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X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF OOC » Out Of Character (OOC) Board
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Feedback wanted! "American Beauty"
Author Message
ElizaThorne
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#1
10-31-2016, 10:26 PM

I posted my first RP, titled "American Beauty" yesterday to a pretty astounding positive reaction (thank you all so much!) but as I re-read it, it didn't feel quite right for reasons I can't quite put my finger on.

I'm curious if anyone else has caught the same thing and can put it into words better than I can, or just has any other bits of feedback to give.

Link below:

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=25380
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[-] The following 1 user Likes ElizaThorne's post:
Dolly Waters (11-01-2016)
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#2
11-01-2016, 02:03 AM

I really enjoyed it
3x XTreme Champion
2x Tag Team Champion (w/ Vita Valenteen, w/ Charlie Nickles)
2x Hart Champion
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August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
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[spoiler]
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[-] The following 1 user Likes Dolly Waters's post:
(11-01-2016)
Dolly Waters Offline
Always.


XWF FanBase:
The IWC
(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)
 XWF Roster Page
Joined: Tue Sep 13 2016
Posts: 761
378,131
Likes Given: 2,485
Likes Received: 1,204 in 424 posts
Hates Given: 114
Hates Received: 44 in 41 posts
Hates Given: 114
Hates Received: 44 in 41 posts
Reputation: 87
X-Bux: ✘1,156,040
#3
11-01-2016, 02:22 AM

But without re reading it, I think there were some areas where it kind of drifted between 3rd and first person narration. Maybe I'm wrong, but either way, still very good. I'll go back and read it again later
3x XTreme Champion
2x Tag Team Champion (w/ Vita Valenteen, w/ Charlie Nickles)
2x Hart Champion
2x Television Champion

3x Star Of The Month
August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
Tranquility: For Old Times Sake
Manifest Victory

my loves:
[spoiler]
Hate Post Like Post
[-] The following 1 user Likes Dolly Waters's post:
(11-01-2016)




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