The following is a dream of Hunter Payne, sometime between yesterday and tomorrow. This means logic is thrown out the window, as well as copyright infringement, if anything you can call this parody of a dream Hunter Payne once had or will have. This is "A Payneful Day In Oz"... Part 3!












-Hunter slowly wakes up to a small black arm over his chest. Hugging, embracing, and keeping him warm. It's safe to say Kevin is sleeping with Hunter. Kevin is murmuring in his sleep. Hunter tries to remove himself from the bed without waking anyone. Before he can Kevin snuggles up closer to Hunter and sleep talks right into Hunter's ear-


Kevin: You gonna learn... what a long dick look like today...



Payne: NO THE FUCK I'M NOT!!!



Kevin: AHHHH!! WOAH!





CRASH!




-Kevin's frightening comments scare Hunter into yelling, which caused Kevin to wake up frightened, screaming, and sent him falling off of the bed. In turn, that causes Jonah to wake up from his bed on the other side of the large room, and Zach..... no Zach is still knocked out on the floor, actually he might be dead... Jonah takes off his sleeping mask that was covering his eyes (very gay to sleep with one of those by the way) and goes to help Kevin up-



Jonah: Oh my gosh! Let me help you up Kevin!



-Jonah tries to help Kevin up, which leads to Kevin pushing him off because he didn't need help. Then that's when Kevin noticed Jonah had some morning wood packed in his PJs-



Kevin: AHHH!!! Jonah get your dick away from me!



Payne: Hahahahaha!!!



Jonah: Woah sorry!



-As Jonah hides his shame, Kevin runs up to a vertical base-



Kevin: Jonah! I'm going to fucking kill you! "Just me! All day! Everyday!..



-Kevin's catchphrase makes Hunter remember they are on a mission to get to the end of the yellow brick road and they are already a day late-




Payne: Shit, why are we still talking here?! We gotta get going!




-Kevin gets offended-



Kevin: Excuse me? Can I finish? You don't see me interrupting you during your catchphrases...



Payne: Sorry Kev. Go ahead.



Kevin: Thank you... -cough cough- "Just me! All day! Every day! Wake up! Go back to sleep! You ready to go night night nigga?! We all ready to go night night nigga!..."



-After a long pause and a look of confirmation from Hunter-



Payne: You done? Great, now we have to go!



Jonah: What's the rush? It's scary out there.



Payne: Said the guy with no courage!



Kevin: Grow some balls nigga!



-Hunter turns his attention to Zach-



Payne: Uhh... Is he dead?



Kevin: Probably...



Payne: Whatever, he isn't important right now. I don't know if you two had noticed, but if Zach wasn't a braindead-vegetable-scapegoat, Well... we'd all be dead right now!



Jonah: No, the wicked witch of Joy wants to turn you into her next flying headless monkey, remember? So me and Kevin would probably be dead, and you would probably be her newest monkey.



-Never again!-



Payne: Geez, Thanks for clearing that up Jonah!



Jonah: Your welcome.



Payne: Asshole.



Kevin: Look damn it! Enough arguing!...I think we could all agree on one thing here... Jonah is a cowardice lil' bitch...



Payne: I second that...




-Suddenly Zach starts murmuring incoherently. As to say he agrees with Kevin's assessment of Jonah as well-



Jonah: Hey Zach is alive you guys!



Kevin: And he also thinks you're a bitch!



Payne: Look guys, we're wasting too much time here! I need to go back home!



Kevin: "The old me is dead and gone... dead and gone... Ohh!"



-Hunter gives a look of anger to Kevin so he would stop singing-



Kevin: Sorry Hunt...



Payne: Now we need a strategy for getting past the wicked witch of Joy.



Kevin: I liked our last strategy!



Payne: We had a strategy last time?



Kevin: Yeah, using Zach as a shield so we can getaway! AHHH!!!



Payne: Alright, plan 'human shield' noted. Jonah you got any ideas?



Jonah: Well I suppose we could always go back to the forest because it's the neutral zone.



Payne: What the hell are you taking about?!




Jonah: No witch can enter the forest. It is the neutral zone. I thought you guys knew that?



Payne: No we didn't know that! This would have been great information to know earlier Jonah!



Jonah: Hey I guess that's why she didn't look for us in the forest huh?



Payne: Damn it Jonah, what else do you know?!



Jonah: Just what is on this little paper I found a while back...



-Jonah pulls out what looks like a ripped old piece of paper ripped out of a book from his pocket. This fucking cocksucker had it on him the whole time?! Hunter immediately snatches the paper from Jonah's hands-


Payne: Okay,


-Hunter reads-


"Each witch is separated by the forest in which none of them may enter or they will melt a horrible death. Thus successfully dividing them among their kingdoms, with the forest acting as a neutral zone as well as the of Oz's castle. There are four witches, each witch holding the key to defeating another, so it was vital that they were separated. With the command they must appear to whomever call of them in their kingdom."



Payne: That's why she attacked us right outside of the forest! Kevin called her a bitch.




"The first witch is The wicked witch of Josephine Olga Yosemite, or JOY for short. Often seen as a tyrant to her people, it is said WWJOY has the ability to turn mother nature into a bitch, by use of her attitude. The second witch being, the Wonderful witch of Kind Kitten Kimberly or KKK for short, having the ability to use glitter. Which may not seem important until you remember glitter has replaced Lead on the periodic table in Oz. Both of these witches hold the key to the others weakness as..."



Payne: That's it.



Jonah: So what does it mean?



Payne: It means her weakness is...



Kevin: What the fuck?!



-Hunter and Jonah look over to see Zach is up to his feet and find that Kevin was snooping around Jonah's shack while Hunter was reading. Kevin pulls out a gun out of Jonah's closet-



Kevin: Jonah why the fuck do you have a gun?!



Payne: You have a gun?!



Jonah: Uhh yeah...



Kevin: You mean to tell me! I almost got killed by a bunch of fucking flying monkeys! And you had a gun the whole fucking time?! That's it! I'm seriously fucking you up now!



Payne: Jonah you fucking... Well I guess we should have seen it coming. All cowards have guns...










-Out of nowhere the roof literately blows off the place! It's WWJOY and her headless winged monkeys Swifty, Caliy, Rainy, and Lenny-



WWJOY: Ahh boys, long time no see.



Kevin: Nope, "You gonna learn today!" Eat lead biaaatchh!!!

CLICK!



CLICK!



CLICK!

Kevin: What the fuck!



Payne: Jonah, what the fuck is wrong with your gun?!



Jonah: It doesn't have any bullets...



Kevin: Are you fucking serious right now?!!



-Kevin hurls the gun at Jonah's head. Hitting him hard. Hunter picks up the gun knowing it still might come in handy later-



Jonah: Oww!



Payne: That's what you get!



-After watching their comical back and forth, WWJOY finally speaks up-



WWJOY: Enough!!! Seize them my pretties!



Kevin: Fuck that!



-Hunter notices a bucket in the corner of the shack-



Payne: Kev! Throw the water in the bucket over there!



Jonah: NO!



-Kevin runs over to the bucket and throws it at WWJOY, hoping she would melt-




WWJOY: OMG! WTF! AHHHH!!!!




-It was a pee bucket. Kevin just threw a bucket full of pee at Joy. Pissing her off immensely-



Payne: EWWW!!!



Kevin: Well uhhh.... BOOK IT NIGGA!!!



-Kevin runs out as fast as he can in his Nikes and Hunter follows-



WWJOY: Get them! And deliver his Nikes to me! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!



-WWJOY's headless monkeys go after Hunter and Kevin. Jonah and Zach give up immediately. Jonah because he is a coward and Zach because he is still braindead-

---

-Kevin and Hunter are on the run, back on the yellow brick road. The flying jobber monkeys aren't far behind-



Kevin: Hunt, weren't you about to say her weakness in there?



Payne: It's glitter Kev! Her weakness is glitter!



Kevin: So we're going back to the midgets?



Payne: Yes Kev, you will be reunited with your people.




Kevin: How can you joke at a time like this?! FUCK!




-Kevin and Hunter are about 50 yards from the forest entrance, but they notcie WWJOY and her monkeys are right in front waiting for them. So they run to some bushes on the side before she spots them-



Payne: We are sooo fucked Kev.




Kevin: Nah, I got you my nigga!




Payne: What?




Kevin: I'm going to run out and distract them, and once they get me, you run like your people that cross the border. AHHH!!!



Payne: Alright Kev. I appreciate it man.



Kevin: Yeah, even though it should have been Jonah this time, punk bitch!.. Just do me a favor, take my Nikes for safe keeping?




Payne: Hell yeah!


-Kevin and Hunter take off their shoes and are about to swap, when Kevin pulls his Nikes away-



Kevin: But give them back!




Payne: Yeah of course.



-They try again, but Kevin pulls his Nikes away again!-



Kevin: I'm serious nigga!



Payne: Kev! I got you!



-They finally switch shoes and Kevin looks like he is regretting his decision-



Kevin: Alright Kev! Get pumped! Who's big? You're big! ARF! ARF! ARF!



Payne: Do what you gotta do Kev.




-Kevin finally jumps out of the bushes and starts hollering to get the witch's attention-



Kevin: HEY YO BITCH! DID FUCKING ALL THOSE MONKEY GIVE YOU AIDS? OR WERE YOU THE ONE TO GIVE IT TO THEM?! AAHHHHHH!!!!




-That did it! WWJOY and her aide monkeys rush over to chase Kevin. Kevin, to his credit puts up a good fight (like most blacks) and leads Joy into a police-like chase down the yellow brick road. She eventually catches him, seeing how no man is faster than a flying broom. -



Hunter runs towards the forest... The last thing he heard from kevin was...



Kevin: Eww! Damn bitch, you smell like piss!




HUNTER MAKES IT!




-Hunter continues to run through the creepy forest, he notices a few landmarks, the house from Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood, and the tree that killed itself earlier. After some time, he makes it out of the (what seemed longer) forest. Knowing the witches respond when called Hunter begins to yell-




Payne: HEY WONDERFUL WITCH OF KIND KITTEN KIMBERLY!!! I NEED GLITTER!!!



-Words Hunter never thought would come out of his mouth. In addition to that, WWKKK begin to appear from a cloud in the sky-



WWKKK: Glitter! Glitter to all!



-Glitter begins to fall from the sky, all to Hunter's excitement-



Payne: Yeah, I need bags full of glitter and maybe a few glitter bullets.



WWKKK: Why?



-Hunter thought WWKKK wouldn't approve of him trying to kill her fellow witch, so he tried to come up with a lie on the spot-



Payne: I'm uhhh... redecorating...



-Hunter waits for approval-



WWKKK: Hmmmm, alright. Take all you need.



Payne: Awesome!



WWKKK: Hey where is your short friend?



Payne: He is waiting for me to return with glitter!



WWKKK: And why are you wearing his shoes now?



Payne: We swapped...



WWKKK: So you're decorating with glitter and you swap shoes?



-I think she thinks we're gay! Fuck, that's such bullshit-



Payne: Don't ask don't tell.



WWKKK: Alright, and why do you want glitter bullets?



Payne: For my glitter gun? Wow, You ask more questions than the border patrol!



WWKKK: Just making small talk. Take all you need.


-With a stroke of her wand a gigantic cauldron full of glitter-










-Hunter starts to get as much as possible, as well as sweet taking WWKKK into making him some bullets made of glitter, which sounds weird but remember glitter replaced Lead here in Oz, so it's plausible... Who am I kidding none of this shit is... but it's Hunter's dream so accept it!-




Part 3 ends with Hunter getting his glitter weapons ready, plotting how he is going to save his friends... and Jonah. Then finally see the of Oz and get home before his Lethal Lottery tag team match.

TO BE CONTINUED...