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~~Dean Moxley McGovern~~ · (10-17-2013)

The scene opens up in a dark bedroom with only the flickering of the television giving any light against these walls. Dean Moxley McGovern is sitting in the bed with his hands behind his head, looking like he's very comfortable as some movement is had under the blankets, right around his crotch area.

(that's hot!)

- Mmm, mmm, mmmmm that feels just right.

Police bust the door down and come crashing in through his windows.

(suck!)

- That's it McGovern! We've got you this time you sicksonofafuckingbitch!

They tug on the covers and expose a fully clothed Dean McGovern with his friend Kyle playing an original GAME BOY and using Dean's "lap" as a pillow.

- What the fuck's this shit? Hey kid what were you doing under those covers before we came in?

- Playing Mario on Game Boy and you pricks just made me die! Go away!

Dean smacks his lips and shoves his pinky up his nostril, pulling out a gooey inch or two of the nastiest shit you ever did see.. Mostly yellow but with strands of red (wtf?) and some PURPLE (good god!?) lumped in to this big old snot.

FLICK!

It goes right at the offer but he whacks it with his baton and hits a home run! Dean and Kyle start jumping on the bed and cheering when all of a sudden DEAN'S DICK FLOPS OUT OF HIS PAJAMA'S FLAP! He's fully erect and the cops immediately slap the cuffs on his dick.

- If you're hard and that kid was just using you for a pillow, we've got a problem McGovern.

- Oh CUM on already guys! We all know I'm just going to beat this case too; IF it even gets that far which I highly diggity-dog-dizzout, mah .

- Don't you ever call me your again or I'll take this night stick and shove it up your dick hole!

- Please guys just let him go. All we were doing was hanging out and waiting for Tommy, Chris, Billy, Jimmy, Sarah, Nikki, Laurie, and Rene.

- Oh so you're having a slumber party of some sort?

- Yeah you could uhhhhhhhh call it that? SURE! (big sparkling smile!)

- Well then I'm afraid I owe you an apology Mr. McGovern. Guys! Let's move it on out of here! We've got that female titty flasher who keeps terrorizing the gays down on Park Avenue to investigate. Let's go get her!

Something like 40 to 90 cops storm out of Dean's house, charging like warriors and firing their guns off into the air. They break everything in his house on the way out, including his dick.

- That looked like it hurt! He ran off with his cuffs still stuck to his belt and pulled your dick with him!

Dean is pressing his hands against what essentially is a volcano of blood where his dick USED TO BE. Yes, it was actually ripped off and taken by the officer, juuuuuust in case Kyle wasn't clear.

Dean dies of blood loss.

No wait, we're told the blood loss wasn't even an issue but the thought of living without a dick is what killed him.

Oh shit there are ways around that?

He peels one eye back open.

That's right Dean! You could have a new one put there! It could be made of metal and shoot lazers up gay men's anuses!

Dean pops back up.

- Pssst.....hey.....yeah guess what? I would never fuck a gay man in his ass. Something about that sounds wrong, but I'll look into the dick replacement nonetheless. At least now with my blood gushing from the pool that used to be a dick, Smoke Man's team has a small shot in winning. What happens if I bleed out right here after all? The hottest star in XWF history with the shortest reign wouldn't get to return and win all the belts again.

- That would be gay as hell bro.

- You daaamn right it would be! Everyone knows I'm the former 4-Way Champion of the universe! I won the X-Treme title, European title, E1999 title and Drug Money title all at the same time. I dare any dumb mother fucker to come back at me and tell me how the Drug Money title don't mean shit or even how the E1999 title don't mean shit, because guess what? YOU never held four titles at the same time like I did! Notice how when I say the word you, it applies to.. say it with me..

THE

ENTIRE

FED

because regardless of who you are talking your smack at my bleeding dick canyon, I still held four titles in THIS federation at the same time and you never did. I'm talking to you Shawn Steel! Oh wait you never held even 1 title anyway did ya buck-o? I'm guessing not from what I've been able to find out about your stank ass career.

What about Kimmy K? I tried digging up her old matches but I guess they're nonexistent sooooo, that pretty much tells me she can't hold a candle to THE MOXLEY VIRUS and even if she tried, she'd just burn herself with hot wax because she's such a clumsy ass bimbo with nothin' but hot air in her head AND in her honkers! Honk Honk Bitch! That's about all you'll be good for and I'm not even really a big fan of ta-tas most of the time. I'm more of an ass man if you know what I mean and you're ass is a little too big for my tastes, so hit the damn treadmill before you stick your big old balloons into my match. Otherwise I might just grab a safety pin and go POP-POP on your ghetto bootay.

Am I forgetting anybody? Oh I guess so! Laughing My Fucking Ass Off over here is what I'm doing in case you can't hear me... HA ha HA right in the face of the team captain, Smoke Man. You picked your team right? I mean, you literally had the same choices that Hunter Payne had, correct-o-mundo???

YOU DID?!?!? Then how in a sexy silk slip on did you end up with the team you did? Did you just put your hands over your eyes and pick randomly? Did you flip coins? Did you put all the names on your wall and throw darts.............blindfolded? And then not look at which names you even landed on?

How do you go from Eli James to Shawn Steele to K-Mart? It doesn't matter how many high class friends you walk around with by day, Smoker, because if we see you going into a K-Mart at night we're going to know exactly what kind of quality you're used to settling for.

Bottom class.

Flabby ass.

Don't those two things pretty much sum up Eli, Shawn and Kimmy K? There's not a single weak link on our team but your team has only ONE strong link! And guess what, Smokey? It's not even you! All I have to do is look back a few weeks and I start to see exactly what you're capable of. You've been the E1999 Champ for a while now and also..

and also.. well I guess scratch the ALSO because you actually stopped right there at the E1999 title, didn't ya? I held that title while holding three other titles at the same time, but good job on your accomplishments stopping where other peoples' just begin. ! Queers like you make me sooooo damn angry I could spit!

So Eli James, whoever you are in reality, please do your best to save your team but rest assured when all is said and done you DO have a place to come and lay. I'll let you join the next slumber party because I actually enjoy hearing you speak.

I wish you were a little more confident about winning this match... maybe you'd speak a little louder because so far I can't hear shit! ..and I'm the one who's been dealing with the law. What's your excuse Eli? Where ya been since your last failure? You can't even win matches with your own slumber party partners but you're somehow going to experience victory with Smoke Man on your team? PUKE! Double Yew Tee Eff Bro, go fuck yourself in your fat fucking ass, ugly ass bitch. Fat Ass IV.. I think that will be my new name for you and hopefully it will spread! I mean it's true if you think about it, fat boy. There is already Peter Gilmour, Barney Green, and Archie Bunker... they're all arguably fatter than you are, Eli, but you're still pretty god damn FAT!

Hence, I give you Fat Ass Four. Just like Eli could never be a top champion or multi-champion like me, he can't even be the top fat ass. He's running in forth place out of about four! Hey Eli when we meet in the ring and you still only have one title, why not ask me how to add three more to the mix? Seems like you need help since you couldn't even win a 2nd title last week. After I help my team beat you on Wednesday, Fat Boy Four, I want your ass for that fucking title and I'm going to show the world exactly why I will never, and I mean EVER, be locked away on trumped up child molestation charges! See you then, Fat Boy Four!

Dean passes out from blood loss as Kyle continues playing Game Boy. Dean's dog is one of those really smart dogs so he dials 911 and let's them know Dean's bleeding to death through his pubic volcano. At first the lazy Mexican operator thinks the dog is just pranking her, but she still sends an ambulance while eating her taco in one hand and burrito in the other.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode 4tunately I'm 4cefully popping 4 foes including Fat Boy 4 and I'm a 4mer 4-Way Champ!
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