Sunday, April 30th, 2017
Dolly's Apartment
Frankfort, Kentucky, U.S.A

Dolly woke from her slumber Sunday morning in more of an ill mood than usual. She had stayed up late last night watching Saturday Savage and right as she was ready to wind down for the evening, munch on some Sour Patch Kids and check out some new Toy Unboxing vids on Youtube- a promo was making the airwaves on the XWF website.

Quote:you better be willing to go all out to keep it because I'm going to be your single toughest opponent to date

"L-O-L"

At first Dolly gave the promo the necessary chuckle or so after forcing herself to sit through it's atrociousness. She figured that she had gotten Mario wrong, and that at first he was just working a pretty cool gimmick as a one of those 30 plus year old dudes, zit covered face, overweight playing D&D in the comic shops who decides they'll partake in cosplay as one of the twenty or more people who will dress as Mario while praying to god that a mildly attractive Sailor-moon skank will ask for a selfie.

But the more she watched, the more she began to realize that this asshole actually believes he is Super Mario, yes, from the video game. This guy romanticizes traveling through shit filled pipes and shooting fireballs from his hand. Obviously he was mentally which would explain why this buffoon would just open the door to her fucking apartment, trot his fat ass inside and expect to not get attacked. Ill intent or not, you don't just walk up into someone's house. Had Dolly been one of those trigger happy, self-conscious conservatives who pray for a reason to use their gun while also being too chicken shit to join the armed services, she would have blown his head clean from his shoulders without even thinking.

The more Dolly sat up in her bed this morning thinking about it, the angrier she grew. She threw a piece of Bubblelicious gum into her mouth and started chewing so hard her jaws were turning red. The flavor was gone. So she threw another piece along with the nasty flavorless piece in her mouth and started chewing it until it too tasted like nothing. Again and again she did this until she had at least two packs of gum in her mouth. The chewing was becoming more difficult. She was breathing deeply through her nose as tears began to run down from her eyes. She had no choice but to blow. Blow even harder than Mario's shit promo.

So she blew and she blew, the bubble got bigger and bigger. She blew and she blew until she was blue in the face and the bubble began eclipsing the size of her head. She blew and blew until the narration of this arbitrary promo caused Graves and Mario to blow a proxy load at the image of their underage desire. Before she knew it, Dolly Waters had blown the largest chewing gum bubble known to man. Guinness came. Guinness saw. And just as Guinness was about to record the record in their book, Dolly took the bubble from her mouth and suddenly began floating out of her window and ascending into the heavens.

I mean why the fuck not? She's getting ready to fight the real Super Mario, who loves and totally ignores Wikipedia, in a Columbus Street Fight for the XTreme Title. Things couldn't possibly be more fucked up, right? Dolly, still in her Land Before Time pajamas floats through the air, on a crash course across the Ohio river toward Columbus. She pulls from her pocket her cellphone on a selfiestick and records some shit:

"What's up y'all?

I know it may look like I'm in quite a peculiar pickle right now-
Oops, I orta' not say that-
I know it looks like I'm fucked-
Oops better not-
Ugggghhhhhh!

God, the XWF has really taken a fucking turn for the worse, and I aint just talking about all of the cowards who are stabling up that I pointed out in my shoot the other night. I'm talking also about the fact that I can't even utter as much as a single sentence without some fucking sicko, peach-fuzzed cunt crazed baby raper in the making wanting to sniff my ass.

Whether it's:
1.Tommy "I'm a disgusting " Wish
2.Doctor knuckle-drag extraordinaire Balor inviting me to softball games like a fucking weirdo
3.Mr. I'm too fucking to realize if there was consent my cock wouldn't work because only men get me hard, Mike Graves
Or 4. The sloppy shit cleaning Italian plumber who jerks it to 2D Princess' trying to seduce me with flowers like I'm a cheap, boring librarian whore.

For Christ's fucking sake. Vinny, or Jane or someone needs to do a better job at properly vetting these scumbags before they sign just anyone to a contract. I honestly believe that John Blaq, not John BlacK- he's a baby raper to be too-, but John Blaq had more moral fortitude than half of these ass wipes and we decided to run him off because he didn't mid calling a piece of shit for what it was.

Pfft...

Anyway, let me get to the point of this promo: Super Mario. Super Duper dumb fucking who thinks he stands a game cartridge's chance in a new gen console of beating Dolly Waters. There's no cheat codes anymore pal. No fucking extra lives or blowing on a chip when things start glitching out for you come Saturday, dude. I'll be as completely and utterly clear as I can one time and one time only: I'm going to destroy you.

And it's not just because you're pure shit...

It's not just because you're not really the REAL Mario in human form, because if you somehow were that cool I'd still fuck you up...

It's not just because you're an idiot who hasn't even had his first match yet and somehow thinks he's the biggest challenge in the career of Dolly Waters...

It's because you, after I made it clear through my lack of acknowledging your existence before, still decided to blunder into my private residence and offer me a gift as a way to woo me you sick piece of shit.

I'm getting really fucking sick and tired of grown men trying to weasel their way up on my coattails to catch a whiff of something for them to go home and masturbate to- it's un-fucking-forgivable.

So come Saturday when you're lying in a pool of your own blood, shaking, shivering and screaming like Rainman in the shower and you see me hovering over you, baseball bat in my hand about to put you out of your misery, just remember where your fatal character flaw was in this entire ordeal that you probably consider some form of rivalry. This ISN'T a rivalry, bucko. Trust me.

You're not important enough for something of that nature with me- you're just a one off before I resume my war with that other pathetic excuse for a human in Michael Graves, a man who was arbitrarily thrust into the #4 overall spot in the current power rankings. The hell I unleash on that clown who is holding all of his multiple personalities hostage by attempting suicide in the form of trying to tango with Dolly will be unspeakable. What makes you think you're somehow a great threat to me? I mean honestly? Just look at me! I'm literally floating to Columbus by way of chewing gum bubble because I care that little about you.

This chance you have is a once in a life time opportunity for the likes of you, because if you were to somehow upend me and knock off Dolly Waters it would be one of the greatest upsets in the entire history of professional wrestling. I would be so fucking embarrassed that I'd maybe never show my face again- so what again does that say about you? You're of less worth than this flavorless 50 cent per pack gum I chewed up. You're a guy who considers that Dr. Psycho who copied an entire promo from Wikipedia "Your Boy". It's funny how idiot child molesters lump themselves together in a big ol' wad of collective cum during the Teen Choice Awards.

Fuck that idiot, and fuck you too you pseudo 8-bit hero. You're not Super Mario, he was an honorable man who only had eyes for The Princess and literally traveled through the bowels of some of the most disgusting sewer systems in Mushroom world to save her. You? You're traveling through real shit filled sewers in the drug infested Columbus for a chance to blow load while touching an underage girl- and if you think you're going to be in the least bit successful against me then you're in for a rude awakening.

I don't give a fuck how much of my film you've watched, because if you've actually watched any at all then you truly are because you think you're going to be the greatest challenge of my career. Jesus you pudgy wop cannoli cramming cum dumpster. I've faced off against and beaten Universal Champions. For fuck's sake, Trax, Jim Caedus and myself were named co-stars of the month because of our war at Lethal Lottery that will likely go down as one of the greatest matches of all time.

What in the fuck is going to be so challenging about a pederast failure from the Heavy Metal Weight ranks? Challenging to keep you from squealing like a little pig when I gut you open from your sternum on down? Challenging to try stopping you from rubbing one out while you watch me break a sweat? Challenging to keep your slimy sewer skin from touching mine while simultaneously beating your face in to an unrecognizable state?

I guess that'll be a challenge because no one really fucking recognizes you anyhow you irrelevant worm.

Oh by the way. That image of you burning my picture that was supposedly autographed? You couldn't afford one of my autographs, and I don't accept food stamps. Also I really hope you clip your long ass female fingernails you queer. Little Trump hands. You think you can seriously hurt me with those you dainty little bitch?

Just remember, like I said before, this is just a one-off for Dolly Waters. A warm up for the month of May as I march towards ending Graves' career at High Stakes, being named Star of the Month again, and capturing the 24/7 Briefcase.

You wanted to earn respect, so I'm going to beat some into you, Tubby- uh oh! OH FUCK!

Just then Dolly's hand begins to slip from the chewing gum and she drops her cell phone as it goes plummeting down toward the Ohio River. She grabs onto the floating chewing gum bubble with her free hand and tries pulling herself up without popping the bubble. The Bubbleicious Balloon continues it's course toward The Biggest Small Town in America.

Hang on Sloopy Dolly!

To be continued...

3x XTreme Champion
2x Tag Team Champion (w/ Vita Valenteen, w/ Charlie Nickles)
2x Hart Champion
2x Television Champion

3x Star Of The Month
August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
Tranquility: For Old Times Sake
Manifest Victory

my loves:
[spoiler]