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The legacy of a man built piece by piece. Win after win. Surprise after surprise. The great ones burst onto the scene and shock the audience sensibilities right off the bat. Chaos had it all. The look. The weird disposition. Jenny. Until... she was taken.
Then the phantom came out. The guy who had endless support at ringside was faced with the hard reality of now knowing where she was. Father Slathe struck. Picking her right out of the air. It was like a horrific fair tale.
After that there was only one place left for him to go.
PANDA
It took me a long time to properly analyze where I had seen tactics like this before. Someone who defies all logic and says that facts don't matter. That discoveries about this case are futile. An all out total sell-out version of denial. In rare form. Chris just wants to win so badly; so none of that matters. Only... it doesn't work that way. Chris Chaos refuses to accept what is happening right in front of him. He can't take the rejection, the pain, losing the gold strap that he always holds to close to his chest... because he knows soon it will be gone. A whisper in the wind.
Then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. Or... bamboo.
Stay with me here... imagine Chris... with stark white all around his cheeks, forehead, and in between his eyes. Black ears, hairy black silky shoulders, dark patches around his eyes, and a shiny black nose. Hunting the occasional mouse. Six fingers. Beady black eyes. Half the day sleeping, the other half eating. Good geographical memory. Strong teeth, seven times the size of a normal humans. Superior hearing and sense of smell... but lackluster vision. Fur as soft as Charmin, with the flow of a mustang running through the wild, though it looks like it hasn't been brushed in days. Starting to see the resemblance? I am.
Then again, real Panda's protect their own.
Something Chris had failed to do.
The nature of a man says a lot about him. What about the nature of a Panda? Yes, a fucking Panda bear. Someone constantly trying to assert himself as Chaotic makes you kind of think other things could be lacking on the human levels. I mean not just assert, but naming yourself "Chris Chaos". It seemed like a storm was brewing deep beneath the skin. Something animalistic. A deep growl that could only be... Panda. He was smart about it at first. Only penetrating the Asian markets... surely their naïve viewing nature as wrestling fans to XWF would not catch the idiosyncrasies like us American's might. Then Lethal Lotto was booked in... North Korea. Here, before the biggest match of our lives... I decided to look for them. The patterns that make Chaos... Chaos. I came across some very intriguing things. Ladies and gentlemen... what you are about to see has not been altered in any way. It is of its original viewing nature. As a disclaimer, no Panda's were harmed during the linking of this video... as for its making... I can't be sure. Somehow, harming the Panda seems like the least of our concern.
Yeah, I know. That was a sweet keyboard.
I know what you're asking yourself right now. What kind of sick bastard strolls into an office, and unorganizes all the papers and equipment into a messy, but easily cleanable, pile? Inside, you already know the answer. Chaos. It's the same desire to cause harm with the hesitation to not to want to go full asshole. The very line Chris lives his life upon. Well, sometimes full asshole is the only way to save yourself. Otherwise you become a prick who's more useful in a... petting zoo. It was brilliant, at first. Toeing flights back and forth between XWF shows and Asia, just in time for another Panda sighting. Then, right back to wrestle as Universal Champion... who would have ever suspected that? All the fans were too busy buying his stuff, while XWF was enjoying one of its most profitable times in recent memory with tons of new superstar merch to pawn off on unsuspecting losers. Dollar signs tend to blind people from the truth. They looks the other way with a wad of cash in their hand. Not asking questions, or knowing what to even be suspicious of. But this time, he screwed up. He left bamboo crumbs along the tree trail leading right back to XWF. Words can mean a lot more than arbitrary threats, like the normal Chaos promo's. They can reveal... a lot. A... Panda. In all of his "aggressive talk" about how he will destroy me, and that I am this or that... he said something I recognized.
"You are so far out to space that even the sun can't warm you."
There! Even the sun can't warm me? WHAT? That is one of the most PANDA things I have ever heard. Come on. You aren't even trying to hide it anymore. I'm just going to call a spade a spade. Let's get it out in the open. Chris, have you been secretly spending all day in the sun chomping on bamboo, to hide how much of a dick you are? Hoping someone will come along and view you from the outside of an enclosure, still in AWE of what you used to be? Does it make you angry? Ready to tell the world off as long as no one suspects its you? DO you feel like putting on a Panda costume somehow entitles you to do whatever you want?
It doesn't. No more than me swinging a Hall of Famer's bat makes me a great hitter. You earn your keep. Been getting a lot of Vitamin D lately? Sitting by yourself in the bright radiance of all you once were. Soaking up the rays of the sun... waiting for the darkness that will soon be at your doorstep? A darkness signed by Gabe Reno? Even if you haven't, I did sign it. Darkness it coming, Chris. In a way that will eclipse your bright white side. When this match ends, you will really look like a Panda. Beaten and battered. On the bright side, people will still recognize you. As the exposed piece of shit that you really are. What was it you said.. oh, that you think this will be an epic battle? It won't be. This isn't that type of match. You aren't that guy anymore. Stop living in the past. I know that I have done my homework, and won't need long. Hell in a Cell, 2 out of 3 falls. I'm going to bash your heartless adorable panda face into that steel chain-link, and drag. While you've been out working on your golden tan before you tuck into your white and black costume, I have been putting in real work towards this match.
Like a wrestler.
A future Champion.
I don't rely on fans telling me that I am their favorite. It's okay, well all know you need that. I already KNOW I am the BEST. It is YOU who refuses to accept it. How many times do I have to beat you Chris, what, this... then... the rematch you contractually get? Why don't you just go to the back of the line like everyone else? Oh, that's right... because you're a Panda. Panda's don't have to wait in line. They just do whatever the fuck they want, and everyone "Ooow's" and "Aaah's" because you're an cute Panda. As hard to compete with as that may be, we all know the version of you booked at Lotto isn't the Panda. But hey, you're already in bull blown denial. Maybe you've have a full break and just show up in costume. After all, now that cat's kind of out of the bag. You're welcome.
Another clipping from the Chaos Asia collection. You stroll into a hospital, and push a sick guy's television monitor over, then pull out his IV. Wow. That is Chris Chaos as I live and breathe. Wanting to hurt others for self gratification. Unfortunately for you, there won't be any sneaking in at Lotto. There won't be a way to pull my IV, tip over my shopping cart, or unorganize my desk papers. I won't be hurt. I will barely break a sweat. I'm well past the point of anything you say or do making any difference to how I deliver. I see it as what it is. An Angry Panda. A once promising man who has been left to a white and black dressing that disguising his shame.
Disgraceful.
Depressed about where its life has ended up. After all the training and long nights talking wrestling behind cheap western bars. After its dad telling it over and over to "just be a regular Panda" and chill and eat like the rest of the family. The entire time the anger was building. He had to act out to make himself whole. That's what happens when father time begins to knock. You lose it physically... then you can't deal with it... and lose it mentally.
Chris Chaos. The Angry Panda.
Oh, hey. Do once thing for me, Chris.
Kiss it goodbye.
Because you can't protect it.
Like Jenny.
☆
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