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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
ROAD TRIP PART DEUX: REVENGE OF THE DUMMIES!
Author Message
Vita Frickin Valenteen Offline
Vicious Frickin Vampire



XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


#1
11-14-2019, 10:20 PM



The scene fades in with Big Shank driving somewhere along highway 20 while VV sits silently in the passenger seat swapping between refreshing Twitter for any mention of her name and chatting it up with Noah via text. Realizing that this is a waste of valuable time that they could be using to strategize, Shank decides to break the silence.


”Let’s get something straight, this is not a road trip where we suddenly become best friends at the end of it. This is not ‘Bad Grandpa,’ or some shit where you find out ‘I’m not that bad.’ This is ‘Bad Santa,’ where you find out I’m probably worse. And you are definitely not going to Facebook or TikTok or text or generally annoy me at all for the next fifteen hours. Christ, didn’t your parents ever talk to you about limiting your screen time?”


”Nobody under thirty uses Facebook anymore.”


“I’m not that old!! This also isn’t one of those bonding moments where we stereotypically talk about our opponents either. That’s wrestling, and this is driving. And never the two shall meet.”


”No thanks, I know everything I need to know about both of them already! Heck, I probably know more than even you!”


Maybe it’s because she challenged him, maybe it’s because she didn’t instantly get insulted by his rejection, or maybe it was just because he was more bored than he was willing to let on – for whatever reason, Shank decided to take the bait of his current partner.


”Alright smart ass, let’s go to wrestling school then. Tell me something about one of them that I don’t already know.”


Pfffft, I can give you their life stories!”


”I guarantee I’m going to regret asking, but go ahead…” He was lying, he was amused by the idea.


”Sure!”


VV begins fiddling on her phone as she begins the ballad of Kris Von Bonn.


”So in 1995 a special child was born.”


”95 huh? Were you even alive in 95? How fucking old are you anyway? Oh, and an unrelated question, what’s the age of consent in Oregon, California and Nevada?”


”Dude, let me tell the frickin story!” She says while glaring a hole through him.


ANYWAY!!!”


“This boy, he was so special because he came out of the womb with...”



”Let me guess, a hard dick like Peter!!?”


Eyes could not possibly roll any harder than VV’s do in this moment. Seriously, all you other caty bitches just need to find a new expression, cause VV just owned that shit!





Ahem…


Sorry, back to the action!


“No ya frickin GOOB, a HAMMER!”


“Ya know, like Kris “Da Hamma” Van Douchenator?”



VV pauses for a reaction, so very proud of joke.


”You done?”


“Oh,'' she thought to herself, now feeling a bit deflated.


Okay, so nobody knows how he ended up with the hammer.”


“Did his mom’s womb actually forge a hammer for him as some great mythical weapon?”


“Or was the hammer actually not a hammer at all, and just a deformed hand, or wart, or I don’t know, something?”


“Nobody knows for sure, but that’s mainly because of the fact that while this child was special, he was also super dangerous.”


“He was always trying to hit people with his hammer.”


“Until eventually, people just stopped coming to see him.”


“Then as the baby began to grow up, and had nobody to hit, he was forced to find new ways to use his hammer.”



VV shoves her phone in front of Shank causing him to swerve.


”You gotta be fucking kidding me! Get that shit outta my face. This story is already making me want to kill myself, don’t give me an excuse.”


”YOU HAVE TO SEE THE PICTURES!!!”


[Image: hammerbaby.gif]


“Anyway, so all of this hitting himself in the head caused the baby to become very DENSE.”


“As the baby grew in size, he shrank in intelligence.”


“Eventually he would become an adult.”


“With a barely functioning brain and no real skill to speak of, outside of hitting himself with a hammer, when it came time to become an adult and enter the workforce he had no idea what he could possibly do.”


“Since he already had a hammer, it was suggested to him that he try his hand (HA!) at carpentry.”



VV shoves her phone into Shanks line of sight again, but this time being as he was prepared for it, he managed to maintain control of the vehicle.


”I FUCKING SWEAR!... STOP IT!”


[Image: Hammer1.gif]


“But because carpentry required thinking, he did not do well.”


“So it was back to the drawing board.”


“What could this special guy do?”


“What career was there for him?”


“He gave it much more thought.”


“He even made a special thinking cap to wear.”


“He claimed that it made it brain work better!”


[Image: Hammer2.gif]


“Yeeeeeeaaaah, that was debatable.”


“After much time passed, and still no career to speak of, a chance meeting with a jerk would finally set the special guy on his path.”


“This special guy would go on to become Kris Von Bonn.”


“The Hammer!”


“And he would quickly prove that even the world of professional wrestling was just too much for his tiny damaged brain to properly comprehend.”


“After what would prove to be a very uneventful career, Highlighted only by the facts that Kris Hamma Time, would only be remembered as the guy who was basically gifted a Hart title shot by beating a winless goon ANNNNND gifted his entry into the second round of Lethal Lottery by the very same man that will help me cement the goofs demise in THIS round…”


“Like, WOW!”


“It blows my frickin mind how dense this idiot is! He’s proven time and time again that he hasn’t a frickin clue what it is he’s doing!”


“Outside of winning matches, we have ONE JOB!”


“Be entertaining!”


“He’s not!”


“And since we all already know how CRAP he is in the ring, I suppose it wouldn’t be too hard to imagine how this story might end huh?”



No response from Shank, he may have zoned out…


“I’m sure it’ll go something like this.”


“Kris would eventually grow old.”


“And alone, in a retirement home during his last days, he would FINALLY recognize the fact that he never possessed any real talent.”



”I don’t think that’s too far off actually.”


”Too far off? IT’S THE BIG V TRUTH!”


That garners a chuckle from the legend.


”I wouldn’t let Big D catch you saying that.”


”Screw him, he’s just another mindless sheep that refuses to question any of the fake news that this company feeds him!”


VV shoots Shank the puppy dog eyes.


”You believe that I beat Sarah Lackland for the Anarchy Title, right?”


”Don’t care.”


Yo check this, VV is so caught off guard by that, that she literally has nothing to say. So, instead she just slinks into her seat and sighs as she comes to terms with the fact that her biggest “achievement” just got NO SOLD!


Of course she wants to bite his head off, but what good would that do? There’s plenty of time to be enemies later, but this round, they’re allies and as such, they need to get along in order to do their job. So, with that said, VV begrudgingly lets it slide.


”So, wanna hear about Gilly?”


”God, no. Gilmour couldn’t beat himself if three dudes interfered and knocked his ass out.”


”Heck no he couldn’t! This round is going to be as easy as taking candy from a baby!”


”You… You’ve never actually done that, right?”


VV looks over to Shank with a puzzled look.


”What, take candy from a baby?”


He nods. ”Yeah.”


”Um heck yeah! I totally did that when I took the Anarchy title from Sarah Lacklan!”


Shank takes a deep breath while silently cursing James Raven for setting this little road trip.


”ROAD TRIP SELFIE!”


VV leans in towards Big Shank and rocks her best tongues out “rock on” pose to document their time together. She then sits back upright and fiddles around with her phone some more applying filters and such, until finally.


”Perfect!!! That’s going straight to instagram!”


And she jumps right to it as Shank thanks the heavens for the moments of silence that it brings. However, after those first few moments, Shank can’t help but notice VV angrily pecking away at her phone. At first he ignores it, it’s not his business and he really doesn’t care about whatever she’s doing, but by the time he notices that she is trying to covertly dry tears from her eyes, he feels as though he’s obligated to make sure everything is alright.


”Everything okay over there?”


”Fine…” She says with an obvious hint of annoyance as she finishes typing her text message.


A moment of silence between the two of them follows, but it doesn’t last long.


”How long until we’re in Vegas?”


Without taking his eyes off the road, Shank responds.


”We’re a few hours out still.”


Vita sits there silently, staring out the window to the scenery passing by. Her phone buzzes, alerting her to a new notification. At first she ignores it, but like most, curiosity gets the best of her. She lifts her phone up to check the notifications. It’s a text from Noah, she doesn’t even open it before laying the phone down on her lap. A few more moments pass before she looks over to Shank.


”Do you wanna hit the town when we get there?”


”Hit the town? ‘Heck’ Why do you TALK like Mr. Rogers but LOOK his illegitimate daughter? You mean like, gamble?”


”Well DUH! I’ve never been to Vegas…”


He doesn’t answer at first. She sees his hesitation and raises the stakes for him a bit.


”I’m totally drinking till I puke!”


”I like the spirit, but aren’t you too young to drink?”


”Well yeah, but I’ve got that covered!”


[Image: VVDLFAKE.jpg]


OMORP



”Big Shank wouldn’t let me talk about Gilly, but I wanna talk about Gilly! I just want to point out that even Gilly knows how SCREWED he is!!!


[Image: GILLYACTUALLYSAIDTHAT.jpg]


”Let me tell ya boys, Peter Gilmour is the personification of confidence. Really, what’s left to say?”

[Image: VVbatlogosm.png]

1x Anarchy Champion
1x Xtreme Champion
2x Television Champion
1x Lord Of Violence (March 2022)
2x Tag Team Champion
2x Freestyle Champion
3x Heavy Metalweight Champion
1x Federweight Champion
24/7 Briefcase Winner - March 2019
2019 Tweener Of The Year

Match History
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