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Unknown Soldier · **03-27-2013, 10:02 AM**

If there's one person who was already one step ahead of John Madison and his overly simplistic 'pissy face' joke it was the brilliant and invigorating lyrics of the legendary musician and artist, Lil' Jon, who once said.

To the Window
To the Wall
Till the sweat drops down my balls
Till all you bitches crawl.
To the aww Skeet Skeet Mother fucker, to the aww Skeet Skeet God Damn
To the aww Skeet Skeet Mother fucker, to the aww Skeet Skeet God Damn

It's like poetry in motion, ABSOLUTELY riveting if you ask me, especially considering in his previous work his only lyrics include "Yeah!, OK!, and WHAT!" We have a lot to learn about the way Lil Jon has evolved over the years to stretch his abilities to a point where he finally was able to string words together to form a coherent sentence. Most of those words DID involve an act known as male ejaculation; however, I intend to make that a valid point later in the story, just follow along as SATAN! spreads his words of wisdom across the XWF universe.

SATAN! has decided to use this song as an example to both John Madison and Sebastian Duke, because it uniquely touches on an interesting points that both these infantile roaches beneath me need to both realize. Donathan De Sade has taught me that we need to enlighten the futile and not just destroy them. So I have chosen to relinquish the teachings of the wise and all knowing Lil' Jon to hopefully step down to a level of intelligence where both John Madison and Sebastian Duke can understand.

Unknown Soldier: Sebastian Duke has suddenly wrapped himself into some small sense of pride because he's evolved to a point where he's actually managed to be the first person to actually pin me in an XWF event. The man practically 'Skeet Skeeted' in his pants the minute I was eliminated and he was the one to do it. I know that for a fact because I could see, smell, and taste it. What's wrong? Never tasted a little semen before? Give it a try, it goes great on top of raw (steak/chicken/goat/donkey/anything).

Unknown Soldier: Sebastian Duke managed to pin me in a cluster fuck match of insanity after I was the one who started the match for our team, not a one on one match mind you. But a five on five match none the less. Which means it took the assistance of four other people constantly beating me to finally get him to pin me. Wow, super huge accomplishment you overcame.

What do you want, a medal?

Oh wait, XWF doesn't give away medals.

How about a trophy.

No, we don't give those away either.

That's right a title! Let's give you a title for it!

Oh wait, it wasn't really that important of a match so I guess.... No? It appears to me that the only person that sees your accomplishment as a success is yourself, pretty sad and pathetic if you ask me. Kind of like any of your title reigns in the past I suppose. But now, let's re-track back to another time in which Unknown Soldier beat the holy hell out of Sebastian Duke in a ONE-ON-ONE match for the United SATAN! Championship title. Yeah, I think my meth migraines and delusions have faded back to me for now, long enough for me to remember how badly I destroyed you in that match."

Unknown Soldier: "Now, don't go freaking out because I already know what you're going to say, but I want you to keep in mind the growth and development of Lil' Jon in your rebuttal. The one we shall call the 'metaphorical' genius in this instance. The way his vocabulary grew from words like "OK!" to "Skeet Skeet!" doesn't it remind you of yourself a bit Duke? While I won't deny that you've improved Sebastian, but it's like you graduated from Down Syndrome to Asperger's. Sure, you pinned me once in a giant five on five match. I'll have to have Mystery send you a box of cookies since I don't know how to read and arn't allowed inside a post office in any of the states in the continental America."

Unknown Soldier: "But Sebastian, what really makes you think that adding me to a team of two guys that have already beaten you is going to work in your favor? It's not, and you know why? It's because the fact of the matter is you weren't good enough to beat me then, and then you still weren't good enough to beat Gilmour and Mystery, and YOU ARE NEVER going to be good enough to take us all combined no matter what partners you team yourself up with. Get it through your fucking head."

Unknown Soldier: "You've officially been certified to pass from low card schmuck to mid card jobber who fell in the right place to score a pin on a future legend here in the XWF, that being myself. Too bad we can't even count it as your fifteen minutes of fame, since it was so short lived and meaningless to the rest of the world. Long enough for you to release your load after practically man raping me on the mat. I think Greggo actually got a bit jealous. The fact of the matter is, your evolution is indifferent when you factor that I grow forty times stronger each day I worship him. Each day I fall to my knees and please him like a three dollar hooker, and with each drip of 'Skeet Skeet' I consume I grow stronger. Yeah, that's right I'm the fucking semen demon, mother fucker! Duke, you may be twice as good as you once were. But I've done the math and pushed some buttons on a calculator and came to the conclusion that since we last met, I am now 666 times more stronger now than I was then, so basically you're fucked."

Unknown Soldier: "I don't think their is any doubt in my mind or his at this point, that Mister Mystery is my ONLY competition in this Gauntlet Battle Royal at the end of our trio match and big finale at Gauntlet City. Together we will spill blood, but the moment we dance will be the biggest dream match I could have ever hoped for and I think you know why that is Mystery. Because unlike any other matches in the past we have had to pull back and cease our internal desires to consume. For the first time in an XWF arena I will finally know that my opponent is having just as much fun as I am!"

Unknown Soldier: "Mystery, the only man who can relate to me on my extreme desire to consum human flesh and blood. Together, we will tear the XWF apart before giving it the greatest and bloodiest match it could have ever hoped for. SATAN! himself has extended a voice to say to you that his respect is never given, but rather taken by force."

Unknown Soldier: "This finally brings me to my final point of the evening which is that cooky bastard John Madison. You see, John thinks he actually pulls some kind of weight around here, but in reality he's nothing but a sad puppet yearning for attention. When John arrived in the XWF, the only thing he could do was chase after Shane

's attention, like a small child with a parent that neglects them he did noting but try to get Shane

to "Look at me, daddy! Look at me!" He marched around pouting about how he will be the destruction of the XWF and breaking down the inner fabric of it's structure was his goals. Complete and utter destruction, isn't that what you said John?"

Unknown Soldier: "Turns out, John Madison was actually just an enormous Vagina. All he really wanted was for

to throw him a shot of attention and once he got it from 'daddy' he was happy to oblige and planted himself on top of the Black Circle. I mean, the nanosecond that

said 'jump' Madison responded with 'How high.' I don't think the problems with your sanity rest in your past war experience, John. I think you're just a sad little boy who finally got attention from his 'Daddy.' I pity your monotonous promos and feeble attempts at shocking an audience. If you think urine is funny, then it's time that Unknown Soldier and Greggo show you EXACTLY what it means to be over the line. Piss? How is that an effective means of disgracing someone? So you basically sprayed some water in their face with salt and a few strands of protein. I drink my own piss on a regular basis. Yours is probably not as good as mine, due to the fact that mines usually 100% recycled vodka, but still it's no real insults. Got me real good. No John, we're going to do one better by touching base again with our initial analogy to Lil' Jon. It's time we show these sick and twisted fans of the XWF what a real 'Skeet Skeet' is all about!"

Unknown Soldier: "You see John, it's truly amazing what Lil' Jon has done for our society, he has allowed for the word 'Skeet Skeet' to become a socially acceptable thing to grace our eardrums while we listen to his amazing rap lyrics. Thanks to Lil' John, I now have the ability to broadcast the second scene in this promo for the sole purpose to say this to John Madison...

Anything you can do, I can do better!

Any piss you can do, I can cum more!"

---------

The two creatures of the night were wandering around on the sidewalk in some estranged city after going through the heavy weight lifting session at the YWCA. Soldier was naked from the waist up, while Greggo the opposite. Neither were wearing shoes at this point. Soldier had burst the ones on his feet to a million pieces when he grew to hulk size and Greggo never wore shoes. His momma always told him that no shoes, no shirt, no problems and more sex. The two were beginning to grow concerned on whether or not they should smoke more meth or drink more vodka. The only decision the two ever had to make, but yet they always fought over it. A camera crew with an enormously large black male and three decently attractive women comes into view as they greet the disturbed couple on the side walk after the group appeared around the corner. The black male nods at the camera man and approaches the two grotesque smelling men. They had been working out rather intensely after all which caused their sweat glands to go into overdrive and produce a putrid smell that was emancipating from their bodies. Which for some reason seemed to entice the black male even more, it was now obvious he was in charge when he bent down to say to the two.

???: "How would you two like to be in an adult amateur entertainment movie, huh? Whadda ya say boys?"

His voice sounded stern and commanding.

Unknown Soldier: "Does it pay?"

???: "Yes, of course."

He seems a bit put off by the question.

Unknown Soldier: "In vodka?"

The maniac quickly retorts.

???: "Sure, I guess."

He answers very emphatically

At this point, Greggo and Soldier had already began removing their clothing and grouping one another before the man can shout out....

???: "No!, you idiots it's not with you two banging. The name of this porno is 'Skeet Skeet Surprise!' It's where you walk by our actresses on the street and they pretend to be random girls, then you unleash your man gravy on them when they least expect it!"

Unknown Soldier: "Who wants to see that?"

Soldier requests with an estranged looking face.

???: "Lots of sick fucks, I'm surprised your not in to that type of thing."

Soldier turns his head back quickly and responds.

Unknown Soldier: "What's that supposed to mean?"

???: "Nothing, forget about it if you want the vodka."

He shrugs his shoulders as the two begin to walk off in the distance, assuming the camera is following them or maybe they just don't care, but anyways they are off to do exactly what the director insisted. 'Skeet Skeet' on a random girl walking by. Unfortunate problem is, it was supposed to be one of the actresses. This could get ugly...

Dicks come out...

Closer....

Closer....

Faster...

Closer...

The two men lean over the near seventy something year old woman who was hunched over while sitting at a park bench. The two sick fucks continue beating and tugging on their meat sticks while holding their balls inches above her head. Where is Crimson Dong when you need him right now? The poor woman was tucking her body inside a light jacket that had no hood. This gave her open exposure to the sinister act taking place directly behind her while she was clueless and helpless. This could only mean certain doom for her long flowing gray hair and skin complexion on her face. Thankfully, now the camera crew caught on to the ordeal and decided to pursue and help stop the deranged freaks. But it may be too late already as they turn to each other, give the massive and over the top 'I'm ready' wink and then.....

Shoot their loads all over each other while laughing hysterically and the promo ends.

Bend over to the front, touch your toes take your raping like a man and get...... low.....
while I Skeet Skeet on John Madison like the bitch he is.

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