And now... Smoke Man and Archie Lawson present...



The camera shows the sold-out O2 Arena, with pyro shooting around the top of the ramp and up the stage, going around and around the X-Tron in a sea of white and red. As they hush, the crowd roar to life, and the camera circles around the arena to the ovation in the crowd, with those who have brought signs holding them up to the camera to be noticed.

The commentary team of Ant and Dec begin to talk to those watching at home.

ANT: Hello everyone and welcome to Shove-It: St. George!! The XWF's triumphant return to not only the Shove-It weekends, but also to England, and active competition since the Lethal Lottery II Pay-Per-View.

The shot cuts to Ant and Dec sitting at the commentary table, leaning forward to talk to the camera.

DEC: And what a night we have in store, Ant. We have some of the biggest names ready to compete tonight, all for the glory of winning in good ol' England.

Well, to be fair, they probably don't just want to win because they are in England. You never know.

Well regardless, we're still in for a treat of a night, especially if the opening contest earlier tonight has anything to go by.

You don't say! They only went and destroyed the ruddy announce table, the staff had just spent the past half-hour putting it back together again!

Suddenly, the King of the XWF: Theo Pryce, who had earlier invaded the event with Princess Kate on his arm, leans into the shot.

THEO: I'm sorry 'mates', but could you possibly hurry the fuck up!?

Dec, who is sitting pretty much right next to Theo's 'throne' looks at him, completely flabbergasted.

I'm sorry!?

The show. Hurry it up. I'm getting bored, and you are taking forever.

Ant leans over Dec.

You'd better 'sorry' yourself, mate, you're the one who invaded the bloody thing!

Theo laughs

Oh, my apologies(!)

He holds his arms wide, showing everything around him, from the throne, to the Princess, to his own get-up.

I don't know if you've realised this, but I am the King of the XWF. The King. And you people of all should know that the monarchy are the ones who make all the rules.

Actually that's not how it works any--

Shut up, now move this along or--



The music hits, and out walks one of the co-hosts for tonight's event: Smoke Man. There is a large ovation for his arrival, the hometown lad who had brought the XWF to England for tonight.

He seems pretty annoyed, possibly due to tonight's invasion by the King. He slips into the ring and crosses it so that he's leaning against the ropes. He stares down to Theo, who is still relaxing on his throne with the Princess on his arm.

After a couple of seconds, Smoke turns back around and asks Dermot for the microphone, and he faces the main cameras. He throws his arm to his side, raising the other one with a mic to his mouth.

SMOKE: XWF... Welcome to England!!

The very lively crowd cheers.

Now I know you're very eager to get this night going, and trust me, I am as well. And we will, I promise. However, we have a little... business on our hands.

Smoke looks over to Theo and the crowd sink down to a chorus of boos.

It seems our noble King has decided to join us tonight and... quite the entrance he had. But Theo, you have to consider one thing: Tonight is my night. It doesn't matter if you're King. I'll kick you out of here if you try anything stupid, you hear me?

Although Theo does have his own microphone at hand, he remains silent, smirking up at 'the boss' with the Princess under his arm. Smoke turns back to the cameras.

So let's get this shit started, shall we!?

The crowd explode!! Not literally, of course, but rather they practically cheer the roof off the place... metaphorically speaking. Suddenly:



Archie Lawson - the second host for tonight - walks out from the curtain, to yet another shout from the crowd, who chant with along his theme song. He has a smug smile on his face, ready for his return in to the XWF to get underway. He already has a microphone, and speaks down it:

ARCHIE: Did you think you could start this without me, Smoke!? You must be more daft than I first thought. Why I didn't just take this show from you I'll never know! You damn straight-edge junkie...

For a real party to start, we need beer, and lots of it! So... free beers for everyone here!

The crowd cheer at this gesture. Smoke laughs and hands the mic back to Dermot, heading back up the ramp to join his co-host.

Consider yourself lucky that I wanted to help you Smoke. Otherwise I fear they might've killed you and left me with the damn charges for the building and everything.

Smoke and Archie both walk backstage, leaving Dermot to begin the proper event.

O'LEARY: Alrighty, ladies and gentlemen, let's get this show in the road!!

The crowd continue to cheer. Whether they do it more or less is anyone's guess.

This is an 'X-Treme Football Match', where four competitors will enter the ring along with a football referee. This ref will not count pinfalls, submissions, count-outs or anything. His job is to issue yellow and red cards as he sees fit, and there are no rules to determine what warrants these cards.

A yellow card is a warning, meaning that what you did was out of line but you can continue to fight. Recieving a second yellow after that, or just a single red card, will result in your elimination, so obviously you don't want that to happen. The winner is the last remaining competitor to have not recieved a red card.

Theo stands from his throne.

Wait a minute! This is soccer, not football!!

Oh shit.

Thousands upon thousands of 'soccer balls' rain down onto Theo from the crowd, who are booing so much you would think this place was haunted. Theo takes cover behind the commentary table, but Ant and Dec grab some of the footballs around the floor to throw at Theo, who has now balled-up. This still goes on while the competitors begin to make their entrances.



The lights shut off and green lights flash around the arena. Matthew struts out, looking like a knob while flipping off a few fans and smacking them around the face.

Introducing first, from Detroit, Michigan, weighing two hundred and fourteen pounds: Matthew Mitchell!

He grabs a woman's breast, and she slaps him hard around the face, prompting a few men to jump over the barricade to start pushing Mitchell around. He slips out, and high-tails it to the ring, rolling in and flipping of the crowd once more.



A countdown ticks on the X-Tron, and when it hits 0, Solange jumps out to some pyro.

And his first opponent, from Charlotte, North Carolina: Solange!

Solange girly-runs down to the ring and slips in, jumping from side-to-side to warm herself up.



Graves steps out to the stage. Pyro shoots around him as he raises one arm, smiling as he looks around at the English crowd.

Next, from Chicago, Illinois, weighing two hundred and thirty-three pounds: Gavin Graves!

Gavin takes a deep breath, then runs into the ring, jumping onto the second turnbuckle and throwing his hands in the air once more. Smirking, he jumps off and leans in the corner, looking cockily over to his two opponents.



The lights dim out, leaving the arena in darkness. The lights slowly come back on in hot pink, and suddenly there is a stripper pole in the middle of the ring, with quite a slutty dancer on it.

And last but certainly not least, from Los Angeles, California: Jenna Silver!

The mention of that name creates thousands of boners in the arena, as one by one the men recognize the former pornstar... and all receive 'that look' from their girlfriends and wives. Even Theo crosses his legs.

The song fades, and the four competitors walk to the centre of the ring eyeing one another up... well, one more than others. The football ref enters the ring, and readies himself to call the contest.

Matthew Mitchell - vs - Solange - vs - Gavin Graves - vs - Jenna Silver X-Treme Football Match (or 'X-Treme Soccer Match' if you're fat) Elimination-style

The ref blows the whistle and the match is officially underway. The four fighters circle the ring, unsure of how to go about this odd stipulation. Matthew seems to have a nervous eye on Gavin, but Graves seems like he hardly gives a shit.

Suddenly, Jenna runs over to Matthew and bitch-slaps him hard across the face, presumably after the way he acted to the woman on the ramp. She punches him in the dick, sending him down. Jumping on top of him, she starts slapping him senseless. Mitch tries fighting back, but Jenna reveals dem titties, and Matthew is dazed at the sight of such a perfect pair.

Meanwhile, Gavin and Solange have gotten into a scrap, with Gavin clearly dominating. Standing his opponent up, Gavin kicks her in the stomach and performs a snap suplex.

He pins, but realises that he can't pin in this match, so he stands and brings Solange with him, throwing her into the turnbuckle. She bounces off, walking right into a spinebuster from Gavin.

Gavin gets up and turns around, and is met with a face-full of slap by Jenna, who had given up on beating up Mitchell. Gavin doesn't make the same mistake Matthew had, and shoves Jenna, sending her barrelling to the other turnbuckle.

Gavin walks over to her, and starts kicking her in the gut, weakening her until she is sitting in the corner. He walks backwards as if preparing for a move, but he trips over Matthew, who rolls him up for a pin!

...Which again goes uncounted. Graves wriggles out and both men stand. Gavin knees Matthew in the stomach, making him kneel over, and follows with a massive uppercut.

Mitchell is taken aback, but is able to do dodge a running clothesline from Gavin, who stops himself from colliding with the ring post, being sure not to trample on Jenna either, who is still sitting down.

Gavin turns around, but he is met by a spear from Mitchell! He collides with the ring post, falling onto Jenny.

Solange appears to finally be recovering in the corner, but Matthew already has a hold of her before she can do anything. He puts his arm around her head, and delivers a leg-drop bulldog.

Standing, Mitchell realises that he is the only person standing in the ring, other than the ref that is. He could probably win this match right now if he could pin, but unfortunately, he can't.

He goes over to the ref and asks him how he can get the others to get a yellow or red card. The ref answers by simply saying he cannot tell, otherwise that may be cheating.

Mitchell starts to argue, but the ref is not having it. He digs in his shirt pocket and pulls out a yellow card, raising it above his head.

Matthew Mitchell - vs - Solange - vs - Gavin Graves - vs - Jenna Silver

Mitchell continues to protest, but the ref warns him about a red card. Matthew gives up and turns around, where he receives a dropkick from Gavin, bringing him down to the mat.

Gavin kneels down and starts to punch Matthew in the mouth.

Jenna is finally up and recovered. Seeing the two men fighting it out, she walks over to Solange and picks her up by the crotch. Solange tries to punch Jenna but she dodges. In 'retaliation', Silver boob-slaps Solange.

Offended, Solange pushes Jenna away, and it's not long before the two of them are having an all-out cat-fight, tugging at one another's hair and clawing at one another. All the men in the building are wooing them on, whereas the women are rolling their eyes.

Solange wriggles away and stands, as well as Jenna. Being as dramatic as she is, Jenna starts to walk away, no longer bothered with fighting Solange. Annoyed, Solange kicks Jenna in the back of the legs, forcing her to fall down in a heap.

The referee blows the whistle, and runs over to Solange. He digs in his pocket and pulls out his red card for Solange!

Matthew Mitchell - vs - Solange - vs - Gavin Graves - vs - Jenna Silver

She looks at him in disbelief, and Jenna is on the floor, laughing her ass off. Apparently the ref saw it as a 'dirty tackle', and that means she must be 'sent-off'... or eliminated, whatever takes your fancy.

Solange storms up the stage and to the back, infuriated over 'these stupid rules'.

Jenna gets up and decides she'd like to actually fight for a change. She goes over to Gavin, who is still beating the shit out of Mitchell, and drags him away by his short hair. He stands and smiles at her, checking out her body while doing so, as well as her lovely 'personality'.

Jenna breathes quickly, shocked. She instinctively raises her hand to slap Gavin...

But he ducks out of the way! But the slap connects...

With the referee!!

The yellow card goes in the air once more!

Matthew Mitchell - vs - Solange - vs - Gavin Graves - vs - Jenna Silver

She begins to apologise, but it is too late! She already has her first strike! But Gavin is behind her...

He gets her into the dragon sleeper! Jenna's trying to fight but she can't, she just can't! One by one her limbs grow limp, and in the end there is just one fist in the air trying to fight it...

And it falls down!

Gavin smirks one last time before performing his finisher: Cradle 2 the Grave!!

Gavin stands, pleased with his work, but walks into a Rock Bottom from Matthew!!

For the second time in this match, Matthew is the only one left standing. He kicks Gavin in the stomach, forcing him to sit up-right, only to boot him in the face to send him back down, stomping on Gavin's face once more when he hits the mat again.

Matthew sighs and exits the ring. Looking under the ring, he pulls up a string of chains, of all things. He smirks and slowly wraps them around his fingers, and balling it up into a fist.

Going back in the ring, he sees that Jenna is recovering, and is almost back up. He walks over to her and punches her right to the temple with his chained-up fist.

crack

Jenna is busted wide open, and she is bleeding like she's on a particularly bad period. The men in the crowd literally scream 'NOOOOO!' at the fallen pornstar.

Mitchell laughs and turns around, waiting for his other opponent to rise and meet the same fate. Surely enough, Gavin tries to stand, and is almost to his feet when Matthew walks over, preparing to strike.

The fist goes down...

And it is caught by Graves! Gavin twists Matthew's arm around until he screams, and delivers a brutal clothesline. Matthew goes down but springs back up, trying again to hit his mark.

Gavin dodges the shot, and delivers a German suplex. He rips the chains from Matthew's fist and does the same to his own.

Springing off the ropes, he tries to jump and hit Matthew fist first, but he is able to roll out of the way.

The two both rise and join into a very intense lock-up, appearing to curse at one another.

Their strength evens each other out, and they both repel one another. They both try for a clothesline and connect with one another, and they are both down.

But they do not stop, as they are clawing and scratching at one another. It seems that their previous disliking for one another has gotten pretty heated, and now they're not bothered with being flashy.

It is at this point that Jenna uses the ropes to rise to her own, shaky feet. She reaches them, but collapses onto the ref, who helps to prop her up while also keeping an eye on the fight. She regains her foot-hold on the mat and stands normally.

She looks at the ref affectionately, as if he had saved her from a fire-breathing dragon or something. She traces his jawline with her fingers and whispers in his ear:

JENNA: I'm not wearing any underwear, why don't we go and have us some fun?

The ref looks at her with the most stern look in existence, and is about to reach in his pocket.

Jenna notices this and tries to stop him...

By flashing her breasts.

The ref pulls the red card out, but can help but look at her beautiful 'twins'.

Matthew Mitchell - vs - Solange - vs - Gavin Graves - vs - Jenna Silver

Jenna has a strop, but leaves the ring (without putting her top back down), as the ref blows the whistle once more... as if the match had ended... What the!?

Smoke Man waltzes out of the curtain with a football in hand followed by Archie holding a microphone, both of them smiling at down to the ring, where Gavin and Matthew are still scrapping.

ARCHIE: Boys, I think you've had enough fighting for one evening, so how about we play a game!?

The crowd cheer as Smoke drops the ball to the floor, putting his foot on it to keep it from rolling away.

Of course, there can only be one winner, so why don't we make this interesting and have a little penalty shoot-out!?

The crowd cheer again.

SMOKE: The goal will be this entrance, and you must shoot from about five metres away - so the top of the ramp. The first person to save a the other person's shot will win. But don't think you can miss on purpose, because if you do, you lose!

Gavin, I suppose since you hadn't recieved any cards, you should go first! So get up here, the both of you! And Matthew, get in goal!

A song starts playing around the arena as Matthew and Gavin make their way up the ramp, and the crowd chant along to the tune!



Matthew stands ready at the goal-line, anticipating Gavin's shot.

Gavin runs up to the ball and takes his shot.

Mitchell performs an impressive dive to one side... but it goes in on the other side. Gavin and the crowd cheer, and Archie and Smoke both shout down the microphone:

SMOKE & ARCHIE:GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!

It's now Matthew's turn. He puts the ball down and looks up at Gavin, who appears to not care all to much. Mitchell steps back and runs up...

And it bounces off the post. Not a miss... but not a score either.

Bored and annoyed, Theo Pryce resurfaces from the announce table and throws an American Football up the stage, but is bombarded with more football from the fans. Where are they getting them from!?

Mitchell smiles and has his second go, waltzing over to the spot and readying himself. He takes a couple steps back and runs up for his shot...

But he stops just before kicking the ball, which makes Matthew dive once more. With an open goal, all Gavin has to do is tap it in. And he does just that. The crowd join in for the next shout of-

GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL!!

Gavin is in front of the goal once more, with his hands in his pockets. Matthew is on the other end of the football, ready to strike.

He runs and strikes... and it's good! It careens to the net!

But it stops... huh!?

Gavin had caught it!? The ball was coming right for him, and all he had to do was raise his hands over his chest!

Mitchell throws his arms in the air, annoyed with himself for that shot, and leaves for the backstage, so that Gavin can celebrate his victory!!

WINNER: Gavin Graves

The crowd begins to chant a tune while Gavin celebrates around the stage.



Theo is at the announce table, arguing with some fans, yelling things like: 'This is soccer, dammit! Soccer!!' and 'At least I'm not the ugly one you gap-tooth-tea-consuming assholes!'

Gavin's celebration comes full circle, so that he is facing Smoke Man, who he had some troubles with before. He stops his celebration and smirks. Without a word, he holds out his hand toward Archie, who quite gladly hands over his microphone and leaves. However, Graves blocks Smoke's exit.

You know, Smoke, it's been a while since I've actually talked to you, man to man. I was afraid you had forgotten little ol' me for a second.

Smoke goes to leave, but Gavin blocks him again.

I hope you hadn't forgotten my little plan for tonight: the one where I ruin this whole fiasco for you. And now that I've won... now that I've proven myself to be better than Mitchell... I'll prove myself to be better than you. By ruining your evening.

Have fun, Smokey. I know I will.

And with that Gavin finally leaves. Smoke shakes his head and walks off, as the cameras fade once more...

---

Shove-It: St. George will be back after this commercial break!

Still have yet to get pinned. Thanks for the night Smokey but I'm out of here!

Hey Jenna, The Princess has to go home soon, wanna sit on my throne?

(12-07-2013, 06:51 PM)Theo Pryce Said: Hey Jenna, The Princess has to go home soon, wanna sit on my throne?

REAWWY? Of course I will, Theo!

Oh you do?

(12-07-2013, 07:53 PM)Liz Hathaway Said: Oh you do?

How can I say no to that offer, Lizzy? Don't worry ill come see you in a bit ok?

You're always welcome Michael. If you have any trouble with security you just let me know.

(12-07-2013, 07:55 PM)Michael McBride Said: "You should have took me with you Theo. I would have thrown a few nail bombs....I mean happy bombs into the crowd for them to stop throwing those damn soccer balls at you."

FOOTBALLS.

(12-07-2013, 08:05 PM)Jenna Silver Said:

(12-07-2013, 07:53 PM)Liz Hathaway Said: Oh you do?

How can I say no to that offer, Lizzy? Don't worry ill come see you in a bit ok?

Ugh... What am I goin' to do with you?

(12-08-2013, 04:34 AM)Liz Hathaway Said:

(12-07-2013, 08:05 PM)Jenna Silver Said:

(12-07-2013, 07:53 PM)Liz Hathaway Said: Oh you do?

How can I say no to that offer, Lizzy? Don't worry ill come see you in a bit ok?

Ugh... What am I goin' to do with you?

Not what, who, and there's plenty of King Theo to go around.