of XWF's better champs.. Oh, the glory.

As for Thraxx, Shock, Cobra. Answer this last question:

Who wins Monday?

John Samuels · **05-18-2013, 05:33 AM**

Punk... Punk... Oh I know! Aren't you the guy that just lost to the Black Circle's lap dog? And you're going to beat me? Boy, you're nuttier than a squirrel turd.

CM Punk · **05-18-2013, 05:57 AM**

And aren't you just the guy that's holding the title until a better wrestler comes along and takes it? I mean, not to down your credibility or anything, but your most recent defense is- If I've got this right- Caramel? Believe me, with a track record like that, I'm dripping with intimidation.

*This Message Paid for by the Coalition For A Brighter America.*

(Punk's camera fades out.)

John Samuels · **05-18-2013, 06:05 AM**

That's right, move along little boy. Tuck that tail and run, you're not ready for the big leagues.

CM Punk · (05-18-2013)

A fourth, (or fifth, depending on how you look at it) window pops up. It's a shirtless Paul Heyman. His man boobs hanging out for all to see.

"Hello guys. Punk, Shocker, Ann...... The best champion in the XWF today, my friend the Senator. Oh, looks like Cobra is here too. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"I can't comment on the main event this week but I can comment on a few of your comments that are archived here.

"Let's see..... ahhh yes! Crimson Cobra believes he's running through my "tests." I can't really dispute that. One thing you must know, Dakota, is that I don't care if you win or you lose. So long as you're punished. I have a feeling, this Monday night in Houston you'll get exactly that.

"As far as you being the "rightful" champion, Cobra, need I remind you that I had nothing to do with - and neither did the Senator, might I add - Fairchild interfering to such a degree that she did. Yes you were cheated. That much is easy to see. After much deliberation, between the Senator and I, Representative Fairchild was fined heavily for her actions that night. I can't disclose the amount, but I can tell you it was made payable to the Senator John Samuels campaign fund.

"I see some you knocking some of Senators title challengers. All I can say is that Senator Samuels has never chosen his opponents. He faces, and defeats who I as General Manager place in front of him. Some of you could learn a lesson in how to defeat others by watching the Senator. After all, the man has 7 wins compared to zero losses on Monday nights!

"The fact is, the Senator is running out of challengers. He's quite literally mowed down all in front of him. After the failure that was Jeff Hardy. And the experiment that was Neonero. The Senator has been a breath of fresh air. A great champion, a great competitor, a great Senator for the great state of Texas, and - most importantly - a great friend!

"CM Punk, I expect you to be on your best behavior Monday night. Of course, your best behavior is equal to a 6 year old on speed.

"Shocker, Ann Thraxx, I expect you to teach Crimson Cobra a lesson in respect. Honor. Loyalty.

"Crimson Cobra, I expect you and I will meet once more in the ring on Monday. I'd really suggest you apologize for your actions weeks ago.

"Senator, what time is dinner?"

John Samuels · **05-18-2013, 09:05 AM**

I've got a meeting with some tree hugger group complaining that the sky isn't blue enough or something like that around 5, so I should be free aroud 6. How's steak sound?

Unknown Soldier · (05-18-2013)

(05-18-2013, 09:05 AM)The Senator Said: I've got a meeting with some tree hugger group complaining that the sky isn't blue enough or something like that around 5, so I should be free aroud 6. How's steak sound?

Unknown Soldier just appears out of nowhere by some type of black magic in front of everyone's face.

Unknown Soldier: I'd rather have YOUR liver and onions.

John Samuels · (05-18-2013)

(05-18-2013, 09:32 AM)Unknown Soldier Said:
(05-18-2013, 09:05 AM)The Senator Said: I've got a meeting with some tree hugger group complaining that the sky isn't blue enough or something like that around 5, so I should be free aroud 6. How's steak sound?

Unknown Soldier just appears out of nowhere by some type of black magic in front of everyone's face.

Unknown Soldier: I'd rather have YOUR liver and onions.

*ESC key*

**05-18-2013, 09:48 AM**

Steak sounds great! Is Ann Fairchild going to be dining topless again? That was TITS!.... Literally.... Oh shit, this is public!

Oh well. God damned liberal fucktards are ruining this country! Send Obamanation back to Kenya, Biden to retirement, Hillary to prison, and Senator Samuels to the White House!

Unknown Soldier kinda freaks me out. See you 'round 6.

~~Ann Thraxx~~ · **05-18-2013, 09:30 PM**

Ann is suddenly noticed crying into her camera..... Yes, crying!

HIS MAN BOOBS ARE JUST SO MAN BOOBY!

PUT THOSE THINGS AWAAAAAAY!!!

HEYMAN, STAAAAAHP!

**05-18-2013, 10:20 PM**

Ann...

Would you like...

To...

Have a...

Suckle of my zipple?

~~Ann Thraxx~~ · (05-18-2013)

..............I'm just hoping you have a speech impediment, and meant nipple. I don't know what a zipple is, nor do I want to!

I don't wanna suck on your nipple or your zipple.

I'm apPaulled.

John Samuels · (05-19-2013)

(05-18-2013, 11:40 PM)Ann Thraxx Said: ..............I'm just hoping you have a speech impediment, and meant nipple. I don't know what a zipple is, nor do I want to!

I don't wanna suck on your nipple or your zipple.

I'm apPaulled.

When a problem comes along, you must zip it.

**05-20-2013, 06:21 AM**

Zip it good!

CM Punk · **05-21-2013, 12:06 PM**

She only sucks on my nipple, boys.

Get back to laying on your back, you dirty whore.

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