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Bearded Fan Love, Episode One: Creepy Ginger
12-05-2017, 05:54 PM
Post: #1
Bearded War Pig is exiting the chubby gingers house with a smile on his face, his Boomstick slung over his left shoulder and whistling a tune. Closing the door behind him, Pig’s pace begins to quicken. Climbing in the back of the ice cream truck, before he can even slide the door down and latch it, the wheels begin to squeal, as the driver’s foot presses the gas pedal down. The jerking of the vehicle makes the contestant winner hanging out with Bearded War Pig for a day bangs his head on bare steel tubing. All three of the goons can’t help but chuckle at their fake hostage injuring himself.

Pig finishes latching the door closed while hanging onto the roll cage Pig steadily walks to the center pushing through two of the three goons. His hand reaches out and begins squeezing the pudgy face of his captive while he turns his head to left and to the right three consecutive times. Pig’s gloved hand then slides down around the man’s throat barely squeezing. The captive fan begins to shiver in fear. Not wanting to cause the man to urinate himself, he releases his grip and slaps him in a toying manner four times before speaking.

“Don’t worry too much if this goes bad it will all be over quick. I don’t think this will go wrong though, will it Timothy?”

Timothy begins to cry his eyelids close while the tears continue to flow. Timothy cannot gain control of his breathing and he begins hyperventilating. Pig slaps him in the face a couple more times and tries reaching out to him once again.

“Timothy Murphy listen to me carefully. Obey every command I give and be completely honest with every answer you give. Do you fuckin understand?”

Shaking like a wet dog Timothy nods letting Bearded War Pig know he understands clearly one hundred percent.

“Okay good then with that said, what is your full name?”

“Timothy James Murphy.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty six years old.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”


“Why the fuck not? Are you a peter puffer?”

“No. Does that mask obstruct your vision or are you just blind? I’m ugly as sin.”

“Did I ask for a fuckin explanation dip shit? So I am assuming you are probably a virgin as well.”

“Does a dog and peanut butter count?”

“What the fuck? You are one weird fucking guy. No. Your dog licking peanut butter off your balls don't count. Were you watching bestiality porn when we took you?”

“Amateur Double Penetration.”


Suddenly the ice cream truck comes screeching to a halt. Before flying all over the place BWP embraces himself on the ceiling. He then removes his .40 caliber S&W pistol with a silencer on it from his shoulder holster. His free hand grabs Timothy by the hair to lift him from his seat.

Timothy instantly closes his eyes not wanting to die and not knowing what so ever he could have done to have this brought upon him. Most likely praying to God for all the fucked up shit he’s done.

Pig almost can’t control himself, having let go of some of the disciplines he typically shows. Knowing Timothy maybe on the verge of pissing himself in REAL fear. To add to the dramatic tone Pig places the silencer in between Timmy’s shoulder blades. Even though Timbo is a lard ass, Pig is so precise with blows and fatal strikes the silencer is angled perfectly for a heart shot.

Goon three unlatches and slides the back door up so goon’s two and one can exit. Followed by Timothy who almost falls face first out of the back of the ice cream truck. Shaking uncontrollably and his eyes still glued shut. Pig shakes his head at the atrocity known as Timothy Murphy before lightly smacking Timothy in the back of the head repeatedly making him walk toward a pier. Timothy even with his eyes closed figures out where they are from the sound of waves crashing.

Suddenly BWP pushes Timothy to his knees and presses the suppressor to the back of his skull. Timothy’s teeth begin to chatter as he quietly almost to himself prays.

“Don’t bother he won’t save you now Timothy. You done fucked up! Do you know what you did Timothy? Do you know why someone like myself would be furious enough with you to the point they’d murder you? Do you Timmy?”

Stuttering in pathetic tears. Timmy responds.

“No I don’t have any clue…”

BWP pulls the suppressor back from his fans skull and places his pistol back into his holster before ripping off his ski mask and bellowing out loud in laughter.

“For not realizing I’m your so called favorite XWF gladiator by my handsome and ruggedly smooth voice. Maybe if I involved more dog anal play in my magnificently thought up skits and promotional videos for the XWF Universe! That’s right motherfucker, it’s your boy B-W-Motherfuckin P! Timothy Murphy get up off your knees, I’ve already been blown twice today and give me some Motherfuckin Boomknucks!”

Timothy obeys and climbs to his feet breathing heavily still but no more tears for now. Stunned a little from the whole ordeal from believing he was kidnapped to now being with his hero. Timothy then executes a proper Boomknucks with Pig before he speaks.

“Is this a fucking dream? No I was already killed this is my heaven. That would explain why I was on my knees in front of my hero ready to take the most amazing facial ever.”

“No man it was a joke, I am a Motherfucker bro, fuckery is one of things we are about. You won the contest I started and well you get to spend the day with me broheem! You sure do have some fucked up thoughts though man, banging dogs, and wanting my legendary facial to be a part of your heaven. It’s cool with me I am excepting of all my fans. One thing we meet eye to eye on is XWF talent, eh?”

After Pig’s last remark he nudges Timothy on the arm almost forcing a little laughter out of him. Timothy looks around noticing they are near an abandoned pier and nothing else in sight besides open road.

“Everything that has been happening is real and you’ve been broadcasting it?”

“That is el correcto mother fuck oh!”


“Because this is good shit and I made promises that I failed to deliver on but at least this one, hanging out with a fan now and again is a keep able one. So, what do you want to get into? Choice is yours if the network is cool with it and basically, they don’t give a fuck! We can go tag team a whore? Beat up a Bum? Spar? Hit up a club? Workout? Play video games? Whatever you want man.”

“Can we go back to my place first, I’d like to change clothes. You’re very intimidating as a bad guy and I believe I had soiled myself on more than one occasion on our little adventure.”

“No problem bro just means I nailed my role. Since you might have shit or pissed yourself you’ll have to hop back in the ice cream truck. My pals will escort you back and I will meet you in my El Camino. If you decide to want to go out and get some attention from my world we will be rolling in class baby!”

“Awesome, see you back at my place.”

Timothy says before he starts walking back toward the ice cream truck. Pig on the other hand steps off in the opposite direction toward his El Camino. Both vehicles pull into Timothy’s driveway. After Timothy exits the ice cream truck it backs out and takes off down the road. Pig enters Timothy’s home again this time with permission. Timothy excuses himself from his famous guest to change into something more fitting and not so fragrant of piss.

Upon Timothy’s arrival, back to Pig, he finds BWP playing his new Call of Duty WWII video game on his PlayStation Four.

“Oh shit. I didn’t take you as a video game player Mr. Pig.”

“Oh shit! Don’t ever call me Mr. Pig again bro, BWP or Pig will do. We all have a little nerd in us, now don’t we? Just because I am a bad ass doesn’t mean I can’t have fun too. Plus, video games aren’t the most unexpected hobby I have. So why you were changing did you happen to decide on what you want to do?”

“No but catching you playing my PlayStation has. Let’s stay here play video games, watch movies, and just do what our younger selves would do as if we were at a sleep over.”

“So, you want me to fall in line with whatever the host friend had in mind until his parents fell asleep. Sneak out and go bang the girl I had a crush on at that moment in time? Bwarhahahaha! All seriousness it sounds creepy as fuck! You know what? fuck it! Let’s have us one weird and wild sleep over dammit! Minus me sleeping over because I’d fear your dog might rape me or something even weirder involving your dog.”

“This is going to be the most amazing day of my life. I’ve never once in my life experienced a sleep over and now I am with XWF’s Bearded War Pig.”

Pig and Timothy go on to play video games, smoke weed, watch XWF footage online, bullshit, eat junk food, and just hang out like a couple of Motherfuckers with nothing to do.

~The End~

"Mike why have you not gotten back with me? Maybe you need more time to think about it. Ricardo probably has you pretty brainwashed. No way you stay living with that man all on your own accord. He lives like a fucking bum, you deserve better, nice basking lights, fresh vegetation. Plus with a pal like myself you'd be as happy as my new buddy Timothy. If you have any doubts or concerns just ask Timothy Murphy what it is like to be friends with a Bearded Ass Motherfucker. Hell I am sure the boys wouldn't even mind you joining our club. I know I sure would love for us to have Mike the Dragon on our side.

What an asset that would be for when we march to war, you flying over us, protecting us from our enemies with breath as hot as a thousand suns. We'd for sure be unstoppable then. So Mike I will ask you once again on live broadcasting. How about you loose that goof ass who uses and abuses you. Come on over to our side of the ring come Wednesday and pledge your allegiance to the Motherfuckers. If not you may be out of a friend because well I am coming off from loosing OUR precious Television Championship and I need something or someone to take this aggression out on and well it just so happens I was given your friend, master, or lover. So to keep it simple whatever Ricardo is to you, after Warfare he may be no more.

You are safe though. Don't worry, I could never let my anger bring me to want to hurt someone as cool and bad ass as you Mike. You are the best and that is why you should be apart of the best fucking club in the world, the Motherfuckers! Again why you are thinking about it.

Oink, Oink Motherfucker!"

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