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Lacklan · (09-30-2019)

HIIIII-iiiiiiii!

Sarah Grey-Lacklan-

-MARKETING GENIUS-

-here from in my SWEET house in Hollywood while Kenzi COMPLETELY IGNORES me so that she can watch her SHITTY AS ALL FUCK STEELERS lose their FOURTH game in a row, and I have the NEWEST batch of #CoolRankings for you guys! Now, a tiny recap for all of you baby birds out there: 2 points for wins, with bonus given for championship wins AND main event wins, PLUS bonuses for winning Star and Promotional Video of the Month (as voted on by our peers!), with your win percentage throne in there to separate the masses. That's right, dear friends, doing things like winning matches matters and crying about getting beat doesn't get you squat! Lets see now the TOP 10 shake up here...PLUS a NEW bonus section at the end for a NEW thing I'm looking at!

Rank	Name	#CoolPoints	Last Rank
10	Mastermind	23.72	9
9	Ned Kaye	25.55	10
8	Noah Jackson	25.6	NR
7	Vita Valenteen	25.80	7
6	Dolly Waters	26.25	4
5	Zane Norrison	26.97	6
4	Tony Santos/td>	31.00	5
3	Robert Main	36.67	3
2	Sarah Grey-Lacklan	51.32	2
1	Lux	54.62	1

There wasn't a whole lot of movement this time around (though NEXT month will likely see some craxiness!), but lets provide some context.

Mastermind had a rough cycle and fell a spot, but lets face it, we pretty much all saw that one coming. The Master of the Brand of Bland (its a thing!) needs to take a few weeks off and refocus on who and what he is. Persoanally, I'd love to see him take that show or two off and then leap into the Lethal Lottery to give him a chance to round out his game.

Nedward switched spots with Mastermind (and kicked BigD to the curb!) as he joined the Apex. Unfortunately for him, he joined a broken, tired, and beat up Apex. But! The dude is holding onto that briefcase, and as I'll get to at the end of this thing (bonus section!), the whole world can change with a strategic cash-in.

In order to give Noah proper due, please allow me to put this in Noahese: Cunt. Cunt cunt cunt cunt. Cunt cunt. Cunt cunt cunt cunt CUNT CUNT CUNT!!

Vita was able to edge out her newest boy-toy with a couple of wins...just not on Anarchy. Gonna be an interesting couple of weeks!

SIGH. [b]Dolly Waters is STILL on this list, but at least her point total went down a bit due to a loss at Relentless. She SHOULD be completely gone by the end of November!

Zane Norrison is still in a solid spot thanks to a win or two across the cycle. But one has to wonder how long he can stay there when there are hungry people who just missed the Top 10 and he himself seems to lose his focus the way he does.

Tony! The MAN who has been the Hart Champion since Dolly went to Mexico has FINALLY lost an important match. He had a hell of a cycle (and Hart run!) and I would not be shocked to see him in the picture for the Universal Championship!

Robert Main got WRECKED thanks to what is going to be in the Bonus Section. He was able to successfully defend against a lurking Lux (who somehow go to cash in his title shot opportunity during a tag match), but then the THING that happened (Bonus!) was followed up by a failed attempt at Relentless. And literally zero other matches. You gotta wrestle, dude!

Heehee! I'm still Number Two, but that gap from last cycle is GOOOOOOONE. Now, there are PLENTY of crying clowns who are going to talk about how "Of course you're at the top of the list for a system you created" and other "blah blah blah" stuff, but THOSE people aren't likely to go back and look at the FIRST set of #CoolRankings to see that I was nowhere NEAR the top at the time! But! That's what happens when you go 20-1-1 in seven months, win THREE tournaments (including the War Games) and two titles. But! That means number one is still:

Corey continues to be killer. Sure, he was unable to get past Main during the Tag Tourney, but his name is still SUPER high on the list for the Universal, and his efforts against main had a BIG impact on the following BONUS SECTION!

BONUS TIME!

Impact Rating. This one is super simple, folks: Your #CoolPoints divided by how many matches you have had. How good are YOU at turning matches into points? Lets look

Rank	Name	Impact Rating
10	Brian Storm	2.32
9	Sarah Grey-Lacklan	2.33
8	Zane Norrison	2.39
7	Tony Santos	2.58
5 (tied)	Lux	2.6
5 (tied)	James Raven	2.6
4	Kenzi Grey-Lacklan	3.00
3	Robert Main	3.06
2	Drew Archyle	3.39
1	Unknown Soldier	3.5

Wow! Now, while there are names on this list that you totes expected given the context of the rating (me, Tony, Corey, the Apex), the two names that REALLY stand out to me are:

Kenzi, who was recently called "an unattractive B-Lister," has had three matches, pinned the person in all three matches to win it for her team, and walked away with a championship. She would be HIGHER, in theory, if I had counted the Tag Tournament victory and the Tag Team Championships seperately...which I still may do!

And

AND

ANNNNNNNDDDDDDD

Unknown Soldier! Or "Solider," as various Apex people call him for some reason I don't understand. Listen, there is ZERO questioning how I stand on this, I think the dude is GROSS, DISGUSTING, and one spot of evidence away from being LOCKED UP and potentially KILLED BY LETHAL INJECTION at any moment, but holy FUCK can the dude make an impact! Swooping in out of the Abyss to rob Main of his record-breaking reign by cashing in with a forgotten briefcase, picking up some random win on Warfare, and then PROVING his position of superiority at Relentless, the Universal/World/Global/Undisputed/TheNameLiterallyOnlyMattersToCryingPissbabiesWithAgendas Champion is in a spot of DOMINANCE right this second and....AND...I am pretty fuckin' sure that he'll be in the SAME position a month from now!

Welp, that's it for now! I'll see you all at the NEXT edition after Lethal Lottery!

**"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane** · **09-30-2019, 05:52 PM**

The filthy #FreeRide whore still doesn't think names of championships matter! WowzerzZz dat's juss craxy LoLoLoLers!

Noah Jackson · (10-01-2019)

Lack-o Said:In order to give Noah proper due, please allow me to put this in Noahese: Cunt. Cunt cunt cunt cunt. Cunt cunt. Cunt cunt cunt cunt CUNT CUNT CUNT!!

"First off, cunt, it's called Australian. Second, thank you for this. This rating system actually makes sense now."

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