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"The Wolf of Afghanistan" Joshua Schuler · (11-29-2017)

Bearded War Pig is lying on his back burns all over his torso from the hellish rumble he regrettably lost. The cold leather is slightly relieving from the massage table below his naked body. In walks a very seductive dragon woman, most likely on a strictly rice and fish diet into Pig’s room. The young woman blushes a little at the sight of BWP’s bare naked bubble butt, hairy but adorable, most ladies find it cute like a plush teddy bear. Pig turns his head and notices the young oriental lady blushing and giggling to herself. Before she notices he has caught her admiring the goods, Pig rolls to his side flashing his genitals, letting her get a glimpse of his Hog Leg. Only for a few seconds though before the most severe of his burns on his ribs begin aching, interrupting the flaunting flirtation.

His endowment left quite the impression on the very smiley young lady who supposedly has the most magical touch and technique when it comes to treating body burns. Pig being the military man that he is just so happens to know dragon ladies also have a magical touch when it comes to happy endings. This specific massage parlor in Lansing, Michigan well treats their clients very well and is very discreet. Plus Bearded War Pig happens to know the proprietor very well and usually has the majority of his medical treatments and procedures taken care of by Dr. Yevin Row.

Well ex doctor, Dr. Row lost his license to practice when he decided his doctorate in medicine was nothing compared to a doctorate in perversion. Pig’s friend Yevin was a high status Korean Surgeon in the Lansing area. At least before multiple accusations of sexual misconduct from patients and employees alike that he had never been prosecuted for any crime. Being a very rich and well-connected man in the America we live in, money was able to make all accusations go away. We are talking bribes and assassinations. Yevin Row is now nothing but a shady Korean businessman and Michigan’s black market miracle man.

Having severe burns as if someone had intentionally burned you would definitely draw attention at a normal hospital or burn center. Reason being BWP is lying on a leather massage table that most likely has had more seed extracted on than at a sperm bank. Pig is no stranger to shit holes, third world countries tend to be a safe haven for shit holes. Only thing that tings in his brain is all the dirty details of rough, aggressive, and passionate sexual therapy he would like to undergo with her.

She draws closer smiling like a teasing stripper with sexy anime schoolgirl giggles slipping from her wet luscious lips. Her every step so sexual even with her hands full of what looks like some kind of seaweed or plantation of some sort which will be used for the wraps instead of soaked gauze like in typical western medicine. In her smooth arms rest three different jars containing burn oils, gels, and a pain relieving ancient Korean remedy. You know some kind of sewage waste smelling gunk that will most likely have to be left on for weeks or even months.

While the young twenties Korean lady begins setting her supplies down on what looks to be a surgical tool and supply table. The table is silver, light, and able to roll as it rests on four metal wheels, with three shelves total. Just as the soaking wet vegetation of some king hits the top shelf Pig’s callused hand begins caressing the lady’s meaty part of her hip closer to the side of her petite yet bubbly ass. She freezes for a second her eyes close; her pussy lips begin to quiver as moisture begins to accumulate. She opens her eyes and continues to shakily place the jars on the shelf below the seaweed. On the second jar the massage from Pig becomes more of an over her leggings finger bang. Making her hand quake uncontrollably until the jar shakes from her grasp.

Swiftly like a ninja BWP stops the spirit finger fun for a little and swipes the jar out of mid air before it falls to pieces. Pig being confident, demonstrates his calm and collectiveness in intense situations, even while injured and in pain. Something Bearded War Pig has been accused of not being able to do multiple times by multiple people. Erik Black being the most recent of the shit birds to let out cheap peeps of verbal hogwash. Smoothly and gentlemanly he places the jar on the shelf next to first and allows her to place the third down as well. Looking to one another both Pig and the Korean hand goddess smile in a friendly manner.

Before anymore-sexual shenanigans can occur the private room’s only door flings open and in walks Yevin Row, a tall and lanky Korean. Standing around six foot four inches and most likely no more than one hundred and sixty pounds. Glasses, goofy Asian smile, black bowl cut, white silk scarf wrapped around his neck, and a flashy royal blue with baby blue pinstripe three piece suit with black suede dress shoes. Mister Row is a man of finesse and flashy stature, the type of man who wants people to know he is dirty rich.

The door slams behind him drawing Pig’s eyes to him, the young lady’s stay focused on Pig as she begins her burn treatment. Not wanting to anger her very iron fisted boss. Yevin then walks right up behind her and grabs two hands full of booty meat. His eyes roll back into his head until he feels a wave of heat coming from her already worked up vagina. Yevin’s hands retract to his side.

“Holy fucking sweet baby Korean Jesus! How in da world am I suppose to enjoy this ones sweet and sour sauce now, knowing a filthy swine like you is able to for tune her cookie!”

Yevin then thrusts his hips in the air as if he is conducting some goofy ass lovemaking. Pig chuckles a little, not too much, knowing laughing too hard will cause his ribs to burn even more from stretching the severely burnt skin. Trying to focus more on the relief the young lady’s hands are creating as she gently and subtly rubs some of the first jar’s contents into Pig’s hairy but sexy torso. His back is quickly covered for it is one of the few spots Pig is hairless. Yevin interrupts Pig’s concentration.

“Why you no laugh hysterically? Any utter time you bwarely not piss you self even just looky at me! What, too much blood to that big hog’s leg of yours and not enough to da puny American brain in your skull?”

Pig struggles holding in deep laughter at his friends over the top Korean accent. He chokes out a few words in agonizing pain.

“Fuck you! You rice dick having motherfucker!”

Yevin smiles knowing that BWP is just in pain and would rather not be laughing himself into more agony. Pretty ironic that something enjoyable is the cause of so much more suffering. Yevin not only a pervert but a prankster as well walks over to his buddy taking some of the contents from jar one and slapping it viciously on his left rib. Pig lets out a war squeel!

“Fuck! Fuck you! You dog penis eating sum bitch!”

Yevin points to the handprint of oil glazed heavily on Pig’s ribs to his barely eighteen-year-old employee.

“Chi Chi you missed a spot, make sure you rub it in deep!”

Yevin commands Chi Chi in Korean. Leaving BWP confused and a little worried. Chi-Chi then begins to softly rub the oil into Pig’s rib, he begins to smile in relief. Not liking what he is seeing, Yevin clears his throat quietly enough just to get Chi Chi’s attention. He gives her a very serious and stern look as if he was some kind of communist ruler over her. She nods digging her fingertips into Pig’s burnt rib muscle. He almost bites his bottom lip off in pain. Before releasing a vocabulary onslaught toward the poor innocent girl caught in the crossfire. Except unlike most assume Marines are very precise when they send hot lead down range. His words are strictly directed to his foe Yevin Row.

“Oh you cock smoking sum bitch! I’m talking about you, you fucking cunt! I know you made that poor beautiful Korean healer dig in like that. Just know when I am recovered, payback will be a bitch. I know where you live, where you hang out, and almost every detail of your life you dumb shit!”

Yevin laughs and then mouths easier in Korean to Chi Chi who obeys his command instantly. Pig’s eyes begin to roll in the back of his head again like he is being possessed or entered a euphoric coma.

“Oh you think you can fuck on me? Just pwayin a wittle, what da pwoblem? You need more pwain killa? Mwaybe all you can eat sushi help your bweeding pussy?”

This time Pig just accepts the pain he is going to endure as he lets out much-needed laughter after taking a heavy elimination in Doc’s Rumble in Hell.

“Bwarhahahaha! You fuckin still a funny motherfucker bro. Even if that shit hurt worse then when the burns first occurred. Fuckin XWF... I swear the amount of time I spend in their damn rings should have me invincible on the mat but well here I am!”

“Wait one fwucking minute. You mwean to twell me deez burns aren’t from some badass private military operation. Juss some fwucking wrestling mwatch?”

Pig coughs a little.

“Yeah that is what the fuck I just said isn’t, did I fucking stutter? Yeah you know I have to give the people my respect, however. I abandoned them and now I need to make it up with as much exposure as possible. Even if it means I am running on low fumes. My XWF supporters are on the top of my priority list. Which reminds me do you think I will be good for another match come Saturday?”

Yevin laughs at his friend’s question. Knowing even if he gave the order to rest longer than until Saturday, Pig would let his pride get in the way and compete anyways. With the atmosphere shifting from jokingly frat boyish toward a more serious energy, Yevin drops the over the top accent.

“Does that question even require an answer? You are a fucking Marine bro. You have no surrender in your blood. I’m almost certain the Warrior spirit in you is older than the healing spirit in me. Now that is some fucked up shit because I would like to believe once upon a time we where peaceful beings. Not saying you jarheads aren’t capable of being peaceful, but you were created to close width and destroy the enemy.”

“Bwarhahaha! Yeah not in this day and age, politics keep force-feeding the concept of winning hearts and minds. It’s like just make up your damn mind, are we the peace corps or the motherfucking Marine Corps, dammit! Probably why I am no longer an active member of the world’s most badass gun club... Too many damn limitations anymore!”

Before BWP can continue on with all that he believes has gone wrong with the Marine Corps. Yevin Row sticks him with a needle and syringe pushing a sedative and painkiller cocktail into his bloodstream. While the drugs begin to take effect Chi Chi begins running her freshly rinsed hands through Pig’s soft well-maintained hair causing his eyes to grow heavier leaving the image of Korean angel smiling down on him as he passes out.

~Hours Later~

Pig has woken and is now inside his brother Zachary’s black on black 2500 6.0 GMC Sierra. A dash cam is recording as Pig hazily speaks out to the god’s and goddesses of XWF, the fans.

“What the fuck is up, Motherfuckers?! Sorry if I am little all over the place, just coming back from having my burns wrapped up and treated. Yeah being thrown into the lake of fire wasn’t the most fun I have ever had. No, but the experience was well worth it; I mean it was a shit storm of violence and rapid reactions. I lost. Shit happens. What can I say? Don’t really have anything to say except... Chris Chaos and Jim Caedus just better not get attached to those Tag Team Championships. The Motherfuckers had their eyes on them already and well soon our motherfucking hands will be too, bet your sweet candy asses!

Now that we all have an understanding of the rumble and what is set in play because of it, let us move on...

Like to Erik Black my opponent at Savage. What a dipshit this one is. He honestly is coming at me about how Marines are brainwashed monsters. Really? He obviously has no idea what our lives demand. Yeah, Boot Camp is meant to break you down and rebuild you. Some may have been brainwashed, but not this guy. See I’ve been a freethinker my whole life. Probably why when I was only thirteen years old I decided I would be one of America’s finest fighters. Why? Because I was dangerous long before the Marine Corps, yeah they taught me many different skills and techniques. Not going to deny that but I had the strength and mentality of a protector long before the Corps.

Black said he is the true combatant and my teachings of fighting and war are subpar. Really?! So what do you train in Krav Maga, Brazilian Jujitsu, Karate, Tai Kwon Do, Muay Thai, or what? Last time I checked the Marine Corps Martial Arts Program takes the deadliest and most effective techniques from basically any Martial Arts known to man. So maybe his jabbering jaw should just close for good before I lose my patience and have to show him just how dangerous a Marine with a mission can be.

Erik if you so happen to be watching or stumble across this broadcast. Pay close attention to the words that I am about to speak. The scars on my body, the images seared into my memory, and everything I did for my country was no lie bub! You think those words are going to throw my game off? Bwarahahaha! The only one lying to themselves between the two of us is you. You are lying if by any chance you seriously believe any of the hogwash that has spewed from your mouth about my beloved Corps or me. If your plan was to get me worked up, you failed, there isn’t uh-damn thing, a punk like you could do for achievement. I see through your lies and false accusations, the people do, and after I drop you on your head with a Devil Dog Drop maybe, just maybe you’ll come to respect the men and women who keep your freedoms in tact. If not at least I got to drop a liberal commie deusch canoe on his fucking head!

Oink, Oink Motherfucker!”

~End Scene~

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