+- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf99.com)
+-- Forum: XWF OOC (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=15)
+--- Forum: Out Of Character (OOC) Board (https://xwf99.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=29)
+--- Thread: Feedback Request: Act XII: A Fresh Face (Feedback!) (/showthread.php?tid=30615)
Act XII: A Fresh Face (Feedback!) - Finn Kühn - 02-15-2018
Hey guys!
I thought I had a decent showing against Caedus, but I'm here for some more feedback in case if there's anything anyone feels I should improve upon, be it adding more descriptions to my scenes or just improving on my trash talk. Here's all three of my RPs I released for this cycle.
Part 1: http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=30489
Part 2: http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=30531
Part 3: http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=30571
Thanks in advance!
re:Act XII: A Fresh Face (Feedback!) - Vincent Lane - 02-15-2018
If I could offer a little tad of non-helpful critique, I just want to say that I think you've done a lot of good work with Finn. I've always thought your only issue was your lack of output, and I'm happy to see that I wasn't wrong. You have a good mind for storytelling and obviously have given your character unique depth that sets him apart. It's good stuff.
Obviously trash talking is still a little weak, but not as bad as before. It's not always easy for people, a lot of types just don't have that edge to their personalities that lends itself to talking shit. As long as you can go punch for punch though, you should do fine.
If I had ONE insight to give off the top of me head, it might be to try something different with the "translation" aspect of Finn's dialogue. I like it in theory, because it's different. What I don't like is reading two sentences in order to understand one. It feels a LITTLE bit like padding a word count, although I know that isn't the intent. Have you considered using the [meaning] tag for that?
Like this:
Code:
[meaning="Finn loves it in the butt"]Hi I'm totally not gay[/meaning](Float your mouse over it)
Hi I'm totally not gay
Act XII: A Fresh Face (Feedback!) - Finn Kühn - 02-15-2018
I actually hadn't thought of the meaning code idea. I thought it looked a bit like word padding but I was unaware of an alternative. I'll start rolling with the meaning code though, thanks!