09-01-2019, 05:35 PM
Unknown Soldier appears perched on top of his crow's nest at the peak of his pirate ship being driven by Peter Gilmour. He's got an eye patch over his left eye that says "Hate Me Now" on it.
Unknown Soldier: "Ahoy ya scurvy land lovers! I be the new Universal Champion. I mean, we've already seen Main beat some shitty wrestler like 666 times already so how much more boring can that get, huh folks? It's about time someone stirred the pot and made this place fucking interesting! Let's face it my little SATAN! loving sadomasochists, just as BigD pointed out at the end of the show here tonight, and the lot of us have the same sentiment I do believe, that SOMEBODY had to make this interesting and SOMEBODY had to put a stop to this terrible little shindig that these two have been playing for far too long.
The rematch after rematch between these two and their factions is annoying. Do we just keep putting on the same song and dance until some shitty wrestler finally gives up and we hand him a participation trophy? Oh wait! We already did that by letting him parade around with some silly piece of plastic and metal and let him play pretend like a seven-year-old girl and her dollhouse! Maybe I'll give Dolly Waters a call and you two can have a fucking play date. Seriously, how many times do we have to see that same boring story where somebody physically steals a title belt, rather than win it, and acts like that's something unique and fucking clever and new! Maybe that shit was cool and interesting in some shitty fed that you used to run, but I think I speak for everyone when I say it's certainly run its fucking course and we're all fucking sick of it! Stay tuned to SATAN! vision and you'll be seeing a lot more interesting, clever, and unique things the new UNIVERSAL CHAMPION will be doing. It certainly won't be some rip-off story that a certain 'PUNK' has done before in the past.
In a matter of two weeks, I was able to ACTUALLY STEAL the Universal title by pinning Robert Main, you know, something that some shitty wrestler can't do to actually hold the title of 'Universal Champion' because he'd rather steal a piece of tin foil out of a man's pocket! If some shitty wrestler wants to parade around the XWF with some silly little meaningless piece of silver that's on him to continue looking foolish. As if I wanted that gay looking silver and shiny trinket anyways tainted by the likes of Robert's Main and some shitty wrestlers cunt juice all over it. Stay tuned folks, because Peter and I will be designing the most EPIC, BAD ASS, DEMONIC, SADISTIC, WICKED, SINISTER, MANIACAL, Universal title belt that the XWF has ever seen. Since, you know, I AM the actual fucking Universal Champion and not someone playing pretend. Quick Peter! Fetch me the crayons, scissors, and Elmers glue! It will be a symbol for all to be feared for my entire 666-year reign as the Universal champion. A symbol.... of the actual new UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!!! The true symbol of fear for all forever!
Fuck Robert Main!
Fuck Apex Prophecy!
Fuck overplayed stolen title stories from 2013 that are only interesting in some shitty fed!
If you agree, then give me a Hail SATAN! just the same as Shane and Peter!
Go on, give it a try...
Hail SATAN!
Hail SATAN!
Hail SATAN!"
![[Image: MGncwBi.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/MGncwBi.jpg)
XWF Record
56 - 20 - 1
1 (X) Universal Champion
4 (X) Xtreme Champion
1 (X) Tag Team Champion (w/ Doctor Louis D'ville)
1 (X) Anarchy Champion
2 (X) Superstar of the Month
Hall of Legends member inducted 9/27/20 at Relentless
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