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Latina Submission Machina · **08-09-2022, 10:59 PM**

What is submission?

That’s the question I asked mi madre on my fourth birthday, the first time I ever stepped into a jiu jitsu dojo. She gave me the simplest answer I could ever ask for. In reality, this may have been the last time mi madre ever told me God's honest truth.

She told me that submission is what your opponent gives you when they Wish for your Mercy, when they can’t Soldier on anymore. I didn’t really know what it meant that day, but over time, I think I’ve gotten a pretty good grip on it! After all, my repertoire of submissive maneuvers made me the most dangerous wrestler on Thursday nights for the first half of my career! Before I picked up this X-treme championship belt I was a two-time XWF Anarchy champion, with dominant wins over the likes of rudos such as John Caedus, Jason Cashe, Elijah Martin (x3), Big Money Oswald (x2)- and not to mention my recent victories over self-proclaimed legends Bobby Bourbon and Chris Page!

Mi madre led me into the dojo at age four, and I spent the rest of my childhood there, just honing my skills for moments like these. I woke up, I went to school and learned nada, then I would spend the rest of my days learning everything I needed to know inside the four corners of that squared circle. I have spent my entire life shaping myself into the ultimate Lucha Libre arma. Every move Geri Vayden has? I’ve seen it, I’ve mastered it, I know how to reverse it from every angle! Geri Vayden just doesn’t have a deep enough arsenal to challenge me for my belt on Warfare!

Geri Vayden may be a former Olympian athlete, at least that’s what she claims from time to time- but I was going back over the tapes from Geri’s little stint in the Left Hand, which I must say, was quite embarrassing- but really beside the point! And you’ll never believe what I found. I found a tape of Marf calling her out on it, saying she made the whole thing up- in fact, he even exposed her in the lead up to last year’s War Games for being a total fraud! And Marf would know better than anyone, because after all, Geri Vayden was a member of the Left Hand the first time rumors of this ‘olympic’ history started surfacing! No wonder Geri Vayden was too cowardly to show her face for this War Games cycle- the ‘olympic’ wrestler was the first person eliminated on Dick Powers’ team last year!

Wow, what an olympian!

But really, I know Marf is a no good bastard who can’t stand to watch women succeed- so maybe he was just telling fibs about Geri to get under her skin. Well, it clearly worked- because Geri was so wounded after War Games she could barely show her face around the XWF for a year! Is that how Olympic wrestlers act? Hey, could be! I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been selected for Mexico’s national team.

But I am a world renowned black belt in B-J-J. And remembers that’s two Js and not one, Geri- and that makes my skillset at least twice as valuable as yours! Jajajajajaja!

But all jokes aside, I’m not overlooking Geri Vayden as we head into the first Warfare of the new cycle. It might look like it, but trust me- looks can be deceiving. Geri Vayden may or may not be a former Olympian, she doesn’t look or act the part, but when that bell rings all bets are off. No one thought a young latina from the border could rise to stardom in the XWF in such a short time, and yet here I am, shining brighter than almost every other star in the sky on Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday nights!

Geri Vayden may in fact have some sort of Olympic history after all, because heck, why else would Theo and Vinnie book her in a title match so quickly? It’s not like her resume in the XWF qualifies her for a shot at this championship belt! I’m a two-time Anarchy champion and a War Games captain, Thunder Knuckles was a two-time TV champion and a former tag champion, Ned Kaye before him had his own share of accolades…but what does Geri Vayden have on her list of achievements? One underdog win against Jenny Myst? Shoot, that’s not going to be enough to walk away from Warfare with my championship. Geri Vayden knows her goose is cooked, too- that’s why she tried to sneak up on my in the hallways last week! Because she KNOWS she’ll never be able to beat me in a real match, my technique is just too advanced for her to handle!

Seriously, when was the last time anyone saw her in action? How much ring rust does she need to shake off in the first five minutes of our match? Will our match even last five minutes? I’m going to do my best to put on a great show for our XWF fans, but in terms of talent, Geri Vayden is firmly somewhere between Kris Cruz and RingMaster! I know the General Managers like to give every X-treme champion an easy first win, but gosh, I was really hoping for someone better than Geri Vayden. I got involved in wrestling to have great matches, to put on incredible performances! How am I supposed to do that when the person I’m wrestling has the agility of a rock and the knock-out power of a damp cloth?

I’m not sure why Geri Vayden ever got involved in professional Lucha Libre, because she hasn’t spent her career chasing titles and making history. She’s spent her time under XWF contract hanging out with the Left Hand and being humiliated, constantly, every time she finally works up the nerve to show her face around her again. Maybe I should give Geri Vayden my old mask and she could wrestle in that, maybe a new coat of paint would give her the clean slate she needs to ever be taken seriously in this company after all the caca she’s pulled! She might even look cuter in my old mask, too!

Geri is in way over her head on this one, but that’s okay, because I won’t let her walk away from Warfare empty handed. I’m a feminista, like every woman should be, and I believe senioritas need to look out for each other! So when Geri and I finally tango together in that squared circle, I’m going to teach her a lesson in Lucha Libre that she will never forget. I’m going to take her from corner to corner, from post to post, and I’m going to show her how to perform every single submission maneuver in my arsenal! I might even walk her through the moves while I’m doing them, so that way she really understands just how much I’m KICKING HER CULO!

If Geri Vayden thinks she is going to walk away from Warfare with my X-treme championship then she has straight up lost her mind, and I’ll help her find it, one SUPER PATADA at a time! I’ll rattle that empty brain of hers around with kick after kick, and maybe while her brain is hopping around inside her skull she’ll finally find a shred of common sense!

Everyone who saw this booking knew from the get-go that the Latina Submission Machina was going to go so XTREMA on Geri Vayden that they’ll need to call in FEMA to clean up the mess! No matter what Vinnie Lane says, our match isn’t a tacofest, it’s just a wrap- and that means I’m definitely going to roll Geri Vayden up!

JAJAJAJAJAAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!

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