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Dr. Zero · (11-02-2013)

There were two separate parades in Parts Unknown today. One, of course, was to celebrate Halloween which is easily the most important holiday to the citizens there. You’d know he reason for the other parade if you’ve been paying attention. You see, the other was to celebrate Dr. Zero’s victory, with Dr. Casey Jones over the stinky beard known as Eli James IV and his blob of a partner.

The Halloween parade was largely neglected in favor of Dr. Zero’s celebration. The whole town was there. Baron Von Karloff, The Abominable Octoyeti, Chris from down the street, and Tim Burton just to name a few. Only one was missing.

Dr. Zero.

Well, that’s not exactly true, and for that falsehood this narrator does apologize. The remaining members of city council that weren’t Dr. Zero or his Minions had been kidnapped and were being turned into Minions themselves while the rest of Parts Unknown was occupied with the pretty floats.

“Entertainment is the opiate of the masses,” they say. I guess. Let’s be honest for a minute. I’m making this all up as I go along.

As the last of the councilmen had changed, effectively handing over complete control of the city to Dr. Zero, the doctor felt a tingle cross his skin. “Odd,” he thought. It was something more than goosebumps. He excused himself to his private quarters and observed himself in the mirror.

At first, everything seemed normal. Skin, a healthy pinkish, brown. Nails were intact. Nipples exactly where they belonged. Head, still with feathers and a beak. But, suddenly things started to change. With a twitch and a pink mist, he found himself staring into the visage of Eli James IV. With another, Egyptian Snow Pharaoh. A third had him peering into the eyes of Cam Lang. This went on for several minutes, Dr. Zero not able to control the transformations.

Eventually, his body settled on a girl, perhaps in her mid-20’s. What was strange is that Dr. Zero had vivid memories of all the others, but this girl was at once familiar and foreign to him. Did he know her?

The feeling that came over him was also odd to him. It felt as if an insect (butterflies?) had inhabited his stomach. He vomited a pink sludge. As he looked down, he noticed her attire. The girl had meticulously fashioned herself to look like a punk. Very much like a Hot Topic employee.

He looked back into her eyes. The feeling in his gut, while seeing it as a nuisance, was somewhat pleasant to Dr. Zero. He reached, yearningly, toward the mirror in a desperate attempt to touch her face.

He longed for her. He missed her. He had known her. And yet, he could not remember why at all. This was unacceptable.

“Alph!” he shouted into his intercom. “Yeah, boss?” “Bring me a vial of the transformation formula, would you?” “Yes sir. Be right there.”

Alph scurried with his 8 robotic spider-like legs into Dr. Zero’s office, sloshing around in the solution that kept him living. A robotic appendage extended up to Dr. Zero, handing him a blue vial.

“Lookin’ good, Dr. Z,” said Alph in reference to Dr. Zero’s current appearance. He gave the doctor a flirtatious wink.

Dr. Zero ignored the jokes and swallowed the concoction. It took several moments to revert back to his normal, poultry-like self. As soon as he had, he excused Alph and dug the strange artifact he had received from Egyptian Snow Pharaoh’s Masters from his large, oak desk.

He tinkered with it momentarily, until the top opened and a cloud of gray smoke billowed out of the top. It formed two ominous eyes. A voice whispered to him.

“Dr. Zero, you seek answers.”

“Yes,” he replied.

“We shall go to a place more private.”

Within the blink of an eye, Dr. Zero found himself standing on the moon, surrounded by all manner of glowing lights hovering about. The smoke spoke softly, again.

“The girl,” it said.

“Who is she? I must know. I have never felt that way before. I have never met her before, so there is no reason I should have a sample of her DNA. The transformation should have been impossible.”

“She is from a past that is not yours, Dr. Zero. A past that you stole, and destroyed. You are a liar and a thief, Dr. Zero. So great of one, in fact, that you have indeed deceived yourself. The girl loved you, and you loved her. Love is a thing you are not capable of anymore. Why did you do it, Dr. Zero? Was it because the boy was a coward? Because the boy was lazy? You just could not sit idly by and watch as the Universe tore itself apart for him. You had to intervene. Was it to save him, Dr. Zero, from the forces that preyed on him? Was it to save him from a life of insignificance? Or was it to save yourself from that same fate? Was it too much to bear to watch the Universe come to an end without taking part first-hand? You knew you were worthless during The Event. So you hijacked the catalyst himself, that poor boy, and decided to drive him to your own ends. It will not play out the way you hoped, Dr. Zero. It will not play out the way you want.”

Dr. Zero closed his eyes, trying to make sense of what the thing had told him. He had only vague recollections of the things that had been discussed. When he opened his eyes again, he found himself in his bed. Alone.

“Dude,” he said. Then he went back to his diabolical work.

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