http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=4937&pid=16638#pid16638

Latest role play. Check it out and let me know what you liked and didn't like

Like: This piece really worked for developing the Jonny Rebel character at least in my eyes. I'm a huge fan of pseudo reflective pieces, and that's kind of what I got out of this, and so I really liked that part.

Also, B+4xA= I don't give a fuck. This line in particular was awesome.

Dislike: All the Youtube videos. Pet peeve, along with having a whole bunch of pictures in a piece.

Yeah, I only added those videos to add flavor and humor

I wasn't big on adding them thought.

I know I'm new around here, but I've been spending my time reading through a lot of the RPs written recently. I like to leave feedback to people on the roster, even if it is simply to say that I enjoyed your work. So here goes...

My likes?
I have read all six of your roleplays to date, and seeing someone that writes as good as you do in a shoot style is refreshing to see these days. From all your pieces you can certainly write entertaining trash talk, and each roleplay has built on what came before it. Another thing I like is that you interact with what other writers have written, and you address this in your work, which is nice to see.

In relation to RP6 specifically I liked the whole tone of the roleplay. I like that your character is willing to discuss some of the events in his past that have helped shape him into the man he is today. I liked how he was willing to admit that he isn't a perfectionist - this makes him relatable, believable, and more human - and also, how he revealed some of his hand in terms of what his intentions are for his time in XWF, and this helps give the reader of a sense of direction, something which some writers don't always give their characters. By giving your character direction at the beginning, it helps people buy into your character (or at least it does for me).

Overall, good work so far. I love to read good shoot roleplays.

My dislikes?
To be honest I didn't really dislike anything. I am not normally a fan of seeing pictures and YouTube videos in roleplays. I find that they can takeaway from what you are writing. The way I see it is that your description should be sufficient that a picture is not necessary. YouTube clips are more difficult, because I can see the value in having a YouTube clip that your character directs our attention to, but I think in such a scenario your description should point us in that direction to help the flow of the piece.

In relation to RP6 you had three YouTube clips dropped into the piece. The problem I see is that such videos would need to have been shown on the computer screen you mentioned in your scene. If we were viewing this promo as a filmed piece your description directs the camera that is on your character, and at no point does the description seem to leave your character to the video clips you had in your piece. For me, if you are going to use video clips I personally would try to blend them into your description by turning the camera's attention to the screen in which they are being shown. This is just a minor issue in terms of the flow of the piece and what I like to see, others may view it differently.

That was my only real dislike of RP6, and outside of that it was a good roleplay.

Final thoughts?
I hope you find this useful, if not I apologise in advance. I like your work, and you've certainly got a fan of your work here. Keep it up!

Mike