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Unknown Soldier · **01-31-2017, 02:56 PM**

"One... and... two... and... three... and.... four... and... five... and... six... and... six... and.... six. Breathe damnit! Breathe!"

It's a disastrous scene as the emergency medical crew begins wheeling in their newest riff-raff off the streets. Hospitals everywhere are forced to bring in the most deprived and self-destructive individuals who have given over completely to the sins of mankind. Drug addicts, alcoholics, and even twelve-year-old mothers murdering their babies in the third trimester.

"This patient is still able to afford ObamaCare people! Therefore, we have to give him the least bit of medical attention possible but act like it's the best we can do!"

The patient then goes into a full blown seizure, and it is in this very moment that the XWF world falls beseeched upon the former Xtreme Champion and XWF legend, Unknown Soldier. Flailing about like some kind of demon-possessed lunatic, and humping the stretcher like a jackrabbit on a case of red bulls. Banging his head back and forth as if he were at some kind of death metal concert. The tag team champion is going through this whole process while on a stretcher and being hardly attended to by a pack of doctors who seem more concerned with the secretary at the front doors fat set of tits then tending to their ailing patient. For those few new XWF newbs like Brandon Moore and Ronnie Cage who have only seen the demon dicked defiler in their most haunting nightmares, they can finally bare witness to the SATAN! loving lord of darkness themselves. The demonic do-badder is covered in blood, piss, shit, puke, and even a little bit of a white sticky substance most likely to be semen. It's as if he got drunk and got in a fight with his own dick while vomiting up six hundred and sixty-six gallons of vodka at the same time.

"We can't let him die! Donald Trump is our president now and it's clear that the man intends to keep every single promise he made on his campaign trail! We've banned all the fucking sand

thus making it important that we not let ANYONE die in the streets! Trump himself said, NOBODY WILL DIE IN THE STREETS! NOBODY!"

The rest of the doctors surrounding Unknown Soldier and racing him down the aisles of the hospital pretend to give a shit about what the man has to say, but most of them glance back at the hot secretary and her rocking rack and kinda fade in and out of his conversation. For some reason, she undid another button on her shirt, most likely because she realized that Unknown Soldier, the sexiest man in the XWF, just went past her. Despite being covered in all the human filth that can be expelled from every orifice in the body, women still get wet at the mere sight of the XWF superstar.

This woman is probably more wetter in her panties right now then every single one of Peter Gilmour's wives/girlfriends/sluts have ever been combined. The medical professionals wheel Unknown Soldier into a room, and then slam his body up on an operation table. They start fiddling with all sorts of random objects. Some you would assume to be used by doctors. Such as a scalpel and incision knife. Other objects include a horse whip, blowtorch, and even a banana. Which the main doctor peels and eats after shoving the banana repeatedly up Soldier's ass in some kind of strange CPR ritual that looks more like some kind of Richard Simmons exercise. He tosses the banana peel on the floor before speaking again.

"It's his six hundred and sixty-sixth crystal methamphetamine overdose! Let's work fast here people, this may be his last!"

The gang of doctors go back to work, this time working even harder with their random set of tools. One doctor even reaches over to a toolbox and whips out a hammer and saw. Before he can go to work tearing Soldier apart a steam whistle howls in the background. Lighting up the room and the entire hospital with a loud whistling sound that echoes up and down the hallways, signaling that the night's work is finally over. A stampede of doctors fling open the doors from every single room in the hallway as the packs of doctors fight and trample one another to be the first ones out of the building. All those ObamaCare doctors taking care of Unknown Soldier immediately drop all their tools and follow suit.

Most of them waiting for the hot secretary with the massive melons to start running out first before they take off quickly behind her with their tongues hanging out of their mouths like a dog with its head out the window. The hospital now becomes much quieter, but for the shrieking and howling of the ailing patients whom need urgent care and are left on their hospital beds to die. Trump said they wouldn't die in the streets, but here in the hospital. But, it's ok as long as we repeal ObamaCare. A lone shadowy figure begins making its way down the hallway. Slowly walking past the crying patients and making no effort to acknowledge their wailing pleas for help. Behind the figure and traveling closely next to him is another shadow even darker than the figure itself, and following that shadow is another darker shadow, going on and on and on past the poor dying patients until the last shadow being cast is a darkness so black and ominous, that it simply can not be described through the human eye.

Entering the hospital room of the Unknown Soldier, a beam of bright light shines directly in the face of the figure. The light is emancipating from a miner's helmet that one of the doctors was using to operate on Unknown Soldier and flung from his head when the steam whistle gave him freedom and he made his immediate exit. The light reveals this man to be none other than Soldier's tag team partner, the master of the XWF UNIVERSE himself, Dr. Louis D'ville.

Dr. D'ville: "Don't worry folks, not all of us are off the clock. As per usual, I'm the only doctor working the night shift. Now let's see....."

Before Doc can reach the bedside of Unknown Soldier, he slips and falls on the banana peel that fell on the ground after the previous doctor attempting to save Soldier after his 666th crystal methamphetamine overdose was using it to anally violate operate on the Midnight Murder Machine. Doc brings himself to his feet, rubbing his back that he landed on that must be in some sort of minor pain to say the least. It was a pretty wicked fall, and Doc doesn't seem oh so pleased about it and decides to pick the banana up, but before he can go to town on it pretending it's Brandon Moore's sad pathetic face, he is immediately perturbed by its putrid smell and tosses it into a sink in the far corner of the room.

Dr. D'ville: "Is Chiquita dipping their bananas in boiling vats of diarrhea these days or what? For the love of SATAN! that fucking hurt."

Doc's mention of the word SATAN! perks the ears of his tag team partner whom was still laying on the bench unconscious, however, signs his of awakening from this methamphetamine-induced coma are present.

Dr. D'ville: "Time to get you out of this veterans hospital and into my office where I can treat you better. Cuz boy you know I can treeeeeeeat yooooooou betta. Betta than he can!"

Doc pauses and thinks to himself for a moment, wondering why that new incredibly gay and yet somehow oddly popular song just came to his head by Shawn Mendes.

Dr. D'ville: "I really have been thinking about team Havok waaaaay too much!"

The good Doctor then pulls from his coat a remote device that he points towards the wall. After pushing a few buttons a large green oozing hole appears on the wall, which looks like some kind of worm hole portal, probably leading to some other bad ass dimension. In a very Rick and Morty like fashion, Doc kicks Soldier's operating table on wheels into the portal and follows closely behind. They are immediately transported into Doctor D'ville's office, and thus Doc begins immediately hooking all sorts of IV's and strange devices into Soldier's body. After he is finished, he looks down at his patient and slaps him directly across the face, guess how many times (666). He screams directly into his face after finishing the Rock'em Sock'em robot like slapping of it back and forth, and since nobody knows Soldier better than his tag team partner he knows exactly what to say that will wake him up.

Dr. D'ville: "Ghost Tank and Vinnie Lane are getting married, quick wake up, Soldier you gotta see this!"

Unknown Soldier: "I knew those two were a couple of closet fags together! When's the wedding I'm sure Ghost Tank invited me!"

Dr. D'ville: "Sorry my friend, but that was a lie. I had to do it so that I could wake you up so that we can defend our tag team titles against a pair of actual closet homosexuals."

Unknown Soldier: "I see, so that must take place after my Universal title match. I'm going to fucking murder those five

in the chamber match!"

Dr. D'ville: "Uh, no. You lost that match months ago because you've been on a super long meth binder, my friend. You actually got eliminated twice. Trax dually notes over and over again."

Unknown Soldier: "Even if it was a poor showing and my eyes were glazed over from the 666 pounds of crystal methamphetamine I smoked over the past few months, wouldn't me having to get eliminated twice be a good thing! I mean, for SATAN! sake, even at my worst I still have to lose twice before they can get me out of the match. As far as the loss goes, what the fuck does it matter, I'll be the Universal Champion whenever the fuck I so please. So fuck all that shit Doc, it's time for me to get back to work!"

Doc pulls a pair of matching suits and ties out of his closet in his office and both of them proceed to put them on. Everything is completely in black except for the red traced lettering on the back of the suits that reads 'Doctor SATAN! is back'. They both kinda give each other a best friend nod to each other as they both agree they look extra sharp and good. Soldier takes a glance at Docs ass and gives him a little wink to which Doc just ignores.

Unknown Soldier: "Back to work!"

Soldier then picks up his two briefcases, one on each side, as the two begin making their way out of the room.

Unknown Soldier: "This shit is kinda heavy, you wouldn't mind taking one of these off my hands, would ya, my friend."

Soldier acts like he's going to give one of his briefcases to Doc, but at the last moment pulls it away as Doc reaches to take the 24/7 briefcase.

Unknown Soldier: "Just kidding, bub. Just kidding...."

Doc then gives Soldier the go fuck yourself look and may even be wondering why he brought him back to life, but then remembers exactly why. Because they're the best fucking tag team to ever grace the XWF Universe and they would go on to prove exactly that tomorrow night.

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