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+--- Thread: Feedback for this role play please. (/showthread.php?tid=4584)
Feedback for this role play please. - Adam Rollins - 07-13-2013
http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=4583&pid=15069#pid15069
Feedback for this role play please. - Andrew Aldway - 07-13-2013
I'm still kind of new here but I personally feel its slightly short, I've read your other rps though and it is improving. I also think you need to give a description of where you are, what your wearing and little actions your character is doing during his speech. And one last thing..... You switch from third person to first person in the last paragraph, it becomes a little difficult to read
Feedback for this role play please. - Adam Rollins - 07-13-2013
Thank you.
Feedback for this role play please. - Andrew Aldway - 07-13-2013
Hey NP but what do I know I'm new myself and am far from great myself lol but I still believe you do have good points just need to paint a picture with those points
Feedback for this role play please. - Shawn Steele - 07-13-2013
Still really short. In my opinion, you would need maybe .. three times that much content. And that's just to start. I could not agree more with you needing to set up the scene. Take this rp for example. Just a simple set up to bring us into the scene. Tell us where Adam is. Even if he's standing in his garage or something. Tell us what he's wearing. Even if it's just that he's wearing black pants and a black shirt. Little things like that will help the reader build that image in their mind and get into your promo.
Also, and this is just me, I have no idea if anyone even takes it into consideration for picking winners, but watch things like your spelling, punctuation and sentence structure. And add in a little color. Things like that make your rp look more enticing.
And, here's the big thing, this rp is MUCH better than the last one I reviewed. You're clearly taking everyone's suggestions to heart and applying them to your work. Just keep working on it and you'll do great.