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X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF OOC » Out Of Character (OOC) Board
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rayne's RPs for Shove It
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"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Offline
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#1
09-11-2013, 12:50 PM

He asked about feedback so this is going to be his feedback thread. His first RP is up: http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6491

He won't be able to reply, but he WILL see any feedback left here.
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Jessie-ica Diaz Offline
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#2
09-11-2013, 04:45 PM

Mainly, I think that as someone who talks about his "legit writing" (hate that fucking term, by the way. Just because we aren't going to try to publish something, how does that make our work somehow less of a serious task? Fucking pretentious, if I do say so myself) I just thought it would be better. Nothing about it gripped me, and the trash talk/promo segments felt like more of your OOC stuff, only with a cool little text color. That took me out of it right away, and nothing else pulled me back in. It wasn't bad per say, but I wouldn't say it was anything special.
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Archie Lawson Offline
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#3
09-11-2013, 04:48 PM

I read it but i know if I say what I actually think raYne will get angry so I'll stay quiet.

What do I know anyway, according to raYne 'I am not a reading enthusiast'.

Lol.
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#4
09-11-2013, 04:48 PM

So many colors! Holy fuck! Like Jessie said...so calm down Rainbow bright.
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#5
09-11-2013, 05:36 PM

Nothing striked me about it as being special like Jess said. Thought the use of colors was way overboard....didn't care for the David Bowie video. I am not knocking it as bad but I didn't like it either so meh
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#6
09-11-2013, 05:51 PM

I actually thought it was pretty decent. However, the whole "Believe" catchphrase is a bit forced and out of place. Nonetheless, solid. However, based off of how close this is to what he generally writes OOC, as well as the samples of work that I have seen, I see raYne as potentially getting stale very quickly, with the same themes being churned out over and over again. Only time will tell.
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"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Offline
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#7
09-13-2013, 01:18 AM

2 new RPs are posted for Shove It. He saw the feedback on the first RP and would like to know if anyone thinks he improved in the new ones, etc...
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#8
09-13-2013, 04:20 AM

I enjoyed the second actually. Wasn't too bad. I haven't read the third one yet
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Archie Lawson Offline
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#9
09-13-2013, 04:54 AM

Definitely improving. raYne if you can see this keep up the work and continue reading other RPs to improve. If you have gotten over being stubborn you could definitely go somewhere in XWF.
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