Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Dr. Zero · (10-22-2013)

“WEE-OOO WEE-OOO SECURITY BREACH SECURITY BREACH SECTOR 779 WEE-OOO WEE-OOO…,” the alarm system Dr. Zero had installed repeated over and over again in his laboratory located in the very heart of Parts Unknown. Sector 779 wasn’t a very important sector, truth be told. It was the entrance to the laboratory. There were still numerous checkpoints to pass before you’d stumble upon anything of grave importance. That doesn’t mean Dr. Zero didn’t keep it guarded, however.

Before going any farther in this story, I feel I should let you know that, as the narrator here, I do not approve of Dr. Zero’s actions in any way. I much preferred the way things were before. When things were fun, you know?

The alarm had only been on for a moment before Dr. Zero got word of exactly what it was. “Uh uh fuh buh nu guhguhruh,” Nurse X alerted him. “CURSES! It can’t be! How does the demon even know we’re here!? DISPOSE OF THAT RUFFIAN IMMEDIATELY!” Dr. Zero commanded. “Wuh wuh shuh huh wuh uh lusuh uh tuhpuh huh uhwuh,” she told him...Only slightly more intelligible than she had been in the past.

“YES! Do that. We can’t kill him, but we can certainly teleport him far, far away from here.”

With that, the order came down to teleport the invader away. The command was carried out swiftly. The alarms quieted down. Nurse X approached her boss.

“Oo stuh huh uh guh uh thuh luhbuh,” she informed him.

“A guest? What guest? I’m expecting no one today. There is work to be done, Nurse X!” Dr. Zero protested.

“Uh duh muh wuh ugh muhduh uhn huh hunnn,” she told Dr. Zero.

“Oh! Well that certainly changes things, now doesn’t it? Get him in here. We need to observe the creature on his head.”

Nurse X briefly leaves the room and returns with a man in, what appears to be, his mid-40s. There’s a large protrusion jutting from his forehead. His cheesy, brown suit says he’s either a detective from the 70’s or a pimp. Dr. Zero notices a large Bible in his hand. Minister? Close enough. The preacher is taken aback by Dr. Zero’s appearance.

“Gah! My name is Dick. Good to meet you. I’m…sorry for my shock. It’s not every day you run into a man with a…”

“With a chicken head. Yes. I understand. So, the beast on your head…Is it merely cosmetic?” Dr. Zero asks.

“Actually Doctor, it’s not a beast at all, in fact. In fact, the Lord speaks to me through him. He tells me to do things,” the man ominously explains.

“What sort of things?” Dr. Zero inquires.

“Well, he’s the one that told me to start spreading the Word and telling people about the Lord. He’s the one that told me to let all the people know how dangerous their sinful lifestyle is, in fact.”

“Hmm…Interesting. Why are you here, then? Surely there are problems if you sought me out.”

“No, sir,” Dick says. “In fact, he told me to come here. You see, he also tells me to punish the sinful, in fact, and…Oh, God…The pain…THE PAIN!!! IT HURTS!!! ARRRGGHHHH!!!” The man’s head explodes in a cloud of blood that showers the room. Dr. Zero and Nurse X are both completely unmoved.

The creature that was in Dick’s forehead inches close to Dr. Zero.

“You…You’re him…The body…Not…What…I expected…” the small, fleshy, worm-like creature said.

Dr. Zero squats down low to observe him.

“Alph? Is that you?” Dr. Zero asks, seemingly recognizing the creature.

Alph looks around suspiciously. “A…pleasure to…see… you again…Dr. Zero. I…can’t…breathe…need…guhhhhhh...” The creature closes its eyes and goes limp before Dr. Zero. Realizing the thing cannot live on its own, the doctor acts quickly and places Alph in a glass container hooked to a tube.

“Nurse X, quickly. Vitamins B 12-96 with a healthy mixture of caffeine and blood from Subject 10,” he commands her.

She acts swiftly and plugs a tube into the container before inputting several commands into a computer. The glass container fills with a clear liquid which lifts Alph. His eyes open.

“Thank you, Dr. Zero,” Alph says, graciously.

“It’s the very least I could do for an old friend. So, what brings you to the laboratory?” Dr. Zero inquires.

“I came to warn you. I’m sure you already know he infiltrated this place moments before I was invited in here. He will not stop until he gets the host back. We both know how lazy he is, but this is something he’s wanted since the dawn of time…At least since the 60’s...And he blames you for stealing it away,” Alph cryptically explains.

“How absurd. He was foolhardy in his usage. I have grander plans than he ever did and I shall not be stopped by such a ruffian!” Dr. Zero shouts as he tinkers with the base of Alph’s new body. Eight robotic legs sprout forth from under the container, giving the worm-like Alph a metallic, spider-like body. “See what this does for you.”

Alph leaps from Dr. Zero’s hands and runs around the blood-soaked room before going straight up the wall and onto the ceiling. “Haha! This is wonderful!” he proclaims, sloshing around in his life-giving liquid. He leaps onto a counter so that he is eye-level with Dr. Zero. A serious look comes across his face…or so I believe. It’s hard to tell with either of them.

“I also came here to…well…ask for help,” Alph says with a bit of a quiver in his voice. “I’ve sorta come on hard times.”

“Preposterous! You are one of the most vile, conniving, intelligent individuals I have ever come across! There’s no reason at all you should be having a difficult time getting work,” Dr. Zero said.

“Yeah? Well, vile and conniving don’t always pay the bills. You saw what I came in here with. A preacher. There was only so much influence I had over the guy. No matter what, all we were watching was TBN or Eli James IV matches.”

“Eli James IV matches, you say?” Dr. Zero perks up.

“Yeah, man. That guy’s rants are so boring and his moves…Jesus Louisus…I can recite them for you like a play,” Alph says. Dr. Zero begins to twiddle his fingers.

“Gooooooood. That’s good. I actually DO have work for you, Alph. Plenty of it, in fact! What I would like is for you to go with Nurse X and allow her to wire you up so that we can copy your knowledge of Eli James IV onto my superior brain. BUT BEFORE THAT…Yes, before that…I need you, in your new, skittering body…To hunt down every member of the XWF roster, and gather DNA samples. Any way you can. Cut them, scrape their toilets, siphon cells from their pillows…Anything you can think of, Alph. This way, I can transform into them all and be ONE…STEP…CLOSER TO GALACTIC DOMINATION!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

“All of them? That’s gonna’ take forever,” Alph says. “I mean, I’ll do it, I just hope you don’t want this done by tomorrow, is all.”

“All of them. Except for Peter Gilmour. His cholesterol is otherworldly, and I do not wish to die an early death of heart failure just because I morphed into him.”

“Completely understood. Alph, out.”

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode In Fact
Author	Message