Frodo sits down in a dark cellar with just a single bulb lighting the area. You can barely make out his face and nothing else, he looks serious, unusual for him.
So, Mr. Rot God, you want to take on the Dwarf King, the Hobbit, the Lord of Little People! Let me tell you why this match isn't going to go your way. It'll be my pleasure, Dumbo, and I'll even be simple with it.
Frodo puts on his best southern accent to mock the poor hill billy.
So, when that thar bell rings I'ma come at yew fast n sheet. I'ma come harder than daddy's dick win he watched mah sister dancen at the hootoors on toosday. Is gone be hotter den a summer in Alabama, I'll tell you what. Yeehaw motherfucker.
Ok, so here's how it's gonna go down, I'm going to go low, work your legs, then I'm going to drop you hard, you will fall on the ice. I will make sure of that, and it won't be hard. After you fall I will get stomp your knees some more, then I will get on your back. I will be sitting on your back working your head as your fat ass tries to stand up, it will be fun for me. Do you know what fun is? It's that feeling you get when you start atouching yourself when you catch Eli in the shower.
You won’t be able to tolerate the cold, and what’s more the Rot can’t set in when it’s frozen outside. Cold prevents rot, mother fucker. But guess what, I’m from a frozen tundra. I love the cold, I masturbate with ice cubes. I go swimming under the ice in Lake Michigan on Christmas day, I can handle any temperature. Can you? When it’s too hot you sweat too much, and that makes your fat all a slippery, when it’s too cold you shake and shiver like a fat hick at a Black Panther rally. Fuck, I’ll even fight in a speedo, and no shoes. Can you handle that, Jabba the Hick?
Play big, bad, and spooky all you want, bubba gump, but I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid of anything you could possibly throw up at me, I’ve seen bigger and badder than you and walked away alive. I WENT CELL PHONE SHOPPING WITH MORBID ANGEL! I am the Lord of the Little People, and I will destroy the giant. Jack the Giant Slayer, up in the tundra. Call me Parker Lewis because I can’t lose. Yes, I went that old school on you, boy.
I’m not going to be sober when we fight, I promise you that, I will be as trashed as Oscar the Grouch, but I will still maintain my senses enough to demolish you, then I will demolish Eli and his congregation. Then I’ll have breakfast, because destroying rednecks makes me hungry. I think I’ll have some Eggs and Pancakes, maybe a side of bacon. Whatever they have at Denny’s, I guess. Now I’m plugging Denny’s, they better give me some free food for this shit! I love their baked spaghetti and grand slam breakfasts! Fuck you, Amos James Jr. Fuck you and fuck Amos James Sr. Eat a dick. Eat a Hobbit dick.
Anyway, I was going to ramble on some more about how much you suck, and how awesome I, Frodo Smackins, am but I decided not to. I’m going to go upstairs, pop some pills, and have a marathon of Firefly. That show is my shit, I love Malcolm Reynolds. He’s pretty awesome, yo.
With that Frodo got up and began walking out of the room before hitting his knee on a pipe, sending the hobbit into a fit of rage.
WHO THE FUCK PUT A PIPE RIGHT AT KNEE LEVEL? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THAT?! I HATE THIS PLACE! Goddammit, I’m moving, to a place with no pipes. No pipes at all! I’ll live like I’m in the 1700’s if I have to. Fucking fucking fuck.
Frodo, that pipe comes up to my ankle; most people can step over it easily. You’re just hella short.
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The following 1 user Likes Frodo mother fucking Smackins's post:
ass tries to stand up, it will be fun for me. Do you know what fun is? It's that feeling you get when you start atouching yourself when you catch Eli in the shower.![[Image: ZXX7HJw.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/ZXX7HJw.png?1)
