Then

"You got a visitor!"


As the scene fades in we see the back of a man with his head placed against a concrete wall with a very small window placed in the center of the wall. The window has three vertical bars inside of it. The man is wearing an orange jump suit with the numbers 061515 typed on the back in solid black block lettering.


Open up 14.


There's some creaking followed by a loud thud and then the cell door separating the inmate from the guard on the other side begins to slowly slide open. Once the door finally opens completely the man in the orange jump suit turns around, revealing his face for the first time.





Let's go Archyle! I ain't got all day.

Look where you are my man. I'm in prison. I got nothing but time.

Not what I hear.

Como, what?

I don't know all the details, just heard something about you getting out of here.

Just in time for the holidays. Guess the Grinch isn't stealing this Christmas.

How long you been in here anyway? The guard asks as he ushers Drew through an opened door.

A little over two years. Two years of my life gone for a crime I didn't commit.

Yeah Yeah. You're innocent. You and everyone else in here pal.


The guard and the convict make their way through a series of small rooms before reaching their destination, the visitors room. The guard opens the door allowing Drew to walk through first. Once the two are in the room the guard looks over at another guard who is seated up in a small glass room overseeing the bank of visitors booths. When the two guards make eye contact the one up in his perch points to booth four, an indication that it is at that booth that Drew's visitor awaits. The guard standing next to Drew leads him over to bank four where Drew sits down, a slight smile forming on his face as he finally sees who his visitor is.





Drew sits down at the booth and with both hands cuffed reaches out towards a phone attached to the right partition. He pulls the phone down off the wall as the man on the other side does the same, the phones reach their ears at virtually the same time.


Bobby Main what in the hell are you doing here?

Drew Archyle how are you doing my old friend? You look like hell!

I'm in prison Big Shot Bob, how do you think I am? I hear I'm getting out soon so that's groovy I guess. Anyway how the hell are you? How's your sister Kayla? She still waiting for me on the outside?

She was never waiting for you!

You don't know that she wasn't not waiting for me.

Drew I know, trust me, man! She's fine! She's a lawyer like dad! Got a boyfriend now! They're very happy together! From what I can tell!

You like em?

No he's a prick but she does so what am I supposed to do about it? What brother likes her sister's boyfriend in the first place?

Give me his name and address and I'll handle it. It's the least I could do for all the times you helped me out back in the day.

That's a tempting offer Drew, but honestly man I could take care of this myself if I wanted too! Plus I'm not sure if you have taken a good look around, you're locked up! Do you really want to do something and come back to this hell hole?

You know Roberto, sometimes I feel like this is the only place I've ever felt at home. Like truly at home. I feel like I belong here as opposed to out there where I just feel like an outsider. But anyway I doubt you came all this way to see me for the first time in years so I could bore you to death with my woe is me bit so what's up?

Well I mentioned my sister's a lawyer! She's been following your case for sometime! She told me that you were getting out soon and mentioned that as part of your release you'll need to get a job, a verifiable job that doesn't pay under the table and so here I am to provide you with an opportunity! Oh, and Drew it's a good one!

You wanna dear ole me to work for you? I didn't know you were so entrepreneurial Bobby. What is it you do? You look like a lumberjack, do you handle big pieces of wood?

As a matter of a fact, yes I do handle big pieces of wood, every time I take a piss! Drew I work for the XWF! You remember the XWF right? Well there's these guys called The Mother Fuckers, guy named Robbie Bourbon runs them! I'm fixing to take them out and I'd like your help!

Robbie Bourbon? Why do I know that name?

Well he was in the XWF around the same time you were!


Robert lights a cigar leaning back in his uncomfortable plastic chair


No that's definitely not it Robbing for Apples. Anyway I appreciate the offer but Imma have to take a hard pass on that one. The whole reason I'm in this place is because of the XWF.

But I thought you just said you like it here? That you feel at home here!


Are you really smoking a cigar right in front of me? There is a no smoking sign right behind you. Put it out now or else? Yells the not too pleased Security Guard that earlier had escorted Drew to the visiting room.


Robert leans back, even more, looking at the no smoking sign right above his head on the wall behind him! Robert smiles taking in the velvety smooth Makers Mark smoke blowing smoke rings into the air.


Or else what?


Do you want to join your friend on the other side? Because I can make sure that happens! Put it out now sir! I'm not asking again!


Robert smiles blowing a few more smoke rings. He slowly takes the cigar from his lips putting it out with his index finger and thumb still smiling.


That better boss! Can you believe that guy? I needed a smoke, sweet Christmas! They scared someone in this shit hole will get cancer? Please, the living conditions are terrible! Cancer is the least of anyone's worries! Now Drew like I said before you feel at home here? You said it not me! No wonder you hate it here the guards are dicks!

I did say that didn't I? See Robert that's why I like you so much. You're so smart! I'm in. What do I gotta do?

Lay low! Be on your best behavior and when you get released I'll be there to pick you up! We'll work out the rest of the details then!

Sounds good. I'll see you then oh and tell Kayla what up for me! See if maybe she wants to get a drink when I get out.

I told you Drew she has a boyfriend! Are we going to go over this every day once you are out of here?

Oh Robbie you poor innocent boy, that's nothing a baseball bat to the dome piece won't fix. Anyway, catch you later pally.

DREW do you want to come back?

Possibly...Maybe...

Archyle hangs up the phone, stands up and waits for the guard to come over and escort him out of the room. The scene fades to black as Drew disappears out of the camera's view.

What does that mean? Robbie yells?


Frustrated Robbie turns and faces the camera.


What does that mean?


Fade to black.

---

---

---

---

---

Who in the fuck is Drew Archyle and why in the fuck should I give an elf's hairy little ass that he's back in the XWF? More to the point, why should him showing up as the super secret, I say that with sarcasm by the way, 3rd man of Apex mean that you the fan or any of the wrestlers on the roster give a single solitary fuck and the answer is this...

Drum roll please....

Silence...

Ok we can edit that in post production. Anyway why should anyone care about lil ole me when I've been gone for two plus years. Well here's the good news...











..you shouldn't.














WHAT?!?!?

Why would he say that?

Is what you are all saying. Don't worry about how I know that. Just know that I do.

But it's the Devil's honest truth. None of you should care about me or the fact that I am a former Hart Champion. An undefeated Hart Champion at that. You shouldn't even care that I spent the last two years in prison for something I didn't do. Probably. Or that I've been known to break peoples faces with my bare hands. Allegedly.

But here's what you should care about.

War Games.

Apex vs The MotherFuckingFuckers.

A match with so much current and former gold it's damn near blinding. Better get your sunglasses. In fact, I got some right here inside my coat, selling em dirt cheap. Yours for the low low price of just 9 dollars and 99 cents.

But I know what you're thinking because of course I do. We've established that already. I'm omnipotent or omnipresent, I don't really remember which one it is to be honest. I'm omni something obvi. So anyway, you're thinking, that's all well and good Drew but Robbie is the Universal Champion. The Engineer is the Xtreme Champion AND King of the Ring. Bearded War Pig was the TV champion like a week ago. Jim Caedus is one of the tag team champions and Robert Main is the Hart Champion. And then there's you. A guy who is on parole and somehow got a job at the XWF.

But you know what?

You ain't wrong.

As far as this match is concerned I'm a nobody. An afterthought. An also-ran.

I am, for all intents and purposes the least important person in this match.

And you wanna hear the fucked up part?

I'm ok with that. In fact I relish in that role. Every good hero story needs an underdog right?

And make no mistake about it boys and girls that's exactly what this is. A superhero story, but not the one you think.

Robbie Bourbon a man you are all no doubt familiar with by now as he has been able to vault his way from comedic enhancement talent to Universal Champion over the last two years is also one of this federations great frauds.

Robbie would have you believe that he's a man of the people, a super hero as it were, out there fighting the good fight for the forgotten man, standing up for the little guy and God bless his 3/4's of the way to a triple bypass heart because he really truly deep down in his soul, he believes it and he wants you all to believe it too. He wants you to believe that he's that guy but the truth is he's not that guy, he's that other guy.

He's manipulative. He's selfish. And worst of all, he's a liar.

He lies to you, to me, to your children and to anyone else who will listen to him.

But don't take my word for it. Judge the man by his own actions. In fact, the entire existence of the Mother Fuckers is a tribute to Robbie's selfishness.

According to my trusty friend Google the Motherfuckers actually started out as a tag team of Robbie Bourbon and Bearded War Pig. But then something unfortunate happened. Bearded War Pig disappeared to destinations unknown, something I can certainly appreciate. No harm no foul. Robbie then went out and found himself some replacements. Jack Cain and James Raven. Why? Why did Robbie do this? So he could attempt to win the tag team titles of course. Robbie wanted gold so he went out and found some guys he could use to help him get there. And use them he did. Jack Cain has disappeared because of course he did but James Raven? What ever happened to James Raven? Well he went on to win the Universal Title while a member of the MotherFuckers, a title that Robbie himself had designs of obtaining and so naturally Robbie did what any good guy would do right? He supported his friend. Helped fend off any attackers. Helped his mate establish a legacy as one of the great champions. No, no Robbie did not of that. Because that's not who Robbie is. No matter what he says. Instead Robbie turned his back on James Raven. Betrayed the very same guy he brought in to the fold. Robbie will tell you that he and James had an understanding and they probably did but an understanding is not a precursor to betrayal. That is not what good guys do. That is not what super heroes do. That is what selfish assholes do. And I would know because I've done it myself. And believe me when I tell you this. I will do it again. Maybe not today. Not tomorrow but it will happen one day. You know what they say, a leopard can't change it's spots.

But you see here's the difference and it's as massive as Robbie's nacho filled gut, I know who and what I am. I've laid it out on the table for the whole world to see. I don't lie about it and try to pretend I'm something I'm not. I'm not the hero of this tale.

But neither is Robbie Bourbon and you would be foolish to believe otherwise.

---

---

---

---

---

Moments Before The 12/6/17 Edition of Wednesday Night Warfare

What are we doing out here bro? Why aren't we inside the arena getting ready for the show?

I don't know man! I told you he's a little different! Hell, you saw it last week! Ever since he got out of prison he's felt like the government is watching him! Honestly, Jimmy, the government might just be watching him. He's a long time friend, but the guy is off his rocker. Sometimes I've got to reel him back in. You'll have to do the same, be patient with him! He'll come around! I just think he feels a little better meeting out here as opposed to inside the arena ya know!

I can appreciate that man but next to the dumpster? It's fucking disgusting here bro! It smells like Robbie Bourbon's underwear after he inhales an entire meat lovers pizza.

Are you kidding me right now? Jim I literally just vomited in my mouth, its funny though and most likely the truth! He did shit his pants in the ring against me!

Wazzzzzzzup fellas?


Presumably the "he" that both men had just been speaking about comes around the corner, the same man who had appeared in Robert Main's promos leading up to his big match on Warfare. And just like in this promos the "mysterious man" is wearing his trademark mask.


Did you guys know that you can now get tacos from a truck on the street? What a world we live in.

How long did you say this guy was in jail for? Caedus asks somewhat rhetorically.

Two years...Yeah, I know! Just let it go!

And what's with the mask man? You look like you're fixin to rob a bank.

You can be a real buzzkill beirdo. Drew remarks as he pulls off the mask.





There that better? You like my pearly whites there Jimbo?

Swell.

Hey uh Rob you could you come over here for a moment? Por favor?


Main takes a glance over at Drew and then over to Jim before acquiescing to his friend's request and sauntering over a few feet to his freshly unmasked friend.


So whats up man?

I know you and that mountain man over there are tight and all but did you happen to notice that his arms look like hairy swiss cheese?

What? What are you talking about? Hairy swiss cheese? What in the hell does that even mean man?

Your lumbersexual friend over there...he's a junkie. And I don't know if you know this or not but junkies are the least trustworthy people on Earth.

What? What did you say about me? Jim shouts as he starts closing the gap between he and Drew.

What? What I say? I was just asking Rob what kind of conditioner you use. Is it Vidal Sassoon? I've heard that stuff's big in among your people.

You're skating on thin ice bro.

I don't know how to skate. But thank you for the threat anyway. Geez Rob, you know how to pick your friends.

Ladies, ladies let's all take a chill pill here huh? We're not going to do any of this back and forth dick measuring. This is the same shit that ruined AX3. I have the biggest dick by the way! We are a unit and we need to stay that way! Now then, if the shit show is over, how about we go get some food from one of those taco carts you were just talking about? Oh, how I love tacos!

What? You can't get tacos from a taco cart out here silly goose. These tacos are from back home.

You've been carrying tacos in your pockets for the last week?

Yeah? Drew responses as if to say "what's with this guy? You don't? Where do you keep your yours?


Fade to black.

---

---

---

---

---

I mentioned foolishness earlier and that's a perfect segue to everyone's favorite Xtreme Champion, The Engineer, or Engy as he's referred to so lovingly by fans and fellow psychopaths alike. You didn't think I forgot about Engy did you? How silly of you. How could I ever forget about a guy who only moments after winning a 24/7 briefcase went on TV and showed the world that when his master says jump he doesn't hesitate to say "How high?"

Here's the thing, I like Engy. I really do. He's my kind of crazy. I dig that. It gets me off. But regardless of any of that he's also one of the best wrestlers in the federation so it really truly surprised me when I was searching the XWF archives and I came across a video of Engy professing his undying loyalty to Robbie Bourbon. A man who history has shown would offer none of that same loyalty if the roles were reversed.

Why Engy?

Why?

Why be Robbie's lap dog when you could be so much more?

In honor of the upcoming holidays Engy and because I'm poor and have virtually nothing of value I am going to offer you something better than money. I'm going to offer you an opportunity. An opportunity to ditch Robbie and the Motherfuckers and forge your own path. If you opt to accept my gift I want you to know that Apex will back you. You don't have to become a member or anything official like that. And you certainly won't owe us any sort of loyalty whatsoever but if you decide to be your own man and not a scared little bitch we will be there to watch your back for as long as you'd like us to.


Now as for Bearded War Pig, the man who filmed an entire promo while disappointing a street walker with his meat scud...

Fuck you..

No seriously.

Fuck you.

All this build up, all the foreplay, a match for the ages and the best you could do is cut some 15 second promo? Pathetic.

Former:


w/ Robert "The Omega" Main and and James Raven "Apex" Longest reigning tag team champions in XWF history at 241 days.





February 2018 Superstar Of The Month
March 2019 RPOTM For Captain Americhyle - The First Apexvenger
Winning Team War Games 2017 w/Apex
XWF Federweight Champion