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X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF OOC » Out Of Character (OOC) Board
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The Chosen one feedback
Author Message
Gamegenie Offline
The 16-bit Wrestler



XWF FanBase:
Classic Face

(usually cheered; very rarely plays dirty)


#1
04-28-2013, 08:13 PM

the Chosen one

Here come my newest rp ^^

any negative though our positive is welcome as usual.

Good reading =)
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Steve "KingSlayer" Davids Offline
Steve Davids



XWF FanBase:
Teens, some men, few kids

(booed by casual fans; hurts people; often angry)


#2
05-01-2013, 01:43 AM

Your clearly good with your dialogue but I don't like the fact I cannot picture what any of your characters look like due to lack of description. The humour is good, I assume you are trying to make your character look stupid in a way? Not sure stupid is the right word, childish maybe? Other than that it is good but work on your grammar too. That's all I can say really...

[Image: Gtfmgih.jpg]

3x Xtreme Champion
1x Briefcase Holder
1x Television Champion
1x Universal Champion
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Gamegenie Offline
The 16-bit Wrestler



XWF FanBase:
Classic Face

(usually cheered; very rarely plays dirty)


#3
05-01-2013, 04:35 PM

(05-01-2013, 01:43 AM)SteveDavids Said: Your clearly good with your dialogue but I don't like the fact I cannot picture what any of your characters look like due to lack of description. The humour is good, I assume you are trying to make your character look stupid in a way? Not sure stupid is the right word, childish maybe? Other than that it is good but work on your grammar too. That's all I can say really...

Thanks for your though about my rp,, i'll try my best to improve the grammar for sure.

As for the lack of description, i try my best to find good word to make everyone understand, but it's not easy when you have french like first language and those words doesn't come out quickly so i struggle a l'il bit lol.

And for your question about the direction of my character, yes i make goofy because using humor suit him very well.

XWF love funny gimmick like my character ( i guess) and the Senator ^^.

Maybe i found a way to develop his trash talk.

If any of you have some suggestion to make my character evolve, i'll take it Smile.
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Steve "KingSlayer" Davids Offline
Steve Davids



XWF FanBase:
Teens, some men, few kids

(booed by casual fans; hurts people; often angry)


#4
05-03-2013, 02:56 PM

(05-01-2013, 04:35 PM)Gamegenie Said:
(05-01-2013, 01:43 AM)SteveDavids Said: Your clearly good with your dialogue but I don't like the fact I cannot picture what any of your characters look like due to lack of description. The humour is good, I assume you are trying to make your character look stupid in a way? Not sure stupid is the right word, childish maybe? Other than that it is good but work on your grammar too. That's all I can say really...

Thanks for your though about my rp,, i'll try my best to improve the grammar for sure.

As for the lack of description, i try my best to find good word to make everyone understand, but it's not easy when you have french like first language and those words doesn't come out quickly so i struggle a l'il bit lol.

And for your question about the direction of my character, yes i make goofy because using humor suit him very well.

XWF love funny gimmick like my character ( i guess) and the Senator ^^.

Maybe i found a way to develop his trash talk.

If any of you have some suggestion to make my character evolve, i'll take it Smile.

Ah, I apologize. I didn't realize that French was your first language, in that case your grammar is pretty impressive. Your character is certainly unique and I enjoyed reading your RP.

[Image: Gtfmgih.jpg]

3x Xtreme Champion
1x Briefcase Holder
1x Television Champion
1x Universal Champion
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