Sagen cheesen!

Cheese!

¡Queso!

Charles Nichols and Robyn Gonzalez stand next to each other in formal garb, with Charles wearing a pinstripe suit and Robyn wearing a red, white, and green sundress. While Robyn has plenty of makeup on, none of it resembled her in-ring acrylics. Both members of the bloodline host their respective 24/7 championships over their shoulder, so that the two belts are just inches apart. Charles looks to have spray painted the BOB logo over the Freestyle spinner. Just a few feet behind the father-daughter dyad there is a luxurious marble fountain that rises nearly fifteen feet into the air. Just a few feet in front of them stands a stereotypically blonde German man taking photos.

Ja! Ja! Du lookst so gud, so FIERCE!

The blonde man moves around the powerful dynamos as he continues snapping photos. As the German photographer crouches, slithers, and slides around the championship dyad we briefly see a lanyard hanging off his neck that reads ‘ESPN 30 For 30’. It took every ounce of fortitude Robyn had to avoid ruining the photoshoot by looking up at her padre with a shining grande smile. She didn’t think Charles was going to make the big photoshoot today, after all, he was the living definition of an absent father. But the fact that he made it meant the world to his eldest daughter, and she couldn’t have been prouder to stand beside him with her big iron belt.

As the photographer continues to work, Robyn Gonzalez tilts her head towards her bastardly father and speaks quietly to him, moving her lips ever so softly so as to not disturb the shot.

I just wanted to say, I’m so happy that you were able to make it today! And I was so inspired by the way you went out there and won that Freestyle belt! You were in such a rough spot after that Alias and Mark Flynn stuff, I mean, you weren’t eating for a couple of weeks…but you’re looking plump and proper again now that you have some gold! You really are turning your life around, one day at a time, and I’m so happy to see you take this journey for myself!

Charles steps in front of his bastard daughter with a cocky grin, ruining the entire shot, much to the chagrin of the photographer. The blonde man stands up straight as he nervously runs his hands across his greased-up scalp while Charles responds to his daughter’s praise.

Hey, after you fucked over BOB I did what I had to do.

Robyn cringed as she looked off to the side. She knew that pinning TK would ruffle a few feathers, but she hoped her padre of all people could forgive her for taking the easy path.

Of course, it was never my intention to show you up on your big photoshoot, even though you fucked over me and all my friends. You know I am a Family Man, right? I prove it week after week nowadays.

Robyn looked back towards her bastardly father with an eyebrow raised in curiosity. That curiosity quickly vanished when Charles’ bourbon breath hit her nostrils.

Show me up? Have you been drinking?

Well, yeah. But I’m not vengeful or petty, I didn’t mean to bring the more important 24/7 belt to your special little thing, but hey, I already had it on me when I showed up and that nazi fuck said it would look good next to your incorrectly colored belt.

Charles gestured over towards the photographer, who was now pacing anxiously back and forth as he waited for his two photographees to reset their position.

So if I end up getting a bigger rub from this than you do, blame him, not me!

Charles winked at Robyn before retaking his posed position next to her. By now, the smell of liquor had become overwhelming. Robyn rolled her eyes and sighed to herself as the German photographer immediately got back to taking his glamor shots. After a few seconds passed Robyn spoke softly to her father out of the side of her mouth, so as to not disturb their perfect posture.

Look, I’m just happy you showed up at all. You haven’t been answering anyone’s calls since Savage, and honestly padre, I’m worried. If you need help, I’ll be here for you, just like you were there for me when I needed you most. You don’t have to struggle alone anymore, okay? We’re familia now. I mean that.

Charles blew a huff of air out of his mouth as he rolled his eyes. He readjusted the Freestyle championship belt on his shoulder as he turned to the side and looked down upon his bastard daughter. When Robyn stared into her father’s eyes, which had been reddened by dryness, it took everything she had to keep her own eyes from going moist.

I don’t want your fucking help, okay kid? Last time you tried to help you cost BOB a championship! And now you won’t even join BOB, even though your own dad is the leader of it! It’s horseshit, Robyn, and frankly I’m getting sick and tired of dealing with it!

You don’t mean that….it’s just the booze talking.

I mean every word I fucking say.

As the conversation soured the father-daughter dyad turned their full attention back to the blonde cameraman capturing their every movement on film. With Robyn swallowing her hurt and Charles swallowing his vitriol, the cameraman was finally able to take glamor shots until his heart was content. The photographer didn’t care about expressing the ‘true relationship’ between these two; he was just there to get great promo shots for ESPN’s upcoming documentary on the first 6-win briefcase in the modern era.

OH JA! DU LOOKST SO SEXY! SO FIERCE! WERK IT!

Robyn and Charles stood next to each other silently for the next half an hour as the flamboyant photographer posed them in various positions around the marble fountain. While Charles was busy thinking of all the ways that LSM has fucked him over and could fuck him over, Robyn was busy thinking up a plan to stop her padre’s self-destructive cycle before it was too late. Like a single parent raising an unruly teenager, Robyn was now put in a position she was never prepared to handle. The young luchadora didn’t feel a shred of the immense irony surrounding her situation: Robyn was too caught up in her padre’s melodrama for that level of reflective awareness.

AAAAAND KUͤT! Great job, und Herzlichen Glückwunsch zu deiner wunderschönen weißen Familie! It was my HONOR to photograph you!

The blonde photographer did a weirdly historic looking goodbye wave as he took his leave and took his camera back to Deutschland to edit out at least some of the imperfections on The Nickleman’s ugly mug. As the German takes his leave, Robyn turns around to confront her drunken padre ‘off-camera’, just like all the big time luchadoras like to do!

Ok you need to get your shit together, because I really don’t have the spoons to handle all this stress you’re piling on me! Now that I’m the X-treme campeona my schedule is always busy, and I can’t spend my time dealing with your drunken shenanigans every time I’m supposed to be promoting my career! I have an interview with Steve Sayors in an hour, and the last thing I need on my mind is your endless bullshit!

Charles chortled to himself before looking off to the side for a second, hiding the hint of pain that he felt in his heart. When he looked back to his daughter his demeanor was pure aggression.

Ohhhhhh, you have a fancy interview with Steve fucking Sayors, how special. So what he won’t return my fucking calls anymore? That doesn’t mean shit! An interview with him isn’t worth shit anymore! Talking to Steve fucking Sayors about your match is just the Alias slash Big D special! That’s as played out as naming yourself after your only personality trait….MISS SUBMISSSICHINA!

Look, I don’t know what your problem with me is all of a sudden-

Really? You don’t know my problem? It’s on your fucking shoulder!

Charles drunkenly slapped the X-treme championship belt resting on his daughter’s shoulder.

That should belong to my buddy Tee-Kay!

Robyn pushed her father away causing him to stumble backwards all wobbly-like. Charles only manages to stay on his feet with a last-second assist from the base of the marble fountain.

Titles change hands all the time in the XWF, okay? Just get over it! Besides, you took a title off of Thunder Knuckles years before I did! How can you blame me for following my familial instincts?

Charles pushed himself up off the fountain’s base before pointing an accusatory finger at his bastard daughter.

You can’t be going at BOB like that! You’re disrespecting us, just like you disrespected the BOB team at War Games!

Robyn slapped her padre’s wagging finger out of the air with a dismissive sneer.

Frankly, I’m a grown woman and I can do whatever the hell I want with my career. You decided to join up with the scum of the earth for no good reason whatsoever, but you can’t ask or expect me to do the same! I make my own choices based on what will be good for me, whether or not you or your “FRIENDS” like it! You can be in my corner or not, but I’m tired of this half-in half-out bullshit!

I’m tired o-

Robyn raised her voice as she shouted down her own drunken padre.

No! This is MY time, this was MY photoshoot, and the X-treme belt is MY title! If you don’t want to support me, FINE, then you can just leave! I didn’t need you before, and I damn sure don’t need you now!

Charles turned away from his daughter as she tore him a well-deserved new one.

You needed me to save your ass from Tommy Wish!

Robyn was hit with a train of deja vu as her father began to walk out on her, again. She shook her head from side to side to clear her mind before she stomped her foot into the ground and screamed at her bastardly father.

I needed you my entire life, and you only showed up ONCE, how much do you think I owe you for that?!

Charles turned around just long enough to scream back his response.

MORE!

And with that Robyn’s father bid adieu, leaving his daughter on her own to pick up the pieces of their shattered relationship. Rain droplets began to descend from the clouds as Robyn Gonzalez held her X-treme title belt as close to her broken heart as possible. With the sudden drizzle of precipitation, you could barely even tell that she was crying….

Roughly One Hour Later…

We transition to a shot of la campeona de X-trema, Latina Submission Machina, standing next to Steve Sayors and his microphone in front of an XWF branded background. The silver shine from LSM’s X-treme championship belt reflects off of her waist, and you can’t help but stare at it. The belt’s a nice piece of work, after all. There’s nothing too shabby about it…unlike the premise for this promo, which is the laziest and most uninspired approach one can take to trash talk. LSM was a bit hesitant to agree to this format at first, since her padre had been telling her that these interviews were boring and played out. Yet still here we find ourselves, watching our half-painted face of a campeona stand beside the one and only Steve Sayors. But that’s all just scenery.

Now it’s time to dig in.

So, Latina Submission Machina-

LSM immediately looks to the side and laughs softly as she shakes her head at Steve.

Or ‘El-Es-Em’, as I guess everyone wants to call me…

First and foremost, congratulations on your successful title defense last Warfare!

La campeona flashes an earnest smile at Steve as she tucks her hands in between her waist and the leather strap of the belt.

¡Gracias, gracias! I couldn’t have done it without the support of all the ninos y ninas in the crowd rooting for me!

Ever since you pinned Thunder Knuckles for the championship belt a whole lot of people have come out of the word wook and tried to pin you in the 24/7 hallways, but so far you’ve kicked out every time! Sometimes you kick out so early that the referee hasn’t even started counting! From the outside looking in, you seem to have really dedicated yourself to the X-treme division…so I gotta ask, how does it feel to be the X-treme champion? Is it everything you ever hoped it would be?

LSM looks down at the ground as she slides her hands up and places them firmly around her waist. She breathes in deeply, as if she is really pondering the question. A few seconds later she lifts her gaze and wipes a few strands of dark hair away from her half-painted face.

¡Se siente increíble, sombrosa, y imponente!

When I was a little girl I used to dream of being a big wrestling champion, of headlining the biggest shows and putting on the greatest matches for the ultimate stakes. I always wanted to make it this far, but in my heart of hearts, I never knew if I could. But now I know I can, because I have!

When I was signed to the XWF last year I was over the moon. I was giddy as they come when I signed my name on the bottom of that contract. I thought I had finally made it, that all my hard work was paying off- I thought I was a made woman just because I made the roster. I thought all my dreams had come true because I got a paycheck with that fancy logo on it.

When I won the Anarchy championship, twice, I thought my name was going into the record books. The youngest athlete to ever win the belt, the only person of color to ever win the belt twice, my resume speaks for itself. My name has become synonymous with success on Thursday nights. I was able to conquer Anarchy with nothing but the scientific laws of professional lucha libre: with nothing but great technique and tremendous grit! I made a big splash on Thursday nights, and the first time I headlined a sold-out arena I thought I was going to die from the excitement. It felt like the butterflies might just rip through my stomach when I walked out on that ramp and all the fans were screaming my name, or rather, my initials!

But when I pinned Thunder Knuckles for the X-treme championship, I realized that the brightest lights and the biggest stages are still ahead of me- still waiting to be submitted! I’ve put myself on a path to undeniable greatness, and all I have to do is win 6 matches in a row. I joined this company just one year ago, and I didn’t know how far I was going to make it or how high on that ladder I was going to climb. But now? After I’ve poured a year's worth of blood, sweat, and tears into this career of mine? I know it’s my destiny to take the universe around the ankle with my MACHINA LOCK until it submits to me!

How does it feel to be the X-treme champion? It feels great! Despite TK doing his best to never defend this belt and to ruin the division, I know that this X-treme belt really does mean something special in this business. Now that I’m the X-treme champion, I feel it is my duty to resurrect this division and erase the stains of mediocrity that BOB wiped all over this belt with their greasy little mitts.

Now that I’m the X-treme champion, I feel like the world is mine for the taking, and I can see the entire universe waiting for me just five more steps away. Yet still,  I can feel the tremendous weight of the world on my back as I try to sprint forward and fulfill my destiny. Now that I’m the X-treme champion I can feel the crushing burden of expectation and resentment everywhere I go in that locker room. Everyone is looking at my waist, jealous of what I have, hoping I fail, but expecting me to succeed- and if I don’t succeed, if I can’t take all six of these steps in succession, I won’t hear the end of it for months! Those hyenas in the back will laugh and laugh and laugh all day long if I let this championship belt slip through my grasp before I get that briefcase.

How does it feel to be the X-treme champion? It feels like my whole body has become one great big ball of nerves, bouncing every which way, trying my best to find the path I need to settle down and mark my legacy. 

THAT’S how it feels.

LSM takes a hand off her waist to wipe a single tear away from the corner of her eye. She seems to be all up in her emotions, but a few proud sniffles is all it takes for LSM to get control of herself again. Steve nods along, as if he too could relate to that awe-inspiring feeling of being the X-treme champion.

You’re putting your heart and soul into this championship reign, El-Es-Em, and it’s definitely showing in the ring! Your last challenger for the X-treme championship was a former Olympic freestyle wrestler and you made her tap out with your patented MACHINA LOCK-

It’s patented? Did the XWF really patent that for me?

In truth, the move WAS patented by the XWF: but the federation’s ownership group held full rights to the trademark. Either way, Steve just carried on with his question.

But how does Geri Vayden’s speedy and athletic style compare to the experienced and strength based approach that your next opponent takes? Do they have any similarities in style that you’re hoping to exploit?

LSM put one hand back on her waist while she placed a pointer finger on her chin.

Well I had the size advantage on Geri, and trust me when I say I put it to good use with my in-ring positioning and grappling! But this new guy’s the height of an NBA G-League player and he weighs about as much as mi padre does when he’s going through his withdrawals, when he just won’t eat anything. So I’m going to have to be careful and pick my shots wisely against this new guy, I’ll have to be mindful of my positioning and I’ll have to use my agility to supreme advantage.

But those were all differences- you asked me about similarities between the two challengers!

LSM took her finger off her chin and theatrically slapped her own forehead for comedic effect. She laughed softly before shaking her head from side to side, as if she were trying to jolt her own mind into responsiveness.

Well, I suppose they both came out of that Left Hand faction more than a little messed up. All that depressing emo stuff can really take a toll on you, especially when you spend all day just lamenting on your own sadness and loneliness. Being in the Left Hand all that time ago left a permanent scar on both their psyches and minds. Those weirdos were a cult of brutes, and most of their violence was always direct inwards, they were like a faction of goth kids dedicated to cutting themselves open on all their edginess. Lycana and Marf came out of that faction messed up beyond belief, with Lycana believing she was a wolf and Marf believing he was a professional luchador, so it wouldn’t surprise me if Geri Vayden and Goth ended up with similar problems!

Steve cocked a critical eyebrow as he squinted at LSM.

Well errmmm, Latina Submission Machina, I don’t believe Goth was ever in the Left Hand…he is just now making his XWF debut!

LSM cocked her head to the side as she interrogated the validity of Steve’s statement.

Wait…are you sure about that? Don’t you remember how the Left Hand cycled through like five different flavors of the month, each time declaring that new flavor to be the secret ingredient they had been waiting for all along? And then, like clockwork, that missing ingredient would always vanish into thin air as quickly as it appeared. I’m like 90% sure THIS Goth guy was one of THOSE goth guys that kept cycling in and out of the Left Hand! I can’t remember any of their names, but a name like Goth is forgettable enough that it could well have been him! This Goth guy looks just like all those other goth guys did!

Steve looked caught off guard by her comments.

That’s…..a really good point actually. I too could swear I’ve seen this guy around before….

Steve Sayors looks off camera as he presses his free hand against a hidden earpiece that connects to the production crew.

Hey, Jamaal? Was this Goth guy in the Left Hand- and did they ever figure out who that Esos dude was? Is this that same goth guy, or something like that? Are we giving away industry secrets on air right now?

A few seconds go by before a look of frustration flashes across Steve’s face. He keeps his finger pressed to his earpiece. LSM looks around the room, clearly a bit confused by this turn of events- but no more confused than Steve Sayors and the production crew are!

No, Jamaal, I’m not talking about THAT goth guy! I know that Soldier wasn’t in the Left Hand, I’m asking you about THIS Goth guy!

A few more seconds pass before Steve shakes his head horizontally. LSM puts her hand over her mouth, but still it’s pretty obvious that she’s finding this bit all too funny!

Goth, G-O-T-H….no, I’m not talking about his appearance, well I kind of am, but it’s his ring name! It’s what he goes by!

Steve nods along as he keeps his hand pressed against the earpiece. LSM lowers her hand and rolls her eyes as she finally overcomes her giggle fit.

Yeah, okay, that’s what I thought….

Steve takes his hand off his earpiece before turning back to face la campeona de X-trema.

Yeah Jamaal just told me that Goth has never before stepped foot in an XWF ring, under this ring name or any others! Although he has been a professional wrestler for, well, your entire life! But his XWF debut is on Savage, and then he’s turning around to wrestle you for the X-treme championship on Warfare!

LSM looks a bit surprised by this news, but none too concerned.

Wow, a Goth that wasn’t good enough to join the Left Hand! No wonder he’s so depressed all the time…you said he’s been wrestling as long as I’ve been alive and he’s only just NOW making it to the major leagues?

He’s been wrestling a little bit longer, in fact! But he is a….uhm…

Steve turns away as he presses his hand against his earpiece once more.

What was this goth guy’s resume again? Doesn’t he hold a knock-off Internet championship for some small company?

LSM raised a curious eyebrow as Steve stood there and nodded to himself for a few seconds, but his face soon went blank.

Wait….so has he done anything else important since Obama became President? No? There’s nothing on the resume he submitted? Well okay then…

Steve pursed his lips and shrugged before removing his hand from his production earpiece and turning back to la campeona de X-trema, Latina Submission Machina.

Jamaal says that Hughey says this Goth guy is a pretty big deal in other places, El-Es-Em. Apparently, Goth worked his way up the industry in the independent circuit until he signed to GWA and hit it big. After dominating that wrestling alliance, Goth became a co-founder of the AWA in 2008!

LSM’s eyes looked up to the ceiling, then briefly to the side, as if she were trying to look through the catacombs of her memory for any recollection of ‘GWA’!

GWA? I’ve never heard of that. Do you mean GCWA?

Erm, no, I do not.

LSM leaned back before she shook her head from side to side, clearly startled by Steve’s firm response.

Huh, weird. And you said he co-founded the AWA?

Indeed he did! He was known by the in-ring moniker ‘King of Kings’ in the company he co-founded!

WAS known as?

LSM squints and puts her hands on her waist as she leans forward curiously, cocking her head to the side expectantly.

Well, back when the company was still active…

Steve looked away sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. LSM removed her hands from her waist as she rolled her eyes alllll the way around their sockets.

YEEEESH some company he co-founded! The AWA looks to have had as much staying power as the Left Hand! Are we really sure they’re not related? It seems like no one wants to listen to emo kids cry about their problems anymore, the people just want LUCHA LIBRE! Dios mio, I hope this Goth guy’s a better luchador than he is a promoter!

Well I think I remember hearing good things about his work in Sin City Wrestling! If I remember correctly, I think Goth and Mac Bane are both champions over there in Sin City Wrestling!

LSM can’t help but laugh at that.

Jajaja! 

Oh, him and Mac Bane are champions over in SCW? That’s funny. It kind of says it all, doesn’t it? Both those luchadors are champions over there, but they both compete over here, too- and neither one of them has even SNIFFED championship gold in the XWF! But me? I’m a former Anarchy campeona, former Billion Dollar campeona, former Freestyle campeona, and reigning X-reme campeona! I have more XWF title reigns than Goth has matches in the XWF! I might even have more XWF title reigns than Mac Bane has WINS in the XWF!

If Goth is on the same level as Mac Bane then he should be coming into this match as a major underdog, because I was a War Games FINALIST and Mac Bane wasn’t even a first-round draft pick! I led my team past XWF legends Bobby Bourbon and Chris Page, but Mac Bane couldn’t even outlast a THIRD-ROUND DRAFT PICK like Angie Vaughn! Come on, hombre! We’re on completely different levels! I’m so far ahead of the game that I’m speedrunning my briefcase, but Mac Bane and Goth are still playing around on tutorial island! People are going to think this whole game is broken after I do to Goth what I did to Geri Vayden. We just need a new MMR system in the XWF, because the matchmaking lobby around this place is ATROCIOUS!

The simple fact, Steve, is that this is the X-treme Wrestling Federation: and here, in the XWF, we don’t settle for mediocrity. Only the best of the best can make it in this federation, and even then, most don’t! But Mac Bane and Goth aren’t the best of the best, and they never will be, so it would be best for their careers if they just stayed in Sin City Wrestling full-time. That way, great luchadoras like me wouldn’t have to completely embarrass cookie cutter rudos like them!

Steve Sayors looks a bit taken aback by the sudden harshness of la campeona’s words, but like a true professional he digs in wherever the story takes him.

And what exactly do you mean by ‘cookie cutter rudos’?

LSM puts her foot down and stands firmly on what she just said.

Oh you know what I mean Steve! I’m talking about those pretend tough guys that are too lazy and uncreative to come up with their own shticks and routines. I mean, this goth guy’s name is literally Goth. That would be like me naming myself Latina, and just dropping the rest of my personality! And that would be a bad idea, Steve, because then my initials would read exactly like Goth’s biography.

What do you mean by ‘exactly like Goth’s biography’?

I mean my initials would now read like one big fat L!

LSM leans forward as she sticks her tongue out and uses her fingers to make an ‘L’ shape on her forehead. Steve Sayors cringes and leans away before looking down at the ground and shaking his head from side to side.

Wooooowww El-Es-Em, that was good: you must have been thinking that up all week!

LSM lowered her hand from her forehead as she gave the camera a big smile. Steve Sayors, finally over the sick burn that just happened, leans back in towards la campeona de Xtrema.

But like I said earlier, this Goth guy has been an award-winner in many smaller federations. Don’t you think you might be underestimating him a little bit?

LSM dismisses Steve’s nonsensical notion with a simple wave of the hand.

Not a chance, Steve. I’m just poking light fun at him right now! Once I get in that ring, and once my X-treme championship is officially on the line, I can’t afford to give anyone less than 110% effort. I know this Goth guy hasn’t done much to impress anyone in the XWF, but every puncher has a chance, and I’ve won my share of major upsets so I know absolutely anything can happen. If this Goth guy is counting on getting a distracted or a dismissive campeona then he better rename himself Sol- cause he is really S.O.L.! I’ve been kicking out of pins in the 24/7 hallway for weeks now, so it should be clear that absolutely nobody is catching me off guard!

Wow, it’s no wonder your Latina Washing Machina has been flying off the shelves recently! Everyone loves a prepared champion who is equal parts competent and confident. Your dedication to hard work sets a great example for all the kids watching at home!

Well I sure hope so, Steve! But honestly…I’m not sure the ninos y ninas should watch my match against this Goth guy on Warfare.

Steve looks genuinely befuddled by that lack of promotion. LSM stands there silently as Steve’s face contorts in all sorts of bizarre ways before he asks his follow-up question.

Well, why’s that El-Es-Em? Are you worried that, as a co-main event star, your match will happen after most kids should already be in bed?

Well of course there’s that Steve, but I don’t think the kids should watch the replays of this match either! It is X-treme rules after all, and that means nothing is off limits. I pride myself on being a traditional luchadora and I like to keep my matches clean so everyone can enjoy them, but I don’t think this Goth guy shares my same respect for the sport. He looks like the kind of rudo who only becomes a luchador in order to act out sick fantasies involving blood and asphyxiation! I’m sure he’ll feel right at home in an X-treme rules match, as if we haven’t heard that from a thousand losers before. I’ll bet that Goth’s already licking his chops imagining all the brutal things he wants to do to me. But I’m sorry boo, because I don’t get down with goth guys like that! Whips and chains may excite goth guys, but to me, that stuff’s just the fluff they use because they can’t do the job with their God-given equipment!

I’m not one to resort to thumbtacks, steel chairs, and dirty tricks: but I wouldn’t put any of that past Goth. In fact, he’s probably planning on all that and then some! I know that I can win big matches based on my lucha skills alone, and Goth knows that he simply can’t. He’s going to try and pull me down into the barbed-wire weeds, he’s going to try and bloody me up in order to take this belt off me. But if his plan is to cut me up and bleed me out next Wednesday night, then he’s already lost!

Steve Sayors cocks his head to the side as LSM physically articulates her verbiage with wild gesticulations.

Wait, hold on, what are you saying? Why wouldn’t that work?

I’m saying that when you cut me, success I bleed! My success has been bleeding through the XWF ever since I made my debut, one year ago to the month! I’ve taken bump after bump and cut after cut in this company, and now my success on Thursday nights is finally bleeding over to Wednesday nights and Saturday nights, too! So when it comes time to defend my X-treme title in the middle of Madison Square Garden you had best believe I’m going to walk away victorious, because I’m willing to bleed my success out from pillar to post if that’s what it takes to get one step closer to my briefcase!

Pondré mi VIDA en juego si eso es lo que se necesita, porque estoy luchando para honrar a mi madre, y si no puedo honrarla adecuadamente, ¡entonces podría unirme a ella! 

And you can take that to Joey Wheel-N-Dealer and put the BANK on it! Don’t be a sad emo boy; bet your money on Latina Submission Machina so I can make you richer and happier than you’ve ever been! That briefcase is already MINE- now I just have to EARN it! I want the XWF universe to put their faith in me like I put my faith in them, because together, we’re going to make the universe SUBMIT…one step at a time!

¡vamos a la mierda!

LSM raises a proud pointer finger into the air and holds it steady for a few seconds before she dips off camera entirely, leaving Steve Sayors alone with the microphone.

Well folks you heard it here first….vamanos allah murder! Whatever the heck that means! Thank you all so much for tuning in, and be sure to check in with us next week when we interview either Alias or Big D….probably! So we’ll see you next week!

Steve flashes a hearty smile as he waves goodbye to the fading camera.



Roughly One Hour Later…





It had been a long day for Robyn, and she was more than happy to finally get back to her hotel room and step into a hot shower. While the hot water washed the dirt off her flesh, she did her best to clean the filth off her mind. Between her padre and her next opponent she had more than enough problems to keep her occupied. She made sure to keep her chin up as she stood there in the shower, thinking about her family and her career, and how those two things might come to intersect. Robyn hoped beyond hope that she would be able to define her X-treme legacy on her own terms, but she knew anything could happen with that drunken bastard suddenly roaming around her life. Funny, for almost 20 years he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her….and now that she’s a War Games Captain and an X-treme Campeona, all of a sudden her father wants to come in and get HIS piece of HER spotlight. She couldn’t let it come to that.

Robyn pursed her lips and shook her head solemnly as she shut the water to the shower off. She stepped out of the steaming shower and wrapped herself in a (you guessed it) green, white, and red multicolor towel! After she put her hair up with a separate multicolor towel she walked out of the bathroom and threw herself down on the bed in her hotel room.

Instinctively, she reached for her cellphone that was sitting on top of a pillow. Robyn typed in her passcode and began mindlessly scrolling through her notifications as she let her body dry. When Robyn saw that she had a late-night voicemail from an unfamiliar number, she couldn’t help but investigate! She just hoped that it wasn’t something creepy or something from her padre: or even worse, something creepy FROM her padre! Robyn shuddered at the thought before she pressed play on the mysterious voice message.

Hey Robyn, this is Vita! I wanted to call and congratulate you on that big victory against Geri Vayden last Wednesday night. I remember when you first signed to this company, and well, I’m proud of how far you’ve come to say the least. I just thought you deserved to hear that in your life, and I’m really looking forward to seeing what you can do next week against that Goth guy! Remember, no matter what he says, he IS NOT a real vampire! He’s not even a twilight vampire! He just sucks! Okay, talk later Ms. Campeona!

…

Oh, and before I forget! I’ve been talking to Dolly a lot lately, and she’s really missing that friendship you two used to have. I’m not sure whatever went down with you two, but I think it might be time to bury that hatchet. Okay, talk later for reals this time!

Robyn’s face gave no hint of emotion as the voicemail reached its end. She continued to lay there on her stomach, kicking her feet up in the air above the bed as she held her phone perfectly still. Robyn and Dolly used to be good friends, but that all changed when Dolly invited Charlie Nickles to Maria Gonzalez’s funeral as a +1 right before Bad Medicine 21’. Yet still, la campeona de X-trema switched to her dialing app and began typing in a familiar phone number…