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The Blue Tango · (04-05-2017)

Calypso is strolling down XWF Avenue sporting his sweetest new digs when he passes by Mr. Briefcase, himself, Jim Caedus. Jim Caedus has some digs himself; including the XWF Television Championship, a newly won XWF Money in the Shizank Briefcase, and the XWF Federweight Championship.

"That's a lot of fuckin' metal, Jimmy!"

Calypso stops and shouts right in Jim's face. He then kicks him in the groin!!

Jim Ross: "BAH GAWD!"

The Clap!! The Clap!!

Jim Caedus just looks angrily at Calypso after getting a near-kick to the groin and a large open-palmed slap to the face. Calypso then pulls the briefcase out of Caedus's grasp and runs away with it!

Jim chases Calypso into a corner where the champ reaches out for his briefcase!

"Okay, okay! Ya got me, geez! Ya know... There's a time, Jim, when people just think you're being a fucking dick man. You've been on a roll, we get it. We ALL get it. You've been the Television Champ since, like, 1999. You've won the Federweight like fifty times... And now you're MISTER MONEY IN THE BANK!!! Well, let me be the ten thousandth person to say it. Congratul-fucking-lations, CHAMP. Good game. You have so many mouths on your cock lately that it probably knows four languages. People are probably knocking on your God damn door at night to tell you how great you've fucking been. People in your home town are probably talking about ya. There's probably some little fags out there growing their hair and beards out all disheveled to resemble some asshole on TV..."

"Superstar of the Month, another nominee month.... We get it dude. So, just knock it off, alright?"

Calypso sets the briefcase down on the ground and slides it across the floor to Jim's feet. As Jim reaches down to pick up the case, Calypso rushes up and pulls down Jim into a small package!!

ONE!!

TWO!!

JimCaedus · (04-05-2017)

I kick out of the small package and rise to my feet before kicking the guy in the ribs. I don't bother dusting myself off as I've been quite used to being in the dirt for far too long and...old habits die hard.

Who the fuck...

Calypso rises and moves to attack again before I hold up a warning finger halting him and pull out my phone. I snap a photo of my attacker and run a search while I catch my breath. I identify the culprit.

"Cal...Ypso? Christ what a fuckin' amateur. That's a shitty fuckin' name and you should feel like an idiot for havin' it. Truth be told it's such a bad name I find myself infuriated to the point I'm currently trying very hard not to grab your sac, twist and rip it off before tossin' it over to good ol' JR like a velvet pouch o' polished rocks. 'BAH GAWD,' he'll say, 'that man COULD'VE had a fam-' and that's where he'll fall silent realizing who it is he's describing. Cal...you are beat as FUCK, bro. I mean by Beelzebub's big blazing brick red balls you are hard to squint at in the light, dickhead. Fuck the light, a blind hooker would keep her distance. Seriously, that visage is all sorts of wrong but...chin up, there IS hope. I hear a point blank double barrel blast to the face will clear that right up.

Wait, wait...did you call me a fucking dick? You're right, I forgot the fine print reads 'when you succeed, make sure to slack off'. Tell me, Cal Ypso, ya fuckin' Mr. Mxyzptlk lookin' prick, what exactly is it about me that would lead anyone to believe I'm being a dick? For fucksake, I've got people tellin' me to stop bein' so insecure of my ability, people making fun of my backstage cordiality and now I've got you claiming people think I'm being a dick? For what, trying my best? For taking my career and the XWF seriously? I'm to blame for my rostermates nominating me for OTM accolades? Listen, cocksucker, I'm trying to put my life back together. You're prancin' around in fresh threads you chose from a full fuckin' warddrobe, I don't even have a motherfuckin' home let alone enough clothing to justify anything beyond my cartoonish way of having to appear in the same shit every episode, asshole. Yeah I know, 'how can I be a paid multi champ without a home or at least a really nice trash bag fulla kick ass gear', right? I've spent enough time in poverty, pussy, it's called saving up enough to ensure that shit never happens to me again while enjoying brass hotel bookings. Are you telling me I don't deserve to turn my life around? You telling me I should let some gap-toothed jealous jag-off like you take food offa my table and money outta my account? Fuckin'

, I should wrench those spaced chiclet incisors out with my fingers and replant 'em properly with a meat tenderizer. I'm grateful for everything I earn and receive in the XWF, I work hard for what I accrue. The fuck do you do? Nothing in pursuit of your own success while you phone in a half-assed half-asskissing critique to cut me down? Tell whoever sent you you failed, fuckstick."

I put all my weight behind a powerful shove that sends Calypso backpedaling like a geek into an alleyway where he crashes into a couple trash cans winding up on his ass covered in used condoms, dirty syringes and Crimson Dong's fecal feast leftovers. A passing trio of large breasted hot college chicks stop to point and laugh at Cal cruelly before continuing on their way.

The Blue Tango · **04-05-2017, 05:28 PM**

Calypso gags and waves his hands mystically around his face from the horrible stench that was apparently wafting off the champ.

“Ee-gads, bro!”

Calypso coughs and gags again as he claps his hands together and summons a mini orchestra from out of nowhere! Eight, count em, eight violinists walk on the scene in full suit with their bows and instruments in hand. Calypso turns to them and begins maestroing as they start playing the saddest whines from a set of strings you could possibly produce.

“I know what you’re trying to do here, you dirty, stinky, little ratman. Let’s get everyone feeling sorry for poor, sad little Jimmy. Homeless, low self-esteem, no one to lean on…. Gimme a break, dude. You’ve had more success in your short stint here in the XWF than most dudes have had in years and years of performing. Excluding old Calypso, of course. If you didn’t hear, I beat Ghost Tank, so yeah.”

“As for feeling sorry for yourself and this humble little attitude you have? Hmm. Let Calypso give you some advice…. Take a bath. Rinse out that mop on your head. Clean some of that filth out of your pores. It will do wonders for your self-esteem, you’ll look and probably feel healthier, and my God that smell…. Just a thought, I mean, I think I learned in the second grade that scrubbing your asshole once a day just helps out with life in general. Judging by what you're about here though, I think it would be safe to guess you missed that grade, huh? And the dozen that followed too, maybe.”

Calypso turns back to the champ and the music stops. He grabs a violin from one of the musicians and slams it over Jim’s head causing a *twaaang* sound and Caedus to fall on his back.

“I think you answered your own question there too, champ, about being a dick…. Who attacks a dude’s name anyway? You hardly even know Calypso and you were so quick to throw out the judgement card about THAT, the clothes I wear, and my lifestyle. Dick. I can’t wait until everyone else catches up around here and stops feeling sorry for you, too. Maybe then, after you wash all of that shit off your face, just maybe, you’ll see what I see, and what everyone else will, too. Just some dirty, stinky asshole.”

Calypso pops a squar on top of Caedus and starts luahing as if he was trying to crap on the champion... thats a cover!

1

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JimCaedus · **04-05-2017, 08:14 PM**

I nail Cal in the brown eye with a rabbit punch from the prone position and shove him/kick out with a well placed foot on his ass. For the second time he's sent rocketing into the upturned garbage cans, this time face first where he crumbles to the pavement with his ass in the air like a begging slut. I pop up, frantically brushing at my shirt while the 8 violinists now point and laugh cruelly at Cal before departing.

"Goddammit, if you got any ugly on me I'll kill you right here and now numbnuts!

You know, you sure don't make a whole lotta sense with all the argumentative gas you're tootin' outta that undoubtedly better lookin' than your face musky puckered bunghole. I'm trying to make people feel sorry for me? Gee it must be workin', I feel the pity in the air even now as I have your gappy nipplehead callin' me a dick for trying to sustain a career, poking fun at me for not enjoying the good life like your spoiled bitch ass apparently did. I'm so sorry my unfortunate history doesn't conveniently gel with your horseshit point of attack, Cal and...forgive me for not wanting to be a loser like you sitting at home collecting checks and waiting for the next success story to try and sabotage. You call me a dick while you're comin' off like an envious, butthurt troll who's been on the XWF roster since 2014 yet hasn't done jack shit to make a name for himself in that time beyond a SINGLE ring win and four Federweight Title reigns. Take MY advice, asshole: instead of hating on those who _do_, take your do-_nothing_ lazy limpdick the fuck away from me and put some effort into your own career before you criticize me for mine.

I'm not apologizing for having 'more success in a short stint than most dudes have had in years' of performing. If those 'dudes' you're referencing were putting in half the effort I do they'd have _multiple times_ the success I've had by now instead of basically _nothing_ to show for it like you. You can't blame me for the shortcomings of others, all you can do is TRY to look yourself in the mirror and own up to your own lack of dedication and drive, dickhead, before you inevitably begin weeping over the fact that your face can force a stone statue to flinch and make a mute scream bloody murder.

Ain't nobody throwin' a pity party here but YOU, Cal. 'Waaaaaaaah, you make me look like the fucking loser I am! You make my rubber girlfriend nag me about why I can't be more like Jim Caedus and make somethin' of myself!'. I know, I know...that ain't true...your rubber women ain't naggin' you they've all been reduced to puddles of liquid after a single gaze from your hideously grody grinnin' gap-tooth gape melted 'em down like the ark of the fuckin' covenant. See there, you CAN kill after all, now keep practicing on inanimate and inflatable objects before you ever try stepping to me again you pathetic piece o' shit.

Yes Cal, I missed the dozen, the 12, years of schooling following 2nd grade. I missed years 13 and 14. Fucking

.

Makes a lotta sense judging me then crying about bein' judged. Double standard dipshit dumbass."

I wander over, clap my hands and outta thin air my pals Graves and Main in Ax3 appear. In tandem we unzip and unleash a trio stream of Pissin ExcellencE upon Cal Ypso. Ancillary animated Simpsons character Nelson Muntz wanders by to point and offer a 'ha haaa' cherry on top.

**Vincent Lane** · (04-08-2017)

Sorry, Lips... you my dude, though. Jimmy's shoulder's up so high you could limbo under that bitch.

Winner and STILL Federweight Champion - Jim Caedus

JimCaedus · **04-09-2017, 07:42 AM**

Ooc: thank you for comin at me Cal =) that was fun!

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