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Noah Jackson · (02-26-2021)

"It's always dangerous when boring people think they're creative" - Alec Sulkin

Chapter 2: The Storyteller is still a shit name and you should carry on feeling bad

"Doesn't he look like an idiot in this photo. To me, he must have been getting ready to suck Fuzz's you know what" - The Storyteller

"His thick dad dick, Storyteller? Is that what you were going to say? You're already insinuating incest, cunt why the fuck stop at saying a naughty word? How do I know it's thick? Genetics, cunt... Also, Atty talks a lot... Whatever, I'm an adult, kinda, it's all banter anyway. What I'm trying to get at is very simple, you talk a little about me and what you say is nothing. You make fun of a picture of me, say I'm a white elitist and call me funny."

"... Cunt. You couldn't actually think of anything that would mean anything? You throw a George Orwell quote in there because you want to seem smart, you want to mention AOC and Ted Cruz to seem topical but it all amount to empty nothingness. This is your second match here, you are fresh as fuck and looking for some blood on your hands to prove yourself and you're so infuriatingly shit at your job! You got it in your head that you've got me figured out but say absolutely nothing! You're called the FUCKING STORYTELLER and you couldn't even last 5 minutes to weave some tale about me and how I'm going to lose against you or some shit. You're not even sure you could win in the first place! You're not a fucking storyteller cunt you're a fucking reader! You just quote shit you see and try and tie it into your trash. Add a dash of modern-day bullshit to make it seem like you actually leave the house. You show us nothing! You are fucking nothing!"

"Go to a fucking library!"

"Fucking have some story to fucking show so when you chapter your fucking promos they make fucking sense!"

"Fucking all you've done at the moment is tweet in promo form and call it hard work! Your promos could fit inside a fucking fortune cookie and you somehow call yourself THE FUCKING STORYTELLER!"

"FUCK ME!"

"All I know is your six foot twelve and white. SIX FUCKING TWELVE! And I had to look that shit up because we all know you didn't mention it! Cunt, do you know how intimidating SIX FOOT TWELVE is? You could block Shaq and instead, you're quoting George Orwell at me for a fucking wrestling match. How fucking bad at your life must you be to not mention you could use me as a coaster? Six fucking twelve, by fucking god. And 200 pounds on top of that... You fucking mongoloid. And you just steal other people's lines to make yourself seem smarter. That's fucking sad, cunt."

"And and-and! On top of that! You just assume I'm some evil white racist because I'm a proud Aussie? ... Cunt, you know stories yeah? You've read books? In case you didn't fucking notice, we're all evil. Every country has a pretty dark past; this aboriginal shit is the exact same thing Centurion pulled in my Warfare debut and no matter what that cunt says about him being 20% Italian 40% Irish 100% tiny bitch, he's fucking American, the most racist cunts on Earth with one of the more famous discrimination and slavery stories trying to pull that shit on me!"

"And you're just trying to steal from him!"

"Or does it make you feel better if I say quote?"

"All I know about you is that your ethnicity is European and you refuse to say your hometown so I'm fairly sure you're a nazi that moved to Brazil when shit went tits up. Fuck I can just make up whatever I want like you did for me and just call it facts anyway because apparently, we're going the Frodo Smackins route of lazy trash talk this week. Maybe next time we fight we go try the Blizzard strategy and just copy and paste from r/RoastMe for 20 minutes, then cry about how nobody likes us. Or I can do what you should do and make fun of the facts in front of me. Like your entrance!"

"The Story Teller walks to the front of the stage with a book. He makes his way to the ring. Places the book down just outside the ring. Slides in, and jumps on the ropes, and uses his hands in a cup motion to signify a book."

"Cunt... Why even put down the book?... Like-" I break into a snicker whilst trying to talk "If you're just going to motion holding a book... Why drop the fucking book you came in with? Just put your face on the book and show it off. Fucking anything! It's the small shit like this that just proves how much of a dense fuckwit you actually are! I have seen tardigrades with more cognitive thought than you. A pigeon that has divebombed someone's double glazing has more brainwaves than your dumb ass. Your one and only brain cell is on loan. Like cunt, where you dropped off by the stork from a 20-foot height? I have seen an astronomical amount of dumb fuckery but by god, that may take the cake..."

"Why put the book down, cunt? Why motion with your hands a fucking book? Do you think that looks cool? A six-foot twelve, two-hundred-pound man; sliding into the ring and just-"

I cup my hands together mimicking an open book or like I'm asking for more gruel as I stare dumbfounded at the camera.

"You're so fucked, cunt."

"Anyway, I'm gonna treat this like an Anarchy promo, short and forgettable. I'm bored, there's zero chance I'm gonna lose to you and some cunt is attacking me on Clash of Clans. So later, cunt... If you haven't quit yet anyway."

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