-Hunter Payne is straight chillin' in a hotel room in San Francisco on his way back to Los Angeles. Despite being cheated on and kicked out of his stable, he is in a pretty mellow mood, maybe it just hasn't hit him yet, unlike those steel steps last Monday night! (Self-inflicted Burn!) Just as the adrenaline rush is wearing off from his beating Wednesday, Hunter starts getting a killer headache, we hear a knock on his hotel door-

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

-Hunter opens the door and a short black man barges in uninvited-



Payne: KEV?!


Kevin: YEAH BOIII!!!


-Kevin was a short black man, famous for comedy of some sort-





Payne: The fuck you doing here bro?


Kevin: Well I heard Joy stomped your heart out... Like she took your heart and just murdered it... I mean I heard she just grabbed yo heart...


-Kevin grabs Payne's chest for dramatic effect-


Kevin: Out your body, and threw it...


-Kevin throws the imaginary heart he pulled out of Hunter's chest on the floor-


Kevin: And she just stomped the shit out of it!


Kevin proceeds to stomp the shit out of Hunter's imaginary heart he threw on the floor-


Kevin: Just like AWH! -stomp- AWH! -stomp- AWH! -stomp- AWH! -stomp-
then AWH! AWH! AWH! AWH! AWH! -continuous rythmic stomping-


-With Kevin the sound effects are necessary-


Payne: Alright Kev! I get it! But I'm fine!


-Kevin now out of breath from all his active stomping, attempts to respond-


Kevin: -Heavy breathing- You... could have... told me that... before I... stomped the shit out of your heart... Bitch!... Almost as bad as Joy did! AHHHH!


-That's how Kevin laughs most of the time, AHHH!-


Payne: Funny Kev, but what do you want?


Kevin: Joy's number. AHHHH!!! Nah, but really I'm here for you... Unless, you were really gonna give me her number?.. No?... Alright, whatever, just thought I'd ask.... But honestly, I'm here to be your cupid. Ima get you laid TONIGHT nigga!


Payne: My cupid?? Well your certainly short enough! AHHHH!!!


-Hunter laughs like Kevin to mock the way he laughs-


Kevin: Hey man... That's fucked up. You know I'm sensitive about my height! Real talk...


Payne: Sorry Kev...But seriously, what do you want?


Kevin: Man, I'm here to cheer you up. I'm talkin' bitches! Clubs! and... Uhh... more bitches!



???: Someone say bitches?


-Hunter and Kevin look towards the hotel door that was left open. It's Jonah. If he looks familar, he has had a few minor acting roles-






Payne: Jonah?! What in the hell are you doing here?



Jonah: Oh well, Kevin texted me and... Well... what did he say?



-Jonah pulls out his phone and begins to read Kevin's text in a monotoned voice-


Jonah: "Hey what up" N- word "shit be crackin at Hunter's hotel"...


Payne: Wait... He texted "N- word"?


Jonah: No. Well I'm not going to say it!


Payne: You're censoring yourself?


Kevin: Hunter, he can't say it!


Jonah: Thanks Kevin.


Kevin: he's white. I'll kick his ass if he says it.


Payne: Yeah, I can see that.


Jonah: Anyway! "Shit be crackin at Hunter's hotel, Some Holiday Inn in San Fran. Find it yourself. And BYOB." So me and Zach carpooled because he can't drive anymore, to check it out. But we were wondering Kevin, did you mean bring your own beer or bring your own bitches?


Kevin: Bitches. But beer works too. Well both actually. Which did you bring?


Jonah: Neither, but...


Kevin: Why the hell did you even bring it up if you brought neither?!


Payne: Zach is here too?! Wait... Fuck! Kev, how many people did you send that text to?


Kevin: All my contacts.


Payne: Are you fucking kidding me?!


Kevin: No! Ever heard of the 99 rule. If you invite 100 people to a party, even if 99 people say no, 1 will say yes.


Jonah: That's true. It works with sex too. I've tried it.


Payne: We can't have thousands of people here Kevin! Fuck!


Kevin: Not thousands! Didn't you just hear the 99 rule?


Payne: Whatever we gotta get out of here.


Kevin: That's what I'm saying! We take this party to a nearby club!


Jonah: Yes! I agree.


Payne: A club in San Francisco?? Are you guys gay?


Jonah: Why? What have you heard?



-Hunter and Kevin give Jonah a 'did you really just say that' look-


Jonah: Uhhhh... Hey we should find Zach.


Payne: Fuck that. We don't have time. We gotta get out of here before Kevin's whores and entourage show up.


Jonah: Whores you say? Maybe we should stay.


Payne: Well I'm leaving.


Kevin: I'll go too. What club we going to Hunt?


Jonah: Well I'm not staying here alone.


-The three men make their way to the parking lot-


Kevin: What car are we going in?


Payne: Uhh... yours I guess.


Kevin: Cool cause I brought my new Escalade.




-Hunter and Jonah stare at this beast of a vehicle-


Payne: Over-compensating for something Kev?


Kevin: What are you talking about?


Jonah: I think he is saying your driving a big car because your...


Kevin: Because I'm what Jonah?


Payne: Small.


Kevin: Hey damn it that's not cool Jonah! I'm very sensitive about my size!


Jonah: I didn't say it!



-Kevin tries to give an intimidating (but he really looks constipated) look to Jonah. Jonah is terrified of not just Kevin but all black people in general-


Kevin: I'm watching you now bitch!


-Kevin does the my eyes are watching you sign language-



Payne: Alright can we go now?!


Kevin: Yeah.


Payne: Shotgun.


-The men get in and Kevin starts the car and begins to drive out-


Jonah: So where are we going?


Payne: You guys are taking me to a new hotel to go sleep in.


Kevin: Bullshit! We are going to have sex with some beautiful women San Francisco has to offer! It is going down tonig...

EEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!

BAM!!!!

Kevin: Oh fuck!


Jonah: Oh fuck you hit somebody!


Payne: Damn it Kev!


Kevin: Shut up! There is very simple solution. We go out there, check on him, and if he is still breathing, we shank that bitch and then load him in the back.



Jonah: Alright.


Payne: What? No that's not alright! We aren't killing anybody!


Kevin: Hunt, I can't afford my third strike.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Kevin: Shit!


-Kevin rolls down the window to find Zach, was the guy he hit and he was fine-


Jonah: Zach!


Zach: Hey Jonah, I think this car just hit me.






Jonah: Uhh...


Kevin: Noo, that was the car in front of us. They took off and we were going to go out and help you.


Zach: Well that's nice.


Jonah: Yeah, come on in. We were about to check out some local clubs.


Payne: No we weren't!


Zach: Clubs in San Francisco? That's cool. So which one of you is gay?


Payne: Jonah apparently. See even Zach knows there are only gay clubs here.



Zach: Why don't we just go to Vegas?



Jonah: Yes!


Kevin: Yes!


Payne: No! That's crazy we aren't even packed.


Kevin: I keep an overnight bag in the back.


Payne: You have an overnight bag?


Kevin: Yes, for when sleepovers pop off. So Vegas?


Jonah: Yes.


Zach: Yes.



-All three men stare at Hunter Payne-



Payne: Fine. Vegas it is.



Jonah: Hell yeah!


Kevin: Alright! Alright! Allrighhhttt!!!


-And just like that the 4 men begin to take what is sure to be an entertaining 10 hour drive to Las Vegas-