"His original fucking finisher. It was a crossbody but cunt made it sound like he made the earth."
Chapter 3
"His twitter. Talks as much as Sarah Lacklan but replaces inane autist screeches with boring match selling."
Chapter 4
"Calls himself Notorious despite not actually being notorious. Cunt's been stuck on the indies all his life, came here and no one had heard of him. How the fuck is that notorious?"
Chapter 5
"If he is notorious it would only be for his terrible fucking matches, ha! Got em, cunt."
Chapter 6
"His greasy fucking bob haircut, looks like my nan after she got bed-ridden and couldn't use her walk-in bath. RIP Nan."
Chapter 7
"Cunt had orange and blue tights, looked like a can of Irn Bru. How can you take anyone seriously when they dress like a fucking soft drink?" (Pic Related)
Chapter 8
"Call himself a hard worker. Calls watching television hard work and research."
Chapter 9
"Had to PAY someone to teach him how to wrestle AFTER he got into the XWF."
Chapter 10
"Will go out his way to talk on twitter without actually doing any work to promote or talk to fans on the fucking XWF website."
Chapter 11
"Can't write a fucking novel, novella or fucking short story about me!"
Chapter 12
"He looked at that low quality, chopped image took on a fucking Nokia 'fuck my social life up mate' phone and thought, yeah, that'll look good on the 'about me' section for the XWF site."
Chapter 13
"Unlucky thirteen. Take a drink for unlucky thirteen!"
Chapter 14
"Lost his first match, never a good sign. Not gonna happen to ol' Noah, cunt!"
Chapter 15
"Listens to Nine Inch Nails... Not necessarily a bad thing, but think of a person you know who does listen to Nine Inch Nails, think about em hard and think of every annoying trait they have. All Nine Inch Nail fans have those traits, trust me on that. Peter Gilmour is a massive Nine Inch Nails fan."
Chapter 16
"DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING CATCHPHRASE!"
Chapter 17
"Has weak boring trash talk that's so boring and generic it makes Scully look like a young John Samuels that actually feels like working that week."
Chapter 18
"Most likely wanks off to World of Warcraft fan-made porn."
Chapter 19
"Is NOT a native Australian, like myself."
Chapter 20
"Does not have the creativity in mind to create 20 chapters on how much I suck, even as a joke or piss take. No, the most creative thing that cunt has done is follow Drew Archyle's cookbook to make a breakfast that doesn't contain nutrigrain bars and red bull."
Chapter 21
"Would spend hard time and effort on focusing an entire promo around what I'm sitting down and doing within an hour of my free time."
Chapter 22
"Is a proven beta cuck. Which shall be explored more in my next promo. See cunt, I can sell a match too."
Chapter 23
"He isn't Noah fucking Jackson."
EPILOGUE
GOOD THINGS ABOUT NED KAYE
Chapter 1a
"Has the ability, along with Centurion, Ruby and a plethora of people to come in the future, to lose against me and PUSH NOAH!"
"Also fuck you Mastermind you cowardly, fat cunt "
FORMER:
W | L | D
226 | 11 | 81
Star of the Month (August 2019)
1/3 Star of the Month (January 2020) with Fuzz and our Subaru
RP of the Month (November 2019) with Big Disappointment
Holder of the most wins in the XWF (Mostly house shows)
Holder of the most draws in XWF (All on Anarchy)
Winner of Sickest Cunt of the Year 2020
Winner of Greatest Wrestler who ever lived 2022
Holder of the world's rarest pog collection (Valued at $200)
Owner of Ned Kaye's cat that Ned named Deepthroat for some weird reason
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