HIIIII-iiiiiiii!

Sarah Lacklan-

-MARKETING GENIUS-

-here LIVE from Chicago (do NOT ask about that craxy-as-FLAME travel schedule!) backstage at a UGWC show where my Beloved takes on my Step-Mumise for the Chaos Championship (do not ask about THAT either; save yourselves!) and I have a FRESH BATCH of #CoolRankings for everyone after War Games! It was a night of some surprises (Corey), some things we KNEW were going to happen (me), and a TON of alternates (great booking there, bossman!). Three War Games matches, an opener in which I am STILL scratching my head over why we had it, and some changed landscapes with title matches galore coming up. Lets bring on the ranks!

Rank	Name	#CoolPoints	Last Rank
10	Big D	13.2	NR
9	Donovan Blackwater	14.9	8
8	Mastermind	15.9	3
7	Zane Noririson	17.7	NR
6	Sarah Lacklan	20.75	6
5	Drew Archyle	21.5	5
4	Vita Valenteen	22.14	4
3	Robert Omega	25	2
2	Dolly Waters	26.42	1
1	Lux	30.67	7

Well then! Lets break it DOWN!

Big D JUST edges out Raven to get onto the list in his first cycle with the company! Now, he didn’t, like, do it with a SPLASH like how SOME PEOPLE do, but he DID do it through sheer force of trying! He’s hustling, he’s juking and jiving, and because of the BEST War Games decision he could have made (wonder who THAT was?), he now has himself a shot at Main.

Donovon slips a spot this week as it has been rough going for Fucktard Bro #3 (or was it #2?). Not much in the way of wins for him since March Madness, but putting together a pretty gosh darn good War Games team has earned him that triple threat goodness against the champ.

On the subject of Tough Runs, Mastermind is the largest drop from the last rankings outside of Hanari ghosting. He’s had nothing but Ls this PPV cycle (you’re welcome!), and has axly LOST points because of his record percentage dropping! But I have a feeling that he’s going to be coming hot with this next cycle into INSERT POTENTIALLY LAME PPV NAME HERE and looking to get his heat back.

Zane Norrison JUST missed the rankings last week and he LEAPS onto them this time! Everyone’s favorite Walking Dead alternate extra went 3-0 this PPV, including momentarily having the Xtreme title before falling asleep for too long with T-Wish around sniffing Roxy’s shoes, and I expect him to keep up the momentum. He’s only axly lost a couple of matches this year, so I wouldn’t be surprised to see him mixing it up for the Hart Title again before you know it.

Well, would you look at that! Everyone’s favorite OMG SAR WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP YOU SUCK AND YOU SUCK AND YOU SUCK AND I RAN OUT OF ORIGINAL THINGS TO SAY ABOUT YOU is STILL at #6 on this list, despite “NEVER” wrestling! Unfortunately for people, things like FACTS and NUMBERS dispell bullshit! Still undefeated (outside of that stupid Trash Panda and I staying out too late and missing dinner…), I solidified my place here by scoring a SHIT TON of #CoolPoints at War Games. Just wait until its Superstar/Promo of the Month voting time!

Drew Archyle keeps his spot at #4 doing what he ALWAYS does: Putting in quality performances when he needs to. That being said, a title retention over a jobber team and a victory in War Games over a bunch of people who haven’t wrestled since I grew tits is NOT going to keep him here for much longer. There are hungry competitors coming!

Vita ValenteenAlso keeps her spot in part due to her willingness to fight a ton. She has wrestled FIVE matches since Madness, which is the second onto to Lux for the people on both this and the last list, and won three of them. But like with Drew, she is going to find herself having a Mastermind-level drop if she doesn’t tighten up that game.

Robert Main slips a spot, though that is somewhat due to the technicality that Dolly’s INSANE numbers through Madness are still on the board, and will take a few more cycles to drop off, since she’s currently being passed around by a circle of Mexican Drug lords like a hot potato in the WORST version of the game possible. The World Champ earned a ton of points by doing what he does: Winning the main event with titles are on the line, as well as getting that sweet, SWEET “War Games Survivor” bonus that only he, Lux, Vinniefred EVELYN Lane, and myself earned.

LEAPING up SIX SPOTS is MY personal favorite mid-transitioner, Lux! He might still need to bring in a former world champ to make him close to interesting, but Luxy has won FOUR title matches in what is becoming a pretty epic television title run this cycle, AND he now will probably be named War Games MVP for Team Blackwater and get a shot at the Hart.

Welp, that’s it for this edition! We’ll see you all after the next PPV!

(05-28-2019, 05:35 AM)Lacklan Said:
Drew Archyle keeps his spot at #4 doing what he ALWAYS does: Putting in quality performances when he needs to. That being said, a title retention over a jobber team and a victory in War Games over a bunch of people who haven’t wrestled since I grew tits is NOT going to keep him here for much longer. There are hungry competitors coming!

lol

(05-28-2019, 06:13 AM)Drew Archyle Said: lol

😉

(05-28-2019, 05:35 AM)Lacklan Said:
LEAPING up SIX SPOTS is MY personal favorite mid-transitioner, Lux! He might still need to bring in a former world champ to make him close to interesting, but Luxy has would FOUR title matches in what is becoming a pretty epic television title run this cycle, AND he now will probably be named War Games MVP for Team Blackwater and get a shot at the Hart.

Welp, that’s it for this edition! We’ll see you all after the next PPV!

Awww, you're a sweetheart.

You giving out cool points is like me giving out weight loss awards. When did the whole "trust fund reject persona become cool? You know what would be cool, if you jumped off the top of the company building that gave you the trust fund. Now that would be cool!