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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » "Savage Saturday Night" RP Board
Torture
Author Message
Noah Jackson Offline
Very Serious Wrestler



XWF FanBase:
Hardly anyone to be honest

(booed by most fans; hurts people even when not supposed to; often angry and shitty)


#1
08-29-2019, 04:25 AM

Torture

:: Inside Noah Jackson's home. His agent, entourage and, for some reason, production staff wait around chatting amongst each other. His agent peaks out the large window to the quiet suburb, she shields her eyes as the sun beams through the glass. She spots Noah gliding on his heelies down the footpath, she snaps around to everyone else ::

"Places people!"

:: She claps as we go to Noah outside on the phone ::

"Sorry to hear about Fuzz not being your dad, mate... Can't belive that sentence came out my mouth."

"No wuckas, anyway, birthday's coming up soon, cunt. Want me fly you and the lads out, have a gaff at mine?"

"Can't you fly here mate? We've got jobs you know."

"Pfft, call in sick, cunt."

"I need the money, mate."

"I can help out with that Alex, mate. C'mon, haven't seen you cunts since the hols."

I slide on over to the door, taking my keys out of the skinniest jeans I own.

"I'm not a charity, cunt but I'll take a week off to come visit. Be nice see the states. Where you living anyway?"

"I don't even fucking know, cunt. I saw house listings and just pointed at the first one with a big pool."

"Ripper, so we'll just wander aimlessly til we find your house."

"Shouldn't miss it, mate. Gonna get 'Sick Cunt' cut into the grass at the front."

"Ah that's gnarly." There's some muffled shouting in the background. "Shit gotta go, mate. Bruce just got his head stuck in the bannisters again."

"Haha, what a cunt. Later, mate."

"Yeah see you around, Noah. Jack-o! Get the fucking butter, lad-" *beep*

I chuckle to myself struggling to fit my phone back into my pocket. Fucking jeans, cunt! I place the key into the door and unlock that shit and pass through into the hall.


"Noah!"

I jump startled like a cunt from my piece of shit agent surprising me. I DO NOT scream like a girl! I don't! Edit that out!

"Fuck me, what cunt?"

"We've got everything ready as you planned, we've made strong coffee, I have a bottle of Adderall you asked for and we have hidden every TV remote in the house. We got through Kenzi's with no major issues."

I seem to remember breaking a bottle and trying to slice my throat during that one but yeah, no major issues.

"Do you think you're ready to finish watching Sarah Lacklan's promo?"

She looks at me expectantly. I breathe heavily through my nose juggling the keys in my hand before yeeting them into the bowl next to me. I place my hands on my hips and look around to the room full of cunts.

"I thought this day would never come, I've been putting it off for so long." I slap my palms together and rub 'em. "Right, cunts! Get me a cuppa and don't stop making 'em til I vomit! You faceless intern, cunt!"

I point at said cunt.

FACELESS INTERN CUNT: "My name's Tim."

"Not anymore, cunt! Lack-o has a Twitter, get me something I can use."

My agent goes wide-eyed and looks to me.

"Noah, we tried to do that but it's like a-a slow suicide! There's so much gibberish!"

"It's an endless stream of autistic screeching for sure, cunt. But there's gold in them there hills! Faceless intern, get me anything! Even if it's just one, small tweet I can use for petty means. Get it done."

A part of my crew places a hand on the intern's shoulder as he looks like he's facing the executioner's block. Godspeed you cuck. I turn to my entourage.

"Cunts!"

They stand up straight as if responding to an army general.

"I need you cunts focusing on keeping me awake and not getting distracted."

I toss my phone at one of them and he catches it, freezing in place.

"Do not let me have that back until I'm done watching Lacklan's promo."

GENERIC CUNT #1: "You got it, Noah! And don't worry I won't look through your texts and images for some kind of blackmail!"

He smiles as I squint at the cunt.

"Yeah, I didn't think you would, cunt... Right, one of you needs to make sure I don't overdose on Adderall. I will try anything to not watch this brain cancer admitting from the telly, so you best not let me kill myself."

GENERIC CUNT #3: "Not to worry, Noah. I'll pinch your nose and pull the pill from your swan-like neck like you're a choking dog."

The fuck?

"You cunts are weird, today."

My agent leans in close.

"You were gone a while and locked every door in the house, I think we're all a bit stir crazy."

I look to her and notice how frazzled she looks and stifle a laugh. Back to the cunts.

"Lastly, I need you to keep me focused on the promo at all costs. Cover the mirrors so I'm not distracted by my beauty, keep my eyes on the TV at all costs. If I stand up to go somewhere, restrain me! Attach a catheter to me, whatever it takes! You got it, cunt?"

GENERIC CUNT #2: "You are the-"

"King!? Where you going to say king, cunt!?"

He chokes on his words and looks down defeated.

"... Let's do this."

I walk to the living room as my agent claps to hurry people.

"Just like the simulations people! Move! Move! Move!"

I take a seat with nervous energy, I will finish this cunt. My hands grip the arms of the chair as my eyes focus on the telly. A coffee is placed beside me along with two white pills and a box of Proplus. My entourage go to the back of my chair and my agent holds a remote in her hand.

She gives a nod.

I reluctantly give a shaky one back.

And it begins.




ONE LACKLAN PROMO AND SOME NOTES LATER...

[Image: M4Gz6hQ.gif]



After that, I sit distraught on the chair rubbing my temples. I look to the camera.

"Right, let's get this shitshow rolling."

"So! While this cunt Lacklan was trying her best to make a record for dumbest shit said in the space of a promo, I couldn't help but notice just how shit the shit cunt actually is."

"So, she screams about originality while the only thing the cunt has done in the past two months is either a vlog or ranting at some poor cunt all the while calling my 'parodies' lame. First of all, cunt."

"They're homages, not parodies."

"Secondly, grow a sense of humour you joyless, rat-faced shitbag."

"Are you actually that dense to think people want to see you screaming to a camera for 2 to 20 minutes? Or do you recognise that people actually enjoy watching something a touch more creative and your dull, grey mind can't seem to handle that fact? Seriously, I'd love to fucking know, cunt. Your brain must work on such a weapon-grade autistic level to actually think that YOU'RE the original one! You are a rich, bratty cunt from London who acts like royalty."

"You're a fucking stereotype, cunt."

"And that's coming from me!"

"Not just you're personality, your promos. Fuck me, feels like groundhog day. You open with a joke using impressions or you put up a comic made with some weeb app. What happened to the totally original lists you used back at March Madness, cunt? The fucking cancer you spout out of that cow's anus you call a mouth. Calling me out on stealing shit? You mean the fucking cereal deal that VINNIE LANE proposed to me? You jumped right on calling me out for that AFTER Ruby did. Fuck me, cunt, you see a bandwagon and the thought of not having your shrill voice be heard must drive you crazy because you just have to get involved in so much shit and you're always fucking last. On Twitter, you just have to chime in to every little detail because no one gives a fuck about your endless shitposts of nothingness."

"Fuck I've jumped ahead a little and created two paths for me to tangent on here. We'll go with Ruby first."

"Considering you apparently hate the cunt, you and her are the ONLY people to actually say I steal shit. Which is funny. The fact that two of you agree on this apparently makes it a fact in your dull, lifeless eyes. So with that logic, me and Kuda coming forward saying we were paid to take the fall to you must make that fact too, huh? The same amount of people coming forward, yeah, cunt? So I'll make you a deal, if I steal shit then you have to admit you never got a real win over me and you're having your handheld all the way to the top."

"Fuck I have a lot to say on Ruby too but I'll save that when I actually go against her unless the shit cunt just wants to keep talking about me behind my back and carry on ducking me."

"I am right on this yeah? It is the cereal commercial I apparently stole, right? Because you admitted yourself that I 'parody' shit and last time I checked that doesn't fall under theft. Falls under fair use, cunt."

"Oh, yeah, you on Twitter. First of thank you to me for thinking ahead of time for this one."



"So, you don't do Twitter at all you lying sack of shit? Why the fuck should we believe anyone who was denying such trivial shit like this? How the fuck can we actually take anyone seriously when they pretended to be an employee!"

"And don't deny it, cunt. The way you talk after coming out of the proverbial closet compared to when you hid that shit like a kid who pissed the bed is the exact same."

"That is hilarious."

"How fragile are you actually to pretend to have someone manage your Twitter for you? Fuck, cunt. The reason why you say dumb shit like Craxy was that you fumbled over your words and you're so insecure that you couldn't handle being wrong so you tried your damndest to make it a thing!"


I find myself speechless for a moment, my mouth froze wide as I try to suppress the aneurysm.

"I have to admire the determination but Jesus, love. That is so sad."

"Was axly the same? You fucked up speaking again and couldn't handle it? Fuck me, cunt. Everyone stutters and stumbles here and there, it's fucking human you crazy bitch. We don't try to bury that shit and say, hey, it's a meme! Everyone join into my sad, pathetic attempt of looking cool."

"This is why I couldn't give a fuck about you, yeah you annoy me, but flies annoy me. Children annoy me. You're not worth me taking you seriously as a threat because you're a fucking glasshouse and I've got a fistful of rocks. Shit, should I take you seriously because now you're in a tourney and that's your bread and butter?"



"A loss, that I know of, doesn't sound like you're a beast in tourneys."

"BuT eRmHa GaWd NoAh! ThAt'S jUsT oNe LoSs!!!!"

"Still a loss, cunt. A loss which you didn't care to bring up when you were flexing your tourney muscles in your first promo."

"Or are you going to try and bury that loss like the one you'll be getting against me and Fuzz? Sure, you may have a throwaway line in a promo no one will watch because let's face it, you're bottom tier trash at this point ratings-wise. Or will you pull a me, allegedly, and say that I didn't really win because Fuzz helped or Fuzz pinned me or Kenzi got pinned? Because despite all the 'holier than thou' bullshit you go on, you are and always will be a petty, scared little girl."

"Also you're predictable as fuck."

"I knew you wanted to post a scarring tweet or make a comment with a rolling eyes emoji after I dropped my first promo like you've done to so many people, but you're so fucking petty that me just mentioning that made you not do it. Because you're scared of other people being right. Which is fucking pathetic. Now, I'm no saint, I'm a cunt, a sick one yes, but still a cunt but if I ever act a tenth as cunty as you I'd hope for a bullet to the back of my head."

"You're predictable in your promos and this is coming from a cunt who couldn't finish any until very recently without the aid of Adderall."

"You're predictable in your responses."

"How you speak."

"How you act."

"You're nothing special, cunt."

"You try to act like a troll but come across as a cunt kid finding the joy of youtube comments for the first time. The whole Cool Kids brand is so on the nose it isn't easy funny or clever, cunt, you use Comic Sans for the logo! Fucking hell, have some subtlety. The way you rank people, trying your best to cause some high school clique bullshit. Like, heh, the fuck cunt? It's so dumb and I hope everyone sees it for the joke it is."

"You want to bait someone properly? Try luring people into thinking you only say one word over and over before calling them on their own, glaring bullshit."

"Dumb cunt."

"Just gonna move onto Kenzi for a minute, the cunt said basically nothing so I'll be quick."

"Only thing Kenzi said is that I want to fuck Lacklan."

"First, no. I have standards."

"Second, this is what you give cunt? This is literally the only thing you have?"

"Your WIFE is an advocate for doing research, being original and not being repetitive, sure she fucking fails hard at the latter two but she tries!"

"And after being married to that cunt for however long, working with that cunt, spending so long with that cunt you say 'you wanna fuck my wife' around 3 times, say I didn't take a fall a few times and then ended on I don't like kids."

"..."

"INCREDIBLE JOB!"

"Now, I don't know dick all about you apart from being Lacklan's wife but I've made it pretty clear that I don't give a fuck about research in the past. I'm only giving it a try now because I have other people to do it for me, like a sick cunt. Sadly, my poor intern tuckered himself out after looking through those tweets of Lack-os so couldn't go through your history too. I grabbed the 'I'm not on Twitter' shit a while back, because I'm a clever cunt and knew she was lying. Not research, just ammo. Maybe if you don't flake after losing I can grab some useful shit on you too, but I doubt you'll be here."

"Because you seem like a punk-ass bitch."

"Anyway, the cunt only believes what her wife tells her and I think I've proven that Lacklan is a petty, lying and dense cunt by now so poor Kenzi is getting gaslighted. I can forgive that, you become stupid when you get married, you get whipped and complacent. What I can't forgive is someone who has meant to have been around a fair while goes for the most rookie shit I have ever heard in my life."

"You're mad, because you want to fuck my wife."


I shake my head in disbelief.

"What the fuck is that? I take back any slight compliment I gave because you go for the weakest shit I have ever fucking seen."

"No, cunt, I don't want to fuck your wife. I'd rather stick my dick in a bear trap than go anywhere near that black hole of charisma."

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you for bringing the weakest trash talk game I have ever seen here. You have lowered the level of this match so fucking much, I'm astounded."

"You've disappointed everyone."

"So good job for that."

"..."

"I'm pretty sure there's more to go on but I've lost brain cells for even remembering that dumb fuck line."

"It's a good thing I hate children because that's who I'm dealing with so I won't feel bad for making them cry. We got the loud-mouthed, annoying little attention-seeking shit with her friend whose forced to wear a gridiron helmet to dinner and just repeats what her friend says. Kenzi, you suck, you just plain suck. Fuck yourself, you don't belong here. Lacklan, you had your moment in the sun but it's clear to everyone that no one gives a shit about you anymore. Fuck, you started here spitting garbage every single day to grab everyone's attention and annoy people in a thinly veiled attempt to troll cunts to make yourself feel better for a second but everyone wised up and now the only person who cares about you is some Hooded cunt who amazingly annoys you more than you annoy us."

"Speaking of Hooded Man."

"Here's some proof about me taking a fall."

"When you thought you beat me to an inch of my life when that shit started to fall on you I got up pretty sharpish and out the ring quicker than you could even react."

"A ton of shit calling you out on your own bullshit."

"Face it cunt, you get wins bought for you. You haven't earned one against me, not then and certainly not now."

"Your views on your promos are getting lower and lower, nobody is giving you those likes on your tweets and nobody cares anymore."

"Meanwhile, I'm still hot shit. Still top cunt."

"I have a legend in my corner while you have the only cunt that tolerates you."

"Neither of you shit cunts can match up to the Sick Cunts."

"Just two more baby seals."

"And when me and Fuzz enter Texas and leave another step closer to the tag belts, I'll take so much joy in leaving you two throwing a tantrum in the middle of the ring,"

"At least you'll take solace in something Lacklan, you showed me that research does actually help."

"Good job, cunt."

"Can't wait to slap you with a manila folder on Saturday."

[Image: iwofq6s.png]
FORMER:
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[Image: l6KRzu8.png]

W | L | D
226 | 11 | 81

Star of the Month (August 2019)
1/3 Star of the Month (January 2020) with Fuzz and our Subaru
RP of the Month (November 2019) with Big Disappointment
Holder of the most wins in the XWF (Mostly house shows)
Holder of the most draws in XWF (All on Anarchy)
Winner of Sickest Cunt of the Year 2020
Winner of Greatest Wrestler who ever lived 2022
Holder of the world's rarest pog collection (Valued at $200)
Owner of Ned Kaye's cat that Ned named Deepthroat for some weird reason
Voted most feared man by Centurion (Twice!)
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(08-29-2019), "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (08-29-2019), Corey Smith (08-29-2019), Shawn Warstein (08-30-2019), Theo Pryce (08-29-2019)




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