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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Lethal Lottery 2 Entire Tourney + PPV RP Archive
Tony Santos, and why he's the true MVP of the Lethal Lottery
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Egyptian Snow Pharaoh Offline
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#1
11-23-2013, 01:55 PM




Do me a favor, Pharaoh, and throw our pal Tony Santos a bone this week. We already know how easy it would be to cut him down and verbally bury him before your match, but why not make it interesting? I'd like to test your ability to blow smoke up one's arse. Make Tony look like gold so it's that much more of a conquest when you defeat him again. Understood? Excellent.



Ahead of my schedule, I arrive somewhere I am not expected. Ah... I take in a deep, fresh breath of air as I reflect for just a moment; the final round of the Lethal Lottery. Was there ever any doubt I'd be included? The physical aches and pains of this tournament are of little bother to me as I crack my neck and then rub my shoulder for a few seconds. It's good to feel like I've been through a battle instead of feeling like I walked over a trail of ants. I am in full control of my body and senses once again after our recent session with Chuck and I've been instructed to take care of something today. Let's see if I can get this done as quickly as possible...

I walk into Steve Sayors' office without knocking and catch him on the phone, which he nearly drops out of shock when he sees who just came in. I remain silent and wait for him to finish his call, and once he hangs up I tell him that it's time for an interview. Of course he fumbles around in excitement with some papers on his desk, pushing through them to find a pen and a pad of paper– "You're not going to need any of that. I just want you to ask me one question and I'll take it from there," I say as I grab the pen from his hand and toss it aside. He nervously agrees and we enter the next room which is where many of the standard one on one interviews tend to take place. He sits down and compliments me on my attire today; a pair of black business slacks and a black button up shirt with short sleeves. The top three buttons of my shirt are left open, so that could of course be what drew his compliment. My hair is pulled back into a ponytail and I'm wearing a pair of black on black sunglasses with a dark red lipstick that isn't too overpowering. My tight, black leather gloves are very small as to not get caught on anything or give me trouble handing objects. They stop just before my wrist and they have an adjustable zipper that I have half unzipped for circulation. If you see me coming at you with these gloves zipped, run for your fucking life.

"So, what is it y–"

"You can stop right there, Steve. The only thing I want you to do is this..." ...and as I lean forward to whisper into Steve's ear, he nods in agreement and I almost smile as I sit back in my chair and fold my hands together over the top knee of my crossed legs. Steve adjusts his tie and clears his throat...

"Hello and welcome, Egyptian Snow Pharaoh," begins Steve Sayors with a slight hint of nervousness in his voice. "Can you tell me the tale of Tony Santos and his great Lethal Lottery journey?"

Steve fails to repeat exactly what I told him to ask, but this is close enough... I finally get to tell the story of Mr. Santos' legendary journey to the top of the Lethal Lottery mountain where he will embrace final battle. Let's start at the very beginning of this story; it almost feels like yesterday that we were learning who the ten captains would be. "I think we all remember the ten captains and the draft for Round One, so let's begin with that," I say as I take the sunglasses from my face and set them to the side. I decide my button up shirt is a little too constricting, so I remove it altogether since I'm wearing a small shirt under it. Next I reach behind my head and Steve can't help but stare at my breasts while I remove my hair tie and let my hair down. If I'm going to be sitting here for a few minutes, I might as well get comfortable and look good doing it. My beauty is the spice of my domination, but we're not here to talk about me this time. Let's begin.


The Tale of Tony and the Lottery


I remember it like it was one blink ago. Tony Santos is chosen as one of the captains who will have the privilege to hand pick three warriors to march into battle with. Tony goes on to draft Sebastian Duke to his team as his first move — a move so strong in fact that it left the other captains looking at each other and wondering if they might have to be facing the already impressive looking team of Captain Santos. The continuing drafting sessions would see Tony move on to a somewhat questionable choice next. While Cam Lang had managed to draft Theo Pryce and Egyptian Snow Pharaoh to his team by the end of the second draft round, Santos had willingly picked up Andrew Morrison. This got people talking... was it a good move or a mistake? Morrison did have a rather lackluster record but perhaps Santos and Duke's combined abilities would more than make up for any possible shortcomings from Morrison. Yes?

That might have rang true in the end... had Captain Santos not elected to draft Salman Van Dam to his team as the final member. To Tony's credit he did have very little to work with by that point in the draft, so some might argue the point that Van Dam was indeed a "decent" choice given what Santos had to work with. Perhaps Santos and Duke could help elevate Morrison enough that the three of them combined can barely make up for SVD's lack of talent and passion? That may have been a possibility had Egyptian Snow Pharaoh not been on the opposing team, which now also consisted of the brand new arrival — Dr. Zero in the flesh feathers. "Team Lang" would go on to emerge victorious over "Team Santos" when Egyptian Snow Pharaoh locked Salman Van Dam in his own patented submission hold, increasing the pressure so much that SVD had no choice but to actually submit to the very maneuver that he's failed to win his own matches with for years. The entire team, including Tony Santos, is effectively eliminated from the tournament.

The headlines would go on to say many things, but none as noteworthy as: "Egyptian Snow Pharaoh has knocked Tony Santos out of the Lethal Lottery in Round One"

Or would they?

They never did say that, did they? In fact, before that night ended, Tony Santos found himself back in the Lethal Lottery tournament. The critics have had many things to say about this, but this is where I personally start crediting Tony Santos. This is where I see a chance to "build him up" so that when he stands across the ring from me Wednesday, somebody in the audience actually believes that his team stands a chance against Dr. Zero and myself. Many would argue that on the night of Round One, Tony's world started crumbling worse than he'd ever managed to accomplish prior. I, on the other hand, beg to differ — I'm calling it the start of his glory. Hear me out.

Really hear me out. I am not pulling a gag of sarcasm here. I am not some joke.

Think about it; Tony may have been eliminated by me in Round One... but who wouldn't have? Any of those four person teams on that night would have fallen just as hard in Team Santos' shoes. You can not hold it against him when he finishes second to someone of my stature. Furthermore, what other man could have done what Tony did? By that I mean earning his way right back into the tournament by being the most impressive superstar on the roster for the entire month prior. This man stood atop the mountain and earned the right to be called the best of the entire month of September and he did it convincingly. I have looked back at the tapes and done the research; the man had it "in the bag" that month as some might say. He deserved to be September's Star of the Month and nobody else came close... thus nobody else would have been acceptable to place back into the Lethal Lottery tournament. That one eyed, corrupt, delusional snake known as Shane had no choice but to recognize Tony for his accomplishment. Well done, Tony. Well done. As I said... nobody else was in a position at that point in time to do what Santos did.

As far as I'm concerned, it was victory in the books for Tony Santos in Round One.

Round Two would see Santos paired up with an interesting individual who seems to have an affinity to young children of both sexes; the constant child molestation charge battling brawler known as Dean Moxley McGovern. Dean and Tony would end up being the center of controversy as Dean actually managed to take the fall from Mystica at the same time Tony was pinning Liz Hathaway. The match was called some fashion of a draw that saw Tony Santos and Mystica both advancing as a result of their simultaneous pins on the apparent weaker links of the match. Some might say this was the second round that Tony failed to get it done and advance with a clean victory, but I call it another situation that only Tony Santos could have battled through and kept his head above water in the end. That was no easy match he was taking part in, and Mystica is no slouch. I can tell you that first hand from crushing him and his Congregation mates for the Trio Championships — Mystica is not the man to take lightly and he can snatch victory from just about anyone who isn't Egyptian Snow Pharaoh. The fact that Tony Santos was even conscious enough and in a clear enough state of mind to steal a fall at the same time Mystica was doing so is a testament to Santos' endurance and ring presence. Quite simply put — anyone else would have been to put it delicately... fucked in that match and Mystica would have advanced with his team mate in Liz Hathaway instead of the fall being split like it was. Tony Santos accomplished the damn-near impossible once again in Round Two.

From here we'd see things take a very intriguing turn as Tony Santos and I are drawn together as partners. Tony's accomplishments from round to round continue to double and triple; here we were just moving into the week of Round Three and Tony had already won his match. Without so much as lifting a finger or even sobering up enough to realize who he was teamed with yet, he had already won. Who else was able to say that in Round Three? Who else eventually stumbled their way into the realization that they had a bye in Round Three because of the sheer invincibility of their partner? Nobody. Santos is not one to slack, however... This man contributed just as much to the match as anyone else could have with me dominating it in the defining moments. Tony Santos played his role flawlessly in ensuring that I'd have no trouble splattering Kimmy K on the canvas and pinning her. It may have been my own oversight by not realizing how badly I had splattered Kimmy K across the mat, because somehow her leg must have been stretched out far enough to be touching the rope during the pin. The referee called for the bell but now that match would be forever corrupted; it wasn't a clear and decisive victory... and if anything, the blame could have been pointed to me on that night. Tony Santos had done everything right that night and that entire week actually; starting with how he "won" the lottery by gaining me as his partner that week.

If anything by this point in the tournament, Tony is looking even more impressive than I am. Am I right?

Round Four would see the unthinkable happen...

Tony Santos once again hits the million dollar, blindfolded, behind the back, half court shot with a greased basketball. He actually draws me as his guaranteed winning column payday again for Round Four... and if anyone knows anything about the law of averages, there was no chance in all of existence for me to falter again. There would be no questionable endings this round... and as fate would have it, we'd be given the exact same opponents again. Kinwrathi and Kimmy K were quite possibly the unluckiest duo in the history of randomized teams. I went into this match considering the week prior a "loss" of sorts by my own standards; I went into this match to set the records straight and erase any shadow of doubt from the minds of the onlookers. I thrive off of the trembling that I sense when I am mere inches away from another person and the feeling I experience when I unleash raw, unbridled dominance is comparable to the most intense orgasm imaginable. Round Four would end exactly as Round Three should have — I am left in a position to destroy Kimmy K in the center of the ring... and I do just that. One, two, three. No more controversy. Tony repeated his flawless performance from the week prior, and I of course tore through this match with a scathing vengeance.

Tony Santos has done everything right, all the way from being chosen as a team captain... to repeatedly being drawn to team with me in the later rounds. These accomplishments and the others I've highlighted here today are why I am taking Tony Santos very seriously. I'd be a fool not to. The man would have been Star of the month again had I not arrived and taken it for October. The man would have won his match on his own in Round One if I had not been his opponent. The man would have claimed the actual falls in the last two rounds of the Lethal Lottery if I had not been the one claiming them. This man is always that close to me... nipping at my heels and waiting for his chance to catch me off guard — and there's nobody else even notable on the entire XWF landscape who has come close to doing this. Everyone else has rolled over and died for me, but Tony is right there under my boot even though he already took a bullet from me in Round One.

Nobody else could have done this and still be this strong of a name in the tournament.

Nobody else could have beaten so many odds and won so many lotteries within the lottery.




Now I just wish there was something to say about NAZI...


I get up from my chair and just as Steve Sayors opens his mouth to say something, I palm his face and shove him back so hard that his chair falls backward and he rolls out of it onto the floor. "I told you I was only taking one question today, Steve. There's no reason your mouth should have just been opening," I say sternly as I exit the room and go about my business.


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[-] The following 10 users Like Egyptian Snow Pharaoh's post:
#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick (11-23-2013), Dean Moxley McGovern (11-24-2013), Dr. Zero (11-24-2013), Great Buzzard Eli James IV (11-23-2013), Gunner B.Layfield (11-24-2013), Jenny Alvin (11-23-2013), Liz Hathaway (11-26-2013), Peter Fn Gilmour (11-23-2013), Theo Pryce (11-24-2013), Tony Santos (11-24-2013)




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