The following is a dream of Hunter Payne, sometime between yesterday and tomorrow. This means logic is thrown out the window, as well as copyright infridgement, if anything you can call this parady of a dream Hunter Payne once had or will have. This is "A Payneful Day In Oz"... Part 2!





-We start the second part of this dream with Hunter and Kevin walking down the yellow brick road-


Payne: I have a feeling we aren't in Los Angeles anymore Kev...



Kevin: I know... Hey Hunt, you think we're walking on gold?



Payne: Nah, then they would call it the golden brick road.



Kevin: Oh, well... I'm still taking some brinks with me on the way back.



-As the two men keep walking they eventually walk into a forest along the yellow brink road-



Payne: Fuck I hate forests!



???: Yeah? Well the forest hates you as well!



Payne: Who said that?



???: I did!



-Hunter and Kevin look around the forest, but don't see another human. What is going on? -



???: Over here!



-Hunter and Kevin look and find that an angry old tree yelling at them. Kevin walks up to the angry old tree-






Kevin: Hey. You better watch your tone! Don't you be talkin to me and my boy with that attitude or we gonna have fuckin problem. Got it?!



Talking Tree: Am I supposed to be scared of you little man?




Kevin: Little man?! AWWW HELL NO! Hunter get me a lighter! Smokey The Bear be damned! I'm gonna start a forest fire in this bitch!



Payne: No Kev, he... uhh... it... isn't worth it!



-Hunter holds Kevin back from the tree-



Talking tree: Hey I know you! Aren't you the one who rakes my fallen leaves?



Payne: AWW FUCK NO! This old fucking...



Kevin: Nah chill Hunter! I got this bitch!



-Kevin starts circling around the tree like a detective in a interrogation room-


Kevin: What? You think you're so cool because you're about a thousand years old? Must be nice to not have any legs? You ugly lazy bitch! You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to cut you up into pieces of paper and write my next autobiography on you!



Talking Tree: -Fake snoring- What? We're you talking?


Kevin: Okay... you wanna play like that? Well this dawg is about to mark his fuckin territory!



Talking Tree: What?



-Kevin unzips his pants and begins to pee on the talking tree-



Kevin: "You gonna learn today! You gonna learn what a LONG DICK look like today!!!"




Talking Tree: AHHHH!!!! IT BURNS!!!! AHHHH!!!!



Kevin: That's years of alcohol abuse that's burning.



Payne: Ewww! That's worse than waterboarding...




Kevin: Enjoy the golden shower bitch!



Payne: It smells like asparagus! Gross!



-Hunter walks away not being able to handle the smell, eventually Kevin catches up-




Payne: Done back there?




Kevin: Yeah.

BANG!

Payne: What was that?



Kevin: That asshole tree probably shot itself. It was pretty depressed after I pissed on it.



-Can trees commit suicide by shooting themselves? Oh well, logic doesn't exist here remember?-



Payne: I wonder how much farther...



-Out of nowhere Kevin gets knocked to the floor by somebody running the opposite way, both men are down-



Payne: Oh shit!... Jonah?



Jonah: Shit I'm sorry Kevin!



Kevin: Get the fuck off me Jonah! And watch where your going!




Jonah: I'm sorry, please don't hurt me.



-Hunter notices Zach (From Hangover Fame) is following Jonah, but couldn't keep up because of how fast Jonah was running-


Payne: Jonah, what are you and Zach doing here?



Jonah: I heard screaming in the forest and then a gunshot so I went to check it out.


-Hunter and Kevin avoid making eye contact with Jonah knowing exactly what was screaming and why-


Payne: Geez, I don't know.... Hey Zach.



-Zach has caught up but doesn't respond-



Payne: what's his problem?



Jonah: I don't know. He just woke up acting like that. Not saying a word. I'm thinking, he probably overdosed.



Payne: Overdosed huh? Hey maybe we still are in Los Angeles Kev... He looks like he's had a lobotomy.... Wait. That's it! I think he is missing a brain!.. Or what little brain he had to begin with anyway...



Kevin: Close your mouth Zach! You look stttupid!



-Kevin tries to close Zach's mouth manually with his hands-



Kevin: Ewww! The freak drooled on me! "PINEAPPLES NIGGA PINEAPPLES! "



-Zach kind of looks like Festus with his mouth open. Remember him?





Jonah: So what are you guys up to?



Payne: We're following the yellow brick road.



Jonah: Why? Are you trying to see the great of Oz?



Payne: Who?



Jonah: The man that can make all your wishes come true. He is the one at the end of the yellow brick road. I would see himself myself to ask for courage.... but I don't have the courage to go.



-Does that count as Irony?-



Jonah: What would you guys wish for?



Payne: I have a huge tag match coming up! I just want to go back home!



Kevin: "Back home! The old me is dead and gone! Dead and gone! Ohhh!"



-Kevin repeats those Justin Timberlake lyrics whenever Hunter says "Back home"-


Jonah: Nice shoes Kevin!



Kevin: Thanks, I stole them off a dead guy. Cause I'm a thug like that!



Payne: Hey, but Kevin lost his Hart. Have you seen it?



Jonah: Can't say that I have sorry. Do you have any leads as to who took it?



Kevin: The Wicked Witch of Joy! Evil bitch!



-Just as Kevin said that, the luminous white clouds in the sky darkened as if it were going to rain-



Payne: Oh shit!



-Thunder is heard. In the distance we can see The wicked witch of joy arrives from the sky via broomstick. She has a numerous number of headless-winged bird-monkeys with her-



WWJOY: Did somebody call me?! Muwahahahahaha!



-Joy does that evil witch laugh perfectly. That shit is scary-



Payne: Who are ye?! Thy evil succubus?!



WWJOY: Really Hunter? Are you going to play dumb?



Payne: How do you know my name witch?



WWJOY: Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe because I was with you for almost a year!



Kevin: Damn Hunt! You be fucking evil witches in your spare time?



Payne: I have no idea what your talking about bitch of... uhh I mean... witch of Joy!



WWJOY: Maybe this will refresh your memory... ATTACK MY PRETTIES!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!



-Just then Joy's headless winged bird-monkeys charge towards the protagonists of the story-



WWJOY: Go Swifty! Go Caliy! Go Rainy!


-Hunter takes note of the fact that one of the headless winged monkeys stayed with her... Lenny-



Jonah: -Cries- AHHHHH!!!! OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!




Kevin: Fucking book it!!!



-The four men run into the forest to hide.... Except Zach, because he's braindead and all. He doesn't make it very far and gets pecked and clawed... well not pecked, because they're headless, but clawed. Yeah, Zach is being clawed at by jobbing... I mean jabbing bird-monkeys-



Kevin: Witches be crazy!



-The three men split up in the forest to hide. While WWJOY swoops down to the ground. And calls off her headless winged monkeys-




Payne: -Whispers- That fucking crazy witch!




WWJOY: Hunter? If you can hear me, just know I could easily make you my newest pretty, anytime I please, however I have things to do at the moment, so it'll have to wait. See you very soon Hunter...




-WWJOY gets on her broom and flies up-




WWJOY: Come on my pretties!!!!




-Swifty, Caliy, Rainy, and Lenny follow-




WWJOY: Oh and you might wanna scoop up your friend when you have a chance! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!




-WWJOY and her pets fly away from the scene. The guys wait a couple minutes before returning, just to make sure she's gone-




Payne: WHAT IN THEE FUCK WAS THAT?!!!




Kevin: It looks like an angry ex wants to turn you into her pet monkey!




Payne: Been there, done that! Hahahaha.




-Nobody laughs at Hunter's joke about him being Joy's pet monkey again. Jonah checks on Zach-



Jonah: Hey guys, he looks hurt. We gotta get him back to my place... It's just up the hill of the regular grey road over there.



-Jonah points where they need to go. Off track from the yellow brick road by the way-



Payne: Alright fine.



Jonah: Okay help me carry him.



-Hunter, Kevin, and Jonah attempt to carry Zach, not realizing he is the heaviest of all them, and probably the fattest person in Oz-



Kevin: Fuck it! He's a goner!



-Kevin throws his portion of Zach's body on the floor-



Payne: Come on Kev. It's not that far.



Kevin: Fine. Damn!



-Hunter lied... Well technically Jonah lied... Just up the hill my ass! It took hours to drag (literately) Zach's fatass back to Jonah's house. Effectively taking them off their schedule and exhausting them. It was now evening time and the sun just went down-



Jonah: You guys can spend the night if you want.



Kevin: Really? No shit Jonah! Just up the hill you say?! Fuck you! That shit took us all day!



Jonah: I'm sorry guys.



Payne: Whatever, let me go to sleep! I just want this fucking nightmare to end already!



Jonah: Well as you can see I don't have much room. Zach and Hunter can share a bed and you'll bunk with me Kev.



Kevin: Hey yo! FUCK THAT! Zach can stay crashed out on the floor. You can sleep with yourself and dream the dream of a guy that doesn't have the courage to come out of the closet... I'm sleeping with Hunter tonight.



Payne: At this point, I don't care! Goodnight!



-Hunter falls asleep leaving Jonah and Kevin to argue about the sleeping arrangements. Who knows who he will wake up next to. As weird as that sounds-




The adventure continues in the morning as Hunter seeks to go to the end of the yellow brick road and have The of Oz grant his wish to go back home. As well as having Kevin get his Hart back, Zach get a brain, and Jonah to get courage. And on top of that Hunter has to avoid getting turned into a slave-pet headless winged bird-monkey of the wicked witch of Joy's... But for now Hunter will sleep in his dream... Is that possible?

TO BE CONTINUED.....