IT'S ABOUT FUCKIN' TIME WE HAD SOMEONE COMPETENT CALLING THESE MATCHES! NOT ONLY SOMEONE COMPETENT, BUT SOMEONE I ACTUALLY LIKE! VINNIE, IF YOU EVER WANNA COME BY THE JERK PALACE, IT WOULD BE MY FUCKIN' HONOR!

AS FOR THIS , HE ISN'T WORTHY OF CLEANING UP SWEET BENNY'S SLOBBER! HOW MANY FUCKIN' SATANISTS DO WE HAVE HERE? MORBID, NICO, THAT LUCIUS WITH THE BEEHIVE WHO COULDN'T WRESTLE WORTH A DAMN, AND THIS DIPSHIT? AND YES, I KNOW YOU WERE ONE OF THE FIRST, BUT THAT JUST MEANS YOU'RE THE FIRST IN A LONG LINE OF BULLSHIT!

WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT YOU'RE A BLACK METAL SATANIST! TAKE A LESSON FROM ABBATH AND QUIT BEIN' SUCH A TRVE KVLT ! MAYBE YOU SHOULD ALSO TAKE A LESSON FROM HIM ON YOUR FUCKIN' CORPSE PAINT! IT SUCKS!

THE FINAL BLOW IN THE COFFIN FOR GIRARD AND GLADIATOR IS THE FACT THAT I WAS WAITING IN GORILLA POSITION TO GET CALLED FOR THE BATTLE ROYAL, BUT I FUCKIN' DIDN'T! IT'S ONE THING TO TAKE A WHILE TO CALL A MATCH, IT'S ANOTHER THING TO NOT CALL A MATCH, BUT TO FORGET TO CALL A WRESTLER OUT OF GORILLA POSITION? HOW MANY BOTTLES OF QUAALUDES DO YOU NEED TO BE ON TO FORGET TO TELL A WRESTLER TO WRESTLE?

HONESTLY, FUCK THIS COMPANY AND EVERYTHING IT FUCKIN' STANDS FOR! I NEED A STIFF FUCKIN' DRINK AFTER THIS BULLSHIT!

Jerkbeast superkicks Unknown Soldier and covers him.

1...

2...

1X FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION! SOON TO BE 2X!

Soldier super kicks out.

Unknown Soldier: "If you want to become Vinnie Lane's 'loverboy' then why don't the two of you get a fucking motel room and quit wasting my time praising him and get right to the actual trash talk. This isn't eHarmony.com, this is the fucking FEDERWEIGHT championship, !

As for you, Bitch-beast, which should be your new name because the only thing I ever hear from you is bitching about how Girard and Gladiator don't pay any attention to you. Maybe it's because the XWF doesn't cater to whining babies who throw temper tantrums when they don't get what they want. Is that what you want Bitch-beast? The Peter Gilmour treatment! Because ignoring whiners is the way we treat our weeping vaginas around here in the XWF.

I'm not even going to touch the black metal stereotype bullshit you threw at me, this coming from the guy who jams out to fucking Winger all day. No wonder your fucking gay for Vinnie Lane, your a hair metal homo just like him!

Also, you're the one giving me cosmetic advice? Are you fuckin' serious? Have you ever looked in a mirror ever? Are you covered in red face paint or are you blushing that much at the sight of standing in front of me due to total fear.

Honestly, fuck you whiners and your crybaby antics, I need 666 stiff fucking drinks after hearing your complaining garbage yet again!"

Loverboy watches to see if Jerkbeast has more in the tank.

Huh, guess not.

Winner and STILL Federweight Champion - Unknown Soldier!

Don't be forlorn though, Jerky. Here, take this M80 and stick it right up Morbid Angel's dickhole. If you can blow the Lord of Cocks' own cock off of his body like you challenged to do a few weeks back, I will PERSONALLY give you 10,000 XBUX!

Loverboy hands the firecracker to the lilliputian demon, then walks away singing "Still of the Night" by Whitesnake under his breath.