03 - 26 - 2023 LIVE FROM AT&T STADIUM
ARLINGTON, TEXAS
PETER VAUGHN
- vs -
NOAH JACKSON Standard Singles
2rps/3k
SIDNEY GREY
- vs -
NED KAYE Standard Singles Match
2rps/3k
CENTURION
- vs -
GINA VAN ZYL Standard Singles
Anarchy Rules
"THE JUST-THIS LEAGUE"
THE ATOMIC BAT AND THE BLUE TANGO
- vs -
"THE HONORABLE MENTIONS"
VAGABOND AND CLYDE ROVER Tag Team Title Contendership Match
Standard Tag Team Match
2rps/2k
JAY OMEGA
- vs -
ISAIAH KING TV Title Contendership Match
2rps/3k
"MAD DOG" MARK WRIGHT
- vs -
BARNEY GREEN Standard Singles Match
2rps/2k
As March Madness opens we see Theo Pryce seated inside one of the stadiums luxury boxes. Sitting around him are Ned Kaye, Raion Kido and Jason Cashe, all tonight's competing members of SAGA. Behind them sharing some conversation and some drinks are the factions other members, Thaddeus Duke, Lexi Gold, Buster Gloves and future WGWF World Heavyweight Champion Mark "The Dragon" Cross. Theo looks up and sees the camera man and with a motion of his hand instructs the man to leave the room which he promptly does as Thaddeus Duke shuts the door behind him.
HHL: "Ladies and Gentlemen of the XWF Universe welcome to AT&T Stadium for March Madness 2023. We have 12 matches on deck for you tonight including the Final Four and Finals of our 32 person March Madness tournament as well as Tag Team, Anarchy, TV, Xtreme and Universal Title matches. A stacked card from top to bottom starts NOW!!"
'This time it's different' by Evan Blue starts
The lights in the arena go out, causing the usual hysteria from the crowd. After a few seconds, Peter Vaughn's face appears on the big tron, darkly smirking down at the fans.
"This Time... It's Different."
After Vaughn finishes speaking, he begins to laugh. His laughter carries on as the Tron video overtakes his image, beginning with "This Time It's Different" by Evans Blue. Sparks begin to erupt around the stage, showering nearby fans who feel like they're a little too close to the action. As the fireworks die down, two figures appear through the smoke and haze. Peter Vaughn walks forward first, followed by Chronic Chris Page stays behind him, smiling at the reaction Vaughn is getting. They stop at the top of the ramp, surveying the hatred from the crowd. From Vaughn's reaction, you'd think they were chanting his name, as he walks down the aisle with a cocky smile, with Page right behind him. The two make their way into the ring, heading into a corner to discuss some last-minute strategy.
'Sick Carnt' by Lil Stick starts
he crowd pop as Noah Jackson strolls lazily from the back and basks in the glow of sick cunt energy washing over him. He slowly puts his right foot forward and glides down the ramp on his heelies, rhythmically raising and lowering pointed fingers to the sky as the crowd chants.
"CUNT!"
"CUNT!"
"CUNT!"
Until he reaches the apron where he gracefully rolls under the bottom rope and goes straight to the corner continuing his motions and then chants until his music is rudely cut off.
PETER VAUGHN
- vs -
NOAH JACKSON Standard Singles
2rps/3k
DING! DING! DING!
Noah and Peter lock eyes with each other, Noah looking like the picture of cool, calm and collected while Peter seems to have a cloudy, yet determined look in his eyes. The two meet in the center of the ring, anticipation thick in the air. The fans are wild and raucous, on their feet for what was the first match of the evening.
HHL: Only in March Madness would you see two bonafide stars like this duking it out in the opening contest! Fans, if you came to the show early or you’re tuning in on time from the comfort of your couch, you are in for a treat tonight!
Pip: Real bargain, that’s for sure, but Noah and Peter both gotta try and win this match fast! Every little lick of punishment they take here can come back to haunt them later on tonight in the finals!
Aaaaaaaaand the two LOCK-UP! Collar-and-elbow, center of the ring, neither man giving an inch here as we get things started tonight! Noah is quick to showcase his lightning-fast reflexes, barely wasting any time in the neutral position, using his superior build to quickly grab onto Peter’s arm and get a wrist lock established. A sharp elbow to the tricep has Peter wincing from the impact, and Noah looks to be setting up for a quick armbar attempt-!
WHAM! A solid right hand from Peter Vaughn with plenty of strength behind it lands right on Noah’s jaw! He holds onto his face, wincing from the pain as he backs off from the hold. The referee goes to check on him, and it looks like the two are conversing…? Vaughn moves to take advantage, but as Noah points at him, the ref gives a stern eye at him as the conversation continues.
Pip: So Heather, you’re better at reading lips than I am. What do you think Noah’s telling him?
HHL: I think… Noah’s telling the referee Peter hit him with a closed fist?
And it looks like the referee believes Noah as he quickly gives a stern warning to Peter Vaughn! Vaughn holds his hands up innocently, trying to argue the charge as Noah shoots Peter a shit-eating grin from behind the referee’s back!
Pip: Oooh, that’ll do it, alright! Surely our officials are going to want to be calling this match right down the middle considering the stakes at hand here!
HHL: You’re trying to sound awfully unbiased here, all things considered. That being said, I’m also surprised that I’m technically trying to argue for Peter Vaughn here, but I don’t think that was a closed fist…
Pip: Well, you also can’t be too careful here tonight, either!
Peter eventually acquiesces to the referee just to get him off of his back, giving Noah a sharp glare as the Sick Cunt nods and mouths off to him in response. The two circle around the ring, looking to try and give this another go. A collar-and-elbow tie-up is again engaged, but this time it looks like Peter’s strength isn’t quite up to facing Noah, as Noah almost too easily manages to get Peter shoved right into the turnbuckle. Noah grinds his forearm across Peter’s face, but immediately as it makes contact with the Mechanic, Peter shouts over to the ref to start counting Noah out!
ONE!
TWO-!
Noah lets go as soon as he realizes what Peter was trying to do! Now it’s the ref giving Noah a stern warning, and Noah thinks better than to argue things too much as he simply nods along. Both Noah and Peter look each other in the eyes as Noah gives a slow nod in recognition.
HHL: From where I’m standing, it looks like Noah and Peter have a similar plan to try and call foul when and wherever possible to try and get the ref on their side. It’s smart to discourage the other from cheating, but…
Pip: Nonsense, Heather! We have to have a true and fair winner here tonight! How else are we going to settle the manner of the Final Four?
Noah comes back into the center of the ring, beckoning Peter to come and face him. Peter comes out, and the two look to get set once more, but before they lock up once more into a grappling position - Noah with an Arm Drag to Peter! Peter lands hard on his back as Noah keeps the arm secured, trying to yank it out of its socket! Peter winces, and it looks like Noah is trying to get an Armbar secured!
Vaughn quickly gets back on his feet though, wrenching his way out of the dangers of the submission hold now, and now it’s him holding onto Noah’s arm! Vaughn brings Noah in close, jamming his shoulder into his chest! Vaughn may not have Noah’s physical strength advantage, but ramming his weight into the Sick Cunt’s chest takes the wind out of his sails, and yanks his arm painfully in the process!
The impact from Vaughn manages to have him set up the arm properly, and - FLYING ARMBAR! Vaughn manages to take Noah down to the mat, but the technique couldn’t quite get cinched in in time thanks to Noah’s sharp reflexes allowing him to keep a hold on his wrist! Vaughn tries to sit back, but Noah won’t allow it!
HHL: Noah holding on for dear life here! Vaughn is really trying to exert himself now!
Pip: I’ll say! If Noah lets go, even if he doesn’t tap out, that’s just going to turn his arm into a giant target throughout this match and potentially the Finals as well! …Assuming he manages to get past Peter here, that is.
HHL: That’s an understatement, Pip. The Armbar is a basic move, but we see so many people on the roster using it to perfection, most notably Mark Flynn using the Fujiwara variant as a finisher…
Noah manages to dig down deep, inhaling sharply as he BRIDGES BACK! Peter’s legs get shifted by the sudden change in positioning, allowing Noah to slip out from underneath! He throws a solid punch right onto Vaughn’s nose, and it’s a miracle that he doesn’t break it outright! Vaughn goes to complain that Noah threw his own closed fist to the ref, but before he can finish, Noah jumps up and practically caves in Vaughn’s chest with a leaping double foot stomp!
Vaughn wheezes out air, coughing and sputtering as Noah gets in a quick cover!
OOOOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOO!
KICKOOOOOOOOUT!
Noah shakes his head, but doesn’t let the kickout faze him too much. As Vaughn turns over onto his stomach, holding his chest, Noah simply rolls over and quickly locks in a headlock! Trying to close off Vaughn’s airways now as Vaughn tries to get back onto his own feet quickly under all of Noah’s weight!
Vaughn doesn’t last long in the headlock, quickly managing to get onto both knees. Just as he’s trying to bring himself onto both feet though, Noah quickly adds in a noogie for extra emphasis and pain coming in! The referee looks hesitant to say something - it’s not quite hair pulling, but it’s definitely impacting the hair nonetheless. He gives a verbal warning to Noah and veers on the safe side, leaving Noah to respond back as he releases the headlock… and manages to give Vaughn an under-the-radar rake to the eyes as he does so! The referee didn’t notice as he and Noah were in the middle of a conversation! Vaughn falls to the mat as he claws at his eyes!
HHL: How blind can this referee be?!
Pip: Wow, Heather, and here I remember you chastising me for trying to warp reality and all that to fit Peter Vaughn’s narrative! You really think there’s cheating going on here?
HHL: Oh, don’t give me that, Pip! You and I both saw that eye rake as Noah went away!
Vaughn manages to recover his vision, gritting his teeth as he does so. He’s been on the back foot when it comes to cheating here, and that feels almost like a first for him as of late… But as Noah comes forward to put the pressure on, the Mechanic knows it’s time to act! His legs kip up, feet resting on Noah’s shoulders! Noah tries to throw them off, but he’s too late as Vaughn moves into a headscissors takedown! The headscissors are still applied, turning themselves into a choke of sorts as Noah claws at his throat and looking for air!
HHL: …Well, I’ll give credit where it’s due, both of these guys know how to cheat while trying to keep it at least somewhat ambiguous…
Pip: This just looks like a completely normal headscissors hold to me…
HHL: I might just end up choking you at this rate, Pip…
Before the ref can grow too wary about how tight the headscissors is being applied, Vaughn manages to let go of the hold! Noah rolls to the ropes, leaning on the bottom one for support as he tries to catch his breath! But as he does so, Vaughn goes to the opposite set of ropes, running off of them and dropkicking Noah out of the ring and to the floor!
Pip: And there goes Peter Vaughn telling Noah Jackson to ‘Get Out of My Ring!’ What an opening contest so far!
Noah shakes head, grabbing onto the guard rail and managing to bring himself back onto both feet quickly. As he gets up though, he sees a small boy in the first row staring right back at him! The boy has a smile on his face, mixed with concern as he seems to be trying to point Noah back in the direction of the ring! But Noah leans in towards the kid -
“RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” he shouts at the top of his lungs! Poor Jimmy in the front row leans back with his face pale, holding back tears as Noah just scared the Hell out of him! What a piece of shit! Noah has a cocky smirk on his face, turning back now towards the ring -
SUICIDE DIVE BY PETER VAUUUUUUUUUUUGHN!
BOTH BODIES PRACTICALLY BOUNCE OFF THE GUARD RAIL! Noah almost screams in pain as he’s on all fours! Vaughn is laid out and staring up at the lights! Both men are trying to recover as the referee moves over to the ropes to check on them both! Once he sees both men beginning to stir and move, though, he begins to count!
ONE!
TWO!
Peter uses the apron to his advantage, using it to pull himself up! He sees Noah groggily coming his way, and he throws a back kick at the Sick Cunt, doubling him over! Peter quickly bounces his head off of the apron, and Noah is forced back to the barricade!
THREE!
FOUR!
Peter has his mark set, and rushes over to Noah, looking for-
COUNTER BACK BODY DROP! PETER VAUGHN GOES FLYING INTO THE FIRST FEW ROWS AS FANS HAVE TO SCATTER!
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!
CHAIRS ARE CRUSHED! DRINKS ARE FLYING! NOAH LOOKS BACK AND FLINCHES AT THE DAMAGE CAUSED WITH VAUGHN LAID OUT! THE REF LOOKS AT WHAT JUST HAPPENED WITH HIS EYES THREATENING TO POP OUT OF HIS SKULL! THE FANS ARE CHANTING AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS!
“HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT! HO-LY SHIT!”
HHL: Is… is Vaughn alright?!
Pip: I don’t think anybody would be ‘alright’ after having to go through something like that…
HHL: I hate to say it, but you’re right. I’ve got no love lost for Peter Vaughn with all the stuff he’s done, but that’s got to wreak havoc on your back and spine…
Noah looks to the referee, nodding to him and shouting at him to continue the count! The ref blinks in recognition, looking hesitant, before continuing.
FIVE!
Noah takes this time to walk nearby the guard rail, getting a healthy amount of distance away from the crash scene as he chats up a nice, attractive woman with a concerned look on her face. Noah proceeds to start chatting her up, trying to ease her, and it looks like a smile is forming on her face! But it just allows Noah to STEAL HER DRINK AND TAKE A WATER BREAK AS HE GETS AWAY!
SIX!
Peter Vaughn still isn’t moving, his eyes glassy as Noah finishes the drink. He tosses the bottle into the fans as they jeer him, and the Hardest Working Wrestler in the XWF™ rolls back into the ring, his breather complete.
SEVEN!
A fan hesitantly walks to the downed mechanic, informing him of the impending time limit here, knowing he doesn’t have much longer to go. At that very moment, Vaughn’s eyes shoot open as he looks to the ring, dragging himself off of the now dented and broken steel chairs he’s on top of. His pace is as slow as molasses, but he manages to bring himself over to the guard rail.
HHL: Do you think he can make it in time?
Pip: I dunno, Heather… but at this rate, I think even if he can, Vaughn’ll be lucky if he can just finish the match here, let alone win it!
EIGHT!
Peter manages to barely hoist himself over the barricade, falling onto all fours as he does so! His entire body is drenched in sweat and anguish, but pushing himself onward nonetheless as Noah is calling for Peter to get in the ring with a smile on his face!
NINE!
Vaughn is trying to crawl forward, but he’s running out of time! The fans of all people are trying to actually will him onwards in this match!
HHL: He’s not going to make it!
Pip: It might be for the best for Vaughn’s career if he just stays down while he can!
The referee raises his hands as Vaughn looks up with bloodthirsty desperation in his eyes!
TE-
PETER VAUGHN MANAGES TO GET HALF HIS BODY IN THE RING IN TIME AS THE FANS POP LOUDLY!
The grin has not faded from Noah’s face, but it’s accompanied perhaps with a nod of acknowledgment now as Vaughn pushes himself onto all fours. His eyes are bloodshot, veins in his forehead bulging as he manages to get onto his knees, now! Noah walks forward, shaking his hand in preparation…
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
A HUGE knife-edge chop lights up Peter Vaughn’s chest like a Christmas tree! He does not falter though, looking up at Noah with fury in his eyes as the Sick Cunt brings his hand back-
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
And an even HUGER open-palmed slap to the face! That one sends Peter back into the ropes as he grits his teeth, but Noah doesn’t let up for even a moment as he continues to rush in!
Chop! Slap! Chop! Slap! Chop! Slap! Chop! Slap! It’s a rapid-fire barrage of hits that ring out throughout the arena as fans all around wince from the punishment, as-
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
BUT THE NEXT HIT WAS A HEADBUTT -
- FROM PETER VAAAAAAAAAAUGHN!
Pip: Looks like the Mechanic just brought his own ride back to life!
HHL: Desperation time has to be settling in for Peter now! Who knows how much more he can take?!
Noah staggers back from the headbutt, slightly woozy as he checks to make sure he isn’t bleeding from that impact. He looks back to Peter, who lets loose an animalistic battle cry as he rushes in!
One blow.
Two blows.
Three blows.
Four blows.
Five- six- seven blows!
Peter Vaughn just keeps punching the holy hell out of Noah Jackson! Noah tries to get a guard up, but the sheer FURY of Peter Vaughn keeps him trucking onwards, screaming the entire time!
Pip: Talk about a wounded animal, Heather! When it comes to the need to succeed, knowing you’d put your life on the line if it means victory, Peter Vaughn has to be at the top of that list here within the XWF!
Vaughn claws at Noah’s throat, trying to choke him if it means he can hold him in place as he keeps wailing on him! Noah manages to throw Vaughn’s grip off as he goes back, and the ref gets involved with a verbal warning towards Vaughn for the blatant disregard for the rules shown. Peter shrugs off the ref though, going forward into a
SO
SICK
KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!
HHL: Noah Jackson just came out of nowhere with that kick, and I think he just took Peter Vaughn’s head clean off his body with how he got floored from the impact!
Pip: Well… I guess even the will to win can only do you so much when you’ve taken so much punishment.
Noah hooks the leg as the fans rise up in anticipation!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
KICKOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!
Noah can’t believe it! He checks with the ref, slapping his hand down three times, but the ref is firm! It was only a count of two! Noah throws up his hands, shaking his head, but he knows he can’t falter now! The raucous applause rains down for the match thus far as Noah takes a good, deep breath to contain himself.
Grabbing Peter by the head, Noah slowly manages to bring him up to his feet, and the Mechanic’s eyes look absolutely glazed over. Noah manages to say something right in his face that the cameras can’t quite pick up, but for the extra exclamation mark, he does the crotch chop right in Peter Vaughn’s face!
ONLY FOR PETER TO GRAB THE ARM USED FOR THE CHOP!
WRENCHES IT!
TWISTS AND TURNS TO NOAH’S BACK!
COBRA CLUTCH POSITION!
AND FALLS RIGHT INTO A BULLDOG AS THE FANS POP WILDLY!
HHL: Noah got way too cocky there and paid the price! It wouldn’t have taken much to finish the match at this rate, and Peter just willed himself right back into this even after a So Sick Kick!
Pip: You can’t blame Noah for trying to add a little bit of insult to injury, especially after Peter said he’d damn sure try to do the same thing to Noah! But at the same time… if you talk shit, then you get hit.
Now it’s Noah’s turn to try and push himself onto all fours, looking to quickly get back up onto his feet, but Peter slips in and hits a snap DDT onto the canvas! Immediately, Peter shoots up from the pain in his back, but he manages to push it to the side for now, pounding his fist on the canvas as he looks at the downed Noah, before slipping in a Crossface!
Noah’s eyes shoot open wide from the pressure of the hold, seeing the ropes to his side! He looks to crawl over, and he’s getting closer! His fingertips claw along the canvas, bringing him over more and more! The fans are chanting for him to tap, but Noah is refusing to give in! His stamina is refusing to say die here, and he wags a finger no at the referee when he asks if he gives!
The ropes are getting closer! Noah tries to reach his leg out to get to them first, but it’s just out of reach! He tries to bring himself even closer, but Vaughn’s applying more weight to the hold! Noah can’t quite bring himself over! He pushes his hand across the canvas to slide himself over…
ONLY FOR VAUGHN TO HIT A CLUBBING FOREARM TO THE SIDE OF NOAH’S SKULL!
The referee winces at the blow, but Vaughn isn’t done! Like a man possessed, he brings his forearm back, clubbing Noah’s skull AGAIN! And again! And again! And again! A large gash opens up on the side of Noah’s forehead, having blood stream down his body as Vaughn isn’t letting up on the assault!
The referee asks Noah one more time if he wants to give! He says no, but he’s fading fast!
BUT NOAH PUSHES UP WITH HIS HAND TO SHOVE HIMSELF AND VAUGHN BACK! NOAH COUNTERS INTO A COVER!
Pip: What the Hell?!
HHL: Noah is going to try and steal this win!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
THRE- KICKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!
Pip: HOW WAS THAT NOT THREE?!
HHL: How will Peter Vaughn ever stay down at this rate?!
Noah’s stamina is still holding up even in spite of the beating he just took. He’s still immensely groggy, but he’s still getting up onto his feet first, and that’s better than what Vaughn can say right now. Noah takes a minute to get his bearings, and finds some solid ground to stand on as Vaughn gets onto all fours. Right as he’s beginning to stand, though, Noah quite literally spits at him, and runs off the ropes!
AND HE HITS A SUPERMAN PUNCH RIGHT TO THE BACK OF PETER VAUGHN’S SKULL!
…
OR HE WOULD HAVE, IF PETER VAUGHN DIDN’T DUCK UNDERNEATH IT!
NOAH’S FACE PALES AS HE GETS ONTO HIS FEET, TRYING TO TURN AROUND, BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH-!
REEEEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEENGED!
HHL: VAUGHN HIT IT! THE REVENGED! THE ZIG ZAG! HE’S PUT AWAY SO MANY PEOPLE WITH THAT DAMN MOVE!
Vaughn manages to crawl into position, lazily throwing an arm over Noah’s body as the referee counts! And the fans count with him!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
T
H
R
E
KICKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!
Pip: THIS MATCH IS NEVER GOING TO END, HEATHER! AND THIS IS JUST THE OPENING CONTEST!
HHL: This is some opening match, alright. Try having to come on after this classic…
Pip: On the contrary, if either Sidney Grey or Ned Kaye can get through their match quickly, they’ll practically have the Finals won!
The fans, coming alive one last time with both men still on the floor, give a resounding chant:
With both men on the ground and still sucking in air, the chant eventually fades, with the crowd left to recover their energy quickly for the matches still to come later tonight. With a low buzz humming through the arena, Peter Vaughn rolls to the ropes, heading onto the apron and using it to pull himself to his feet. Seeing the turnbuckle nearby, he nods to himself as he heads on over, steadily bringing himself onto the top rope now.
It takes a while, what with his bad back and all, but Vaughn manages to get on top now. The fans begin to stir now, coming to life as they see what Vaughn is trying to do…
HHL: Peter Vaughn has to be looking for the Plunge. If he hits that Shooting Star Leg Drop, not even Noah Jackson can kick out of that, and he’ll be punching his name to the finals!
Pip: If he can hit it. And not for nothing, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Vaughn just crumbles over on the spot here…
Vaughn tries to get himself standing on the top rope, but winces and has to double over from the pain along his back. He sucks in air through his teeth, knowing he’s so close to victory he can just taste it. The fans start getting louder, though, as he manages to force himself upright…
JUST IN TIME FOR NOAH JACKSON TO HIT THE TOP ROPE AND CROTCH PETER VAUGHN ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!
Pip: Not quite crumbling over, but case in point…
HHL: Noah Jackson digging down deep to get back to his feet in time! Peter Vaughn might have just had victory snatched away from him!
Noah drags himself over to Peter Vaughn, still struggling from the pain in his crotch now. Noah taps his cup, indicating to Vaughn that he really should have worn one tonight. In one last act of defiance, Vaughn throws a stiff right hand to Noah’s temple.
But it gets caught! Noah holds onto the wrist, using it to bring himself closer and literally pluck Peter right off of the top rope as he marches into the center of the ring! He’s got Peter Vaughn right in position, and hits him with an OMEGA DRIVERRRRRRRRRR!
HHL: Down Thunder! Down Thunder! Peter Vaughn got spiked on his head!
Vaughn’s body goes entirely limp, and nodding while wiping the sweat off his brow, Noah turns him around for the cover…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
WINNER VIA PINFALL - NOAH JACKSON!
HHL: What. A. War.
Pip: Stamina’s never gonna be Noah’s issue, but I sure hope he didn’t take too much damage in that match there! He’s got a date with destiny later tonight!
Noah exhales proudly, that confident smile coming back on his face as the fans applaud once again for the instant classic they were treated to for tonight’s opening contest. He doesn’t waste any more time than he has to, rolling out of the ring and limping to the back. Meanwhile, the ringside crew and medics come out, tending to Peter Vaughn and his wounds, making sure he’s good to try and walk.
HHL: I don’t think either man has much to be ashamed of, here. They left everything on the line and then some. I may not be a particularly huge fan of Peter Vaughn or Noah Jackson, or the methods they freely employed in the ring, but they just showed why they’re two of the best wrestlers the XWF has today.
Pip: You can say that again. I love them both! Picking a side was like pulling teeth. I just hope Pete can handle himself, right now…
Peter manages to get rolled to the apron, before finally standing on his two feet with assistance. The medics begin to help him to the back, and as Peter walks off, the applause gets directed towards him as well for the effort he displayed.
March Madness continues on…
'Suffocate' by Cold starts
“Suffocate” by Cold begins to play as the lights dim all through the arena. Fog rolls through the entranceway as a bright light shines from behind it. A shadowy figure is projected through the fog, the sexy figure grinding to the beat of the music. Sidney Grey emerges and surveys the crowd as they boo her loudly. She smirks as she flips off the crowd and moves in time to the beat, going into yet another seductive grind, which ends in a tremendous eruption of pyrotechnics as she runs her hands all along her body, tosses her hair back, and heads to the ring with a laugh. Sid walks slowly down to the ring as she arrogantly taunts the crowd, blowing kisses to some and threatening to slap others all the while with a condescending smile on her face. Sid slides underneath the bottom rope and goes to the far corner of the ring as she stands on the turnbuckle and continues to taunt the crowd, while smiling sadistically as she waits for the match to begin. Sid will typically take the microphone from the ring announcer in order to berate her opponent as well as the town and the fans.
'You know my name' by Chris Cornell starts
The arena flashes white as spotlights from around the venue converge at the entrance room as "You Know My Name" begins playing bombastically. As the lyrics start, Ned Kaye stands at the point where the spotlights merge to thunderous applause. He lifts his fist up in the air, awaiting the crowd to do the same before rushing down to the ring, serenaded by blue hues that light up the ramp following his steps. The lights above the stadium darken in their blue color as Ned gets closer to the ring, little bits of ember adorning the X-Tron and ramp, orange breaking up the blue. He leaps over the ropes into the ring before looking down, breathing the moment in, and pointing out at the crowd, ready to fight just with their energy alone. Jumping a bit from the adrenaline, he makes his way to his corner as he prepares for the bell.
SIDNEY GREY
- vs -
NED KAYE Standard Singles Match
2rps/3k
HHL: It’s come down to this, Pip. Ned Kaye. Sidney Grey. Who will move on to face Noah Jackson in the March Madness Finals tonight?
PC: The Lady King Sidney Grey of course!
HHL: And what makes you so certain of that?
PC: Just look at her, Heather. Sidney Grey is breathtaking. A head like that was born to wear a crown!
HHL: I… don’t even know what that means, but if you say so!
PC: Ned’s too soft to be King, Heather. Could you imagine him trying to order around his fellow roster members? A true King needs loyal subjects, not Nedophiles!
HHL: Well, both concepts are kinda’ awful if you ask me.
Ned Kaye and Sidney Grey are moved to opposite corners by the official who quickly signals for the bell, but before he can move out of the way, a charging Sidney Grey “accidentally” shoves the ref in the back, sending him tumbling into an unsuspecting Ned Kaye.
Sidney charges in again, hopping up and nailing Ned in the nose with a closed fist while he’s busy trying to corral the vulnerable referee. Ned’s eyes naturally well up as he grabs his face.
Sidney throws her hands in the air, claiming innocence to the enraged referee. But before he’s done berating, and warning the Anarchy Champion, she spots Ned walking toward the opposite corner, still clutching his face. She charges and spears him in the back, sending him chest first into the corner, bending awkwardly before collapsing to the mat.
Sidney sizes Ned up, and leaps, aiming for Ned’s face with her knee brace. But she only catches the mat, as Ned is luckily able to roll out of the way.
He shakes off the pain from the punch to the nose and the awkward spear, and bicycle kicks Sidney just as she stands, sending her back first into the corner. Following up with a spinning heel kick, Ned smashes Sidney, leaving the Anarchy Champion wobbling out the corner right into Ned’s arms. He scoops her up, turns her upside down and lays her upside down into the corner in a tree of woe. He hops to the middle rope, springs back, ready to drop both knees into Sidney’....
But she falls out of the corner!
Her leg “inadvertently” raises vertically, catching Ned right in the crotch.
Ned clutches himself, gasping for air and falls forward.
Sidney crawls parallel overtop of Ned, sneakily placing her braced knee right over the hopeful king’s sore jewels, and pressing her palms on his shoulders for the cover.
Ned howls as the ref counts
1!
2!!
Ned is somehow able to resist the pain and kick out.
Sidney takes her time getting up, being sure to lift herself with that knee. She stands up and flaunts at the booing audience, before planting the now standing Ned back to the mat with a swinging neckbreaker.
Sidney covers again!
1!
BARELY 2!!
This time Ned kicks out even quicker, leaving an annoyed look on the face of Sidney Grey.
HHL: Listen, Pip! All of the Nedophiles in the arena are clapping, and cheering for their hero to rally.
The crowd roars, energizing Ned, who sustains the impact of several punches from Sidney. Ned shoves Sidney in the chest and points a finger at her, condemning her for her heelish antics. Sidney’s eyes go wide, she puts up her hands and starts backing up, putting one leg through the ropes as Ned approaches her.
Kaye goes for the attack, but the ref rushes in to give Sidney the rope break. The crowd boos and Ned protests. Sidney uses the space caused by the ref to sneak back in the ring, and as Ned goes for the attack again, Sidney again uses the ropes for a break.
PC: An amazing strategy by Sidney Grey here. She’s sucked the life out of the Nedophile Army in the arena, bringing an early end to Ned’s rally.
Sidney hops down from the apron and out onto the floor where she begins scolding, and taunting the fans along the guardrail who became more focused on booing her and less focused on rallying Ned. But Ned Kaye has seen enough! He slides out of the ring and moves in on Sidney.
Grey panics and takes off running, but stops suddenly and moans out in agony, reaching for her bad knee.
PC: Oh my, Heather! A Horrific event here in this semi-finals contest. Sidney Grey appears to be suffering from that knee she badly injured when she was a young superstar wrestler.
HHL: …wasn’t that like thirty years ago?
PC: How dare you question such a strong woman in such a time of agony, Heather? Are you some sort of ageist? Or are you just jealous that Sidney is still so ravishing and beautiful at her age?
HHL: No, I’m questioning how badly that Sidney Grey really needs to wear that knee brace that she constantly uses as an advantage.
PC: You SHOULD be questioning why this monster Ned Kaye is getting ready to attack Sidney Grey in this moment of vulnerability, and why all of these DISGUSTING Neophiles are cheering on this behavior.
With Sidney scooting backward on her rear, clutching at her knee with one hand, and holding out another hand begging for Ned’s mercy, Kaye has her lined up. Ready to finally deliver some real damage to his foe.
But again it’s the ref who rushes outside of the ring, and demands that Ned backs up as he checks on Sidney’s status. Carefully he removes Sidney’s knee brace, and starts getting her to stretch out her leg. He asks a few times if she's able to continue, and reluctantly Sidney agrees.
The ref orders Ned back to the ring and into a corner. Sidney hobbles between the ropes after him.
The match resumes, and Ned isn’t wasting any time! He explodes out of his corner.
A dropkick lands. Sidney bounces to her feet, but gets taken right back down with a beautiful armdrag, and as she musters all of her strength to return to her base, she eats a well placed superkick for her troubles.
HHL: It looks like Ned Kaye has seized control of this match!
He covers!
1!
2!!
A NEARFALL!
Sidney Grey is reeling. She can’t match Ned’s speed and strength. She wobbles up to her knees, and just as she gets up, Ned Kaye hits the ropes!
He springboards back with a handstand, confusing Sidney’s sense of direction…
COFFIN NAILS!
The beautiful cutter plants Sidney Grey into the canvas near the ropes.
Ned goes for the cover!
1!
2!!
THE REF STOPS THE COUNT!
SIDNEY’S FOOT IS ON THE ROPES!
Ned is disappointed, but shakes it off quick and moves toward the corner of the ring, and the top turnbuckle.
HHL: Ned is getting ready to put this away! He’s setting up for the Ego Crusher!
But rather than stand, the heady Sidney Grey rolls under the ropes where Ned can’t dive. Kaye unmounts from the turnbuckle and moves toward the apron to bring Grey back in the ring. But as he does, the over zealous ref, who may or may not have the hots for Grey at this point, goes to give her another rope break. As the fed up Ned protests, the ref turns from Sidney to scold Ned…
AND GREY CLOBBERS THE REF IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!
HHL: SIDNEY GREY NEEDS TO BE DISQUALIFIED, NOW!
PC: That was CLEARLY an accident Heather. That ref got in the way when Sidney was trying to strike Ned!
As the ref tumbles over, Ned kneels down to try and help him to back his feet. But it’s not working. Meanwhile, Sidney Grey has grabbed her knee brace from outside. She slides back in the ring behind Kaye and swings wildly with the knee brace!
BUT NED DODGES!
HE SNATCHES THE KNEE BRACE FROM SIDNEY’S HANDS!
HE’S POINTING AT SIDNEY, THE CROWD IS AMPED!
NED IS ABOUT TO PUT HER AWAY!
BUT SUDDENLY SIDNEY FALLS TO MAT, HOLDING HER FACE AND CRYING OUT IN AGONY.
THE REF IS UP AND IN NED’S FACE NOW, ACCUSING HIM OF HITTING SIDNEY WITH THE KNEE BRACE!
NED THROWS THE BRACE TO THE MAT AND PLEADS HIS CASE…
…but while all of this is happening, Sidney Grey is crawling behind Ned and the ref.
SHE ROLLS NED UP WITH A SCHOOLBOY!
1!
AND GRABS A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS!
2!!
NED KICKS OUT-
3!!!
-RIGHT AFTER THE THREE COUNT!
WINNER VIA PINFALL - SIDNEY GREY
HHL: No! NO!
PIP: She did it! Sidney Grey is going to the final match of the tournament!
HHL: This is just horrible. Sidney clearly cheated there! She had the tights!
PIP: And it doesn't matter worth a damn, because Kaye's amazing run in the tournament is over, and we're going to get to see if Grey can win it all!
While Kaye angrily argues with the referee, pleading his case, Grey is already leaving the ring, already preparing for the next contest.
"The Dark Horse Wins" by Blues Saraceno plays
Out from the back steps Centurion to the roar of the crowd. The grizzled veteran is wearing a leather jacket, and is dragging a golf club on the metal ramp behind him. Cool and calmly he walks to the ring.
HHL: Centurion's wrestling his first match in months, and he's debuting a new theme to recognize the occasion.
PC: Yes, but it doesn't look like he's here to celebrate. Those eyes are focused.
Centurion slides through the bottom rope and into the ring.
'Ladies and Gentlemen' by Salvia starts
Gina steps though the curtain, she smirks as she walks down the ramp. She stops halfway and raises her hands above her head before running the rest of the way to the ring. She leaps up onto the apron, then leaps over the top rope.
CENTURION
- vs -
GINA VAN ZYL Standard Singles
Anarchy Rules
The bell rings and the match is underway.
Centurion stands his ground and just stands beside the corner post. Meanwhile Gina walks to the middle of the ring, and waits for Centurion to make his move. He doesn't. She screams at Centurion to meet her in the middle of the ring. But he shakes his head and smiles. She continues to scream and Centurion continues to hold his ground.
PIP: "I hate that Gina is screaming using that voice of her, Centurion is definitely pissing her off.
Gina starts walking towards Centurion, and Centurion is still standing his ground. She gets close to him, and starts yelling at him. Centurion shakes his head. Suddenly she slaps him, and the noise is deafining. Centurion feels the side of his face. Gina slaps him again. This time Centurion pushes Gina backwards.
HEATHER: "Gina finally gets what she wanted, Centurion to react. Smart girl,"
Gina stops, and just as Centurion takes a step forward, Gina makes a quick move, and hits Centurion in the stomach with her knee, Centurion bends over in pain. Gina tries to put Centurion into a DDT position but Centurion collapses to his knees and quickly rolls out of the ring. Gina yells at him from the ropes, and the crowd is going beserk.
PIP: "That's one way of getting the crowd behind you, make your opponent look weak,"
HEATHER: "Centurion won't like that,"
Centurion starts to move around the outside of the ring, as the referee starts the 10 count.
1.......
Gina decides to follow, which at first is a good move by her as she breaks the 10 count, and the referee has to restart the count.
1....
As she rounds the corner of the ring, Centurion runs and jumps up on the ring steps and hits Gina in the head with a flying ax handle, they both go down, but Gina hits hard.
2.......
Centurion gets up with a smile on his face, and pulls a hurt Gina to her feet. He sends her crashing into the ring steps.
3........
Centurion looks down at Gina and shakes his head.
4.......
Centurion grabs Gina and throws her under the bottom ropes and climbs into the ring behind her.
Gina struggles to get to her feet, and suddenly Centurion hits her with a STANDING DROP KICK. This time shes in for more hurt as she hits the canvas hard.
Centurion walks slowly up to her, helps her to her feet, and sends her running to the ropes. She comes back off of them and Centurion hits Gina with a CLOTHESLINE. Down she goes.
Centurion helps Gina up again, and then he hits her with 1000 MILE SLAM a.k.a Angle Slam, and this time this takes the breath out of her. Centurion places a shoe on top of Gina, and the referee has to make a 3 count.
1........
2........
3.
WINNER: CENTURION
And just like that Centurion leaves the ring.
'The Just-This League' music starts
The Atomic Bat and The Blue Tango make their way to the ring.
'Born to be wild' by Steppenwolf starts
'The Honorable Mentions' make their way to the ring.
"THE JUST-THIS LEAGUE"
THE ATOMIC BAT AND THE BLUE TANGO
- vs -
"THE HONORABLE MENTIONS"
VAGABOND AND CLYDE ROVER Tag Team Title Contendership Match
Standard Tag Team Match
2rps/2k
Vagabond and The Blue Tango are selected to start the match as Wrekker and The Atomic Bat take their corners. The fans can be heard cheering for both teams, but the superheroes seem to be getting the bulk of their affection as the bell rings and this Tag Title Qualifier is underway!
The opening minutes of the match see Vagabond and Tango doing the latter's namesake, going back and forth with reversals and counters. Momentum starts to build for Tango when he rolls beneath a Clothesline from Vagabond, rebounds off the ropes, leaps up and over his opponent, rebounds again... HEROCANRANA! Vagabond quickly tags his partner in before rolling out of the ring to recover.
HHL: Looks like Vagabond might want to work on his cardio a little bit. He seems pretty winded.
Pip: It's BLUE TANGO TIME!!!
The fans go nuts as The Blue Tango strikes a superhero pose when Rufus Wrekker enters the ring. Wrekker smirks at Tango, pointing to the mat. Is he actually asking Tango to lie down and take the loss? The hero scoffs and Wrekker shrugs. They start circling each other around the ring, looking for openings. The Atomic Bat reaches up and over the rope to tag her partner as he passes their corner. Wrekker takes a step back as A.B. catapults herself over the ropes into the ring.
Wrekker lunges at her, but she rolls out of the way safely. The fans pop for The Atomic Bat as she continues to evade Wrekker for the next minute or two.
HHL: The Blue Tango is bobbing and weaving his way all around the ring to avoid Wrekker.
Pip: Some might say he's tangoing all over the place.
HHL: Only you would say that Pip.
At first Wrekker finds it funny how evasive she is, but after a Basement Dropkick and a SUPER Running Bulldog, Wrekker's not so amused. Getting back on his feet, Wrekker limps a little on the leg A.B. dropkicked. The fans cheer and even Wrekker acknowledges The Atomic Bat's tenacity. She nods her head respectfully before the two go back to their Tom & Jerry pursuit.
Wrekker catches The Atomic Bat as she attempts a Springboard Back Elbow and plants her with a Backdrop. She kips up and runs to the ropes. She rebounds, returning with a running baseball slide between Wrekker's legs. Up again, now behind him, A.B. with a Roll Up Pin attempt! This all happens so fast Wrekker doesn't even know he's being pinned...
1
2
Kick out by Wrekker!
HHL: So close.
The Atomic Bat tags in The Blue Tango and the Daring Duo sets Wrekker up for a Double Suplex. They have him up in the air, but he's fighting out of it! Holy smokes! Wrekker has the double team manuever reversed; now HE'S got The Atomic Bat and The Blue Tango sky high! An impressive display of strength, even if A.B. and Tango's COMBINED weight is considerably less than what he lifts at the gym. Wrekker falls backward and the two heroes get slammed onto the mat.
Pip: That one's going to leave a mark I think.
Vagabond calls out for the tag as Tango and Bat help each other up. Wrekker leaps toward Vagabond, hand outstretched, and the tag is made. Wrekker rolls out of the ring as Vagabond enters. The Blue Tango and Vagabond go back to wearing each other out with their counters and reversals, nobody really getting the advantage until Tango connects with a Superhero Uppercut from out of nowhere and Vagabond drops like a sack of potatoes. Guy must have a glass jaw or something! The Blue Tango is all fired up and so are the fans!
HHL: The Blue Tango looks amped here.
Once Vagabond's finally back on his feet, he and Tango start trading punches. Things are heating up! Vagabond capitalizes on a well-placed left hook that rocks The Blue Tango, following with a Super Kick that might've loosened some teeth but somehow doesn't knock him out. Continuing his offense, Vagabond throws Tango across the ring with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex that puts him on the mat long enough for Vagabond to get a hold of his legs... and in position for the Pop-Up Tent submission! Vagabond has The Blue Tango in a terrible predicament with this Surfboard. Is he going to tap out? Both Wrekker and The Atomic Bat have re-entered the ring.
Wrekker looks to take out The Atomic Bat quickly with a lariat to the outside of the ring, but The Atomic Bat shows off their ring awareness by pulling down the top rope, sending Wrekker to the outside! And just before The Blue Tango can tap out to the Surfboard, The Atomic Bat comes to the rescue, taking out Vagabond with a sliding lariat! The moment of respite for The Blue Tango is just enough to get him on his feet before Vagabond can! The Blue Tango lunges in - and hits the HERO CUTTER! The cover now comes in by The Blue Tango as The Atomic Bat looks to take care of Wrekker again...
HHL: This could be it.
1...
2...
3!!!
WINNERS BY PINFALL - THE JUST-THIS LEAGUE!
HHL: A great match by these relatively new tag teams and with that win the Just-This League are now the new number 1 contenders to the tag team champions.
Ned Kaye: "Did Theo approve this?"
Jason Cashe: "Theo can fork him up some blue waffles for breakfast if he doesn't approve. I'm doing this. I approve."
Ned Kaye just shakes his head with a grin from ear to ear. Reaching up, he pats Cashe to the back.
Ned Kaye: "I'll leave you to it then.."
Staring at the direction both facing, Ned Kaye laughs a bit more before turning and heading out of the room. Now riding solo, Jason Cashe slaps his hands together and rubs them around like he's about to sing Happy Birthday under a faucet.
Jason Cashe: "Unknown Ladies and Gentlemen, I am THANKFUL that you all could make it for these Auditions!"
The camera finally turns to see what Cashe was seeing. The room opens up and in it is 10-15 costumed Mascots. Big Heads, a few luchador masks representing some animal or emblem to add to a theme of some team or purpose. Coming around to the front of the camera, Cashe enters the picture again as he stands in front of the lineup.
Jason Cashe: "Now I had to eliminate a few already because apparently Twinkies and parody of ancient cultures can be a sensitive subject and.. Yeah, I am not trying to cross any lines or heh.. Ruffle any feathers. That's just not what I am here today to accomplish!"
Clapping again, he pushes past the needed-to-says.
Jason Cashe: "Let's start off with introductions. Let's start to the right. Say your Mascot name and where you're from!"
Nodding to get things started. The Mascots were lined up against the back wall as if they were being selected by a witness behind some glass. Before the first Mascot could speak up, Cashe makes eye contact with Mascot #6.
Jason Cashe: "Why you look familiar? Number.. Six, why do you look familiar?"
In the NFL, most every team has a Mascot. This one sat in what appeared to be a Cowboys jersey. The hat was missing but this was very similar to what 'Rowdy' looked like. As if the light switch was flipped, Cashe realized the answer to his own question.
Jason Cashe: "Cowboys? Nope, get out. Eliminated from this competition.. Number six, vetoed. 86ed. Get the fuuuuuck stepping!"
Clearly there was a long standing issue Cashe had with Dallas, city, people, sports teams, whole nine. His skin was already itchy because he was inside AT&T Stadium. Then something else dawned on him..
Jason Cashe: "Is everyone here from the Dallas area?"
Everyone of their masked heads drop in sigh. The room started to empty as Cashe stepped aside with an arm and finger pointing towards the exit.
Jason Cashe: "Don't let the door hit you where your Momma should have put you. Be Gone!"
Thinking this was a horrible failure at the start of these auditions, Cashe found himself with one remaining Mascot. Someone was under the costume, under the mask. It wasn't any elaborate Mascot costume even.
Jason Cashe: "Not from the Dallas area?"
The Mascot doesn't speak. Just shakes their head from side to side.
Jason Cashe: "What is this look anyway? I can't tell what you are.."
Still no spoken voice. The Mascot simply shrugs as if they were unsure of the answer themselves.
Jason Cashe: "Are you mute? I know sign language just watch them thumbs.. Shit is rude, ya heard?"
Cashe gives the Mascot a thumbs up. To his surprise, the Mascot gives him two back. Cashe gasps and takes a step back.
Jason Cashe: Your outfit looks like it was made out of a sleeping bag. I see a zipper down the side. If you had a plastic bag mask and some cardboard armor.. Oohh like them Catchersnin baseball got them guards down the front of they chest? Do that in cardboard on you and you could be the Homeless Huzzah!"
Clapping and laughing, Cashe liked the imagination he was seeing in this failed first attempt at a Mascot audition. This might be a longshot attempt at pressurizing a piece of coal into a diamond.
Jason Cashe: "Fuck it. You are going to Hollywood!"
There was no ticket. There wasn't even a real reason to reference Hollywood. Cashe lived in Vegas at the moment.
Jason Cashe: "Congrats! Round one handled!"
Theo Pryce: "What are you doing?!"
Spinning around, Cashe snapped his index and thumb as he pointed at Theo upon seeing him.
Jason Cashe: "Heeeeeey! What's good? Is it time to orgy up at ringside?"
Theo Pryce: "Why are the hallways filled with Mascots? We don't need a Masco–"
Jason Cashe: "What is a need? Do we NEED that fancy suit you are wearing? Does anyone need to eat ass like their mouth is a bidet? What is a need? We should WANT a mascot! Lemme introduce you to the first one that advances to the next round!"
Turning with some excitement. Cashe motions to this Sleeping Bag, homeless looking luchador mask wearing.. Mute? It's hard to figure a direction with the person's attempt at costume. Theo stepped back disgusted.
Theo Pryce: "I.."
He scoffs and just leaves. Nodding, Cashe seemed to be agreeing with what he thought Theo was trying to say. Facing the voiceless Mascot.
Jason Cashe: "Speechless. That's the potential you are putting on in the first round! Competition better step up! Bar raised! We'll be in touch.."
Needing to go get ready for his Tag Match Triple Threat. Cashe left the speechless Mascot in the room staring with a head tilt at the camera before fading.
'Legend' by The Score plays
"Legend" hits the P.A. system and the lights dim, save for a lone, golden spotlight centered on the stage. A thin layer of fog floats across the stage, and Jay Omega struts out to the top of the ramp. Omega stands on the stage for a moment with his arms spread and a cocky smirk on his face, then casually makes his way down the ramp, crossing back and forth to slap hands with fans. At ringside Jay hops up onto the apron, then vaults over the ropes before crossing the ring and climbing up to the second turnbuckle. Omega poses for the crowd amidst a flickering strobe effect from thousands of cameraphone flashbulbs, then backflips off the turnbuckle and casually leans back into the corner to await the bell.
'The King's Affirmation' by Iniko plays
Isaiah King makes his way to the ring.
HHL: Is King wearing a bloodied leather jacket over his typical ring gear Pip?
Pip: It would appear that he is H.
JAY OMEGA
- vs -
ISAIAH KING TV Title Contendership Match
2rps/3k
DING! DING! DING!
With Television Championship contendership on the line, we’re off! Both King and Omega give each other a small nod as they start with raising their guards, coming out of their corners to meet in the center of the ring. There’s no real anger on any of their faces, but there’s a shared sense of determination manifesting to the forefront.
HHL: We’re in for what’s sure to be a fast and furious showdown between Jay Omega and Isaiah King. You can tell these competitors have respect for each other and the sport of wrestling.
Pip: Respect doesn’t win you matches, though, Heather. Both of these guys gotta keep what’s at stake in mind here - the Television Championship. I’m sure King is itching to get that red strap around his waist again…
King starts things off, showing his boxing acumen and throwing a few stiff jabs to keep the distance between him and Omega. Omega decided to respond with his own skill in boxing, slipping past the jabs, and moving in once there was a break in the punches in order to go low with a hook to the body. It doesn’t faze King too much, but it does get him to back up a bit before landing a straight right to the face.
Now it’s Omega’s turn to backup from the impact. He rubs his chin, nodding, before going for a solid roundhouse right to the thigh. King raises his leg, and the attack bounces off his shin instead as he manages to block the kick. Now though, that allows King to move in, looking for an uppercut to the chin-
Omega backs up! He barely managed to get out of the way of the blow, and both he and King take a moment to exhale. Both of them had a few close calls, but they’re back in the thick of things now.
King looks to go for another jab here. Omega goes to slip, but King reveals that the punch was a feint! He goes low, landing a quick one-two to the body that makes Omega lose his breath for a quick moment. Still, Omega takes the blows, since he manages to get a trade-off instead with nailing a quick right hook to the side of Isaiah King’s face!
HHL: It’s like a chess match out there to start. Definitely, a more unique feel going on with this match in comparison to what we’ve seen tonight so far.
Pip: Chess is fucking boring though. Hopefully, these guys will step on the gas soon…
King manages to slip back, not particularly interested in trading shots if he can help it. He’s just outside of punching range, trying to come up with his next way to approach safely. Omega sees the opportunity with the range, though, and brings his leg up to another roundhouse, this one to the body!
The kick is caught by King! Omega’s face pales for a second as King steps in, hitting his OWN right hook to Omega’s face! And another! And another! King goes to wind up for a fourth hook, but Omega comes to life long enough in order to turn this into an enzuigiri! Omega’s kick FINALLY hits as King gets floored by the assault!
Omega has to shake out the cobwebs after the crowned fists went and pummeled him like that. They really came out of nowhere… However, while recovering, he notices King rolling to the apron in order to catch his breath. Can’t have that! He moves in, hitting a sharp knee to King’s midsection to get him doubled over and groggy. Then, bending his knees, he uses the top rope to perform a leaping cartwheel over King, falling back down to hit him with a flying neckbreaker onto the ring apron!
HHL: Talk about acrobatics! Pip, you wanted the gas being stepped on, well you got it! King certainly has to be feeling the effects of that shot there!
Omega looks pretty damn proud of himself as he poses to the fans, looking as confident as ever! King tries to rub his sore neck and back, feeling the impact there. The ref starts to quickly count the two out.
ONE!
TWO!
Omega pulls King to his feet, leaning him on the apron - shotei palm strike rings out! And another! And another! He winds up once more - King lunges forward and tackles Omega right into the guard rail!
THREE!
FOUR!
King doesn’t waste any more time on the outside, Irish Whipping Omega to the inside before following after him. Right as Omega manages to get to his feet, King rushes in - Slingblade! That manages to keep Omega down for a good moment, allowing King to sit him up and lock in a DRAAAAAGON SLEEEEEEEEEPER!
HHL: King trying to choke the life out of Omega! It’s a sound strategy - the Dragon Sleeper targets the neck and airways, and that’s exactly what he sets up for with the Guillotine of Destruction!
Pip: Omega’s also no stranger to having to deal with submissions though, you know? Twenty years in the business does a lot for your Ring IQ, Heather!
King manages to get the hold good and wrenched back, applying pressure to the neck. Omega claws on King’s arm, trying to get free, but he doesn’t quite tap out yet. Instead though, he manages to bring himself over using his legs, hooking onto the bottom rope! King quickly lets go of the hold, showing deference to his opponent and letting him try to bring himself up onto his feet.
It takes a good minute or so, but Omega manages to do so. King moves in to try and pursue it all further, but Omega hits a back kick to double King over, followed by another shotei! The seesaw swings back to Omega as he lunges in, going behind Isaiah King to hit a GERMAN SUUUUUUUUUUUUPLEX!
King lands right on his neck, both competitors having made it a point to seemingly target that area of their opponent. He doesn’t quite have the time to nurse that wound though, as Omega maintains waist control and brings the two of them back onto their feet! This time though, he doesn’t go for another German Suplex, instead moving forward to hoist him over his shoulder! He runs over at the nearby corner - Snake Eyes! Isaiah King’s head bounces off the turnbuckle as he looks woozy!
Omega takes a step back, eyeing up King like a predator and taps his foot impatiently. Once he sees King take a step back too, he leaps into the air - NECKBREAKER!
WAIT! King managed to hold onto the top rope in time! He holds firm as Omega hits the mat hard!
HHL: Quick thinking there from Isaiah King to save himself! Both of these competitors are showing themselves to be extremely intelligent here, but the lack of patience on Omega’s part let King take advantage!
Pip: Well… maybe experience doesn’t quite teach patience after all.
King leans on the turnbuckle, using this moment to get his own bearings back as Omega manages to push himself onto his feet. He nods, before running up and trying to lunge at him and cut off his moment of respite just as he did earlier! He’s going for a jumping knee lift, trying to set up for the Lockdown, but King manages to cut him off in time by raising a boot right to the jumping opponent!
That shot landed square on the face! Omega is forced to backpedal, rubbing his sore jaw as King nods in anticipation, coming up onto the second rope as the fans realize what’s about to come! Tapping his bare elbow, just as Omega is in position, King leaps off and spirals in the air to hit a Springboard Discus Elbow!
HHL: Crown Shatterer! I think that just rocked Jay Omega’s world!
Pip: He may frequent space a lot, but right now with how hard that hit, I’m betting you he thinks he’s up in the stars again…
King roars into the air, setting up for the end! He pulls Omega to his feet, before leaping into the air and wrapping his legs around him, sinking back with all his weight to plant him and his skull into the mat!
HHL: And THERE’S the Guillotine of Destruction Isaiah King was setting up for earlier!
King rolls Omega onto his back, and the referee slides into position to count!
OOOOOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOO!
THREEEEEEEEEEE!
WINNER BY PINFALL - ISAIAH KING!
HHL: Fast and furious, indeed, that match was. And I enjoyed every second of it!
The Heir… Not so apparent can’t seem to find the energy to get to his feet. Just by looking at him you wouldn’t be able to tell if he won or lost the match, either way – he looked utterly defeated. His eyes glance across the crowd and his eyes scream of desperation. Isaiah’s hands come up around his head, clawing fingers searching through his hair.
He seems to be mumbling something under his breath.
Finally, the man pulls himself to his feet, rolling out of the ring and staggering up the ramp. As he reaches the curtains, he turns to a cameraman following him. Isaiah’s hands grip either side of the lens, and he stares… slightly maniacally into the lens.
“This all started with you… I’m coming for you.”
HHL: “You, uh… you think he’s okay, Pip?”
Pip: “Maybe he’s losing his marbles, who knows? Hopefully he finds them again before he faces Dolly or Dionysus for the TV title, or else we’ll never hear the end of it…”
'Losing Your Mind' by Black Label Society Plays
"AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGG! ROOF! ROOF! ROOF!"
(The sound of banjo picking begins to play over the PA)
Woke up early this morning
As I looked around my world be crumblin' down
What I saw, I couldn't believe, Who are you?
What might I be? Oh, the things you do
("Mad Dog" Mark Wright comes barreling through the entrance way. Chugging a can of beer. He stops at the top of the entrance way, and smashes the can on his head. Mad Dog throws the smashed can into the crowd and then pulls his jacket off throwing it down and runs down the entrance way and slides under the bottom rope into the ring.)
'Realize' by ACDC plays
"Realize" By AC/DC starts to play as the fans start booing. Out walks Barney Green, dressed in his garbage man uniform. He slowly walks out and starts arguing back with the fans. He reveals his trash can and dumps a bunch of trash out of it onto the fans. He slowly enters the ring as fans start throwing garbage back at him. He waits in the corner as the music fades.
"MAD DOG" MARK WRIGHT
- vs -
BARNEY GREEN Standard Singles Match
2rps/2k
As the bell rings, the two wrestlers step out of their corners, each staring across at their opponent. Green leans on the ropes, not interested in a quick lock-up, while Wright is beginning to charge up his madness, bouncing on his heels as he gestures for Green to come towards him.
HHL: This has to be one of the more unique matches on the card. A former coal miner vs. a garbage man.
PIP: It just goes to show you that no matter where you come out of, you can still become a success by beating someone's brains in.
HHL: That's a horrible lesson.
PIP: But it's the truth!
Green finally comes forward, slowly walking over to Wright. The two start exchanging words, with Wright wanting Green to throw the first punch. Green obliges, shooting off a right hand that staggers Wright, only for Wright to come right back with his own hit, sending Green reeling! Green shakes it off, looking a little surprised, then comes back in, about to throw the same punch again... only to turn it into the Intelligent Diversion throat punch! Wright stumbles backwards, grabbing at his throat, as Green looks extremely pleased with himself, looking towards the crowd for a moment.
Unfortunately, Green's taken his eyes off The Mad Dog, who pushes off the ropes and charges right back at him, scoring the UMWA Kick!! Green goes down hard, rolling and holding his head, as Wright spits to the side, quickly recovering from the throat punch. As Green tries to get up, dazed, Wright gets right next to him, locking him into position and lifting Green easily up for the Appalacahan Suplex!! Green crashes to the mat, with Wright getting onto his knees in order to go for the pin. But Green is already rolling out of the ring, partially on instinct, partially due to gravity, falling off the apron.
HHL: A lucky break there for Barney, as he might have gotten pinned right then and there!
PIP: Only in wrestling is it lucky to fall twenty feet off an apron to get away.
HHL: Only in wrestling does that small fall become twenty feet.
PIP: True.
Far from discouraged, Wright has slid out of the ring after Green. He hammers Green from behind with an axehandle shot, sending the man staggering away along the apron. Green turns, trying to throw a punch, but Wright blocks it, knocking it away, before landing a couple of punches of his own. In desperation, Green tries to wrap Wright up, hanging onto his arms, but Wright just answers with a powerful headbutt, knocking Green off of him! Green drops to a knee, seeing stars, and not just the ones at ringside.
Before Green can fully get up again, Wright locks onto his head, applying a headlock... followed by a series of noogies! Green struggles against the grip, fighting to pull himself away from Wright and the noogies, and he finally manages it, dropping backwards to the ground. He starts to say something to Wright, snapping at him, but Wright is already coming at him, scoring a running knee that plants Green on his back! Wright then stands over Green, as he hears some of the fans in the arena begin to throw him some barks, showing their support for the Mad Dog of wrestling.
HHL: I think this crowd is getting behind Mark Wright!
PIP: You can never predict what these crazy fans are going to do. I don't get it.
HHL: They're backing a star here, Pip! It's clear that Wright came into this one with a lot more motivation!
With little struggle, Wright's gotten Green back up and has rolled him into the ring. Green tries to pull himself up, trying to stop the ring from spinning in various directions. He turns towards Wright, swinging wildly at him, but Wright runs under it, then comes back from the ropes, taking Green down with the Mountaineer Lariat!! Green's flat on his back, all the air knocked out of him, as Wright turns and looks at the cheering fans before hitting the turnbuckle pads and starting his ascent!
He gets to the top, positioning himself perfectly. With the crowd backing him, Wright leaps off, flying straight towards Green... and landing Go Mad!! The flying headbutt lands exactly where Wright was aiming, making sure that Green isn't getting up any time soon. After a few second's recovery, Wright pulls himself over and makes the cover, placing an arm over Green's motionless chest.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!!
WINNER VIA PINFALL - "MAD DOG" MARK WRIGHT
HHL: What a dominating Pay-Per-View victory for Mark Wright!
PIP: That's a great way to show off your god-given talent, winning in front of millions of viewers watching around the world. Maybe this is the start of big things for the man.
HHL: You mean the Mad Dog.
PIP: Whatever.
HHL: You can bet he and Sunny Jim are going to have a blast celebrating tonight, that's for sure!
Wright stands in the ring with his hand raised by the referee, looking extremely pleased. He points at the camera and gives a few "ROOF's" before turning away, ready to head backstage.
"HGH's Theme" plays
Hey! Here comes HGH! He’s got a scarf and stuff and he’s really cool. He’s walking to the ring with a smirk of confidence, as well as a sneer of derision towards the fans. It’s a sneerk!
Harmon gets in the ring and stretches to get ready for his long-awaited title opportunity.
Vinnie Lane: "HGH has been on a roll, Bama! He’s the only one to have beaten Aphriya Adler on Anarchy, and he’s long past due for a big time opportunity like tonight!"
Bama: "He’s gon’ have his hands full… but so’s ol’ Sid Grey. That woman’s got to retain her gold AND try to win the March Madness tournament all in one night? Not a chance, baby!"
"Suffocate" by Cold plays
“Suffocate” by Cold begins to play as the lights dim all through the arena. Fog rolls through the entranceway as a bright light shines from behind it. A shadowy figure is projected through the fog, the sexy figure grinding to the beat of the music. Sidney Grey emerges and surveys the crowd as they boo her loudly. She smirks as she flips off the crowd and moves in time to the beat, going into yet another seductive grind, which ends in a tremendous eruption of pyrotechnics as she runs her hands all along her body, tosses her hair back, and heads to the ring with a laugh. Sid walks slowly down to the ring as she arrogantly taunts the crowd, blowing kisses to some and threatening to slap others all the while with a condescending smile on her face. Sid slides underneath the bottom rope and goes to the far corner of the ring as she stands on the turnbuckle and continues to taunt the crowd, while smiling sadistically as she waits for the match to begin.
Vinnie Lane: "Sidney has really taken the XWF by storm, Bama… the Anarchy Title is hers, much to the chagrin of Tommy Wish… and a lot of people blame her for us losing Ruby on the blue brand!"
Bama: "She’s come into this company like a whirling dervish, and according to her she’s only even doing it to prove she’s better than her daughter Kenzi! Now that’s the kind of spite I enjoy! I hope Miss Grey likes ‘em young, Vinnie, because I am only 51 but I wanna tame that wild beast of a woman!"
Sid and HGH stare across from each other as the official holds the Anarchy Title high over his head.
DING! DING! DING!!!
(The following match was mostly written by ChatGPT - because it kept cracking me up)
It was the night of the championship match, and the air in the arena was electric with anticipation. The crowd roared as the lights dimmed, and Sidney Grey's entrance music filled the arena. Wearing her black and silver wrestling gear, Sidney strode confidently down the ramp, the championship belt gleaming around her waist.
She climbed into the ring, and the crowd erupted in cheers as HGH's entrance music began to play. HGH emerged from backstage, his muscular frame flexing as he posed for the crowd. He had been working tirelessly for years to get to this point, and he knew this was his chance to become the new champion.
The referee called both wrestlers to the center of the ring, and the crowd quieted down as they began to explain the rules. Sidney and HGH locked eyes, each sizing up the other. Sidney knew HGH was a formidable opponent, but she was determined to keep her championship title.
Vinnie Lane: "Boy this match just seems weird… it’s like Robbie Bourbon fed every XWF match of all time into a computer or something!"
Bama: "That’s why I stay off the grid, Vinnie. This is the rise of the dang machines!"
Sidney started off strong, landing a series of quick kicks and jabs that caught HGH off guard. He stumbled back, but quickly regained his balance and charged at her, attempting to tackle her to the ground. But Sidney was too quick, and she dodged him with ease.
The two wrestlers circled each other, each looking for an opening. HGH lunged at Sidney again, but she sidestepped him and delivered a hard elbow to his back. He grunted in pain, but didn't give up. He charged at her again, but this time Sidney was ready. She leapt into the air, landing a perfectly executed dropkick that sent HGH crashing to the mat.
The crowd roared as Sidney leapt onto the top rope, preparing for her signature move, the Flying Phoenix. But before she could jump, HGH sprang to his feet and grabbed her ankle. Sidney struggled to break free, but HGH was too strong. He lifted her up and slammed her back onto the mat with a powerful suplex.
Sidney lay on the mat, stunned. She knew she had to get back up, but her body was aching all over. HGH took advantage of her moment of weakness, delivering blow after blow as Sidney struggled to defend herself. The crowd began to chant HGH's name, urging him on.
Vinnie Lane: "Aha! The computer made a mistake! No way a crowd would cheer for HGH… he hates them and they return the sentiment!!"
Bama: "I don’t care. I ain’t Linda Hamilton and I can’t fight no terminators. We need to put a cap on this dang technology! SCREW YOU ZUCKERBERG! TOMMY TUBERVILLE’S GONNA BRING THE WEIGHT OF THE SENATE ONTO YOU, BOY!"
But Sidney was determined not to give up. She summoned all her strength and fought back, landing a few well-placed kicks and punches. HGH was caught off guard, and stumbled back. Sidney seized the opportunity, leaping into the air and landing a crushing blow to his chest with her Flying Phoenix move.
HGH went down hard, and Sidney went for the pin. One...two...but HGH kicked out just in time. The crowd gasped, shocked at HGH's resilience.
The match continued, each wrestler pushing themselves to their limits. HGH used his size and strength to overpower Sidney, but Sidney's speed and agility allowed her to dodge his attacks and land powerful strikes of her own. The two wrestlers were evenly matched, and the crowd was on the edge of their seats.
As the match wore on, Sidney began to feel the effects of HGH's relentless attacks. She was battered and bruised, but she refused to give up. She knew what was at stake - her championship title, and her reputation as one of the best wrestlers in the world.
HGH was determined to take the title from her, and he went all out, unleashing his INJECTION SHOT… but it misses!
Sidney is not one to give up easily. She manages to break free from HGH's hold, twisting her body and delivering a powerful elbow strike to HGH's chest. He staggers backwards, giving Sidney just enough time to gather her strength and launch herself at him, knocking him to the mat with a flying clothesline.
The crowd roars as Sidney pins HGH,
1!
2!!
But he manages to kick out at the last second, the fight still in him. He quickly rolls to his feet, but Sidney is right there, launching herself at him once again with a running crossbody. HGH hits the mat hard, the wind knocked out of him.
Sidney takes advantage of HGH's momentary weakness, climbing to the top rope and leaping off with a moonsault, landing perfectly on HGH's chest. The impact is enough to take the wind out of him, and Sidney seizes the opportunity to pin him once again.
This time, however, HGH manages to kick out just in time, the crowd on the edge of their seats as the match intensifies. HGH's face is a mask of rage and determination, and he charges at Sidney with renewed vigor.
But Sidney is ready for him. She dodges his attack and delivers a series of rapid-fire kicks to his midsection, each one sending HGH stumbling backwards. The crowd is on their feet, cheering Sidney on as she lands a final, devastating blow to HGH's face, sending him reeling backwards.
Vinnie Lane: "Now the crowd’s cheering Sid! There’s a glitch in the matrix for sure, dude!"
Bama: "I HATE YOU SO MUCH TIKTOK! YOU’RE A VILE TOOL OF THE CHINESE!"
With HGH temporarily incapacitated, Sidney climbs to the top rope once again, her eyes locked onto her opponent. She launches herself at HGH with a picture-perfect shooting star press, landing squarely on HGH's chest! Sid Grey’s foot hit the official in the head as she flipped, though, and he’s down!
Wait… what’s this?
From out of the crowd, it’s someone in a black hoodie, and he’s got a baseball bat!
CCCRRRRRAAAAACKKK!!!
The man blasts Sid Grey over the head and then hightails it out of the ring and into the crowd again!
The official has shaken off the cobwebs now and he just sees HGH draping himself over Sidney Grey!
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner and NEW Anarchy Champion - HGH
Vinnie Lane: "What the heck just happened? The match was just getting going, and that hooded man robbed us of a real match! And he robbed Sid Grey of her gold!"
Bama: "I don’t know who HGH paid off but it was money well spent! Haymon Greyson Hays is the Anarchy Champion! Well done, son! Well done!"
And then the Tron starts playing some familiar music…
Vinnie Lane: "Wait! That’s Centurion’s new theme music! You don’t think it was HIM do you?!"
Bama: "Ain’t he dating a goody two shoes? Ain’t no way she’d be okay with him runnin’ on in here like that! Ol’ Centy boy might be sleepin’ on the couch if that was him in that hoodie!"
'Sex' by the Grave Smashes starts to play
Michael Gravees and Cadryn Tiberius make their way to the ring.
'Ready or not' by the Fugees plays
Jason Cashe and Raion Kido representing SAGA make their way to the ring.
'Everything is awesome' from the Lego Movie plays
The XWF Tag Team Champions, Sarah Lacklan and Angelica Vaughn, "The Cool Kids" make their way to the ring.
HHL: This indeed brings us to the Triple Threat Tag Team Championship Match!
PIP: After Snow Job, I’m excited, Heather, these teams have a lot to live up to from the match in Green Bay, what a battle!
The referee motions, and one of the champions must start the match to defend the title, and Lacklan stays in the ring as both the teams of Saga and the Frooty Devil’s Entente stand firm in the ring. The referee pulls out the official XWF match regulation straws, and each competitor draws one. Graves, having drawn the shortest straw, is chosen to start the match as the crowd goes wild for the sleek, sophisticated XWF regulation drawing straws, check them out online! Kido and Cashe take a corner as Cadryn Tiberius takes one, still drinking in his first match back in an XWF ring in some time. The echoing, cavernous AT&T Stadium thrums as Lacklan and Graves make eye contact, both seeming to get something off their chest!
HHL: These two are just picking up from where they left off at Snow Job!
PIP: That’s not good for Graves!
Finally, Lacklan slaps Graves! Graves slaps a goozle onto Lacklan, and Lacklan looks mortified by Graves grabbing her throat! Lacklan smiles, and grabs Graves’s throat! Graves closes his lips, and glares back at Lacklan! In an instant, both simultaneously spew the Blood Mist and the Black Mist! Both recoil, but neither letting go of the other’s wrist, and the two mists combine in the air, landing on their hands grasped onto each other. Lacklan looks up, and slowly Graves does, and their mists have coagulated onto their arms! Lacklan with a forearm to Graves, maintaining the wrist hold! Graves with a forearm back to Lacklan! Graves goes to whip Lacklan, but his hand is stuck due to the nature of the two mists! Graves pirouettes along with Lacklan, who throws a back heel kick to Graves! Graves with an overhead elbow to the crown of Lacklan! Both competitors traipse over to the corner of SAGA! Lacklan tags in Cashe! She can’t unstick from Graves! Graves tags in Raion Kido! Both he and Lacklan take each other over the top rope to the outside, and their hands are finally separated! Cashe and Kido both enter the ring, glaring at one another and at the massive crowd who are going wild.
HHL: Neither man expected this scenario!
PIP: Well they’re here, and that’s what counts!
As Graves and Lacklan get back to their corners, Kido and Cashe circle each other. They tie up, and Cashe slides into a hammerlock! Kido transitions into an arm wrench! Cashe counters into a top wristlock! Cashe backs Kido into a corner, but it’s where Cadryn Tiberius is waiting, and he tags himself in, tagging Cashe out! Cashe looks baffled as the referee backs him out of the corner, leaving Kido there. Cadryn with a cheap shot to Kido’s groin, and Cashe notices! Cashe flips the fuck out, but the referee is insisting he leave the ring! Once the referee turns around, Graves is back on the apron, one hand very sticky still. Cadryn holds up Kido’s hand, and Graves tags himself in! Cadryn swiftly drops to his back and Graves pins his own partner!
1…
2…
Angie Vaughn comes fling in with a dropkick to break up the pin attempt from across the ring!
HHL: Very clever of Frooty Devil’s Entente to do that! If they pin themselves, they’ll be tag champions!
PIP: I don’t think any other competitors are going to let that happen, Heather!
Cadryn scrambles to his feet and is met by Vaughn, who throws forearms at Cadryn, backing him into SAGA’s corner! Cashe tags in, and the referee backs Vaughn out of the ring since she’s not legal! Cashe steps in as Cadryn steps out, and Graves faces down Cashe. On the outside, Raion Kido with a superkick to Cadryn! Cadryn stumbles back, only getting glanced by the shot, and leans against a guardrail! Graves charges Cashe with the sticky hand, but Cashe ducks and pulls the ropes, sending Graves to the outside! Graves lands on his feet and smiles at Cashe! Superkick to Graves from Kido! Graves hits the deck! Kido gives a thumbs up to Cashe! Cashe gives a thumbs up to Kido! Missile dropkick from out of nowhere by Lacklan onto Kido on the outside! Cashe reacts, bounds off the opposite ropes, and comes with a tope suicida onto Lacklan! Cadryn and Graves have gotten to their senses and pick up Lacklan and Kido! Cashe to his feet! Suddenly, like a meteor, Angie Vaughn comes crashing down from the top rope onto all five other competitors!
HHL: Vaughn has cleared the floor!
PIP: And her own partner!
As everyone is sprawled out on the floor of the stadium, the referee looks flustered, since he can’t count them out! Vaughn slowly recovers and picks her partner back up, and they both check on each other. As they do, Cadryn stands behind them and clocks Vaughn! He grabs Lacklan by the head and marches her to the ring steps and goes to smash her face into them! Lacklan gets a boot up on the stairs to block! Behind them, Cashe is up and is throwing a chop to Graves! Kido is up and throws a forearm to Vaughn! Lacklan throws an elbow to Cadryn, and reaches up to grab his head! She slams it into the ring apron, but can’t let go because of the strange adhesive properties of her and Gravy’s combined mist! Graves returns the favor and throws a chop to Cashe! Kido with another forearm to Vaughn! Lacklan, still leading Cadryn, starts brawling with him up the entrance ramp! Graves with an eye rake to Cashe, and he takes off towards his partner! Vaughn takes another forearm, and Kido rolls her into the ring! Lacklan slams Cadryn’s head into the giant V structure at the entrance! Cadryn blocks! Graves catches up, and he and Cadryn slam Lacklan’s head into the giant V structure! As they do, Cashe has caught up and he nails Graves, sending Gravy’s head into the giant V structure! Kido gets to the apron, and slingshots in with a senton! He goes for a pin, but the referee refuses to count since Cashe and Graves are the legal competitors!
HHL: I guess that was a valiant effort by Raion Kido.
PIP: That was either very clever or absolutely not.
Cadryn with a suplex to Cashe on the entrance ramp! Cadryn slow to get up himself, and as he does, he’s met by Sarah Lacklan’s foot to his head! He catches it, and stands, smiling at Lacklan! Lacklan swings her other foot and catches an enzugiri kick! Graves scrambles over and picks up Cashe, and smashes his face into the glass of the giant V! Cashe retaliates with an immediate elbow to Graves’s sternum! Kido left the ring and has met with Cashe, and both men throw a double suplex to Gravy! Both the members of Saga stand, looking strong! Suddenly, from behind them, Angie Vaughn dropkicks both men, one foot each, sending them tumbling! Lacklan comes in and throws some boots to Graves, and helps her partner to her feet! Both women scale the giant V at the entrance! The crowd is going absolutely wild as Graves, Cadryn, Kido, and Cashe all get to their feet! The Cool Kids launch from the giant V! They’re caught! Kido and Cashe each hold Vaughn while Graves and Cadryn hold Lacklan! Stereo double spinebusters to the champs!
HHL: The Cool Kids might have been eliminated here!
PIP: That was vicious, and the fans know it!
*HOLY SHIT!*HOLY SHIT!*HOLY SHIT!*HOLY SHIT!*
SAGA turn and see Frooty Devil’s Entente, and we’re on with a brawl! Cache and Cadryn go back and forth, exchanging shots, and Gravy and Kido connect with one another with fierce headbutts! Graves drops to a knee, and as Kido approaches, Graves nails Kido right in the groin! The referee looks on, helpless, since there’s no dq!
HHL: Sticky rules here, tonight, Pip, this triple threat, by definition, is no disqualification, that was a legal blow by Graves, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t actual rules. The legal participants MUST be in that ring to finish the match!
PIP: Well that’s Graves and Cashe! The champs still haven’t moved near the entrance!
Gravy stands and approaches Cashe, who is preoccupied with a scrap with Cadryn! Graves with a double axe handle to the back of Cashe! Both he and Cadryn grab him by the head and heave him into the ring! Raion Kido is laid out on the floor! Cadryn takes his place in the corner, and Graves his a running knee lift to Cashe! Cashe recoils, holding his jaw from the shot, which Graves follows up with a dropkick to Cashe’s legs! Cashe hits the mat, and Graves stands up and calmly walks over to Cadryn Tiberius! The fans are raucous and eating up every minute of the match! Cadryn walks calmly towards Cashe, and lays a stomp onto Cashe’s right ankle! Cadryn with another stomp to Cashe’s right knee! Cadryn continues the assault by laying a stomp into Cashe’s ribs! Cadryn stoops and lifts Cashe to his feet, and back chops Cashe! Cashe recoils over to the ropes, and Cadryn hits another back chop! Cashe stumbles back into the corner! Cadryn tromps in to get at him, but Cashe lifts a boot, sending Cadryn back! As he does, Raion Kido gets on the apron and tags his partner! Kido enters the ring as Cashe lifts Cadryn up for a scoop slam. Kido off the ropes, Cashe plants Cadryn into the mat, and as he does Kido leapfrogs Cashe and comes crashing down with a hip press to Cadryn!
HHL: Wow! I’ve never seen offense like that before!
PIP: SAGA seem to be working out together a lot, Heather.
HHL: Working out? Those men just did all of “Earthquake” John Tenta’s moves at once!
Kido hooks the leg!
1…
2…
Cadryn kicks out! Cashe looks disappointed on the apron at the near fall. Raion Kido, keeping the heat on, transitions to a headlock! Kido brings Cashe to his feet, and kicks off the middle rope, delivering a swinging bulldog to Cadryn! Kido keeps the headlock set! Kids again brings Cadryn to his feet, and puts him into a corner! Kido hoists Cadryn onto the top rope, facing the crowd!
HHL: Raion Kido is keeping the heat on Cadryn Tiberius!
PIP: Cadryn is getting welcomed back to the XWF by one of it's premier competitors tonight!
Cadryn is still stunned, unawares as Kido climbs the turnbuckle behind him! Cashe roots his partner on! Graves is seething, begging for Cadryn to snap out of it! Kido with the Rolling Crash to Cadryn from his own corner! As he hits the move, Cashe tags in, and hits a slingshot elbow drop to Cadryn! With that, a recovered Sarah Lacklan rushes the ring, but Kido intercepts her! Kido and Lacklan brawl to the Frooty Devil's Entente corner, where Graves gets tangled up with them as they spill to the floor! Cashe covers Cadryn in all the confusion!
1…
2…
2.9…
ANGIE VAUGHN TAGS IN TO CADRYN, HANGING BACKWARDS FROM THE TOP ROPE TO REACH HIM FROM NOWHERE!
HHL: Massive save by Angie Vaughn!
PIP: With panache!
Cashe looks confounded by the development! The referee acknowledges the fresh tag as Angie slinks into the ring from her peculiar backwards dangle quite fluidly. Cashe stands to face her, and throws a huge right hook, which is ducked! Cashe with a left uppercut, that Vaughn sidesteps! Cashe with an overhand right, and Vaughn dodges! Cashe can't get a bead on Angie! He goes to tie up, and Vaughn slides past him and hits the ropes! Vaughn back with a sick kick! Cashe hits the mat, trying to regain his wits, and Angie hits VAUGHNEMOUS! Angie drops and pins Cashe!
1…
2…
Michael Graves pulls the referee out of the ring! The referee is down on the floor!
HHL: Sneaky move by Graves!
PIP: Heather, I think you meant "veteran move".
Besides Cardyn, still recovering, the rest of the competitors rush the ring! Cashe is laid out in the center of the ring, and Graves and Kido find themselves squared up against Team H.S.U.! Lachlan with a leg kick to Kido! Kido returns with his own leg kick! Angie with a leg kick to Graves! Graves howls in pain, and hops around on one leg in agony as Lacklan, Kido, and Vaughn all stop and stare awkwardly. Cadryn POOFS into the ring! Cadryn capitalizes on the chaos and hits Lacklan with a Superkick! Graves nails Vaughn with a side kick to the stomach, not reaching the head with his superkick attempt. Cashe has rolled out of the ring, and he’s checking on the referee, trying to get her back into it! She stills, and stumbles into the ring as Cashe climbs into the ring! The referee clears out the ring of all the nonlegal competitors, issuing final warnings to each! Cashe and Vaughn, the legal competitors, look at each other, and Cashe wisely and coolly tags in Raion Kido! Kido enters the ring, and he and Vaughn each land standing sidekicks, hitting each others shins in a parrying blow! Vaughn rounds about and lands a spinning heel kick to Kido, stunning him! Suddenly, Cadryn blindly tags Vaughn, looking to capitalize on her blow! Graves grabs Vaughn and suplexes her out of the ring! Lacklan retaliates, rushing the length of the apron and hitting a leaping meteora to Graves, riding him to the outside! Cadryn hoists Kido, and goes for a backchop! Lacklan and Graves brawl on the outside as Angie gets to her feet! Kido ducks Cadryn’s chop though, and shoots off the ropes! Cashe does a dive onto Lacklan, Graves, and Angie on the outside, clearing them! Right after, Kido nails Cadryn with the LIGHTNING BOLT! Cadryn crumbles to the ground, Mortal Kombat style, and Raion goes for the cover!
1…
Cashe and Graves are seen laid out on the outside.
2…
Lacklan and Vaughn slowly try to help each other up.
3!!!
The fans go absolutely bananas as Raion Kido rolls over and reaches to the sky, a look of sweet relief on his face.
Winner - AND NEW XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS - RAION KIDO AND JASON CASHE "SAGA"
HHL: I don't believe it. SAGA has just captured the tag team titles in an incredible match.
PIP: Absolute horseshit. Cadryn and Graves got robbed. Robbed. I need America's Mayor in here to investigate this stolen victory!
HHL: That's not how it works Pip.
Raion Kido slides out of the ring and pulls his tag team partner up to his feet and hands him the other half of the tag team titles. Cashe looks around confused. He may or may not be concussed but either way he is now a tag team champion.
PC: Coming up next, Heather, a sneakily anticipated Television Title contest will see the brand new champion, Dolly Waters, defending the gold against XWF newcomer Dionysus.
HHL: Sneakily anticipated is an interesting way to phrase that, Pip. Because though Dolly and Dionysus produced some of the most compelling hype of the entire March Madness event, it does feel like this Championship match has flown under the radar.
PC: That most certainly must be due in part to the throwback nature of the stipulation Dolly Waters chose for the contest. A standard, fifteen minute time limit match.
HHL: Just like the way the Television Title was defended in years past. Dolly has made it clear that she doesn’t need to defeat Dionysus to retain her belt. All she has to do is out last him.
PC: Dionysus has stated that he’s more than capable of putting Dolly away before the clock strikes zero. We’ll see if he can hold true to those words… RIGHT NOW!
Leaving Dionysus by Topic plays
The lights dim as multiple spotlights rotate throughout the arena. As "Leaving Dionysus" begins to play, the spotlights all point to the stage, illuminating a velvet red curtain. At the moment the guitars begin to play, the curtain is drawn open, revealing the imposing figure of Dionysus, holding a Thyrsus in his right hand and a shield on his left arm. He clashes the staff against his shield to rouse the crowd to clap with him, then roars, raising the Thyrsus above his head.
You never had the right,
Removing me from paradise.
Your path removed the light,
Rendering me colour-blind.
But now I’ll speak,
Since I’ve become my own again,
And now I’ll leave,
Since I’ve become my own, again.
"Making his way to the ring, from Minneapolis MN, weighing in at 270 lbs; he is the Lord of the Vine, DIONYSUS!"
Dionysus moves toward the apron, preparing to set the Thyrsus and shield next to the ring…
PC:HEATHER! LOOK!
Before the crowd can even begin to react, a person wearing dark robes and a hood jumps the barricade, climbs onto the ramp, and dives into the back of Dionysus’ knee. The big man grimaces and falls to a single knee. He turns back, mid recovery, trying to figure out what's going on, but catches a nasty looking elbow to his temple from the robed figure, knocking the challenger off of the raised runway and onto the floor.
The crowd who was happily clapping along with Dionysus is booing, and throwing trash.
HHL:What is this disgusting act, Pip? Our challenger to the Television Championship is being ambushed!
PC: Well I’m sure Dolly Waters doesn’t mind!
Another sick elbow sends Dionysus’ head smacking awkwardly into the unforgiving plywood of the ring apron.
The robed figure stands overtop of him and begins opening the center of the robe…
HHL: You’re damn right Dolly Waters doesn’t mind, Pip! Because there’s the Television Championship under those robes!
PC: OOOOHHHH! THIS IS BRILLIANT!
The crowd rages with disapproval as black hood comes off of Dionysus’ assailant, revealing them to be none other than a smiling Dolly Waters.
She fully disrobes, revealing her standard all black wrestling attire. She removes the Television Championship from around her waist and takes a few steps back, planting her back heel before rushing at Dionysus. Just as he recovers and spots Dolly, the gold plate of the Television Title smashes into his forehead, splitting him open. The scene is gruesome. Dolly climbs onto the raised ramp, the TV title tucked under her arm and dives off with a flying attack that strikes Dion in the face again.
HHL: Well, I guess this match flew under the radar for appropriate reasons, because it appears to be over before it even started. Dionysus is completely incapacitated afte this DISGUSTING display by Dolly Waters.
PC: Talk about a champion’s advantage Heather! It’s brilliant!
After some struggling, Dolly manages to roll Dionysus under the ropes, and the match officially begins.
Dolly’s eyes pop from her head, shocked, and certain that she had Dionysus defeated. But the big man is already staggering up to his forearms near the ropes before a running knee attack to his ribcage sends him falling through the ropes and onto the apron.
Waters takes off to the otherside of the ring and charges at the challenger who's pulling himself up on the ropes.
A DIVING SPEAR THROUGH THE ROPES!
IS AVOIDED BY DIONYSUS!
The challenger practically falls out of the way as Dolly Waters dives through the bottom and middle ropes, crashing and burning out onto the elevated runway. She rolls a few feet before steadying herself on her palms and springing back up to her feet. She looks as if she’s about to charge Dionysus again, but then hears the referee.
1!
2!!
A smile creeps on Dolly’s face as she hops down from the elevated ramp and into the arena floor. Finally clearing the cobwebs, and a bit of blood from his eyes, Dionysus realizes what's happening.
3!!!
He looks at the ref, and then down at Dolly who is taunting him to chase her.
4!!!!
He steps back into the ring briefly, and then exits again, restarting the ref’s count.
1!
He jumps down to the floor and starts chasing Dolly.
13:01
2!!
13:00
3!!!
12:59
HHL: Dionysus can’t get sucked into this game of cat and mouse with Dolly if he wants any chance to win here tonight. Theoretically, with this much space create, she can stay on the outside of the ring, allow Dionysus to keep breaking the ref count until the time limit expires, and she’ll retain the title.
PC: What a courageous strategy by our Television Champion!
HHL: I guess it does take some guts to be this overtly sleazy.
Dolly rounds the corner on the backside of the ring as Dionysus gives chase. His long, strong legs closing the gap rather quickly as she rounds the next corner. Dolly sees him closing in and baseball belly-slides under the ropes at the third corner of the ring, the one near the elevated ramp. She slides through, causing the ref to restart his count as she reaches out to the elevated ramp, trying to pull herself onto the runway.
But Dionysus has her leg!
She flips over, her upper body on the opposite side of the corner, using her abominable strength to sit up and kicks Dionysus in the face. The impact is fierce, but maybe he’s already a bit numb from the vicious attack earlier, because he absorbs the blow like a champ and doesn’t let go of Dolly’s leg. He begins pulling her closer toward the ropes, causing Dolly to pull her legs back and cease kicking. She begins to stand and climbs one side of the turnbuckle, but Dionysus follows her up on the opposite side. The two exchange punches as they each reach the top rope.
Dolly is nailing Dionysus in the forehead with some of the most notorious striking power the wrestling industry knows, but Dionysus is showing his resolve in spades. He eats another forearm that jars his head, but also snatches Dolly by the throat. He lifts the much smaller Waters up with ease on the top turnbuckle and…
PC: OH MY GOD!
Dionyusus chokeslams Dolly from the top turnbuckle, out of the ring and onto the elevated runway. A piece of the runway gives from the massive impact, leaving a Dolly-sized dent.
11:11
The crowd is stunned, as is Dionysus, whoo wears a brief look of concern, down on his knees panting before shaking it off and scowling at the incapacitated Waters who’s slightly twitching on the runway. He lifts her up with ease and throws herr through the ropes and into the ring and immediately goes for the pinfall
1!
2!!
HHL: This ones over!
UNBELIEVABLE!!!
Dolly gets a shoulder up just in time, as Dionysus seems shocked by Dolly’s toughness.
He’ll not be making the mistake of trying to cover her so soon again. He yanks Dolly up and throws her into the ropes. A big boot connects on the rebound, before quickly lifting her back up and planting her spine first with a perfectly executed spinebuster.
Dolly howls in agony as Dionysus has finally taken full control of this matchup….
9:13
…And with plenty of time to spare.
Dionysus begins circling Dolly, appearing to be setting up for a possible submission hold, but to his astonishment, the Television Champion begins staggering to her feet much earlier than anyone could have anticipated. His eyes bulge and he backs away a few steps, and just as soon as Dolly is to her feet, Dion sweeps in with a NASTY BOXING COMBO!
Dolly eats every punch, including the massive right hook that sends her lifted and spinning in the air where she tumbles, and mangles through the ropes onto the apron. Barely on her feet by holding onto the top rope, Dolly is wobbling like a Mortal Kombat fighter waiting for a fatality. He nose oozing blood now. Dionysus approaches and grapples her - BUT SUDDENLY DOLLY PULLS THE ROPE BACK AND RELEASES!
It snaps across Dionysus’ chest causing an immediate welt to form. But it only stuns him for a moment and he goes right back after Waters. He grabs for again, but Dolly leaps up, grabs his head and drops down to the floor, bringing Dionysus’ throat across the top rope. Causing him to fall on his back in the center of the ring while gasping for air.
1!
As the ref begins to count again, Dolly starts walking to the timekeepers table. She grabs the TV title and starts walking off, but just as she’s about to make it to the elevated runway, an enraged looking Dionysus slides out of the ring, blocking her path.
1!
Dolly takes off running, but just as she picks up speed, she grabs at her lower back, still feeling the impact from the earlier chokeslam. Her eyes go wide knowing that Dionysus is getting closer.
2!!
3!!!
She darts around the ring much slower this time, but takes cover behind the steel ring steps, and as Dionysus rounds the corner, Dolly throws her back and her shoulder into the steps, popping them out of place and sending them right in Dionysus’ path.
4!!!!
5!!!!!
The big man’s shins smack into the steel and he flips over, face first onto the floor. Dolly stands, screams, and soccer kicks him in the head.
6!!!!!!
5:17
Dolly cradles the TV Title into her stomach like a mother clutching a newborn baby and crawls back into the ring, crawling all the way to the opposite corner and sitting on her butt, anticipating a count-out victory.
7!!!!!!!
But suddenly Dionysus pulls up to his feet.
8!!!!!!!!
He’s battered and wobbling, but shakes his head
9!!!!!!!!!
AND DARTS UNDER THE BOTTOM ROPE JUST IN TIME!
Dolly screams in anger and starts kicking her feet as Dionysus just lays on the mat, gassed and having barely just survived a count-out. Dolly stands, the TV Title in arm and starts sizing Dionysus up, she’s about to clean his clock and get herself disqualified. But the ref isn’t having it. He stands between the reeling Dionysus and Dolly, demanding the champion hand over the title. Dolly refuses. So the ref grabs the belt and tugs back. At first Dolly resists, but as she sees Dionysus stand to his feet, Dolly lets go of the belt, causing the ref to fall backward into the challenger, leaving him unsteady and tumbling.
Dolly takes her opportunity. She runs for the ropes, springboards and just as Dionysus gains his footing again…
ODE TO JOY!!!
IS COUNTERED!
DIONYSUS GRABS HER ARM MID AIR DURING THE EUROPEAN UPPERCUT, AND USING ALL OF HIS STRENGTH JERKS HER WITH A RIPCORD BULLHAMMER!’
DEFIED!
DOLLY IS DOWN…
BUT SO TOO IS THE REFEREE STILL!
DIONYSUS STIRS THE REF AND GOES FOR THE COVER!
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!
2:12
Dionysus is in total disbelief. But after catching his breath, and checking the clock, he sees his last opportunity to put Dolly away. He slides back on his rear and just as Dolly raises up, he wraps his massive legs around her tiny frame ready to lock in his finishing submission hold.
HHL: This has been an absolute war! But if Dionysus can lock in this 5 point triangle hold, then there will be no way Dolly can escape!
From behind her, he grabs an arm, tucks into her chest, using his other arm to start choking her. Dolly’s eyes pop from her head, her face turning pale with fear, knowing the danger she’s in. She starts to squirm, but Dionysus lifts his leg onto Dolly’s chest as the two fall backward. He reaches his arm out and grabs his own leg, ready to fully lock in his submission. Dolly tries to break free, she turns, squirms, but finds she’s only turning into Dionysus’ chest.
1:17
He locks!
HE WRENCHES!
GIVING DOLLY’S FREE ARM A MILLISECOND OF OPPORTUNITY!
A HAMMER FIST COMES RIGHT DOWN ON DIONYSUS’ NOSE!
AND ANOTHER!
AND ANOTHER!
THIRD TIMES THE CHARM! THE HOLD IS BROKE AS DIONYSUS’ ARMS FLY BACK.
00:59
DOLLY GRABS AN ARM, TURNS IT BETWEEN HER LEGS, AND ROLLS DIONYSUS ONTO HIS STOMACH!
PC: ROLLING WATERS! ROLLING WATERS!
Dolly has the hold locked in. Dionysus screams out in agony as Dolly wrenches back on his neck with all her might.
He crawls with a free arm!
Reaches for the ropes!
A finger's length away!
HE’S GOT…
00:37
FLIPPED BACK INTO THE CENTER OF THE RING!
WITH NO CHOICE LEFT BUT TO TAP OUT!
Winner and STILL XWF Television Champion - Dolly Waters
PC: Dolly retains! What an amazing contest!
Dolly immediately releases the hold and collapses next to her valiant challenger in the center of the ring. It takes a moment, but Dolly stands to her feet, snatching the championship belt away from the belt and making a limping escape from the ring as the beautiful sounds of Ode To Joy play overtop of the images of this brutal warzone.
"Unsainted" by Slipknot plays
The words fade as we hear the Church bells cling before the guitar riff starts playing along with the choir singing. The music builds up to where finally Corey Taylor can be heard. The name Goth emerges upon the titan tron, but the man only walks out after Corey Taylor can be heard screaming the words: “I’m finally holding on to letting go!!” As explosions go off on the side of the entrance stage. Goth stares at the crowd as his fiancé Melissa emerges behind him.
Goth lifts his head upwards to the ceiling while extending his arms, a smirk emerges upon his face as he listens to the mixed reactions. After a few seconds, he looks back ahead of him towards the ring walking slowly, totally ignoring the fans who are trying to touch him as he walks to the steel ringsteps. He gets on the ring apron before opening up the top and middle ring rope for his fiancé Melissa as she steps through them. He then steps in the ring and stares down his opponent/awaits his opponent as his music slowly fades.
'If you don't leave in thirty minutes' by Count Bass D plays
We see the X-Tron come to life, and we see "John Black" name shot up with the .38 special, and we see him at the stage in a black and white setting as he is standing there taking in the mixed reactions. Then he walks down to the ramp, and he gives them some high fives, then he climbs on the steel steps and enters the ring, and he raises his fist in the air as he pounds his chest around the ring as his theme cuts off.
The crowd starts going crazy as the starting bell rings. The Xtreme champion and the challenger are finally in the center of the ring, staring intently at each other. Both men are sizing up their opponent, trying to find any weaknesses they can exploit. And so the fight begins!
HHL: "The fans have been looking forward to this championship match for weeks! John Black and Goth have been going back and forth on the airwaves for weeks, and now, they're finally squaring off in the ring!"
PIP: "That's right, Heather: everyone is on the edge of their seats for this championship contest!"
Goth makes the first move, hitting a swift kick to John Black's abdomen, causing the champion to keel over in pain. Goth follows up with a brutal knee to the chest, sending John Black staggering backward. John Black tries to recover on the ropes, only for Goth to charge ahead with a clothesline!
HHL: "This has been a strong start for Goth, and definitely not the start the champion was hoping for!"
PIP: "The big man is throwing his weight around early in this one!"
But John Black is not giving up the Xtreme title that easily! He swings to the side, causing Goth to clothesline nothing but air. JB kicks Goth in the back of his knee before he drags Goth towards the corner. JB throws Goth into the corner before he delivers a series of chops to his chest. Goth falls to his backside before John Black starts stomping a mud hole into his chest!
PIP: "If the dead woman haunting his dreams doesn't give Goth a heart attack, those boots to the chest might!"
HHL: "John Black is turning the momentum around!"
Goth is struggling to get up, but John Black is not letting him. John Black finally pulls him up before slamming him back down with a Scoop Slam! John Black then begins mauling the downed challenger with a series of brutal knees, only stopping once he finally busts Goth open! Blood sprays out onto the mat from atop Goth's eyebrow, and the crowd goes wild!
PIP: "And now the challenger is bleeding like a stuffed pig!"
HHL: "You knew someone was getting cut open when this match was announced! Goth and John Black, X-treme rules? It practically speaks for itself!"
The sight of his own blood causes Goth to enrage, and he quickly tosses the smaller man off to the side! Goth quickly gets to his feet, launching a flurry of punches at John, but John ducks and weaves, dodging each one. He then grabs Goth's arm, twisting it behind his back, and Goth screams in agony. But Goth manages to wriggle free, delivering a hard elbow strike to John's chest. Goth starts up again with a powerful right hook to John Black, but John blocks it, countering with a left jab to Goth's midsection. Goth stumbles back, but he soon recovers and lands a swift kick to John's approaching thigh. John groans in pain, but he fires back with a vicious uppercut that sends a bleeding Goth crashing to the mat.
HHL: "JB caught Goth sleeping that time."
PIP: "Come on, you have to see that coming!"
The crowd is on the edge of their seats, watching as the two wrestlers continue to fight tooth and nail. As Goth picks himself back up JB attempts a flying dropkick, but Goth catches him in mid-air, then slams him down hard onto the mat! The champion looks dazed and confused laying on the mat, until Goth's blood starts dripping onto his face. That seems to wake him up, just in time to eat a big right hand from Goth!
HHL: "This is just a good old-fashioned fight. I love it!"
PIP: "JB looks like he's going to need to get tested... and I don't mean for glasses."
HHL: Give it a rest, Pip.
Goth waves his hands upward daring John to stand. When John does Goth holds his arms to tie up with John. Both men look drained as their arms lock horns once again, grappling with each other, neither wrestler able to gain an advantage. Finally, John hoists Goth up into the air, then slams him down with a spine-buster. Goth hits the mat with a deafening thud. John Black stands and appeals to the crowd, and raises Goth to his feet! John Black sets Goth against the ropes, and lands a huge back chop! Goth glares back at John, and tosses him from the ring! Goth steps through the ropes and as JB recoils on the floor, Goth leaps and lands a Diving Famasser onto the announce table!
HHL: “Hey, easy fellas!”
PIP: “We’re trying to call matches!”
JB leans against the sturdy announce table. Goth reaches under the ring, and pulls out a kendo stick! Goth nails JB with the kendo stick, which sends JB stumbling down towards the ring steps! Goth rushes in with another kendo shot, but JB picks up the steel ring steps and clocks Goth on the way in! Goth falls back, and JB drops the steps as they clatter to the floor. JB picks up the kendo stick! JB beckons for Goth to get up! JB raises the kendo stick high, but Goth nails JB with a low blow! The fans all boo profusely and Goth sneers. He stands up slowly, still feeling the effects of the stair shot, and looks down at them, laying there. Goth grabs JB and plants his head between his thighs, then looks at the camera sadistically! Goth powerbombs JB straight onto the ring steps!
HHL: “JB has been broken in half!”
PIP: “Goth is pulling zero punches tonight and he is sexy for it!”
Goth with a pinfall!
1…
2…
Kickout! JB barely gets a shoulder up, and Goth is furious! Goth picks JB up, and slings him over his shoulder, then powerslams him on top of the solid steel announce table!
HHL: You can keep trying!
PIP: That’s right, we got a steel desk!
Goth grins and climbs the desk, and picks JB up! He sets in for the Goth Drop! NO! JB counters, fighting out of it, and he kicks Goth in the gut! JB picks Goth up, and delivers a piledriver to Goth on top of the steel announce table! Goth spasms horrifically, his spine driven into metal! JB goes for a confident pin!
1…
2…
Kickout! JB can’t believe it, Goth has kicked out of the piledriver to the steel table!
HHL: “Get off our workstation!”
PIP: “This is a hostile work environment!”
JB looks down at Goth, frustrated. He slides off the table and reaches under the ring, pulling out a bag. JB reaches in and pulls out a python!
HHL: “Woah!”
PIP: “Jesus!”
JB walks towards Goth with the snake, and Heather and Pip run away from the announce table! Goth slowly gets up, and sees the snake! He smiles, grabs it, and hurls it out into the audience! JB looks out in horror and Goth lifts JB up, then drives him through the barricade ringside, landing on top with a pin!
1…
2…
3!
WINNER VIA PINFALL AND NEW XTREME CHAMPION - GOTH!
HHL: HE DID IT!! Goth has secured his first significant victory in the XWF and did so by winning the XWF Xtreme Championship! Stay tuned folks as we will have the FIRST XWF HALL OF LEGENDS induction of 2023 after this commercial break.
The shot cuts back to the arena, where we see Steve Sayors behind a podium that bears the XWF Hall of Fame logo. Some of the more savvy fans, sensing what’s coming, let out a pop. Steve looks pretty impressed with himself for a moment before remembering what he’s standing in front of. Finally, he begins to speak.
Through the years the XWF Hall of Fame has recognized the most trailblazing figures in the industry. People who completely upended the status quo and cemented legacies that will never be forgotten. And tonight, we are adding one more name to that vaunted hall. So without further ado…
WAIT!
A familiar sounding voice calls out, and before long we see a figure rush out to the podium. Holy shit, it’s COREY SMITH! IS COREY SMITH GETTING INDUCTED?! The fans pop HUGE for the interruption.
Steve looks at Corey with a combination of shock and consternation. Corey Smith?! What…?! Sayors then looks out at the crowd, smiles awkwardly, and then speaks into the mic. Sorry folks, but we are NOT in fact inducting Corey Smith tonight.
***BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***
An avalanche of jeers! Corey gets behind the podium, jostling Steve to the side and starts to speak. Yep, sorry folks, it ain’t me. But I am the only remaining person in the XWF who is still here (sorta), had a relationship with the inductee, and doesn’t hate him. So I wanted to be the one to do the honors and induct…..
But, finally, die down it does. Corey looks at Steve, shrugs his shoulders, and goes on.
I think that crowd reaction says it all. And I think that The Engineer, from wherever he is in the afterlife….probably hell, and he would admit that himself….would thank all of you for that warm response. BUT! As is customary, we enlisted another major XWF star to say some words about The Engineer. And who better than one of his greatest all time rivals? No, folks, the surprises aren’t done yet! Strap your asses in for….
….ROBERT “The Omega” MAIN!
Robert Main steps through the gorilla position and the crowd pops HUGE for him too!
***O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A! O-MEG-A!***
Corey and Steve cede the podium to Robert, who knuckle bumps Corey and Steve before taking his position.
Main leans into the mic. Hey, everyone. Long time no see.
**ANOTHER BIG POP**
Ladies and gentlemen, the XWF hall of fame captures what this following individual was driven by: excellence! As I gaze around this room this evening, I feel a slew of emotions crawling beneath the surface; some are pleasing others are heartbreaking. I see some significant individuals in my life and the wrestling world in the audience tonight. Some of you supported me in my darkest hours, like my wonderful friend and brother from another mother, Drew, and others who had tremendous rivalries with me like you, Chris Chaos, and others who I will detest until the day that I die. You people know who you are, so I will remain peaceful and say what I have to say tonight. When I was asked to deliver this speech, I scratched my head and asked Theo Pryce several times if he was sure.
I don't want to make any bones about it when I say this The Engineer and Robert Main never saw eye to eye. Our checkered past is a tail of blood, brutality, and affliction; we have hooked up several times in the squared circle over the years, each of us getting the better of the other. We've clashed over the X-treme Championship, where I was conquered on top of a massive mound of chairs. We exchanged blows inside an unforgiving steel cage as Apex had a conflict with The Mother Fuckers, and Apex was victorious. Or when I cashed in and took the Universal Championship. But as I thought more about it, I realized that without The Engineer, I would have never become who I am today, and for that, I thank you, Engy!
When The Engineer broke into professional wrestling, it was a unique time in history; The XWF was at a crossroads as an organization. The company needed bright new stars, and they discovered a diamond in The Engineer, who established a new interpretation of wrestling through his dedicated work on television. There was always an exemplary art aspect to all of his work. Even if it was some unscrupulous plan for revenge or to capture another championship... Either way, it's formidable work; it's backbreaking to accomplish so many achievements in a brief time. Engy, is a cornerstone of this company and the wrestling world today. The man is imitated by anyone looking to assemble a name for themselves in this business; he is the glass ceiling, the brass ring, and the bar in the XWF.
The Engineer, is the longest reigning X-Treme and Universal Champion of the modern era. He remains the standard to this day. He is the narrative you chase after once you acquire gold. Those records are Mount Everest in this business, and if you choose to do that climb, I'll say this. It's a devastating marathon; once you reach the summit with one last step, you can stumble and fall back down to the bottom. I say this because I'm speaking from experience. And that's why The Engineer belongs in the XWF hall of fame.
The Engineer was all about this company and the wrestling business as a whole. He unquestionably loved wrestling. He devoted every ounce of himself to the business. It was about assembling something out of nothing at all. I've consistently attempted to get individuals to recognize that the wrestling business was about the honor of being a pro wrestler. There's something about that term, doing the honors for somebody, and knowing that there's somebody that is going to be the champion, and going to be the guy that carries the load for everybody else, and because of that nobal act everybody is going to profit. That was the Engineer; he drove the industry back in the proper direction because if it were not for people like him, the XWF might not be here today. He's a real champion and has earned the right to be in the XWF hall of fame!
The fans grant Main another respectable pop as he steps away from the podium. Corey claps him on the back and shakes his hand and Main turns and grants the crowd one last wave goodbye. Steve returns to the podium.
Thank you Corey Smith and Robert Main for your kind words about the Engineer tonight. That does it for this induction into the Hall. Who’s next? Only time will tell.
Corey jostles Steve over and speaks into the mic. Definitely think Blue Tango deserves the nod.
This draws a….confused…reaction from the crowd.
No? Eh fuck it just give it to Bobby Bourbon.
A MUCH, MUCH BIGGER POP FROM THE CROWD!
Steve reassumes his station and tugs at his collar nervously. We’re going a little off script, so I’m gonna cut it here. Back to the action!
Except it’s not quite back to the action just yet. No. Actually the camera ventures backstage…back..back...no, further back yet. Back to the XWF superstars private bathrooms. The shot then cuts low to the ground, and we see two pairs of beat up boots and a mop bucket enter the shot.
Yeah…yeah…I’m here….
A voice sounds out from off screen, followed by the characteristic *krsh* sound of a portable radio. We can’t quite hear whats on the other end, only our friend with the bucket. The shot slowly starts to drift up the man’s abdomen as he speaks.
Yeah I just came back from the ladies shitter. You’d think they were collectin’ used tampons they way they clogged the can with ‘em. FUCKERS!
The shot continues to drift up, lingering for a moment on a name tag that reads “Duncan”.
I’m goin’ where?! OH HELLZ NAH! GRAVES HAS A PRIVATE SHITTER?! YOU JUST KNOW THAT’S GONNA BE FORTY SEVEN SHADES OF FUCKED! A mop falls. I AIN’T DOIN’ IT!
There’s a pause as whoever is on the other end of the radio speaks.
*Long protracted sigh* Yeah…yeah….I do need this job. Yes sir.
The figure bends over to pick up the mop, but we still can’t see his face. By this point his voice is starting to sound a little familiar though…
Before I do Graves’ shitter though, will ya tell my wife and kids I love ‘em?
A pause.
No sir, I don’t got no wife or kids.
He sounds a little sad as he says it. But the camera stays on him slowly drifting up, up, up from the name tag until we see….
……the face of Dexter Bright. Or, someone who’s a dead ringer for him at any rate.
He pulls a gas mask up and over his face and starts whistling and singing a ditty as he pushes the mop bucket into the background.
It's a big job gettin' by with nine kids and a wife Even I've been workin' man, dang near all my life but I'll keep workin' As long as my two hands are fit to use I'll drink my beer in a tavern And sing a little bit of these working man blues….
He sings in a very off key manner as the shot fades out on…whoever this is’...back.
NOAH JACKSON
- vs -
SIDNEY GREY Standard Singles Match
PC: Well ladies and gentlemen, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for… it’s time to find out who the new KING of the XWF will be, and my oh my, do we have two FANTASTIC options. I’m not sure who to root for here.
HHL: Well Pip. Neither of us are supposed to be rooting for these competitors. We’re supposed to be providing unbiased commentary. But seeing how you fawned over both of these wrestlers tonight as they cheated their ways to the Finals, I can’t say that I’m surprised you feel this way.
PC: Cheated? CHEATED?! Are you seriously suggesting that Noah Jackson and Sidney Grey would ever CHEAT their way to victory?
HHL: Ummm… I’m absolutely suggesting that.
PC: OH! WELL! So much for all of the “unbiased commentary”. One of these two will be YOUR king for the next twelve months, so better learn to appreciate these phenomenal talents.
HHL: Don’t remind me.
With Noah and Sidney each pacing the ropes along their respective sides of the ring the ref sounds the bell and the March Madness Finals are officially underway!
And simultaneously, both of these competitors drop, and roll out of the ropes. The ref looks baffled for a moment before starting a double count.
1!
2!!
Noah and Sidney exchange crazed glares of incredulity at one another from across the floor.
3!!!
“GET BACK IN THE RING YOU CUNT!” Noah shouts,
“QUIT STEALING MY STRATEGIES, YOU CHAUVINIST!” Sidney returns,
Each lower their eyes, and slowly step back onto the apron. Sidney sticks a leg in the ring, as does Noah, before they both get spooked and jump onto the floor again.
1!
2!!
The crowd delivers a blood curling roar of disapproval, as Noah and Sidney just begin pacing back and forth. Repeating the process of pretending to enter the ring, exiting, and then screaming at each other a few more times over.
HHL: Well I hope you’re happy Pip. One of these two are going to be our King
PC: They both have royalty coursing their blood, Heather. These are two very strategic, very cunning warriors. Both worthy of wearing that crown. So yes, I AM happy, indeed.
HHL: Well, at this rate, we may never actually crown a new King, and I’m in no real rush.
Garbage from the stands begins pelting the competitors. Noah squirms as he’s drenched in beer, and curses at the fans. Sidney is being pummeled with half eaten bratwursts. And finally the two are forced back into the ring, where they reluctantly meet in the center of the mat, slowly locking hands in a test of strength.
But the awkward display of forced sportsmanship is short lived as Sidney almost immediately forgoes the tst of strength and knees Noah in the mid section.
Jackson bends over, sucking air as Sideny bounces from the ropes and plants him a running face buster. She goes for a very early pinfall
1!
For a very early kick out. Noah is up quickly and punches Grey right in the “bad” knee, hurting his hand a bit from the metal brace, but willing to make that sacrifice. Grey tries hopping away from Noah on one leg, but Jackson grabs her by the back of the tights and hurls her shoulder first into the steel post of the turnbuckle.
Sidney tumbles onto the apron and slides onto the arena floor. After a moment she stands to her feet, but eats a nasty baseball slide from Jackson that pushes her into the commentary table. Noah exits the ring and goes after Sidney, but the cunning Grey is able to duck under a spinning backfist, sliding behind Noah and slamming him headfirst to the floor with a nasty german suplex.
Sidney stumbles to her feet and slides back in the ring as the ref starts to count Noah out
1!
2!!
3!!!
Meanwhile, Sideny is prancing around the ring, taunting the fans, not aware that Noah has… fled the scene?
4!!!!
She looks on the outside of the ring where she delivered the german suplex and sees that Noah is nowhere to be found. She just starts laughing and shrugging her shoulders, assuming that Noah must have left the arena in shame.
5!!!!!
6!!!!!!
She blows a kiss and winks at Heather Halliwell on commentary. “Get ready to bow for your King, you old washed up hag!”
7!!!!!!!
8!!!!!!!!
9!!!!!!!!!
….
………
…………………………….the counting has stopped?
BECAUSE FROM BEHIND, NOAH HAS ENTERED THE RING!
After crawling underneath the ring, and coming out on the opposite side, Noah grabs Sidney in a headlock, and starts administering a nasty noogie. Grey screams as she notices Noah is running toward the turnbuckle, still with the headlock cinched in. He runs up the turnbuckle pads, giving a noogie the entire way and flipping around, planting Grey face first with a bulldog.
Noah goes for the cover!
1!
2!!
NO!
Sidney kicks out, but she’s not in great shape after such a devastatingly obnoxious maneuver.
Noah gets up and spits in Sidney’s eyes before doing a series of X chops at his crotch. Sidney starts screaming and flailing around on the mat as if she were just hit with battery acid, but it’s just saliva. This warrants a scolding and warning from the ref that Noah completely ignores while heading for the top turnbuckle.
He sizes Grey up, and then turns around.
THE WORLDS SICKEST MOONSAULT!
PC: Look at that beautiful hangtime!
IS WIFFED!!!
GREY GETS HER KNEES UP, BUSTING NOAH IN THE STOMACH, AND QUICKLY ROLLS HIM OVER!
1!
2!!
BUT NOAH KICKS OUT!
He tries getting to his feet quickly, but Grey leaps right on his back, locking in the Cougar Clutch sleeper. Noah is fading and stumbling around the ring, but rather than falling down, he tumbles towards the ropes, taking Sidney with him as the two again take the action to the outside.
They’re near the commentary table again, both sluggish and worn out. This is Noah’s second match of the evening, and Sidney’s third! They’re exchanging palm slaps to the face, but after the sixth in a row, Noah switches it up and connects with a nasty looking throat chop that sends Grey falling over the commentary table.
Noah stands on the table, and reaches over, pulling Sidney up to her feet by her plugs. He’s gassed, but uses the last bit of strength he has to lift her up for the Down Thunder Driver!
Only the execution is sloppy as Grey tries to counter, and the two of them bounce awkwardly on the commentary table, which takes a moment to collapse under their weight.
After a moment, both Noah and Sidney start crawling toward the ring apron, as the ref is nearing the end of a double count out.
8!!!!!!!!
9!!!!!!!!
Both climb up, and simultaneously slide under the ropes, avoiding being counted out.
HHL:Ughhh… we were so close to being Kingless.
PC: Maybe you should go provide commentary on Thursdays, filthy anarchist.
Noah is up. Sidney is up. He tries to gouge her eyes, but Sidney counters, grabbing the arm and throwing him into the ropes.
REALITY CHECK!
ONLY NOAH DUCKS UNDERNEATH THE ELBOW SMASH, HITS THE ROPES…
SO SICK KICK!!!!
The trademark kick blasts Sidney into the corner where she collapses on her rear.
Noah positioning himself in the corner opposite of Sidney. He’s been through hell tonight, and is clutching at his ribs, but slowly raises his other arm up in the air…
“CUNT!”
“CUNT!”
“CUNT!”
He screams while slowly pumping his arm… not many in the audience join in
“CUNT!”
“CUNT!”
He charges at Sidney, stops just before reaching her, and boots her right in the cunt. It’s a greusome looking scene. But Noah isn’t done.
“I know what you’re really scared of, cunt!”
He lifts Sidney from the mat and starts to place her on the top rope. She suddenly springs to consciousness and starts screaming, even louder than she would if she were being placed in a submission hold. The screams turn to tears as Noah follows her up. Sidney is trembling, shaking, doing everything she can to get down from the ropes.
But it’s no use.
Noah underhooks Sidney’s arms…
PC: He’s going to Destroy the Evidence of Sidney being in March Madness!
HHL: The Jackson Monarchy is about to be crowned!
Noah goes to shove Sideny’s head between his legs…
“Hey, Noah! What’s that?!” Sidney screams,
“What, you cunt?!”
Just as he looks over his shoulder at the nothingness that Sidney was referring to, Grey shoves Jackson from the top rope. He lands awkwardly on his neck. Sidney shakes her way back to the second rope, and trembling, but desperate, she leaps off.
DIVING SID-KNEE DROP!!!
The knee brace crushes down across Noah’s throat.
She covers!
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner and NEW QUEEN OF THE XWF - SIDNEY GREY!
HHL: I can't believe it!!! Sidney Grey, a well known name in wrestling circles showed up to the XWF just a few short months ago and now she is the NEW QUEEN OF THE XWF!!!
Pip: Yeah yeah yeah. Womens suffrage, girl power, whatever. The Sick Cunt was robbed. That's all I know. Has Guiliani showed up yet?
HHL: Still not gonna happen Pip. Anyway folks we have one more commercial break before we head to tonight's Universal Title Main Event!
After a long break, we come back to the arena to bear witness to the most insane indoor mini-golf park you ever did see!
Windmills!
Giant animatronic gorillas!
A scaled-down Optimal Path mountain replica!
Loop-de-loops and even a motherfuckin' moat!
Plus much more!
HHL: Hot damn! What a site to behold!
PC: You're telling me, Heather! That giant animatronic gorilla is the best thing I've ever seen in my life. The ring crew had to move back the barricade and fans are standing on the sidelines for this epic gimmicky bout! The only fans who refused to budge is Mark Flynn's notorious Simp Section!"
The camera pans to a lone Irwin with a Mark Flynn foam finger and signature poncho.
HHL: Eeesh... Pickins' are pretty slim in that section tonight. Looks like Flynn's DQ loss took its toll on his fan base."
PC: And Bobby's DQ win caused a red-hot influx of Bourbon fans... Which can only spell trouble. Never mix fans with Bourbon, Heather.
Pip's hilarious wordplay is cut short as Bobby's music hits!
"La Gazza Ladra" by XWF's in-house Orchestra plays
La Gazza Ladra blares throughout the arena, slowly walking out onto the entrance ramp is Bobby Bourbon. He looks out at the crowd in the arena, cold and stoic, surveying his surroundings. He stops and raises his fists at 45-degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod towards the course. Bobby, wearing a fashionable golfing cap, folds his arms at hole one awaiting his opponent.
"Eleanor Rigby" by XWF's String Quartet plays
Comes out in a dazzling blue robe. Across the back, it says "King of the Midcarders". He has no expression and makes no eye contact with Bourbon, holding out an open palm as a white gold club decorated with the stars and stripes is placed into it.
Our head referee and mini-golf enthusiast, Chaz Bobo talks rules with each competitor before taking the Universal Title from Flynn and holding it aloft to the hard camera. The usually loud crowd begins to simmer down as Chaz lowers his arms and officials on side hold up signs saying "Quiet, Please."
The arena falls into a silent murmur.
PC: Woah... This is WEIRD!
Pip is shushed by an official as Mark Flynn gets to the tee. Flynn looks up the long walk to the hole, a simple straight shot. Flynn uses everything he has learned and places the club inline with his junk and with a saucy thrust, the golf ball sails down the green and hits the hole in one shot!
A polite clap sounds off as the camera cuts to Dick Powers in the crowd who wipes a single tear from his eye, proud of his Putt-Putt apprentice.
Flynn gives a wave with a smug grin as Bobby shoves him out of the way and pulls a 5-Wood out of his jocks and takes aim at the ball, pulling back and swinging with force.
WHACK!
The golf ball flies through the air and with expert camera skills we see the ball hit the lighting rig far above the course! Ping off a spotlight, breaking it, before hurtling back to earth and ricocheting off the large animatronic gorilla several feet away before pinging into the hole, the crowd go wild as Flynn's eye twitches staring blankly in front of him.
"FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN!"
HHL: That crowd seem to be in full favour of Bobby tonight!
The two competitors head to the second hole as Flynn is barely keeping a grip on reality at this point.
PC: What are you talking about, Heather? They're not saying FUN they're saying FU-LYNN!
At hole two, a small rotating disc is in the centre of the lane before the hole. Flynn steps up and takes aim, hitting the ball that swerves over the disc and with a perfect spin the ball lands in the hole! The crowd boos wildly as Flynn stomps over to the third hole not waiting for Bobby as Bourbon strikes the ball and gets close to the hole but it doesn't go in!
Hole three, and we meet the windmill. A droplet of sweat beads from Flynn's forehead as he takes aim and as he swings his shot is fudged as the crowd pop when Bobby gets his ball in the hole!
Flynn sees red as his ball hits the fan of the windmill and rolls back down the slope towards Flynn. The Universal Champ holds his club in both hands and seethes as Bobby gets to the windmill and takes aim, and as he reels back... Flynn smashes his club into the back of Bobby's neck! The crowd go wild in a flurry of boos.
PC: Brilliant swing from Mark Flynn! Truly the Jack Nicklaus of the XWF!
The club bends with the strike as Bobby stumbles forward clutching his neck and this respectable round of mini-golf devolves into a brawl! Flynn throws the club down as he smashes a forearm into the back of Bobby's skull before grabbing him by the collar and waist and charging Bourbon into the windmill! Bourbon smashes head-first into one of the blades on the windmill and is sent to the ground; Flynn thinks for a millisecond looking between the windmill and Bobby before smashing a boot down on the hole and cracking the structure making it larger and forcing Bobby's arm into the now larger hole and pushing his foot down on Bobby's bicep, locking his arm in place as the blade of the windmill comes around and tries to keep going through Bobby's arm who screams in agony to the disgust of the crowd!
The windmill whirs before smoke splutters out from underneath and the fan dies and Bobby manages to get his arm loose, using his other to pull Flynn's leg out from under him and drops him onto the green; Bourbon pulls out of the hole and rotates his shoulder before dropping a forearm onto Flynn's chest pushing the wind out of him.
Bourbon mounts Flynn and delivers mean rights with his dominant arm but Flynn, ever wily, catches Bourbon's fist and gets his legs loose planting them onto Bourbon's chest and forcing him down to the ground before locking in...
HHL: Fujiwara Armbar!!!
The Champ attacks Bourbon's weakened arm and locks in the submission tight!
Bourbon scrambles to gain ground but Flynn forces him back down, refusing to let Bobby go.
Bourbon screams in agony as he forces himself up with Flynn latched onto him and picks Mark off the floor before spinning him around and slamming him into the windmill and Flynn finally let's go. Bourbon's arm drops to his side and seems unable to move it, the ref checks on Bobby asking him if he's okay to continue and Bourbon nods passing the ref and getting a hand on Flynn's hair and forcing him up but Flynn rakes the eyes and Bobby is blinded as Flynn panicked, goes around the windmill towards the hole with a castle and moat.
Bobby regains his sight after a while and sees Flynn heading over the small bridge and into the castle and Bourbon gives chase. As Bourbon gets to the entrance, Flynn blindsides him with a strike before hitting a knee lift and tossing Bourbon into the castle proper. The crowd let loose as we lose sight of the pair for a minute only hearing the sounds of brawling coming from inside the castle before they reemerge at the top of the castle; Flynn taking it to Bourbon with a series of punches and kicks sending Bourbon to the turrets at the top of the castle; Bourbon catches his breath briefly but Flynn isn't letting up just yet shouting abuse Bourbon's way before grabbing Bobby's arm and smashing it against the stone!
Flynn laughs as he kicks at Bobby's elbow as he falls to his knees in pain.
"You're no king Robert! You're no Universal Champion! I AM! I'M THE KING OF THE CASTLE!"
Bourbon chuckles through struggling breaths.
"Heh... You're a whiny bitch, Flynn."
Flynn sneers in rage and stikes hard, landing a nasty stiff kick into Bourbon's jaw.
Bourbon falls on his ass, his back against the walls lining the roof and Flynn moves back and takes full advantage with a running knee hitting Bobby directly under the chin before quickly transitioning into a Northern Lights for the pin!
Chaz Bobo gets up to the roof in the nick of time for the count!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!
...
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOO!
...
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NO!!!
Strong kickout at 2 and a half!
Flynn is enraged, Irwin is outraged, the majority of the fans in the crowd however are delighted, shouting in support of Bobby to get back to his feet. Flynn picks Bobby up and tries to Irish Whip him across the roof and over the walls but Bourbon twists out and reverses the whip with one of him own and sends Flynn almost over who stops himself just in time, Bourbon stomps forward as Flynn turns into a kick to Bobby's leg which slows him briefly but a right hook is caught by Bourbon who delivers a nasty headbutt to Flynn and follows up by wrapping a meaty claw around Flynn's throat!
HHL: EMC Squared!!!
Off the castle!
PIP: And Flynn goes into the drink!
Water splashes upwards as Mark crashes into the moat around the castle and the crowd go wild!
Bourbon takes a well-deserved breather, nursing his arm and cradling it to his ribs as he makes his way down. Flynn reemerges with deep breaths coughing out water as he forces himself out and walks back onto the course; looking around his eyes dart to the Gorilla beside his super simp Irwin.
Flynn rushes over to Irwin and demands a golf club and ball which his simp delivers.
HHL: What is Flynn doing?
PIP: Well, the rules to this match are sketchy at best BUT I do believe Flynn is trying to win via mini-golf rules like the genius he is!
HHL: So if Flynn can sink more holes than Bourbon...
PIP: He wins the match and keeps his title!
Bourbon exits the castle and gets his sights on Flynn who gets to the tee and strikes his ball through the moving arms of the giant gorilla and it falls by the hole. Bobby rushes towards Flynn who speeds by the gorilla with a limp and as he gets to the ball Bobby Bourbon shoulder charges in, knocking Flynn away!
Mark sails through the air and lands beside the foot of the giant gorilla; scrambling to his feet, Flynn gets a hand on the gorillas leg and moves around as Bobby terminator walks towards him, Flynn's eyes dart around as he thinks and as the gorilla's arms come down to block the tunnel between his legs, Flynn climbs the arm and ascends upwards towards the gorilla's chest before climbing and sitting on the shoulder. Bobby looks up at Flynn who is analyzing the situation with a confused glare.
HHL: What is Flynn's plan here?
PIP: Erm... Well, I suppose he could just wait out the match, get a time-limit draw?
HHL: There's a time limit?
PIP: Heather! I don't know dude, I'm as stumped as you are right now... But we can't just sit here for eternity waiting for Flynn to get down.
The crowd boo and begin to throw trash at Flynn, becoming riotous as Flynn time wastes. Irwin takes out a Mark Flynn Parasol to take cover as overpriced beer sail over him. Bourbon walks over to the front of the gorilla and the crowd grow into a cheer as Bobby grabs the arm and is hoisted upwards to give chase to Flynn who smiles devilishly!
"IRWIN! NOW!"
Flynn jumps off the shoulder and lands hard, his legs buckling underneath him as Bobby reaches the chest. Irwin pulls out a device and hits the switch...
KAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
A large ball of fire explodes from the Gorilla's chest and sends Bobby flying!
PIP: Holy shit!
HHL: The hell, Flynn!?
The crowd begin to chant.
HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Flynn hobbles up to one leg and laughs to himself but not for long as the upper half of the gorilla creaks and falls down over the hole. Flynn darts out of the way and dives forward covering his head as the gorilla crashes into a fiery mess.
PIP: You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! DAMN YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLL!
HHL: Well, something tells me Ned Kaye is a little happier now.
Flynn limps to his feet wiping his brow as he sees Bobby across the way, his body unmoving.
Mark Flynn hobbles towards Bobby near The Optimal Path course, cleverly named The Optimal Putt, as Bobby lays still in the fake snow around the aggro-crag.
Flynn kicks Bobby's body over and falls into a lax pin, counting along with the ire of the crowd!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!
...
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOO!
...
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NO!!!
The crowd pop huge!
Flynn is in disbelief!
HHL: Bobby Bourbon just kicked out after being blown away by an explosion!
FUCK 'EM UP BOBBY FUCK 'EM UP! FUCK 'EM UP BOBBY FUCK 'EM UP! FUCK 'EM UP BOBBY FUCK 'EM UP!
The crowd try to rouse Bourbon as Flynn has Chaz Bobo by his stupid collar and demands an explanation for the """slow count"""
Bourbon pushes himself up with his one good arm, his hair scorched and body blistered. The crowd reach a fever pitch as Mark takes his anger out on the ref with a slap to poor Chaz's face before turning to a rising Bobby and Flynn delivers a knee to Bobby's jaw; followed by a boot to the ribs that flips Bobby to the base of the aggro-crag. Flynn sticks his heel into Bobby's bicep and digs in, Bobby wincing and crying out in pain as Flynn turns to the crowd.
"Is this who you're cheering for!? THIS pathetic excuse if YOUR hero!?"
HHL: Mark is just adding insult to injury!
A gruesome stomp onto the injured limb of Bobby Bourbon! Before Flynn gets a handful of Bobby's hair and plucks him up, forcing him up the mountain with boots and forearms.
"I am YOUR Universal Champion!!! I DEMAND RESPECT!!! I raised this company from the depths, I gave this place RECORD PROFITS! I built the OPTIMAL PATH!!! And this is EXACTLY where I'm ending this!!!"
Near the peak of the aggro-crag; Flynn gets Bourbon in a front facelock.
PIP: YESS! Do it Flynn! End it!!!
And as Flynn begins to lift...
BOURBON COMES TO LIFE TRAPPING THE LEG!!!
BOURBON ESCAPES THE HOLD!
And stuns Flynn with an elbow!
"You talk too much!"
SHORYUKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!!
HHL: HUGE UPPERCUT FROM BOURBON!!!
Connects with verocity!
MARK FLYNN SAILS THROUGH THE AIR AND LANDS HARD ON HIS BACK ON THE GROUND!
PIP: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The crowd go wild!
FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!
Bobby salutes the fans with exhausted breaths and lines up on Flynn's body faaaaaaaaaaar below him.
PIP: NO NONONNO NO!
BOBBY BOURBON LEAPS OFF THE PEAK OF THE AGGRO-CRAG!!!
WINNER AND NEW UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - BOBBY BOURBON!!!
The crowd grow ecstatic as the winner is declared and Bourbon's theme hits the PA! Irwin cries alone in the fetal position as Bobby chants ring through Texas.
HHL: What an insane match! What a HUGE win!
PIP: This pay-per-view SUCKS! You can ALL go to hell! No way Bobby should have won that! Flynn had him in the palm of his hands!
HHL: And if Flynn ended things sooner instead of rubbing salt in the wound, then the story would have gone differently.
PIP: Blow me, Heather.
Officials swarm the course, Theo Pryce and Atticus Gold take charge directing some to take care of the gorilla that is still on fire while EMTs aid Flynn and Bobby.
Bourbon is helped up as medics begin to wrap up his wounded arm and place ointment on his burns. Flynn is carried away on a stretcher as he has more than likely suffered some broken ribs.
As Bobby give a thumbs up the the audience to huge cheers and takes the Universal Championship, he asks for a mic.
HHL: Looks like Bobby wants to say some words on his victory!
PIP: Oh God... What a glory hog! Leave with some dignity Bobby, jeez.
As a mic is placed in his hand Bobby taps it on the belt over his shoulder a few times and begins to talk through mangled breaths.
"I'mma keep this short. First off, I want to say it's a hell of a pleasure to lose a crown and gain this belt! Second, fuck you Flynn! That exploding gorilla was a cheap trick!"
The crowd bust out with a mix of cheers and laughs.
"Seeing as last year around this time I became a king, and this year I became your Universal Champion, I say end March Madness in a surreal fashion, something I've been thinking for a loooooooooong time now."
Bobby looks to the stage.
"King or Queen Sidney Grey I don't care which! Get your ass out here, you've just earned a title match!"
HUGE POP! Bourbon throws the mic down and passes the title to Chaz Bobo who looks to Atticus and Theo who both give a shrug in unison.
HHL: Bobby you've got to be kidding me! You're barely clinging to life here!
“Suffocate” by Cold plays
Sidney Grey walks out onto the ramp with a look of intrigue mixed with being pretty impressed.
PIP: Bourbon you cheap S.O.B! Sidney is in no condition to fight! She's had THREE matches already!
HHL: ... Eat shit, Pip.
Bobby paces the course, shrugging off medics as Sidney approaches and the pair face off mimicking the Ryu/Akuma cover for Street Fighter Alpha 2, and Chaz Bobo reluctantly calls for the bell!
The crowd pop massively as Bourbon opens up with a flurry of strikes which catch Grey off guard!
HHL: This is actually happening!!!
Grey manages to back off the hits and strikes low with a dirty kick to the knee followed by a roundhouse straight into Bourbon's bandaged arm. Bobby hisses in pain but as Sidney reels a knee, Bobby pops up to life.
HHL: DINOSAUR EXTINCTOR!
The pop-up spinebuster lands and Bobby covers, bleeding sweat over Sid.
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!
...
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOO!
KICKOUT!
Sidney manages to get a shoulder up and quickly wraps her legs around Bobby's arm and brings him to the ground with a cross arm breaker!!!
Bourbon cries out in agony but forces himself upwards, the pain almost unbearable as he turns a bright red but gets loose!
Sidney drops slightly with a huff and avoids a stomp from Bobby!
She rolls up and Bourbon gets a knee into Grey's gut and lifts her up with one arm!
HHL: BOBBYBOMB!!!
PIP: COUNTERED!!!!
Sidney digs her nails into Bobby's burnt skin and Bourbon drops his arm in pain! As Sidney falls she manages to get a arm hooked around Bourbon's head!!!
PIP: CRADLE ROBBBBBBBBEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
Grey's signature DDT hits!!!
SID COVERS!!!!!!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!
...
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOO!
...
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
WINNER AND NEW UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - SIDNEY GREY!!!!!!!
Grey gets to her knees shocked but the excitement hits with her theme as she rips the Universal title away from Chaz Bobo and celebrates on the course!
PIP: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! BOBBY YOU IDIOT!
HHL: I can't believe it! Sidney can't believe it! No one in this arena can believe it!
A chorus of boos wash over Sidney Grey as she basks in them, hoisting the Universal Title upwards as March Madness slowly fades to black!
JOIN US ON SUNDAY JUNE 4TH...
LIVE FROM THE TOKYO DOME...
FOR...
Big Thanks To The Following
SBW
Jonathan Burrows
Atticus Gold
Vinnie Lane
Mr.Big
Liam Desmond
Dolly Waters
Vagabond
Bobby Bourbon
Isaiah King
Centurion
Jason Cashe
The returning Thunder Knuckles
Robert Main
The Engineer
Your mom
XWF FanBase: The IWC (gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)
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