Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Dolly Waters · (10-01-2016)

We see Dolly Waters sitting her room; and oh my she is looking rather stunning. Dolly is wearing a halter top and sweat pants with a TV dinner tray pulled up in front of her recliner, she’s watching some shit programming on her TV:

Chris' shit program Said:Another burp, and another crackle as the can crushed. Popping the 5th, he brought it to his mouth.

Dolly looks down at the very expensive fillet mignon on her plate, the steak is so rare and juicy she easily carves into it with a fork and butter knife, and then takes a modest size bite. Dolly is bored and thirsty, her body longs for a rich and wholesome beverage so she pours herself a tall glass of one percent milk from an old school style glass milk bottle and takes a small sip…

Chris was being lame again and Said:But I will not cry over spilled milk, that is Dolly’s job.

Dolly turns away from the television and looks directly into the camera as she empties the rest of the glass of milk on to the floor:

I don’t know why I even bother.

I don’t know why I bother listening and responding to a bunch of cock-washed promo work that nobody even cares about. Chris Chaos can’t put forth the effort to say something of any meaning outside of his standard dime a dozen bullshit, with his dime a dozen gimmick yet management treats him like he’s the second coming of something great?

Uggghhh…

Why do I even roll out of bed and go to work for a company who can’t book me anything better than this clown? I have no idea why I even bother going through the motions. How many times now has Chris Chaos alluded to me being young?

number one Said:Dolly Waters, has sent me here today to tell you that she has finally FOUND Nemo.

number two Said:Even though the match at Savage is past her bedtime

number three Said:a spoiled brat who just learned how not to pee the bed

Dolly yawns while stretching her arms out into the air, my she looks glorious, even while facing douche-bagish mockery… She’s grown tired of hearing Chris’ pestilential voice, and flips the remote to turn on her expensive looking surround system.

Ummm yeah, that’s just one promo, and I decided to stop counting. Amusingly enough it was a promo where Chris decided to dress up like Paul Heyman, go to the ring, and mimic the promo that the real Paul Heyman cut on him for being an unimaginative, unoriginal knuckle-dragging douche bag. But I guess this proves that the shoe fits doesn’t it Chris? Fuck! You even decided to copy some of Paul’s insults VERBAITM!

Chris, I know all of these flashy lights, and all the mediocre success you’ve experienced is new and exciting for you, but don’t be just another dumbass deer in the headlights every time someone rips your ass with an epic promo. Why try clutching your sweaty, Donald Trump sized hands to Paul’s coattails, are you really that fucking dumb? You look like a chimpanzee throwing someone else’s shit against the wall like: “Oooohhhh I have a great idea! I’m getting my ass verbally handed to me; maybe I should copy what they said because that will make me look like less of a lame fuck!”

Chris, you’re perplexingly pathetic.

I regret to inform you all, that I now regret even opting into this match. If this is the best that Savage has to offer me; two small dicked schmucks in a pissing match about who’s more edgy,Nico who somehow insulted me by saying I’m better than Curtis Axel, Isabella who... Ah, fuck it, what’s the point in any of this?

I sit here, and I carve into your tender asses like the deliciously undercooked steak that you all are, and then when I want to clinch my thirst with something wholesome and vitamin rich, all you have to offer me is disgusting carbon filled Perrier baby back bullshit! What a sad state of affairs. I have been called a kid, which I just so happen to be, at least thirty times since the card was released… and that’s it really. Sure there were some impressive variations; Kitt called me a preteen, which was hurtful. Chaos called me a little girl, solid work. But Nico… this mother fucker really stole the show…

Nico decided to whine, how typical; claiming the reason that his work is so fucking awful is because people no showed, yet this sorry shit did nothing all week and then decides to cut an embarrassing four minuet promo where he says he deeply respects Isabella. Uhhh hello? If that’s not a proverbial ‘no-show’, I don’t know what is…

Kristen Silver, who really isn’t showing up, has better chance of winning this match then you. You waste all that time and decide to not even threaten me? You’re a coward. When I look at you I imagine my running knee knocking your fucking head from your fucking shoulders you elf-skinned canker blossom.

The beautiful young Dolly walks over to a mirror and puts her hair up in a delightful ponytail.

Isabella Ravenwolf finally decided to show up adding the whole generic Netflix Twilight knock off element to the card, how entrancing! Well she’s an asinine little cowherd as well though, so don’t feel bad Nico, it’s no wonder you so “DEEPLY” respect her… Listen up bitch, you decided not to acknowledge the only formidable opponent in this match? That’s interesting; I guess you too lack a desire to be anything other than a worthless twat. You wanna’ play with magic? I suggest then that you get yourself a deck of cards and go hang out with the D&D nerds after school where they’ll jockey to see who can cast the best enchantment spells or whatever to get you naked; please do us all a favor hurry on over to a Salem Church and have yourself committed and burned to the fucking stake.

This all a big waste of my precious fucking time.

Chris Chaos Said:I am not capable of producing a mature insult

Ahh… are we having a moment of clarity here, Chris? Nah, of course not, but you being the pot, did call your own kettle black, I mean in what world do you consider anything you do as rather insulting or intimidating? Let me guess? When you beat up some little girl actress in the ring who looked like a stiff wind could have knocked her over? That didn’t make you look tough, or intimidating, or psychotic, or whatever in the fuck it was you were trying to prove. It made you look like an artless motley-minded special ED student, acting out his fantasy of grudge fucking a girl half his age.

I swear to God, this entire charade has left me feeling like I got booked in an episode of the Teletubbies, and I’m the wolf lying in wait on the other side of the hill about tare each of your guts out.

Dolly carves out another delectable chunk of steak. The camera pans in slowly on her mouth as she chews up the choice cut, a bit of blood dripping down on her chin. She doesn’t wipe it away; Dolly Waters appreciates the art of things in their natural format.

Time for Tele-bye-bye bitches.

Chris, what does it feel like to be up shit creek with two paddles, but being too fucking stupid to know how to use them? What does it feel like to know that Kitt Kennedy the guy who enjoys long cylinder-esque objects in his mouth (I’m talking about cigars but I do understand how easily a

promo style like this can be misinterpretated…Kitt, I'm looking at you, bitch.) will likely beat you out? How does it feel to know that your entire little world that's teetering on a crumbling pedestal is about to come crashing down all around you?

You’re shit Chris… what made you think you had a chance in the first place of beating me, what because you beat my father? And then you somehow rationalized with whatever several diluted brain cells you have left that I was a Jesus freak like him? See this is exactly what I’m talking about Chris… This is why I question even showing up every single day to verbally incinerate someone who puts forth such a feeble effort… and how do you get rewarded for your pathetic ways?

You get booked in a singles match, one which you'll lose, with Doctor D’Ville. Why? Because he beat my father, who is a shell of his former self, in one of the most garbage matches I’ve ever watched? Facing off with people like Doctor D’Ville used to mean something, it used to mean that you have put in the work, and that you had the proper skill and ability not just in the ring, but on the mic as well.

Well if this bullshit:

The Pride of Phoenix Wrestling Said:But Chris didn’t care who was in her corner, he was going to go over, around and through her if need be.

…where you navigate in and out of third person while talking at someone in such a confusing manner that you can’t tell if you’re watching Elton John or Elmo is considered skill, then maybe I need to just take my ball and go home.

For goodness fuckin' sake Said:What did Dolly call me, somber?

No, are you dense? Paul Heyman called your sorry ass somber. This is only furthering my point.

Dolly throws the rest of her steak into the wastebasket.

My point is, there’s no sense in feasting on any of you, not a single one of you deserve to be on my plate. Not a single one of you deserve to be in that ring, let alone be a champion for an entire wrestling brand.

Chaos, how many matches ago was it that you got your ass handed to you in your last title opportunity? I hope you’re ready to be reminded what that dissatisfaction felt like… as for the rest of you, relish this moment, it will be your last chance to ever do anything meaningful in life, and you’ll be able to tell your disgusting little grandchildren about the time you had the privilege of getting your limbs torn apart by Dolly Waters.

Maybe I should add some stupid little catch phrase in here at the end, maybe incorporate the name of my finishing move like:

You're all about to be drowned in the Running Waters!!!

....Nah. That's pretty lame, i'll save that type of garbage for the ill-breeding dip shits.

See y'all bitches Saturday.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode A fine day for an Ode to the few
Author	Message