P.T. “Fatback” Filmour is sitting alone in his apartment after having just watched a video of Peter Gilmour giving one of the worst speeches in history to a group of kids at a library.  He stares at the computer screen for several moments, his body illuminated by the glow.  The computer offering up the only light in the entire apartment.  He scratches his bare stomach before lifting a piece of scratch paper off of his computer desk.  He had seen the video over and over again and earlier in the day, and decided he was going to call the woman that was assaulted by Rose.  How did he get the woman’s number?  He called the library.  Shit, you ask a lot of questions.

Filmour picked up his phone and began to dial the number with his sausage-like, orange-stained fingers.  It rang once.  Twice.  The woman answered on the third time.

Woman:  Hello?

Fatback:  Hey.  This is Fatback.

Woman:  I’m sorry.  Who?

Fatback:  Damn, girl!  I just told you!  This is P.T. “Fatback” Filmour!  The man gone give Peter Gilmour his fat back on Warfare!

There was a quick click on the line.  The woman hung up.  Fatback picked a stale Dorito off of his dirty carpet and shoved it in his gullet.  He dialed again.  She answered fairly quickly this time.

Woman:  Look, I’m not sure who gave you my new number after my phone was broken but I really don’t want to be associated with any of you.  I’m still trying to recover from…

Fatback:  Heyheyhey, lady!  Fatback ain’t ya enemy, ya heard?  Nah.  I’m just callin’ to check up on you.  I saw what they all done to ya, and I’m just wanted to apologize personally.  What’s your name, sweet thang?

Woman:  I’m Jen.  So, you’re one of their friends?

Fatback:  Ha!  Fuck that noise.  I mean, Petey’s the love of my life, know what I mean?  But Rose can suck a dick.

Jen:  I’m sorry.  I don’t understand.  He’s the love of your life?  You weren’t even there.  Why would you apologize for what they did to me?

Fatback:  Me and Pete go back a long ways.  It’s a long story.  I felt like sayin’ sorry about it ‘cause I wasn’t there.  You know, when I was with him all the time, we didn’t do shit like that for no reason. 

Jen:  You used to be with him?  I thought that was his girlfriend.

Fatback:  Nah, Rose is a straight up dude with a big ol’ stanky dick.  I used to be his fat.  I told you it’s a long story, calm down. 

Jen:  Either way, Rose is a bitch.

Fatback:  Word up, for reals.  Dumb as fuck too.  They know the cameras is rollin’ and they still gone try to keep errbody from callin’ the 5-0?  The fuck is up with that shit?  It’s like, “Pete, you dumbfuck!  They got you on camera that you was there to be on!  It don’t matter if you drive away or not, they gone get you, you stupid shit!”  I was always the brains of that operation, I swear to god.

Jen:  I didn’t quite understand it either.  The whole thing seemed random to me in the first place.  Why were they even at a library?  The guy can barely stream a coherent sentence together.  I’m guessing it had something to do with trying to keep kids from bullying special needs children or showing autistics that they can become wrestlers or something.  It was all pretty weird.

Fatback:  I feel ya’.  I was just callin’ to let you know I’m sorry I wasn’t there and to tell ya’ I’m makin’ sure that shit won’t happen to nobody else, ya heard?  I’m gone fuck him up tomorrow night and get back up in him where I belong and we gone be a dominatin’ force up in this piece, but we ain’t gone mess with no pretty little thing like you no more.  We ain’t gone cry ourselves to sleep outta’ loneliness anymore neither, that’s for damn sure.

Fatback’s voice cracked just a bit as he forced out that last sentence.  Jen picked up on it.

Jen:  Aww…I don’t really understand,  but…You really do love him, don’t  you?

Fatback begins to quietly sob into the phone.

Fatback:  …Yuh…Yeah…I do.  I’m sorry to unload all this on you.  I just…Damn, you know?  I mean, I don’t even know why he left me in that sewer in the first place.  I thought we had somethin’ special.  We’d been through so much.  When his parents were dicks, I was there.  When he had trouble at school, I was there…We had plans, ya know?  Sometimes I think maybe it’s just the loss of the plans and how I’m just sorta’ damn aimless that I’m really grieving and strugglin’ with, but then I see him on TV and it’s just…Damn.

Jen:  I know what you mean.  I just went through a big break-up, too.

Fatback:  It ain’t like he’s even doin’ any better without me.  He keeps tryin’ to put on a front, but Fatback sees through it.  Hell, only damn thing he been braggin’ about is gettin’ that damn title for the 11th time.  It’s like, “HELLO!  PETER!  That means you done lost that shit 10 times, dog.  Quit actin’ like it’s an accomplishment!  You got the jump on the damn King how many times?  And you didn’t get it done once.”  Fuck.  You know, Jen, I really think it’s ‘cause he already done decided he didn’t really wanna’ be with me at that point.  That’s what held him back.  If he’d just accept this shit and take his fat back, it would all be cool.  He’d be King Gilmour in no time.

Jen:  What do you mean about the fat ba…I don’t…

Fatback cuts her off.

Fatback:  Then the other thing he keeps talkin’ ‘bout like it means somethin’, is that dude he hangs out with that popped you with that bullshit got John Madison too.  AT A HOUSE SHOW!  And he STILL didn’t beat him!  How is that somethin’ you gone brag about?  I told you, Jen!  I’m the brains here.  That’s why I’m sorry, Jen.  If I’d been there like I used to be, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.  That dumbfuck, Peter woulda’ held everything back like a damn civilized mother fucker, ya heard?  I’da bitch slapped the taste outta’ that dude, Rose. 

Jen:  It’s not your fault, Fatback.

Fatback finally completely lets loose with the tears.  Every part of him jiggles as he sobs like a baby.

Fatback:  I just…I just…I know we coulda’ done more, you know?  I wish I could tell him I’m sorry.  I feel…I feel like I’m just bein’ controlin’ now and I should just let it all go and shit.  “You love ‘em let ‘em leave,” but it ain’t that eeeeee…it ain’t that eeeeeeeee…it ain’t that easy. 

Fatback begins to make that quivering, crying sound that usually comes out as a “hyuuuuuughhh hyuuuuuuuugh” noise.

Fatback:  I love him so much.  And now…And now I done said things I can’t really take back.  I mean, he actin’ dumb though, and I didn’t really do nothin’ to deserve it, but maybe if we could just tuuuuuhhhhh…tuuuuuuhhhhhh…talk about it.  I mean, Fatback is rational and all, and if he’d just explain what I did to duuuuuhhhhh…duuuuuuuhhhhh…deserve it, maybe we could fix things.  Maybe he’d take his fat back then?  I don’t know.  I’m just a big dumb piece of shit.

Jen:  Don’t say that.  You’re not dumb, and it doesn’t sound like you did anything at all wrong.  You’re so sweet and he was lucky to have you.  You really do sound selfless and he’s a complete jerk.  That’s why he’s with that guy, Rose instead of you.  Don’t you let him get to you like this, Fatback.  You deserve better than Peter Gilmour.

Fatback:  Yuuuhhhh…yuuuuuhhh…You think so?

Jen:  I know so.  Say, what are you doing later?  I think all you need is some good company and a latte or something.  What do you say?

Fatback:  I love you.

Jen:  That’s weird, but let’s meet up anyway.  Coffee on me.

Fatback:  Thank you. 

After deciding on a time (5:00pm) and place (Herb’s Coffee and Herbs), Fatback got off the phone.  He sat silently for a few moments, then searched for his pants under Mt. McDonald’s.  He was going on a goddamn date.  Fuck the haters (Rose).